Subject: Daily Dose - 060514 - hired hand, BIZARRE NEWS, embezzling the funds, DDL, Rotten News

A farmer and his recently hired hand were eating an early breakfast of biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs, bacon and coffee that the farmer's wife had prepared for them. Thinking of all the work they had to get done that day, the farmer told the hired man he might as well go ahead and eat his dinner too.

The hired man didn't say a word, but filled his plate a second time and proceeded to eat.

After awhile the farmer said, "We've got so much work to do today, you might as well eat your supper now too."

Again, the hired man didn't respond but refilled his plate a third time and continued to eat.

Finally, after eating his third plate of food, the hired man pushed back his chair & began to take off his shoes.

"What are you doing?" the farmer asked.

The hired man replied, "I don't work after supper."

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Wedding/Marriage Traditions

In Mexico, it is customary during the vows for a white ribbon or for a rosary, called a "lasso," to be draped around the necks of the newlyweds to symbolize their joining together.

Just before her wedding a Bulgarian bride will toss a dish filled with wheat, coins and a raw egg over her head. If the dish breaks it signifies good luck to come.

In Lithuania, a matchmaker gets a couple together and arranges the dowry. The wedding ceremony itself consists of several specific customs, and finally there is what is called the atgriztai, or the coming back, during which the bride and groom return to the bride's parent's home, where the bride is now welcomed as a guest rather than as a member of the family.

The twelve symbols of life important in African culture may be administered as part of the wedding ceremony. These are wine, wheat, pepper, salt, bitter herbs, water, a pot and spoon, a broom, honey, a spear, a shield, and a copy of the Bible or the Koran. Each one represents a different aspect of the love and strength which unites two families.

Traditional wedding cake in the Caribbean is called the "Black Cake," with the recipe handed down from mother to daughter and improved up by each succeeding generation. The basic ingredients of an Island wedding cake include a pound of flour, a pound of brown sugar, a pound of butter, and a pound of glazed cherries, raisins, prunes, currants, and a dozen fresh eggs.

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Why Men Don't Stop To Ask For Directions...

SMITHFIELD, Ohio - Most men should learn to stop and ask for directions. This guy probably shouldn't have.

Motorist Mark Chapman was lost on a highway when he stopped to ask for directions at the home of a man who suspected the car had been stolen from his daughter.

Chapman had been driving on state Route 151 when he pulled off to a nearby town and stopped randomly at a home. Too bad the home belonged to Thomas Eltringham, who noticed the gold 2001 Buick LeSabre parked in front of his house looked a little too familiar. Police were contacted after Eltringham talked to his daughter, and Chapman was later caught when a patrol officer spotted the car and chased it.

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College Student Sells His Soul...Literally

CHICAGO - A Chicago college student got more than he bargained for when he offered his soul on eBay -- now he has to attend services and write about them.

Hemant Mehta, 23, of Chicago, who attends DePaul University, sold his soul for $540 to Jim Henderson, who runs the off-the-map-.org Web site.

In his eBay listing, Mehta had offered to attend an hour of church services for every $10 of the winning bid. Instead, Henderson has asked Mehta to attend 10 to 15 services of his choosing, write about them, providing running commentary for the Web site, the Wall Street Journal reports.

Mehta, who was raised in Jainism, an ancient Indian faith that vows no harm to living things, scores the services on a 10-point scale -- 10 being boring, boring, boring. He critiques sermons and church bulletins, and his commentaries have been popular on Henderson's site.

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Calendar Of Pets With Naked Owners Fetches Big Profit

JEFFERSON, Wis. - These Humane Society members really care about their pets. A calendar featuring local society members raised $1,200 at a charity ball.

Each month of the 2007 calendar features a picture of a Jefferson County Humane Society member posing with a pet and various props placed in critical places.

The organization auctioned off the first of its 1,500 calendars at a fundraising auction. Most of the proceeds from the $20 calendars will go toward the group's spay and neuter program.

Marv Havill, husband of one of the models, said the $1,200 he paid for the "Bare Because We Care" calendar was the best he ever spent.

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Firefighter allegedly did a BAAAD, BAAAD Thing

MESA, Ariz. - A deputy fire chief in Mesa, Ariz., has been placed on paid leave for allegedly stealing his next door neighbor's lamb and trying to have sex with it.

Leroy Johnson, 52, was booked on suspicion of disorderly conduct, trespassing and public sexual indecency, all misdemeanors, after he was allegedly discovered in a small barn with his pants down holding a young ewe on the ground, the Mesa Arizona Tribune said.

The incident began when the neighbor's daughter saw a man enter the corral where the sheep are kept, grab one and drag it into the barn. She told her father who found Johnson with the ewe. When sheriff's deputies arrived and confronted Johnson he admitted trespassing in his neighbor's barn but denied doing anything else, the Tribune report said.

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I'm in a hurry today. I have to answer the email I got from Mrs. Moobooro Nambito, who is the wife of a prominent politician in some African country. She just so happens to need help funneling tens of millions of dollars that her husband gave her to hide--right before the populace tore him to shreds because he stole all their money and resources.

