Subject: Daily Dose - 060529 - Greek style, Weird News, adhesive tape, DDL, Rotten News

A man goes into a little neighborhood pub, and when he sits down, he notices a beautiful woman sitting at the other end of the bar. He waves to her, and much to his surprise, she winks back at him. It doesn't take long before he is on the stool next to her.

They talk for about fifteen minutes and then the man says to the woman, "You're really hot!"

"You're pretty cute, too," she says. "I'll tell you what, I live just around the corner. What do you think about coming up to my place?"

"It sounds great!" the man eagerly replies. "Before we go up there though," the woman says, "I have to ask you one question: Do you like doing it Greek style?"

"Well...uh...I'm not exactly sure what that is," man answers, "but it sure sounds interesting and I'm willing to learn! Let's go!"

So the two of them walk over to her apartment. As soon as they get inside the door, the woman rips off all her clothes. The man can't believe his eyes. The woman has an incredibly beautiful body.

"Now, you're sure," the woman asks, "that you want to do it Greek style?"

"Definitely!" the man replies.

"All right, then," says the woman. "Take off all your clothes, and get up on the bed on yours hands and knees."

"Sounds like fun!" the man exclaims. He leaps out of his clothes and climbs onto the bed on his hands and knees. The woman goes around and gets onto the bed right in front of the man. She kneels down in front of his head. She asks him again, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"

"Yeah! Yeah!" says the man.

The woman grabs the man with her arms right under his armpits, getting him in a lock hold. He can't move at all, and his head is pressing right into her chest. One more time she says, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"

The man's muffled voice can barely be heard from between her breasts. "Yeah!" he mumbles, "Greek style!"

The woman's grip on him tightens like a vice, and she yells out, "OK, GUS!"

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Weird News...

China builds body odour bank for crime sniffers

Thu Mar 16, 3:47 AM ET

BEIJING (Reuters) - Police in eastern China can tap the country's first human body odour bank to help their dogs get a nose for criminals, Xinhua news agency said.

The facility in the city of Nanjing has a collection of 500 different smells, meant for comparison with samples taken from crime scenes. They are kept on ice -- at minus 18 degrees Celsius (0 degrees F).

"This way the scent sample can maintain its freshness for at least three years," bank founder Song Zhenhua was quoted as saying in the overnight report.

Only odours that elicit identical reactions from at least three trained crime dogs will pass muster for a place in the bank's vaults, Xinhua said.

Xinhua did not explain how the smells would be captured or stored. In other countries that use olfactory forensic evidence, odours are taken from clothing or collected using gauze pads and airtight plastic containers.

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Mexican "Mr & Mrs Smith" spar with guns, knives

Tue Mar 14, 2:09 AM ET

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) - A Mexican couple were recovering separately after a marital spat got out of control and saw them firing guns, throwing knives and hurling homemade bombs, Mexican daily Milenio said on Monday.

In scenes taken straight out of hit romantic comedy "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Juan Espinosa and Irma Contreras fought until their house blew up in a homemade gasoline bomb explosion, Milenio said.

Police called to the home in the indigenous Mayan Indian town of Oxkutzcab in the southeastern state of Yucatan arrested Espinosa. Contreras was taken to hospital with third-degree burns.

In the violence-filled movie about the fictional Smiths, Pitt and Jolie play married assassins ordered to kill each other.

Espinosa told reporters he was glad his wife had suffered burns, while Contreras said she was only sorry she had not "hacked off his manhood" during the fight.

***

Sun, March 12, 2006

N-word draws flakyes

By ELIZA BARLOW, EDMONTON SUN

A city cop was charged with discreditable conduct last year after he filled out an Alberta Health document listing four criteria that must be met before someone is apprehended under the Mental Health Act, according to a recent report of the Edmonton Police Service Internal Affairs section.

In the "grounds for belief" section of the form, the officer wrote: "He is a newphie."

The cop was slapped with an official warning for the offence last August.

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A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got the energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence.

"Get well quick... from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."

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DDL

There was a young woman of Croft
Who played with herself in the loft.
Having reasoned that candles
Could never cause scandals
Besides which they did not go soft.

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"Did you hear about the tramway yesterday? The tram that goes to Roosevelt Island got stuck over the East River. 69 people were stuck and had to be rescued. Believe me, we owe a debt of a gratitude to Superman."
--Dave Letterman

***

"While in the United States the President of China will be visiting the White House. So China's president meets America's president. It will be President Hu meeting President Huh."
--Jay Leno

***

"While getting dressed one morning, I decided I have been spending waaaaay too much time on the computer, when I caught myself checking the lower right corner of my makeup mirror to see what time it was."
--Unknown

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"Since childhood is a time when kids prepare to be grown ups, I think it makes a lot of sense to completely traumatize your children. Gets 'em ready for the real world"
--George Carlin

***

"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
--Rita Rudner

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Rotten News....  (true)

Aussie driver gets stuck in reverse

Mon Mar 13, 1:10 AM ET

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Police charged an Australian driver with "reversing further than necessary" after he travelled backwards for more than 40 km along one of the country's busiest highways.

Police said the man was stopped on the Hume Highway, which runs between the cities of Sydney and Melbourne, at Benalla, about 200 km northeast of Melbourne.

Police said the man told them reverse was the only gear in the car that worked and that he was travelling home to the small regional town of Numurkah, a further 90 km away.

He was also charged with unlicensed driving and driving an unregistered car and will appear in court later this year.

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Mayor Wants Nude Cycle Race Called Off

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - The mayor of a New Zealand town wants a nude cycling race to be called off — because the participants won't be wearing helmets.

John Hurley, mayor of the Tasman District on New Zealand's South Island, said police would look like "fools" if they allowed the race to go ahead for the third straight year, in spite of the objection of local residents.

Police said they had queried the legality of the race and found they can take no action.

About 100 people are expected to take part in the "clothing optional" race Sunday around Golden Bay on the southern tip of New Zealand's South Island. The race aims to promote safe cycling and alternative energy.

Hurley said police should enforce laws which require all cyclists to wear safety helmets.

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Disabled students not exempt from graduation prerequisite in Chicago

Updated: 11:50 a.m. ET March 10, 2006

CHICAGO - Most high school students eagerly await the day they pass driver’s education class. But 16-year-old Mayra Ramirez is indifferent about it.

Ramirez is blind, yet she and dozens of other visually impaired sophomores in Chicago schools are required to pass a written rules-of-the-road exam in order to graduate — a rule they say takes time away from subjects they might actually use.

Hundreds of school districts in Illinois require students to pass driver’s ed, although the state only requires that districts offer the courses. A state education official says districts that require it should exempt disabled students.

“It defies logic to require blind students to take this course,” said Meta Minton, spokeswoman for the state Board of Education.