Subject: Daily Dose - 070114 - My Son, the Veteranarian, BIZARRE NEWS, How
the company views its employees, DDL, Rotten News
My Son, the Veteranarian
Every Sunday, a little old lady
placed $1,000 in the collection plate. It went on for weeks until the priest,
overcome with curiosity, approached her.
"My dear, I couldn't help but
notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.
"Why yes," she replied,
"every week my son sends me money, and what I don't need I give to the
church."
"That's wonderful, how much
does he send you?", the priest asked.
"He sends me $2,000 a week,"
she replied proudly.
"Your son is very successful,
said the priest. "What does he do for a living?
"He is a veterinarian,"
she answered.
"That is a very honorable
profession," the priest assured her.
"Where does he practice?"
"Well," she replied,
"he has one cat house in Kansas City and another in New Orleans.
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Historical Accounts
DAILY RECORD (15th MAY 1992)
Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting
record in 1992. But after he came down, he not only discovered he was eight
hours short of the 400-day record, but also that his sponsor had gone bust, his
girlfriend had left him, and his phone and electricity had been cut off.
INDEPENDENT (19TH DEC 1996)
A rapturous welcome awaited Antonio Gomez Bohorquez and Pascual Fuertes Noguera
when they returned home to Murcia in southern Spain after pioneering a new
route up Mount Sisha Pagma in the Himalayas. On studying specialist
publications, however, they had to sheepishly admit that they had, in fact,
climbed the wrong mountain.
DAILY MIRROR (28TH SEPT 1995)
Another armed robber, jailed for eight years in Argentina, decided to hire a
private detective to trace the father he never met. The detective discovered
the man's father was the warder of the prison in which he was incarcerated
WESTERN MORNING NEWS (28TH SPR 1994)
Ian Lewis, 43, of Standish, Lancashire, England, was also interested in finding
out about his family. He spent 30 years tracing his family tree back to the
seventeenth century. He traveled all over Britain, talked to 2,000 relatives
and planned to write a book about how his great-grandfather left to seek his
fortune in Russia and how his grandfather was expelled after the Revolution.
Then he found out he had been adopted when he was a month old and his real name
was David Thornton. He resolved to start his family research all over again.
INDEPENDENT (26TH JULY 1995)
Markku Tahvainen drove his family 250 miles to a zoo in Finland in order to see
the bears. Whe they returned home, though, they discovered footprints and
droppings in their garden which revealed that in their absence they had been
visited by a bear which had eaten their ducks.
NEWS OF THE WORLD (21ST AUG 1988)
Martin Reeves traveled 8,000 miles to India to find parts for his 1957 Morris
Cowley. His mission was succesful, but when he got back to Brighton, England,
he found the car had been stolen.
DAILY MIRROR (25TH MAY 1990)
Security measures bring their own headaches. In Broadway, Worcestershire,
England, in 1990, a safe was unlocked for the first time since its key had been
lost in 1942. All it contained was a note urging people not to lose the key.
REUTERS (20TH JULY 1994)
Likewise, a Dutchman who invested more than $1,000 in a police trained guard
dog to protect his house in Schalkhar woke up two days later to find the house
had been broken into. The only thing the burglars had taken was the dog.
DAILY TELEGRAPH (25 JUL 1986)
A fireman in Bath, Somerset, England, using a metal detector to trace a fire
hydrant which had been covered in tarmac after road resurfacing, dug seven
holes in the wrong place before realizing the device was being set off by the
steel toe-caps in his boots.
***
A Bad Weapon of Choice
ERIE, Pa. - Not only is this
bizarre, but also really horrible. A woman has been charged on counts of
aggravated assault, reckless endangerment and simple assault after using her
4-week-old baby boy as a weapon during a domestic dispute.
Chytoria Graham, 27, used her infant
during the fight by swinging him through the air and striking the baby's head
against her boyfriend's body.
The infant suffered a fracture of
the right temporal region and some brain bleeding. He is being treated at
Children's Hospital in Pittsburgh, where he was in serious but stable
condition.
Other children were removed by
authorities from Graham's home, and later placed in the temporary care of their
maternal grandparents.
***
Eating Contest Spices Up Texas State
Fair
DALLAS - Somebody give Richard
LeFevre some antacid. He's going to need it after swallowing 247 jalapeno
peppers in just eight minutes.
The 62-year-old retired accountant
is now the champion of the Jalapeno Eating World contest, and found himself
$2,000 richer for his efforts.
"I love to eat, and I love to
compete, so the two go pretty well together," said LeFevre.
His strategy for winning included
mixing three or four peppers in his mouth with a swig of milk before
swallowing.
Dr. Daniel DeMarco, a
gastroenterologist and director of endoscopy at Baylor University Medical
Center, thinks that such an eating contest is pretty stupid. He said that the
amount of peppers consumed is more harmful than the burn.
***
A Baby By Any Other Name...
BILOXI, Miss. - Attention all
pregnant mothers - if your husband is an avid sports fan, you might not want to
let him be in charge of naming the baby. Otherwise, you might end up like Leann
Real, who now has a bouncing baby boy named ESPN.
Real had promised her husband that
if they had a son he could pick the name. Well, she made good on her promise,
and ESPN Montana Real was brought into the world this week.
Proud papa Rusty chose ESPN
(pronounced Espen) after the sports network and Montana after football legend
Joe Montana.
