Subject: Daily Dose - 060502 - deaf couple, BIZARRE NEWS, good & bad
points, DDL, Rotten News
A salesman went to the door of a
young couple one day and rang the doorbell. After 3 rings and no answer, he
assumed no one was home and decide to leave. He happened to pass by an open
window and saw the couple naked on the sofa.
Being a pervert, he peered closer to
get a better look. He notice the woman was sitting with her legs wide open,
shaving her pubic area while staring at her husband. He, on the other hand, was
naked, stroking himself, shaking his head wildly back and forth with his free
hand splashing in the fish tank.
The salesman was embarrassed when a
neighbor walked up and found him peeping. "These people need help!"
said the salesman.
"No, they don't," replied
the neighbor. "They're deaf, and the wife is just telling her husband he
needs to cut the grass, but the husband is telling the wife 'fuck no! I'm going
fishing.'"
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Things You Didn't Know About
the U.S. Presidents
In warm weather, 6th president of
the United States John Quincy Adams customarily went skinny-dipping in the
Potomac River before dawn.
9th U.S. president William Henry
Harrison was inaugurated on a bitterly cold day and gave the longest
inauguration speech ever. The new president promptly caught a cold that soon
developed into pneumonia. Harrison died exactly one month into his presidential
term, the shortest in U.S. history.
John Tyler, 10th U.S. president,
fathered 15 children (more than any other president)--8 by his first wife, and
7 by his second wife. Tyler was past his seventieth birthday when his 15th
child was born.
Sedated only by brandy, 11th
president of the United States James Polk survived gall bladder surgery at the
age of 17.
Often depicted wearing a tall black
stovepipe hat, 16th president of the United States Abraham Lincoln carried
letters, bills, and notes in his hat.
17th U.S. president Andrew Johnson
never attended school. His future wife, Eliza McCardle, taught him to write at
the age of 17. (Bonus fact about Andrew Johnson: He only wore suits that
he custom-tailored himself.)
Both ambidextrous and multilingual,
20th president of the United States James Garfield could write Greek with one
hand while writing Latin with the other.
The teddy bear derived from 26th U.S.
president Theodore ("Teddy") Roosevelt's refusal to shoot a bear with
her cub while on a hunting trip in Mississippi.
Warren Harding, 29th U.S. president,
played poker at least twice a week, and once gambled away an entire set of
White House china. His advisors were nicknamed the "Poker Cabinet"
because they joined the president in his poker.
The letter "S" comprises
the full middle name of the 33rd president, Harry S. Truman. It represents two
of his grandfathers, whose names both had "S" in them.
George W. Bush, 43rd president of
the United States, and his wife Laura got married just three months after
meeting each other.
[From MSN Encarta]
***
The Blob Oozes in L.A.
LOS ANGELES - A tar-like blob
engulfed the basement of a 99-year-old Los Angeles apartment building, buckled
the street and oozed from manholes and cracks, reports said.
"The street looked like it was
about to pop. Everybody sort of stepped back and said, 'Whoa,'" fire
department Capt. Al Gonzales told The Los Angeles Times. "Then we put two
and two together."
It was then authorities remembered
that St. James Oil Co. had a petroleum drilling site two blocks away and
discovered workers were injecting water at high pressure and temperature to
extract leftover crude from old wells.
When the company stopped pumping
Monday, the street bulge began to subside.
***
Man Gets 'Wiped' Out Over No Toilet
Paper
MOSS BLUFF, Fla. - A Florida man
would apparently kill to get some toilet paper in his home.
Franklin Paul Crow has been accused
of beating his roommate Kenneth Matthews to death with a sledgehammer and a
claw hammer because there was no toilet paper in their home.
Crow told authorities the men were
fighting about toilet paper when Matthews pulled out a rifle. This was when
Crow started beating Matthews with the hammers.
Matthews was beaten so badly he had
to be identified by his fingerprints, detectives said. Crow has been charged
with homicide.
***
She May Be Old, But She Still
Delivers
REDDING, Calif. - Age is apparently
just a number for a 62-year-old woman who gave birth to a baby boy last week.
With the birth of her 12th child on
Friday, Janise Wulf has become one of the oldest women in the world to bear a
healthy child. Wulf is also a grandmother of 20 and a great-grandmother of
three.
Although there were earlier concerns
about the mother's health, the delivery went smoothly. Wulf and her third
husband, Scott, named the boy Adam Charles Wulf. He is just 3 1/2 years younger
than his brother, Ian.
"I hate to raise one alone,
without a sibling," said Wulf, who was impregnated both times through in
vitro fertilization.
