Subject: Daily Dose - 070109 - Blown, BIZARRE NEWS, Would you spell that, DDL, Rotten News

Blown

A man is back from the US-Iraq war and is with his wife for the first night in a year she says to him, "Honey do you wanna do something?"

"No," he replies and they fall asleep.

The following day she goes to a sex therapist and she gives her a plan.

That night she stands by the window and feels the breeze, takes off her top and says, "Ooh, look what the wind blew off!"

Then she takes off her jeans and said, "Ooh, look what the wind blew off!"

Then she takes off her undergarments and said "Ooh, look what the wind  blew off!"

Then her husband got out of bed and stood up and started to undo his jeans.  His wife got all excited.

Then he pulls down his knickers and says, "Look at what Saddam blew off!"

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Saved By The...Smell?

Our image of the innocent, goofy-looking Samuel "Screech" Powers from the Saved by the Bell days is about to be altered dramatically. That is, if a new sex tape starring the former child star falls into the hands of the public.

Dustin Diamond, who played Screech on the popular '80s show, joins the ranks of Paris Hilton and Colin Farrell as the star of his own sex tape.

The video, with the working title "Saved by the Smell," features Diamond in a menage a trois with two women.

"Just when you think you have seen everything in this business," says entertainment agent David Hans Schmidt, "mankind has raised the bar another notch. Or lowered it."

Schmidt has acquired the rights to the video, and is currently shopping it to major adult video distributors.

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Burglar Gives Himself A Little Too Much Exposure

FORT MITCHELL, Ky. - This guy is obviously not the brightest crayon in the box.

Rodney McMillen broke into a woman's apartment, wearing just a thong and holding a knife, video-taped himself in the burglary act, and then left the tape at the scene of the crime. Needless to say, it wasn't hard for police to catch him.

"This is a very, very bizarre case, to say the least," said Fort Mitchell Police Chief Steve Hensley.

The woman was home when McMillen broke into her apartment and she was able to fend him off, causing him to leave the apartment and run into a strand of trees nearby. The video camera was later found by investigators at the apartment. The end of the tape showed images of McMillen's family.

He was tracked down at his mother's house in Norwood, Ohio.

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Deputies Go Out On A Limb To Find Hidden Drugs

JAY, Okla. - A man found an interesting place to hide his stash of drugs - inside his prosthetic leg.

Larry Clinton Harper, 64, was arrested on drug charges after police found crystal methamphetamine inside the artificial limb.

The drugs were uncovered when deputies looked inside a sock-like covering inside Harper's leg, said Delaware County Sheriff's Capt. Larry Barnett. "They just tumbled out, and he just laughed," Barnett said. "He said he thought he was pulling the wool over our eyes, but we had the last laugh."

Harper's arrest came after successful drug buys from his business, Harper's Used Cars and Body Shop.

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Couple's New Home Is Where The Snakes Are

ST. ANTHONY, Idaho - An Idaho couple discovered they are sharing their new home with garter snakes -- lots of garter snakes.

Lyman Hepworth told KIFI-TV, Boise, he bought the house in St. Anthony in March. At that time, the snakes were peacefully hibernating in the basement, and the couple did not know they were there. A few weeks later, the snakes woke up and began heading out for the summer.

Hepworth said he killed about 50 a day until he found out that garter snakes are legally protected in Idaho.

Garter snakes are completely harmless. But the Hepworths say they are just too close for comfort -- like the time he turned on a light in the basement and discovered a 4-foot snake hanging next to the cord.

"The house is inundated with them," he said.

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"Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company."

"Would you spell that, please?"

"Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you."

"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."

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DDL

Now Dodi and Di met with untimely ends,
A certain clear message their tragedy sends.
They shouldn't have speeded,
And seat belts were needed.
But that's just the way that the Mercedes bends.

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"In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies."
--Stephen Leacock

***

"Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens."
--Nick Diamos

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"The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way."
--Samuel Butler

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"On this date in 1899 Thomas Edison showed the first motion picture. To give you an idea of the times, back then, large butter popcorn cost around $8."
--Dave Letterman

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"A group of students at Arizona State are being asked to change the name of their club, the Campus Caucasian Club to something else. They are going to rename it the golf team."
--Conan O'Brien

***

"Wal-Mart plans to open 90 stores in China, one of will be a superstore called the Great Wal-Mart of China."
--Jay Leno

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Rotten News....  (true)

July 11, 2006 

Police in India forced by judge to investigate theft of chickens by 'ghosts'

NEW DELHI (AP) - Malevolent ghosts stealing your chickens and torturing you in the night? Who you gonna call?

For farmer Sunil Das, it was the police, but they just laughed, the Hindustan Times newspaper reported Tuesday.

Unfortunately for them, a judge in India's northeastern Assam state didn't see the humour. The judge ordered police to investigate Das' allegation that ghosts controlled by his neighbours were making off with his poultry at night.

In his complaint, Das accused his neighbours of using "obedient but malevolent" ghosts to "subjecting me to physical and mental torture," the newspaper reported.

Das said his neighbours were notorious for using black magic against people against whom they had a grudge. Superstitions and belief in ghosts are widespread in India, particularly in rural villages.

Police working the case described it as a first.

"We have dealt with hardcore criminals and armed militants but this is the first time we are required to pursue a case with a spooky angle to it," the newspaper quoted an unidentified police officer as saying. "We are yet to crack the case but investigations are on."

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Piglet keeps Pooh off air

From: Reuters From correspondents in Ankara

June 17, 2006 

TURKEY'S public television TRT, controlled by the Islamist-rooted government, has barred the popular Walt Disney cartoon Winnie the Pooh from air because it has a piglet as one of its main heroes, the Turkish press reported today.

Several other cartoons featuring pigs also failed to win the green light from TRT management, according to the left-wing Cumhuriyet daily.

The station initially considered scissoring the scenes showing Piglet, but abandoned the idea because the small pink-skinned character, one of Winnie the Pooh's closest friends, appeared too often, Cumhuriyet and the mass-circulation Sabah newspaper said.

TRT officials were not immediately available for comment.

Pigs are regarded as unclean by Muslims and Islam prohibits the consumption of pork.

Winnie the Pooh has been aired on other television channels in Turkey and its videos are easily available at the stores.

Employees have recently complained of increasing government intervention in TRT's broadcasting policy, including also the appointment of ruling party cronies to key posts at the institution, which runs several television and radio channels.

Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan's Justice and Development Party, the offshoot of a now-banned Islamist movement, is under fire for seeking to raise the profile of Islam in mainly Muslim but strictly secular Turkey.

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Ferret fun

A calendar has been created featuring pictures of singing ferrets.

Pictures include a ferret doing an impression of singer Bryan Ferry.

Californian Jeanne Carley took the pictures for her 2007 Ferret Fun calendar.

Other pictures include ferrets surfing, snowboarding and drinking.

It's the thirteenth year Jeanne has compiled the calendar, reports the Sun.