Anyway, she needs help embezzling the funds to the States and is willing to pay handsomely anyone who lets her use their bank account. This is going to be the easiest money I ever made!

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DDL

There once was a bride named Croft
And the groom had two inches when soft.
When she made his dick rise
It stayed the same size.
Little wonder the bride got pissed-off!

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"In front of a crowd in Florida this past weekend, Al Gore said that, "The people of the United States are going to stand up and take our country back." And then the manager of the karaoke bar took the microphone away and said, 'Either sing or sit down buddy.'"
--Jay Leno

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"Gale Norton, the woman who has been our secretary of the interior for the last five years, the one guarding our environment, you know, she's stepping down. She says she wants to spend more time strip-mining her family"
--Bill Maher

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"Over the weekend, Bill and Hillary Clinton were spotted hiking in a national park near Washington. Yeah, after a 10-mile hike, Bill said 'I just can't seem to shake her'"
--Dave Letterman

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Why do men float better than women?

Because they are scum.

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Q: Why do Gorillas have big nostrils?

A: They have big fingers.

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Rotten News....  (true)

Married Man Suing Online Matchmaker For Refusing To Find Him A Date

POSTED: 9:53 am EST March 28, 2006

EMERYVILLE, Calif. -- John Claassen is suing the popular online matchmaker eHarmony for refusing to help him find a date. The company says there's one good reason for that: He's still married.

Claassen, a 36-year-old lawyer, filed a lawsuit in Alameda County Superior Court, alleging eHarmony abridged his civil rights by refusing to match him up. He said the company, which has an "unmarried only" policy, broke state law by discriminating against him based on his marital status. He considers himself separated.

Claassen, who is seeking $12,000 in civil penalties, said Monday he expects his divorce to be official in about two months, but that he shouldn't have to wait until then to use eHarmony.

A spokesman for Pasadena-based eHarmony did not immediately return a telephone call for comment from The Associated Press. But in an e-mail to Claassen, the company said he would be welcome to join "once your divorce is final."

"I just think I've got a right as an individual trying to recover from something that wasn't the high point of my life," Claassen said. "If that includes dating now, why can't I?"

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Thursday, 23 March 2006, 15:01 GMT 

Jamie 'must back squirrel-eating' 

The UK red squirrel is losing out to its American cousin

TV chef Jamie Oliver should encourage schoolchildren to eat grey squirrels in an effort to save the endangered red species, a Conservative peer says.

Lord Inglewood said greys had to be culled to ensure reds - native to the UK - did not die out.

"I must confess that I have never actually eaten a grey squirrel... but I am prepared to give it a go," he said.

Most reds are confined to Scotland, Cumbria, Northumbria, the Isle of Wight and islands in Poole Harbour.

Greys, introduced from North America in the 19th Century, now number about two million. There are some 160,000 reds.

Lord Inglewood said: "What about celebrity chefs like Jamie Oliver promoting (the grey) for school dinners? Indeed the House authorities could put it on the menu here."

Last year, Mr Oliver launched a campaign to improve the quality of England's school dinners, which resulted in extra government funding to raise standards.

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Libya's Gaddafi lectures U.S. on democracy

By Claudia Parsons

Fri Mar 24, 9:35 AM ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi lectured a U.S. audience on democracy on Thursday and said Libya is the only real democracy in the world.

Via a video link, Gaddafi addressed an unprecedented gathering of U.S. and Libyan academics prompted by a thaw in relations since the former pariah state decided in 2003 to abandon nuclear weapons and took responsibility for the 1988 Lockerbie bombing.

He touted Libya's political system as superior to "farcical" and "fake" parliamentary and representative democracies in the West."

"There is no state with a democracy except Libya on the whole planet," Gaddafi said to the conference at Columbia University in New York.

Libya's Jamahiriyah system, under which Libyans can air their views at "people's congresses," is genuine democracy, said Gaddafi, who spoke through a translator and was dressed in purple robes and seated at a desk in front of a map of Africa.

The U.S. Central Intelligence Agency's World Factbook describes Libya's government as: "Jamahiriyah (a state of the masses) in theory, governed by the populace through local councils; in fact, a military dictatorship."

Gaddafi said Libya's new openness would not lead Libyans to covet what they do not have -- on the contrary, he said, the rest of the world would soon be emulating Libya.

"Countries like the United States, India, China, the Russian Federation, are in bad need of this Jamahiriyah system," he said. "This is a savior to them."

Challenged by the U.S. moderator about freedom of speech, Gaddafi said every Libyan was free to express his opinions at the congresses and that was a better forum than a newspaper.

Jon Alterman, director of the Middle East Program at the Center for Strategic and International Studies, one of two U.S. moderators, said some of Gaddafi's comments might have sounded jarring to Americans.

"One of the hard things when you haven't talked to somebody for more than 30 years is we don't really understand how we sound to them and they don't understand how they sound to us," he said. "We obviously have a way to go until we're speaking the same language."

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Kuwaiti Road Ace....