"We were the talk of the
hospital," Rusty Real said. "The nurses kept asking my wife if she
was really going to let her husband name him ESPN. She said, 'Oh, yes.'"
***
She's Worth Her Weight In Beer
BETHEL, Maine - The annual
wife-carrying competition at the Sunday River Ski Resort in Bethel, Maine,
fractures the phrase "behind every great man stands a great woman."
Men actually carry women on their backs in the North American Wife Carrying
Championships, which just completed its fifth year of competition, the Lewiston
(Maine) Sun Journal said.
Twenty-seven teams competed in the
event, which ski resort officials said was a record. The course -- all 278
yards of it -- includes a hairpin turn, a log hurdle and a water trench that a
man must navigate with his wife clutching him around the neck. The prize is
beer and money based on the wife's weight.
This year's winners, first-time,
wife-hauler John Ferra and his spouse, Tess, took home 12 cases of beer and
$675 -- five times Tess' weight, the newspaper said.
______________________________
How the company views its
employees....
The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.
The family picture is on HER desk. Umm, her family will come before her career.
HIS desk is cluttered. He's
obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
HER desk is cluttered. She's obviously a disorganized scatterbrain.
HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal.
SHE is talking with her co-workers. She must be gossiping.
HE's not at his desk. He must be at
a meeting.
SHE's not at her desk. She must be in the ladies' room.
HE's not in the office. He's meeting
with customers.
SHE's not in the office. She must be out shopping.
HE's having lunch with the boss.
He's on his way up.
SHE's having lunch with the boss. They must be having an affair.
The boss criticized HIM. He'll
improve his performance.
The boss criticized HER. She'll be very upset.
HE got an unfair deal. Did he get
angry?
SHE got an unfair deal. Did she cry?
HE's getting married. He'll get more
settled.
SHE's getting married. She'll get pregnant and leave.
HE's having a baby. He'll need a
raise.
SHE's having a baby. She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.
HE's going on a business trip. It's
good for his career.
SHE's going on a business trip. What does her husband say?
HE's leaving for a better job. He
knows how to recognize a good opportunity.
SHE's leaving for a better job. Women are not dependable.
______________________________
DDL
'Twas a hardened old Bibical fossil
-
Though a find, it seemed hardly colossal -
But the Vatican thought,
From the wonders it wrought,
'Twas the peter of Paul the apostle!
______________________________
"Ladies and gentlemen, here's
great news: Sylvester Stallone has a new 'Rocky' movie. I've actually seen the
new 'Rocky' movie and it's not that exciting. It's about how Rocky develops a
hamburger grill."
--Dave Letterman
***
"Earlier today, Lindsay Lohan
issued a statement saying she hasn't had a drink in a week. When asked how she
did it, Lindsay said, 'I passed out six and a half days ago.'"
--Conan O'Brien
***
"In the current 'Vogue'
magazine there's an interview with Angelina Jolie and she said that she is not
really into snuggling, cuddling, hugging, or crying. You thought guys liked her
before. Dream girl!"
--Jay Leno
***
"I can't decide which happy
holiday movie I want to go see. It's either "Apocalypto" or
"Blood Diamond"! I can't decide."
--Jay Leno
***
"Nicole Richie - how about this
- was arrested for D.U.I. Now, this is serious - she knew she was in trouble
when the cops slapped the cuffs around her waist."
--Dave Letterman
***
"According to a new study that
just came out, smoking pot regularly does not lead to harder drugs. In fact the
study shows that smoking pot regularly does not lead to doing much of
anything."
--Conan O'Brien
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Pennies, Nickels Worth More Melted
Down
POSTED: 11:42 am EST December 14,
2006
WASHINGTON -- Got a jar crammed full
of coins at home? Turns out they might be worth plenty even if you don't spend
them at a store.
That's because the government says
metal prices are on the rise -- so much so that pennies and nickels are now
worth more than their face values. And officials are worried about people
melting coins down.
The U.S. Mint is moving to stop
that. It is putting new rules into place that ban the melting of nickels and
pennies. If you're caught, you could wind up paying a $10,000 fine and spending
five years in a federal prison.
What's the big deal? First, Mint
officials said, the coins are needed for their normal purpose. Second, it costs
money to make them. According to the Mint, each nickel costs more than 8 cents
to produce, while each penny costs 1.73 cents.
**********
Escapee charged with stealing
handcuffs
Thu Dec 14, 10:12 PM ET
CLINTON, Iowa - A Clinton man
arrested for burglary also was charged with theft for taking the handcuffs he
was wearing when he escaped from officers, police said.
David Lee Griffin, 19, is accused of
taking items from cars with two other people early Wednesday. After being
arrested, he escaped from the Clinton Police Department — still wearing
handcuffs.
Griffin was charged with
third-degree burglary, escape and fifth-degree theft. He was being held in the
Clinton County jail under $1,950 bond.
*********
Sweet and sour stamps
Stamps released in China to
celebrate the Year of the Pig taste of sweet and sour pork.
When you scratch the front of the
stamps, it smells of the popular chinese dish and when the back of the stamp is
licked it tastes of the dish too.
The stamps are on sale in China
ahead of their New Year on February 18, reports Metro.
Royal Mail launched Britain's first
scratch 'n' sniff stamp in 2001 - they gave off eucalyptus aromas.