***
Man Gets Hot Over Taco Sauce
COUNCIL BLUFFS, Iowa - A customer
vandalized a bathroom at a Mexican restaurant after employees supposedly put
hot sauce on his tacos.
Two men came through the drive-thru
at Taco John's on Friday night. After getting their food, they parked and one
of the men came inside the restaurant. He started yelling at employees for
putting hot sauce on his tacos. When an employee told him the restaurant
doesn't put hot sauce on its tacos, the man went into the bathroom and cracked
the toilet tank.
Police are on the lookout for the
man.
______________________________
"This house," said the
real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To
show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both.
The disadvantages are that there is
a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north."
"What are the advantages?"
inquired the prospective buyer.
"The advantage is that you can
always tell which way the wind is blowing."
______________________________
DDL
"So you take your wife
everywhere. Why?
She's so ugly she makes children cry!"
"Well, if I should roam
And leave her at home,
I'm obliged then to kiss her goodbye!
______________________________
"Man: An animal [whose] chief
occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which,
however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole
habitable earth and Canada."
--Ambrose Bierce (1842-disappearance in 1914)
***
"Woman: An animal... having a
rudimentary susceptibility to domestication... The species is the most widely
distributed of all beasts of prey... the woman is omnivorous and can be taught
not to talk."
--Ambrose Bierce (1842-disappearance in 1914)
***
"We need not worry so much
about what man descends from-it's what he descends to that shames the human
race."
--Mark Twain
***
"A good listener is usually
thinking about something else."
--Kin Hubbard
***
"The last time I was in a woman
I was visiting the Statue of Liberty."
--Woody Allen
***
"Curiosity killed the cat, but
for a while I was a suspect.
--Steven Wright
***
"There is never enough time,
unless you're serving it."
--Malcolm Forbes
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Man Allegedly Robs Bank With Pay
Stub Note
Thu Oct 20, 5:10 PM ET
BENSALEM, Pa. - A note handed to a
bank teller demanding $20, $50 and $100 bills "the quicker the
better" was written on a pay stub that led police to a robbery suspect
even though the name and address were crossed out with a marker.
"It wasn't a huge forensic undertaking," Steven Moran, Bensalem
director of public safety, said Wednesday. "We just put it under a
light."
The FBI charged Michael Drennon, 26,
of Philadelphia, with robbing the Wachovia Bank in Bensalem on Friday. Drennon,
who had been living in a halfway house while on probation, was being held at
the federal detention center in Philadelphia pending a hearing scheduled for
Friday.
The man who slipped the teller the
note Friday left the bank with about $2,500, authorities said. Police said
Drennon had about $1,800 on him when he was arrested.
**********
Vietnam police to punish
"billionaire monk"
Thu Oct 20, 1:29 AM ET
HANOI (Reuters) - Vietnamese police
are to prosecute a self-proclaimed monk and medicine man who claimed he had
$2.5 billion in cash, gold and diamonds stolen from his house, state media
reported on Thursday.
The 46-year-old showed reporters $400,000 in cash as proof of his claims that
thieves had broken into his Hanoi home and made off with the loot, which would
amount to more than 5 percent of the communist southeast Asian nation's
economy.
According to the Lao Dong daily,
Vietnamese police were not taken in and, on probing his past to unearth the
source on his extraordinary wealth, discovered he had been illegally operating
as a doctor.
They found that some patients had
sued the man, who never finished high school, for mistreatment and overcharging
-- in some cases as much $50,000. The paper said the man gained the trust of
patients by claiming to have cured world figures including U.S. First Lady
Laura Bush during a recent trip to the White House.
However, the man had no passport and
had never left Vietnam, police said, adding that they had also found no
evidence of the missing $2.5 billion.
**********
'Mr. Floatie' Backs Out of Mayoral
Race
Wed Oct 19, 9:54 PM ET
VICTORIA, British Columbia - Mr.
Floatie, a community activist who dresses up in a feces costume to decry the
pumping of raw sewage into the waters off British Columbia's capital, has
withdrawn his name as a candidate for mayor.
The city had planned to challenge Mr. Floatie's candidacy in B.C. Supreme
Court.
James Skwarok, the man inside the
costume, said the city apparently took issue with his candidacy because only
real people can run for municipal office.
"Of course I'm not a real
person," Skwarok said earlier this week. "I'm a big piece of
poop."
Mr. Floatie has become a regular
sight at public gatherings.
He passes out pamphlets drawing
attention to Victoria's practice of pumping sewage directly into the Juan de
Fuca after only a screening to remove solids.
***********
What prick greased the vine...