Subject: Daily Dose - 060513 - moosecock, BIZARRE NEWS, Two nuns, DDL,
Rotten News
Two Canadians are sitting in a bar
totally bored. They decide to play 20 questions. The first Canadian tries to
think of a word and after a little pondering come up with the word 'moosecock'.
The second Canadian asks his first
question, "Is it something good to eat, ay?"
The first guy thinks a moment then
laughs and replys, "Sure, I suppose you could eat it, ay."
The second Canadian says, "Is
it a moosecock?"
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Accidental Discoveries
1. LSD
Swiss chemist Albert Hofmann was trying to come up with a chemical to induce
childbirth. Instead he developed lysergic acid diethylamide, or LSD. After he
tried a bigger dose, he made another discovery: a bad acid trip.
2. X-ray
Several 19th-century scientists played around with the penetrating rays emitted
when electrons struck a metal target. But the x-ray wasn't discovered until
1895, when Wilhelm Röntgen tried sticking various objects in front of the
radiation - and saw the bones of his hand projected on a wall.
3. Penicillin
Scottish scientist Alexander Fleming was researching the flu in 1928 when he
noticed that a blue-green mold had infected one of his petri dishes - and
killed the staphylococcus bacteria growing in it.
4. Microwave ovens
The microwave oven came along in the 1940s. Microwave emitters (or magnetrons)
were being used to power Allied radar during WWII. It was after a magnetron
melted a candy bar in Raytheon engineer Percy Spencer's pocket that the common
use for a microwave emitter was realized.
5. Potato chips
Chef George Crum concocted the perfect sandwich complement in 1853 when - to
spite a customer who complained that his fries were cut too thick - he sliced a
potato paper-thin and fried it to a crisp.
6. Artificial sweeteners
Speaking of botched lab jobs, three leading pseudo-sugars reached human lips
only because scientists forgot to wash their hands. Cyclamate (1937) and
aspartame (1965) are byproducts of medical research, and saccharin (1879)
appeared during a project on coal tar derivatives.
***
Pranksters Turned Crimefighters Help
In Arrest
FONTANA, Calif. - An online prank by
California teenagers meant to cheer up a lovelorn friend resulted in the arrest
of a man for allegedly seeking sex with an underage girl.
Police in Fontana said the incident
began when a group of boys created a profile of a 15-year-old girl on
MySpace.com, an online community where users interact with other users. Their
intention was to cheer up a friend who had recently broken off with his girlfriend.
Unaware of the scam, a 48-year-old
man struck up a conversation with the profile, and arranged to meet in a park
on Sunday to have sex. The boys didn't think the man would show up but decided
to go anyway, the report said. When the man appeared, they didn't confront him,
but called the police.
Michael Ramos, 48, was charged with
suspicion of attempted lewd and lascivious conduct with a child.
***
Lesbian Homecoming King Has
Competition Licked
FREDERICK, Md. - Officials at Hood
College in Frederick, Md., are reviewing homecoming procedures after an openly
lesbian student was voted this year's Homecoming King.
Senior Jen Jones, 21, said she
didn't even know she was nominated until she saw her name on the ballot. She
took 64 of the 169 votes cast, beating out seven male students for the title,
the Frederick News-Post reported.
Hood has allowed men to attend its
undergraduate program as commuters since 1971, and only became co-educational
in October 2002. There are only 28 men in this year's graduating class of 260
students.
Don Miller, Hood's director of
student activities and orientation, said that all homecoming events will be
reviewed. "As part of an ongoing process, we will see if we need to make
changes," Miller said. "We will look at what students want Hood's
homecoming to be."
***
Marriage Didn't Take Off For Man
Living In Airport
CHICAGO - A young man from Romania
who was deserted by his prospective bride was found living penniless at
Chicago's O'Hare International Airport.
In a striking similarity to the 2004
Tom Hanks movie, "The Terminal," the Chicago Aviation Department told
WBBM-AM, Chicago, the man, who is about 25 years old, has been living in the
international terminal for as long as four weeks.
Karol Sobolewski was one of the
baggage handlers who noticed the nervous man and took up a collection to buy
him some food from McDonald's. "He was supposed to get married over here,
and supposedly something went wrong, and the girl kicked him out or
something," Sobolewski said. "So he got left over here... living in
the international terminal."
***
Granny's Got A Gun
WEST MIFFLIN, Pa. - A 75-year-old
woman has been put in jail after trying to rob a bank with a gun on Monday
morning.
Wearing a Steelers ski mask, Marilyn
Devine attempted to holdup a National City Bank inside a Shop 'n Save grocery
store. She made her getaway in a tan Ford Escort, but was caught after leading
police on a five-mile pursuit at speeds of 40 to 45 mph.
Devine confessed to the crime,
saying she stole her husband's handgun, put on the mask and pointed the gun at
tellers.
"I'm shocked. It's unreal. You
seen the lady here -- she's probably anybody's grandmother. It's unreal,"
said West Mifflin Police Chief Joe Popovich.
Police say that the black handgun
she brandished was not loaded.
