Subject: Daily Dose - 060422 - I'm leaving you, THIS is TRUE, San Josie,
DDL, Rotten News
Pierre, Marie, and their six
children lived in a log cabin on the edge of a lake in northern Quebec. One
day, Pierre decided he had had enough and set out across the lake in his canoe.
Seeing this, Marie hollered out to
him, "Pierre, what are you doing?"
Pierre replied "Woman, I'm
leaving you!"
Marie hollered "But Pierre,
what about our marriage?"
Pierre replied "To hell with
the marriage. Woman, I'm leaving you!" He kept paddling across the lake.
Marie hollered "But Pierre,
what about our beautiful cabin?"
Pierre replied "To hell with
the cabin. Woman, I'm leaving you!" He kept paddling across the lake.
Marie hollered "But Pierre,
what about our beautiful children?"
Pierre replied "To hell with
the children. Woman, I'm leaving you!" He kept paddling across the lake.
Then Marie hikes up her skirt,
points to her crotch and hollers, "But Pierre, what about this?"
As Pierre slowly turns the canoe
around he mumbles, "Mon Dieu! Someday I'm going to leave that damn
woman."
______________________________
THIS is TRUE...
DRY RUN: "If there was an award
for the dumbest crooks," said a spokesman for the police in Gronau,
Germany, "they would certainly be in the running." That would be
armed robbers who held up a courier, chasing him at high speed and forcing him
to stop. They then grabbed a case from the trunk and ran. But instead of the
suitcase full of cash they were after, the gunmen got the courier's first aid
kit. (PA)
...Sure: robbers that stupid probably shot themselves in the process.
***
WHO'S CALLING? Gabriel J. Wichman,
23, and Ryan S. Fleming, 22, were "drunk dialing" in the middle of
the night, prosecutors say, and "someone" provided them the home
number of St. Francois County (Mo.) Circuit Judge Thomas L. Ray. They left a
curse-laden, threatening message on his answering machine; the judge called
police when he heard the message. The dastardly duo pleaded guilty -- to a
different judge -- to misdemeanor harassment, and were sentenced to each write
an essay titled "How Practical Jokes Have Serious Consequences". The
judge specified the font size, margins, and page count for the essays. (St. Louis
Post-Dispatch)
...Act like a 12-year-old, get treated like a 12-year-old.
***
TAKE YOUR MEDICINE: Nervous about
giving a speech? Forget picturing the audience in their underwear, says Stuart
Brody, a psychologist at the University of Paisley in Scotland. Rather, his
studies show the best way to calm your nerves is to have sex beforehand. And,
he says, "The effects are not attributable simply to the short-term relief
afforded by orgasm but, rather, endure for at least a week." (Reuters)
...Damn it, Brody! Would it have killed you to recommend daily treatments?
***
NEW KID IN TOWN: Valentina Petty has
had a hot dog cart in the Cherry Creek business district in Denver, Colo., for
seven years. But ten months ago, a Wolfgang Puck restaurant opened on the
corner where she parks her cart, and the eatery demanded that the city force
her to move because the restaurant's "business is being adversely affected
by the presence of a pushcart that sells comparable items," its attorney
claimed. City officials refused the request, and the cart's regular customers
say they will boycott Puck's place. "I have two words for them: Puck
you!" said one customer waiting for his dog. (Denver Rocky Mountain News)
...The best part is the restaurant's attempt to convince city officials that it
slaps together junk food meals from bins of preheated ingredients. What a
publicity coup!
***
SLICK SHOPLIFTER: "Lotion Thief
Makes Smooth Getaway"
-- Ft. Worth (Texas) Star-Telegram headline
______________________________
Two blondes landed at the airport
and caught a cab.
"Where are you off to,"
asked the cabbie.
"San Josie," one replied.
The cabbie corrected her
pronunciation telling her that the "J" made an "H" sound.
As time went by he asked how long
they would be vacationing.
The one blonde replied, "For
all of Hune and Huly."
______________________________
DDL
That pretty young lady, Miss White,
Ran off in the still of the night
With a wealthy young Turk.
Now she need do no work,
She just lies and sucks Turkish delight.
______________________________
"Yesterday Dick Cheney gave an
interview with Fox News. Actually the interview did get off to a bad start when
Brit Hume said, 'Mr. Vice President, I have some questions.' And Cheney said,
'Okay, shoot.'"
