Subject: Daily Dose - 060423 - Punctuation, BIZARRE NEWS, elected Pope,
DDL, Rotten News
A teacher said to her little student
Suzy, "Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry
worry."
Little Suzy thought for a moment and
began her reply, "Let's see... Fun period Fun period Fun no period worry
worry worry."
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Teaching Methods
Coach Mark Davies of Darwin,
Australia, has a peculiar method of motivating his 13- to 21-year old swimmers
to break their own records. He drops a crocodile into the pool. Since Davies
started this practice, the swimmers' times have improved considerably.
Dr. George Plitnick, a professor of
physics at Frostburg State University in Maryland, dresses up like a wizard to
teach a class called "The Science of Harry Potter." With only a few
props, such as a petri dish and a bit of liquid nitrogen, Plitnick attempts to
answer such questions as "Can objects really be levitated?"
Magnus Skarphedinsson of Reykjavik,
Iceland, is an elf historian and headmaster of the Icelandic Elf School, which
has issued more than 4,000 diplomas in elf studies. According to
Skarphedinsson, more than half the population of Iceland believes in elves,
dwarfs, gnomes, and other such creatures.
At Dronfield Secondary School in
Derbyshire, England, a spaniel by the name of Henry Fanshawe Smart works as a
classroom assistant. He was appointed to his position to help teachers deal
with student behavioral problems. Henry is so good at his job that as soon as
he trots into a room, a group of 30 energetic students immediately begin to calm
down.
In the 1980s, retired Air Force
Lieutenant Colonel Roger Wells of Valparaiso, Florida, regularly assigned
research projects to an English class at a junior high school in NYC, more than
1,000 miles away. Wells broadcast the assignments over shortwave radio and
mailed souvenirs he'd picked up on his world travels to the students who
produced the best work.
Ji Ping, the head teacher at an
elementary school in Shanghai, China, lets the students borrow grade points
against their future marks as long as they agree to pay them back with
interest. Ten-year-old Cai Wenyi, who just missed getting the top grade on a
math test, was allowed to borrow the point she needed for an A+. Although she
had to deduct two points from her next test, she still got herself out of debt
by scoring an extra 19 points on her exam!
Teacher John Honey wanted to
demonstrate to his students that gambling is a waste of both time and money.
Sure that they'd be losers, Honey bought 24 lottery tickets - one for each of
his students. Imagine his surprise when one of the tickets turned out to be a
winner worth $1,000. Oops!
***
These Condoms Guaranteed To Make You
Explode
BOSTON - A Massachusetts woman who
sells sex toys is accused of striking a blow against men by mailing explosives
to a motorcycle gang, strip clubs and others.
Kimberly Lynn Dasilva once worked as
a waitress at Alex's and the Foxy Lady, two of her alleged targets, the Boston
Globe reported. An FBI affidavit said Dasilva told agents she "couldn't
take it any more" after years of being hurt by men. Investigators said
that in a raid at her home in Hull, near Boston, they found letters hidden in a
ceiling linking her to the mailings.
The investigation began in September
when Bridgewater State College received a package with condoms filled with
Drano and gasoline, which can be explosive when combined.
***
Size Is No Matter For New Mom
TULARE, Calif. - A woman defied
serious odds to give birth to her son last month.
Eloysa Vasquez weighs only 37
pounds, stands three feet tall and uses a wheelchair. She suffers from Type 3
osteogenesis imperfecta, a disorder that makes bones soft and fragile. Her
small body left little room for a fetus to grow.
However, Vasquez was able to deliver
a healthy boy, Timothy, by Cesarean section on Jan. 24.
"We just took one day at a
time. We had a lot of people praying for us. We just believed ... and here we
have our son," Vasquez told The Fresno Bee for a story Thursday.
He weighed only three pounds, seven
ounces at birth because doctors had to deliver him prematurely to protect his
mother's health.
***
Punishment Doesn't Fit The Crime
LEEDS, England - A man who wanted to
teach a colleague a lesson learned a lesson of his own - do not spike someone's
drink with anti-freeze and expect to get away with it.
Keith Lamb was "sick and
tired" of coworker Martin Bingley always taking his drink without asking.
So he spiked Bingley's drink with anti-freeze, leaving him blind and deaf. He
said he did it to "teach him a lesson," but regretted that it caused
such horrible consequences.
Lamb was jailed for 15 months.
***
Chick-on-Chick Action Is a Life
Saver
ARKADELPHIA, Ark. - A woman saved
the life of her brother's exotic chicken, Boo Boo, by giving the fowl
"mouth-to-beak" resuscitation.
Marian Morris, a retired nurse,
found Boo Boo floating face down in the family's pond. She decided to see if
she could still put her CPR skills to use. "I breathed into its beak, and
its dad-gum eyes popped open," Morris said. "I breathed into its beak
again, and its eyes popped open again. "I said, 'I think this chicken's
alive now. Keep it warm.'"
The chicken is named Boo Boo because
she is easily frightened. The family believes Boo Boo must have been startled
and flopped into the pond.
______________________________
The Pope calls his mother right
after being elected Pope.
Pope: "Hi mom, I've got some
good news and some bad news."
Mother: "What's the good
news?"
Pope: "I've just been elected
Pope."
