Daily Dose - 070107 - horse shoe, THIS is TRUE, change of address,
DDL, Rotten News
A grandfather went to visit his
college-age grandson at the dorm. Grandpa was astonished to find that his son
was living a life of sin and corruption, as shown by the very high-heeled shoe
nailed over the doorway.
"In my day," grumbled
Gramps, "we would hang a horse shoe over the door for luck and then study
late into the night hoping to pass our classes."
"But grandpa," replied the
grandson, "that IS a whore's shoe."
______________________________
THIS is TRUE...
JOCK JOKE: Several boys from Kenton
(Ohio) High School stole a life-sized deer decoy and put it on a dark road to
see what would happen. A car drove up and swerved to miss it -- and rolled
over. Two teens in the car were severely injured, one nearly losing his leg and
left permanently disabled, the other receiving brain damage. Dailyn Campbell,
16, and Jesse Howard, 17, both popular athletes at the school, pleaded no
contest to various criminal charges in the prank, and Judge Gary F. McKinley
sentenced them to 60 days in juvenile detention -- to start after they play out
the school's football season. They must also pay a fine, serve six months of
house arrest, perform community service and write an essay on "Why I
should think before I act." The local Board of Education sided with the
judge, and also allowed the boys to play out the football season. (Columbus
Dispatch)
...Now the judge and the school board need to write that same essay.
***
WHO SAID THAT? "Numerous
mechanical devices threaten to make good the prediction that 'what is whispered
in the closet shall be proclaimed from the housetops," argued two lawyers
in 1890, which led to the modern concept of the "right to privacy."
With the Internet, that's starting to come true, says David Holtzman, author of
the book "Privacy Lost: How Technology is Endangering your Privacy".
"Our whole lives are up for review online," just like politicians'
records have been scrutinized before elections, Holtzman argues, thanks to
Internet search engines and online archives. "We are all," he says,
"now becoming like politicians." (Reuters)
...All right, NOW it's time to panic.
***
PHOTO FINISH: Craig Moore, 28, was
driving in Manchester, England, when he was flashed by a speed camera. Afraid
he would get a speeding ticket, which could push him over the limit of points
on his license and trigger a driving ban which would cost him his job, he
returned with explosives and destroyed the camera in an attempt to destroy the
evidence. But because he didn't wreck the recording device in the base, the
camera got evidence of him setting up the charge, which caused 11,700 pounds
(US$22,000) in damage. Moore was sentenced to four months in jail, but wasn't
banned from driving: the camera was just a warning device that tried to get
motorists to slow down by flashing them, rather than one used to send out
traffic citations. And even if it was, judges rarely will issue a driving ban
if it means the defendant will lose his job. But based on his admission of
guilt, Moore's boss demanded he resign. (London Times, Manchester Evening News)
...Well sure: who wants someone that dumb driving a company vehicle?
***
DRIVING ON THE LEFT II: A policeman
in Oldbury, West Midlands, England, pulled over a weaving car. "I
attempted to speak to the driver, who appeared to be fumbling around with the
controls," said the constable. "At that point the passenger leaned
across and stated, 'He's blind'." Sure enough the driver, Omed Aziz, 31,
had lost both eyes and three fingers in a bomb blast in his native Iraq, and
his passenger was giving him directions so he could steer. Aziz denied charges
of dangerous driving, but was convicted and given a three-month prison
sentence, which was suspended, plus a three year driving ban. (London Times)
...Apparently the judge thinks that should be long enough to grow new eyes.
***
MORE ACCURATELY, SHE INSISTS, THE
DOG CRASHED: "Woman Crashes When Teaching Dog to Drive"
-- AP headline
______________________________
Once my divorce was final, I went to
the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name
reinstated on my driver's license.
"Will there be any change of
address?" the clerk inquired.
"No," I replied.
"Oh, good," she said,
clearly delighted. "You got the house."
______________________________
DDL
When a friend told a typist called
Eve:
'Your boss is too good to believe.
You can't type, you can't spell,
Why's he pay you so well?'
She answered, 'I cannot conceive.'
______________________________
"Over the weekend Paris Hilton
was arrested for driving under the influence. She's still a celebrity and you
can tell she's spoiled. For example in the holding room she got one call and
she called room service."
--Jay Leno
***
"Isn't politics just horrible
these days? People are now saying that Hillary Clinton has spent millions of
dollars on plastic surgery. She's so good looking now that her husband hit on
her by accident last night."
--Dave Letterman
***
"Here's an odd story. Yesterday
a man that was so fat tried crossing the Mexican border and became trapped in a
tunnel. This really isn't fair. If he's that fat he belongs in the United
States."
--Conan O'Brien
***
A mission statement is defined as
"a long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management's inability to
think clearly." All good companies have one.
***
If it weren't for the fact that the
TV and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise
at all.
***
"Inside every older person is a
younger person -- wondering what the hell happened."
--Cora Harvey Armstrong
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Judge: Man Is Too Short for Prison
May 25, 7:22 AM (ET)
SIDNEY, Neb. (AP) - A judge said a
5-foot-1 man convicted of sexually assaulting a child was too small to survive
in prison, and gave him 10 years of probation instead.
His crimes deserved a long sentence,
District Judge Kristine Cecava said, but she worried that Richard W. Thompson,
50, would be especially imperiled by prison dangers.
"You are a sex offender, and
you did it to a child," she said.
But, she said, "That doesn't
make you a hunter. You do not fit in that category."
Thompson will be electronically
monitored the first four months of his probation, and he was told to never be
alone with someone under age 18 or date or live with a woman whose children
were under 18. Cecava also ordered Thompson to get rid of his pornography.
He faces 30 days of jail each year
of his probation unless he follows its conditions closely.
**********
Gas station's shocking sign of times
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Gas really
does cost an arm and a leg in places these days.
This weekend, a Manhattan Beach,
California, gas station said the price of regular gasoline was -- an arm.
The price of mid-grade -- a leg.
The price of premium -- your first
born.
Steve Grossi's lease on his Shell
station was expiring on Monday so when he ran out of gasoline to sell on
Sunday, he put up the tongue-in-cheek sign.
"It started as a joke,"
said Grossi, 51, who operated the station for 11 years before Shell decided to
sell the property. "It's a neighborhood station and it was a joke for the
neighborhood."
Before he ran out of gas, Grossi was
selling regular at $3.499 per gallon, then up to $3.699 for premium.
When he was out of gas, Grossi, who had been an independent Shell station owner for 28 years, was out of a job.
***********
Gingerbread Nazis Stir Mixed
Feelings
(Ohio) - Artist Keith McGuckin's
latest controversial work is entitled "The Secret Lives of Gingerbread
Men". It depicts the holiday cookies dressed up in full Nazi uniform,
complete with swastikas and mustaches--standing around a fire pit.
This is the third McGuckin work that
draws on controversy to make its point. In 2004 he showcased a work focused on
suicide in a Wellington, Ohio video store.
While the artist says the piece is
open to interpretation--he hopes, more than anything, it opens dialogue.
"There is no hidden message
here, it is not mean spirited. I hope people say, 'Oh my gosh, look at that
thing! I hate to admit it, but it’s pretty cute'. That's the reaction I hope to
get."
"Why would you do something
like this and ruin Christmas?" asked Shalon Raab of Wellington.
"Christmas has to do with families and gifts and Jesus, nothing to do with
the Nazi's."
"Well it’s not for
everybody," McGuckin says. "Everybody is entitled to their opinion
and that's fine."
It had been in the store-front of an
Oberlin, Ohio hardware store, but after seeing the work in person, the store
owner took it down.
