Subject: Daily Dose - 060506 - son in college, BIZARRE NEWS, WWII aviators, DDL, Rotten News

The farmer and his wife had worked hard, scrimped and saved to send their son to college. As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large moustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new hirsute adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to his parents.

On the back of the photo he scrawled: "How do you like it? Don't I look like a count?"

Shortly after, the son received this terse note: "You idiot, it cost us a fortune to send you to college, and you can't even spell!"

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Space Trivia

Seven U.S. Delta rockets and a French observation satellite have exploded in space.

In 1961, Cuban premier Fidel Castro charged that a chunk of a U.S. spacecraft had fallen on Cuba and killed a cow.

In 1962, a 21-lb. fragment of Soviet Sputnik IV landed at the intersection of Park and North 8th Streets in Manitowoc, Wisconsin.

Over 7,000 objects floating in space are being tracked from earth; only five percent are satellites.

Dodging space junk is a dangerous occupation. A 0.5 millimeter metal chip could puncture a space suit and kill an astronaut walking in space.

In 1978, a Soviet satellite came crashing back to Earth, contaminating hundreds of square miles of Canadian territory with radiation.

[From Uncle John's 4-Ply Bathroom Reader]

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Couple Takes a Stab at Marriage

SCARBOROUGH, Ontario - When Michelle Taitt was acquitted of assaulting her boyfriend, he whipped out a ring and presented it right in a Canadian courtroom.

"I was shocked. It just happened so fast that I just grabbed the ring, put it on and hugged and kissed him," Taitt told the Toronto Sun.

She had been accused of brandishing a knife against her new fiance, John Rossall Dec. 20, during an argument.

"I loved him from the first blind date." During the trial, Rossall testified he had lied to police when he accused Taitt of threatening him with a knife, testimony that prompted the acquittal.

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Stolen Urine Samples Leave Police Pissed

WAUKESHA, Wis. - A burglar decided to take a sample from the Wisconsin Department of Corrections probation and parole office - he or she made off with at least half a dozen urine samples. Nothing else appeared to have been stolen except for the samples from a locked refrigerator.

Police Capt. Mike Babe said the burglary happened Monday night or early Tuesday. Police were called when someone noticed a door was broken and the samples were missing. Agents will have to see which samples are missing and order new ones as needed.

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Woman Goes Postal Over Packages on Doorstep

WASHINGTON - Apparently you can now sue the U.S. Postal Service for negligent mail delivery or placement. This report comes after a Supreme Court ruling that a woman who tripped and fell over packages left on her front porch can sue for damages.

Barbara Dolan said she suffered wrist and back injuries after falling in 2001 in front of her home. She said the postal service employees were negligent and left the mail on her porch.

The Supreme Court ruled 7-1 in her favor.

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Homeless Man Does a Baaaad Thing

LITTLE ROCK, Ark. - Of all the things a homeless person might try to steal, I wouldn't think sheep would be one of them. However, homeless man Grady Allen Carnahan was caught trying to steal a sheep from the Little Rock Zoo on Tuesday night.

A security guard called police after noticing a man lugging a trash can with a sheep inside. Carnahan tried to tell police he was a doctor and the sheep was sick. He fought with officers when they tried to take him into custody.

He was later arrested on numerous charges and the sheep was returned to its home at the zoo.

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Did you know that the Scots were credited with saving the lives of WWII aviators returning from bombing raids to English air bases?

After dropping their bombs, the pilots would fly low back over the channel. But the dense fog made it difficult to know if they were over friendly territory, in case they had to bail out.

As they flew very low, they would look down at the houses, and when they saw the toilet paper, hanging out to dry...they knew they were back in "home" territory.

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DDL

There was a young man and his wife,
Who argued throughout their whole life;
But the problem solver,
was not a revolver;
Hence the story of Lorena and her knife.

Poor John awoke early one day;
And found much to his dismay;
His wife had parted,
And he was broken-hearted,
for his penis had also gone away.

Eventually the judge got a jury;
When Lorena was found near Missouri;
 Police found John's member,
 in a field with some timber,
and doctors said, "John, we can cure thee!"

