Subject: Daily Dose - 060522 - great fishing spot, BIZARRE NEWS, inebriated
crook, DDL, Rotten News
Two friends, John & Jerry were
on vacation in the isles of Fiji. While there they decided to go out fishing
since hearing of the many great fishing spots.
They rented a boat and left before
sunrise. The sun was now shining directly down on their heads. They realized
that they'd been out at sea for nearly 4 hrs. Jerry turns around and says,
" So much for the great fishing spot! I think I’m ready to head in!"
John replies, "well, let's just
try casting over there", as he pointed east of where they were.
Jerry agrees and not long after they
started hauling in loads and loads of fish. Jerry with a glee in his face shouts
out to John, "this is the best fishing spot ever!”
"I know", says John
"we should definitely mark this place".
Jerry: "don't worry I’ll mark
it down."
As they headed back to shore, John
asks Jerry what did he put out there as to mark their fishing spot.
Jerry answers: "Well I marked
the side of the boat! Right here, see, a red cross!"
John with a surprised look turns to
his friend and says, "that is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! What if
we don't take out the same boat tomorrow"!
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Porn Titles for 2005
[From Audience of Two's Video Rental
Record]
40 18 Year Old Virgins
Are We Bare Yet?
Assault on 13 Pre-teens
Charlie in my Chocolate Factory
Cinderella's Man
The Cock Ring Two
The Constant Hardener
The Dykes of Hazzard
The Fisterhood of the Traveling
Pants
The Longest Hard-On
Miss Genitality 2: Armed and
Flexible
Mr. & Mrs. & Mrs. & Mrs.
& Mrs. Smith
Must Love Doggy-style
Star Whores: Revenge of the Sluts
Whore of the Worlds
***
Man Has Lawn To Kill For
BATAVIA, Ohio - Here's one reason to
avoid walking on other people's lawns: you might get killed.
A 15-year-old boy was shot and
killed by his neighbor after he walked across his yard.
The killer, 66-year-old Charles
Martin, was described by neighbors as being devoted to his well-kept lawn. A
911 tape recorded Martin as saying, "I just killed a kid." Martin
also told a dispatcher, "I've been harassed by him and his parents for
five years. Today just blew it up."
The victim, Larry Mugrage, was
Martin's neighbor. Police report that Martin and Mugrage had previous arguments
over the yard. After arguing again Sunday, Martin waited outside when Mugrage
returned and shot him twice. He then called 911, said officials.
***
When Cleaning Really Pays Off...
NEW ORLEANS - A volunteer who was
spending her spring break cleaning out homes damaged by Hurricane Katrina found
something unusual among the moldy debris...stacks and stacks of $100 bills.
"I started raking it out of the
air conditioner vent. I thought it was garbage and I was going to shovel it up,
but I bent down to pick it up, and it was a stack of $100 bills, and then more
and more kept coming," 19-year-old college student Trista Wright said. The
pile of cash ended up totaling more than $30,000.
Wright and other students told the
organizers of their church mission, who let the St. Bernard Parish Sheriff's
Office know. The owner of the home, a woman who asked to not be identified, was
just as surprised as Wright.
***
Suspect Hangs On For Ride Of His
Life
TORONTO - A suspect trying to evade police
officers picked the wrong spot to hide. He climbed underneath a parked
tractor-trailer which suddenly started moving down Highway 401 before he could
let go.
He clung to the trailer until a
motorist driving by noticed him hanging below the truck and called police.
Officers had to perform a risky vehicle stop with cruisers fanning out to stop
other vehicles. After they stopped the trucker, who wasn't aware of his extra
load, they arrested the man.
"I'm amazed that this young man
is still alive, to be honest with you," Ontario Provincial Police Const.
Joel Doiron said.
The man had been a suspect in an
investigation over a stolen car.
______________________________
An inebriated crook had a little
problem and ended up at the police station.
“Couldn’t you get that crook to
confess to the crime?” asked the police chief.
“We tried everything, Sir. We
browbeat and badgered him wit every question we could think of.”
“How did he respond?
He just dozed off and said now and
then: “Yes, Dear. You are perfectly right.”
______________________________
DDL
This old retired sailor named Crouse
Spent many nights in a whorehouse.
But when he finally turned eighty
He said to a matey,
"I go there now only to browse!"
______________________________
Judge: Haven’t I seen you before?
Man: Yes, Your Honor. I taught your
daughter how to play the drums.
Judge: Twenty years!
***
A spouse is someone who'll stand by
you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
***
"According to a survey in the
paper today, 10 percent of all workers had a drink on company time today to
celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Everybody drank at work. Not a good day to go in
for lasik eye surgery."
--Jay Leno
***
"In his first interview since
the Olympics Bode Miller says that he has received many letters calling him a
disgrace to the country. To give you an idea of how bad it is - most of the
letters came from Tonya Harding."
--Conan O'Brien
***
"I know the country has been
mired in deficit spending and it's been terrible burden on the country in terms
of interest payments. Good news today out of Washington. They have raised the
limit of debt we can go to to $9 trillion. It sends a great message to the
kids: Hey, are you getting an F? Don't study harder, make the grading curve go
out to K. Then your F looks like a C."
--Jon Stewart
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Tax rebel sends threatened gnomes
into hiding
LONDON (Reuters) - A disabled
council tax rebel has sent her collection of garden gnomes into hiding to avoid
them being seized by local officials.
The officials had threatened to take
the gnomes from widow Gwynneth Lester in Fareham after she refused to pay up.
Lester, 57, refuses to pay the tax
which finances local services because, she says, she gets nothing for it.
Her rebellion has landed her in
court with a demand to pay up some 670 pounds -- in cash or in kind -- or face
prison.
"Well, they won't be taking the
garden gnomes now because I have given them away," she told Reuters on
Monday. "In fact they won't be getting anything that I have collected over
the years because I have given it all away to keep it from them."
**********
VW to replace ad Hispanics see as
offensive
March 19, 2006
BY ADRIAN SAINZ
MIAMI -- Volkswagen said Friday it
will remove billboards in New York, Los Angeles and Miami after receiving
complaints that a word used in an advertisement was offensive to Hispanics.
The ad for the new GTI 2006 had a
photo of the sports car accompanied by the words ''Turbo-Cojones.''
Cojones, which means testicles in
Spanish, has become a casually used term for boldness or guts in English but
has never lost its more vulgar connotations in its native language.
Ana Roca, a professor of Spanish and
linguistics at Florida International University, said the English usage of the
word ''doesn't have the same power it has in Spanish.''
The billboards will be replaced with
two ads, with one saying ''Here today, gone tamale'' and the other ''Kick a
little gracias.''
**********
Cattle farmer hands over ox after
his team finally win
Sun Mar 19, 11:39 AM ET
BUCHAREST (Reuters) - An FC Vaslui
fan presented the opposition with a live ox after his bottom of the table team
earned their first win of the season on Saturday, a 2-0 triumph over Gloria
Bistrita in the Romanian first division.
Romica Postolache, the owner of a
cattle farm in the village of Tarzii, told a local TV station: "I'm happy
now because I managed to push my team to victory".
Postolache had said before the match
that he would hand over the ox in the event of a Vaslui win.
"You can see how my ox
vaporised the team's bad luck," he said. "I'm sure we'll avoid
relegation now."
Vaslui have 10 points from 17
matches, three points adrift of Bacau, Otelul Galati, Pandurii Targu-Jiu and
Jiul Petrosani. The bottom two go down at the end of the season.
Bistrita are 11th in the 16-team
division.