Mother: "What's the bad
news?"
Pope: "I have to move into an
Italian neighborhood."
______________________________
DDL
There once was a dirty old whore,
Who liked to screw on the floor.
In a method uncanny
She wiggled her fanny,
And drained your poor nuts to the core!
______________________________
Growing up as a kid, I learned all
about capitalism through the board game Monopoly. I mean, what better way to
teach a young mind the way our economy functions. I loved this game and still
do. Only now, as an adult I have some questions that remain unanswered.
For instance, if I have all this
money and own all this real estate...why am I still driving around in a
thimble?
***
A primer for any couple should be
the book MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS. It explains that men and
women are from different planets. For example: women like to verbalize their
feelings on relationships. It's difficult for a man to even admit he's in a
relationship.
***
I once went for a job at an airline.
The interviewer asked me why I wanted to be a stewardess, and I told her -- it
would be a great chance to meet men. She looked at me and said, "But you
can meet men anywhere." I said, "Strapped down?"
- Martha Raye
***
"Instead of getting married
again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house."
--Lewis Grizzard
***
"Why are women wearing perfumes
that smell like flowers? Men don't like flowers. I've been wearing a great
scent. It's called New Car Interior."
-Rita Rudner
***
The only way to keep your health is
to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather
not
- MARK TWAIN
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
February 10, 2006
House wrongly valued at $400 million
causes Indiana budget problems
VALPARAISO, Ind. (AP) - A house
erroneously valued at $400 million US is being blamed for budget shortfalls and
possible layoffs in municipalities and school districts in northwestern Indiana.
An outside user of Porter County's
computer system may have triggered the mess by accidentally changing the value
of the Valparaiso house, said Sharon Lippens, director of the county's
information technologies and service department. The house had been valued at
$121,900 before the glitch.
County Treasurer Jim Murphy said the
home usually carried about $1,500 in property taxes; this year, it was billed
$8 million.
Lippens said her agency identified
the mistake and told the county auditor's office how to correct it. But the
$400-million value ended up on documents that were used to calculate tax rates.
Most local officials did not learn
about the mistake until Tuesday, when 18 government taxing units were asked to
return a total of $3.1 million of tax money. The city of Valparaiso and the
Valparaiso Community School Corp. were asked to return $2.7 million. As a
result, the school system has a $200,000 budget shortfall and the city loses
$900,000.
Officials struggled to figure out
how the mistake made it into the system and how it could have been prevented.
City leaders said Thursday the error could cause layoffs and cost-cutting
measures.
**********
Never surf a tsunami, California
town says
Sun Oct 30, 3:49 AM ET
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - An exclusive
California beach enclave has raised eyebrows by passing out tsunami safety
brochures that warn residents, in capital letters, that they should never try
to surf one.
The pamphlets, part of an emergency preparedness campaign, inform residents of
Malibu that tsunamis often follow large earthquakes and advise: "NEVER GO
TO THE BEACH TO WATCH FOR, OR SURF, A TSUNAMI WAVE!"
"I'm speechless," Malibu
surfer Candace Brown told the Los Angeles Times. "I think the last thing
people will think about when they feel an earthquake is surfing."
Malibu's emergency preparedness
director said he thought it would be prudent to address all possibilities.
"Some people may feel that we
are stating the obvious and some people may not," Brad Davis said.
"We want to encourage people to move away from the coast rather than
towards it."
**********
Nuns Find Out Their Monastery Ended
Up On Anti-Terrorism List
POSTED: 11:22 am EST February 9,
2006
PASCO COUNTY, Fla. -- Some nuns from
Pasco County said they somehow ended up on a list of possible terrorists and
their assets were frozen without explanation.
Sister Jean Abbot of the Holy Name
Monastery said the organization's checks suddenly started bouncing. She then
found out the federal government had placed the monastery on an anti-terrorism
list and had frozen its account.
The American Civil Liberties Union
said this was just another example of the dangers of the Patriot Act.
"A large part of the idea of
government and freedom in this country is the right to simply be left alone
and, nowadays, increasingly your right to be left alone is being
undermined," said Mike Pheneger, ACLU.
The bank apologized and credited
back the $400 in fees the monastery had been charged for its 20 returned
checks.
**********
Teen Boy Saves Life Of Nurse Who
Once Saved His Life
POSTED: 11:43 am EST February 6,
2006
BUFFALO, N.Y. -- A teenager recently
got the chance to thank the woman who saved his life -- by saving hers.
The 17-year-old successfully
performed the Heimlich maneuver on the choking woman in the restaurant where he
was washing dishes. Then his mother recognized the woman as the nurse who
performed CPR on him in 1999 after he was struck in the chest by a baseball
bat.
More than a week after the Jan. 27
incident, Kevin Stephan and Penny Brown are still surprised by the coincidence.
"It was meant to happen,"
said Stephan, now a volunteer firefighter. "I'm Catholic, and I believe
the Lord kind of set things up."
As for Brown, she says, "One
good turn deserves another."
The intensive-care nurse at Buffalo
General Hospital says she can't think too much about the situation
"without being freaked" by it.
On Saturday, the two met again at
the Bowmansville Fire Hall where Stephan is a junior firefighter. He presented
her with a bouquet of flowers, and his parents were also there to greet Brown.