At the hospital we find poor John;
Says a doc who we'll call Dr. Vaughn;
 "The way that we figure,
 your penis will be bigger,
But you must keep the band aids on!

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"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing - and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
--Will Rogers

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"Trial by jury is the palladium of our liberties. I do not know what a palladium is, but I am sure it is a good thing!"
--Mark Twain

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"No one appreciates the value of constructive criticism more thoroughly than the one who's giving it."
--Hal Chadwick

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"According to the Congressional Budget Office, Social Security will be completely depleted by the year 2052. 2052 - Social Security broke. Once again, I don't think President Bush understands this issue. He said, '2052, that's okay. By then all our old people will already be dead anyway.'"
--Jay Leno

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Immoral, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral. If man's notion of right and wrong have any other basis than this of expediency; if they originated, or could have originated, in any other way; if actions have in themselves a moral character apart from and nowise dependent on their consequences---then all philosophy is a lie and reason a disorder of the mind.
--Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

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Impunity, n. Wealth.
--Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

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Why is so hard to make love to a ninety year old woman?

It's like trying to pull a grilled cheese sandwich apart.

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Rotten News....  (true)

Dog Attacks Anti-Dangerous Dog Bill Author

Wed Oct 19, 6:52 AM ET

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. - The author of a new state law that allows felony charges against owners of dangerous dogs was hospitalized over the weekend after his own dog attacked him.

Bob Schwartz, who also is Gov. Bill Richardson's crime adviser, was hospitalized at University of New Mexico Hospital on Sunday night with bites on both his arms, said Pahl Shipley, a spokesman for the governor. A hospital spokeswoman declined to release Schwartz's condition, but Shipley said Schwartz is "going to be fine."

Schwartz has three dogs registered with the city: a boxer and two English bulldogs, said Denise Wilcox, who oversees Albuquerque's animal care centers.

Schwartz was instrumental in getting a law passed during this year's regular legislative session that would allow felony charges to be filed against owners of dogs deemed dangerous or potentially dangerous and that seriously injure or kill another animal or person.

The law was designed to make dog owners accountable, said Sen. Sue Wilson Beffort, who worked with Schwartz to pass the bill.

"But I guess when it happens in your own family, that's another story," she said. "That's tragic."

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Study turns pot wisdom on head

By DAWN WALTON

Friday, October 14, 2005 Posted at 3:57 AM EDT

From Friday's Globe and Mail

Calgary — Forget the stereotype about dopey potheads. It seems marijuana could be good for your brain.

While other studies have shown that periodic use of marijuana can cause memory loss and impair learning and a host of other health problems down the road, new research suggests the drug could have some benefits when administered regularly in a highly potent form.

Most "drugs of abuse" such as alcohol, heroin, cocaine and nicotine suppress growth of new brain cells. However, researchers found that cannabinoids promoted generation of new neurons in rats' hippocampuses. Hippocampuses are the part of the brain responsible for learning and memory, and the study held true for either plant-derived or the synthetic version of cannabinoids.

The research by Dr. Zhang and a team of international researchers is to be published in the November issue of the Journal of Clinical Investigation, but their findings are on-line now.

As enthusiastic as Dr. Zhang is about the potential health benefits, he warns against running out for a toke in a bid to beef up brain power or calm nerves.

"There's a big gap between rats and humans," Dr. Zhang points out.

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More And More People Prefer Wine In A Box

POSTED: 7:36 am EDT October 13, 2005

WASHINGTON -- Would you like that wine in a bottle or in a box?

According to a marketing information company, more and more people are preferring the latter. AC-Nielsen said sales of premium-priced, three-liter boxes are increasing faster than any other segment.

Industry consultant John Fredrikson said boxed wines are appealing to the growing number of Americans who drink wine more regularly. He said they want something that doesn't need uncorking and will last longer than just a few days.

The amount inside is also a good value. A 3-liter box contains the equivalent of four bottles of wine, and the cost translates to around $4 to $5 a bottle for quality wine. A box should keep for at least four weeks after opening.

(not around our place....)

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Far FaKin Out