______________________________
Two nuns were shopping in a food
store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor section. One asks the
other if she would like a beer. The other nun answered that would be good, but
that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first nun said that
she would handle it and picked up a six pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier had a surprised look and
the first nun said, "The beer is for washing our hair."
The cashier, without blinking an
eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzels in the bag with
the beer. "Here you go, sister," she said, "don't forget the
curlers."
______________________________
DDL
There was a young fellow named
Crouch,
Who was courting a girl on a couch;
She said: 'Why not a sofa?'
And he exclaimed: 'Oh, for
Christ's sake shut your mouth while I - ouch!'
______________________________
"It takes time to raise about
25 children. I know, I have two myself. That's plenty. Mine are twins, though.
Both of them. They're awfully cute. I can't think of their names. They don't
come when I call them anyway."
--Victor Borge
***
After playing 18 holes of golf, our
foursome was sitting around the clubhouse settling our bets when another golfer
stormed in. Fuming after a lousy round, he slammed down his scorecard and
announced, "If I wasn't married, I'd give this stupid game up!"
***
"For those who may not know
this: When the preacher says, 'You may now kiss the bride,' he's only speaking
to the groom."
- David Gunter
***
These are entries to a competition
asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second
line:
Love may be beautiful, love may be
bliss
but I only slept with you because I was pissed
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother
Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with
grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and
your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful
wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life
I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming
My love you take my breath away
What have you stepped in to smell this way
My feelings for you no words can
tell
Except for maybe "go to hell"
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Workaholics struggle to say
"No" to work
By Ellen Wulfhorst
Wed Mar 29, 4:34 AM ET
NEW YORK (Reuters) - Sam used to
sneak into his office before dawn so no one would know how many extra hours he
worked. Charles goes on all-night work binges to meet deadlines, and Susan
can't say no to volunteer projects, social clubs, bridge games, choral singing,
lectures and classes.
Each one is a member of Workaholics
Anonymous, a 12-step recovery program for compulsive workers based upon the
structure of Alcoholics Anonymous. Each one opted to keep their identity
secret.
"It's been called the addiction
that society applauds," said Mike, a physician and member of the group
known as WA.
"People brag about it and say,
'I'm a workaholic,'" he said. "But workaholics burn out and then
you've lost them or they become very dysfunctional and bitter and cynical in
the organisation and corrosive."
Workaholics Anonymous keeps no
central count of members, but organisers estimate dozens of weekly meetings are
held in the United States as well as in Germany, Switzerland, Austria and
Britain. The group also sells about 100 books about WA a month via its Web
site, according to organisers.
WA's roots go back to 1983, when a
New York corporate financial planner and a school teacher founded a group based
on AA but designed to fight compulsive working.
WA identifies workaholics as people
who often are perfectionists and worriers, derive their self esteem from work,
keep overly busy, neglect their health, postpone vacations and overschedule
their lives.
Workaholics don't even have to have
a job; they can just be compulsively busy as they seek an adrenaline high, to
overcome feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem and to avoid intimacy, it
says.
The weekly meeting in New York draws
an average of a half dozen people in a city that might be considered a hotbed
of workaholism. Such meagre attendance invites the predictable joke that most
workaholics are too busy to attend meetings, a quip that organiser Charles has
heard a million times.
**********
German prostitutes retrain as
nurses, telemarketers
BERLIN (Reuters) - German
prostitutes are signing up for a career change, training to become nurses to
tend to the country's ageing population or working phones as telemarketers.
Thirty prostitutes have enlisted in
a church-funded project in the state of North-Rhine Westphalia and more are on
a waiting list, project co-ordinator Gisela Zohren said.
"Competition in prostitution is
fierce and the days when one could make a decent living out of it are long
gone, especially once you hit the thirties," Zohren said.
She said prostitutes' fees had hit
rock bottom and they were well suited to jobs on offer in the retraining
programme.
"After years of prostitution,
they know how to listen, look after people and are savvy in selling over the
phone," she said.
**********
'Shania Twain' defence works in
drunk driver's favour
Last Updated Tue, 28 Mar 2006
08:47:03 EST
CBC News
One of the most notorious drunk
drivers in the Ottawa area has been found not criminally responsible on his
latest impaired driving charges because of a mental disorder that makes him
believe female celebrities are controlling his actions.
Matt Brownlee was arrested last
October after police spotted a pickup truck speeding along a busy street in
downtown Ottawa. The 33-year-old man told psychiatrists that he knew the legal
repercussions of his actions, but believed singer Shania Twain was helping him
drive.
Brownlee pleaded not guilty to four
charges, including impaired operation of a motor vehicle and driving while
disqualified.
On Monday, the judge drew on several
psychiatric assessments in ruling that Brownlee was not criminally responsible
for his actions because he suffers from delusions that celebrities such as
Twain are communicating with him telepathically.
Ten years ago, Brownlee was given a
seven-year prison sentence and barred from driving for the rest of his life
after he killed an Ottawa woman, Linda Lebreton-Holmes, and her 12-year-old son
while driving with a blood alcohol level three times the legal limit.
Earlier in March, a psychiatrist
told the court that Brownlee suffers from psychosis and mood disorders
resulting from a brain injury caused by the 1996 car crash.
************