--Jay Leno
***
"Online search engine leader
Google has unveiled a new feature that will enable its users to zoom in on
homes and businesses using satellite images. It's really the perfect service
for the stalker or terrorist on a budget."
--Dennis Miller
***
"President Bush met at the
White House with Jordan's King Abdullah. Yeah, there was one awkward moment
when President Bush asked King Abdullah, 'How is Queen Latifah?'"
--Conan O'Brien
***
"President Bush said today he
is standing by the vice president. Way behind him."
--Jay Leno
***
"Kind of a sad study out today
that single women over the age of 35 are more likely to be shot by the vice
president than to find a husband."
--Jimmy Kimmel
***
"All week long the big dog show
has been going on. There was a bad moment when several of Great Danes were
attacked by a pack of Afghan Hounds."
--Dave Letterman
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Bolivia minister wants coca fed to
school children
Fri Feb 10, 1:49 PM ET
LA PAZ, Bolivia (Reuters) -
Bolivia's foreign minister says coca leaves, the raw material for cocaine, are
so nutritious they should be included on school breakfast menus.
"Coca has more calcium than
milk. It should be part of the school breakfast," Foreign Minister David
Choquehuanca was quoted as saying in Friday's edition of La Razon.
The new leftist government of Evo
Morales, Bolivia's first indigenous president, has vowed to promote the legal
uses of coca, the plant used to make cocaine, which is revered in Andean
culture and is commonly chewed or made into tea.
Morales, himself a former coca
farmer, has pledged to fight the drugs trade but at the same time protect the
cultivation of coca in Bolivia -- the world's third-biggest cocaine producer
after Colombia and Peru.
A coca leaf weighing 100 grams
contains 18.9 calories of protein, 45.8 mg of iron, 1540 mg of calcium and
vitamins A, B1, B2, E and C, which is more than most nuts, according to a 1975
study by a group of Harvard University professors.
**********
Woman Puts 'Offender' Sign on Wrong
House
Fri Feb 10, 6:56 PM ET
BELLA VISTA, Ark. - A woman in
Benton County hung a sign on a neighbor's door warning people that the man who
lived there was a sex offender.
But there were two problems: she had the wrong house, and even if she had the
right house, police say sex offender notifications can't be used to harass
released convicts.
"Don't play here. Child
molester lives here," the sign said, according to a police report.
Carolyn Hansen of Bella Vista also
posted warnings in a nearby park. Those signs said, "There is a child
molester here. Keep children out of the park."
After Hansen learned the address she
had was the wrong one, she apologized to the man she targeted, deputies said.
The man didn't want her prosecuted so she was not charged, Benton County
sheriff's investigator Barb Shrum said.
The names, addresses and photographs
of all level 3 and 4 sex offenders are available on the Arkansas Crime
Information Center Web site. A sex offender listed on the registry had moved
near the park.
The center's Web site notes that the
information is provided to the public as a service, but "anyone who uses
this information to commit a criminal act against another person is subject to
criminal prosecution."
"The whole point of this is to
be able to keep your family and your neighborhood safe from these people, but
you can't harass them," Shrum said.
**********
Emma, Ann and a sex doll that upsets
Muslims
Published: 09 February 2006
The latest public figure to stand
accused of defiling the Prophet Mohamed is not some Danish cartoonist, or
French newspaper editor, but a hapless British Page 3 girl called Emma B.
Yesterday, the erotic retailer Ann
Summers unveiled Miss B as the "face" of its new range of products.
Not 24 hours later, she finds herself on the front line of Islamic protest
after Muslim leaders discovered that the range includes a new blow-up doll,
called "Mustafa Shag".
Unfortunately, Mustafa was one of
the names given to the Prophet Mohamed. Bestowing it upon, in the words of its
catalogue, "an inflatable escort for your hen-night adventures" is
considered highly offensive.
The Manchester Central Mosque has
already written to the firm, calling on it to withdraw the product, right.
"You have no idea how much
hurt, anguish, and disgust this obnoxious phrase ["Mustafa Shag"] has
caused to Muslim men, women and children," reads their letter.
Ann Summers was last night examining
options, though its chief executive Jacqueline Gold was reluctant to withdraw
the item from sale.
"We don't want to offend, but
this feels like political correctness gone mad," she said. "If anyone
has a better name for a blow-up doll, please let us know."
**********
Sports goods shop shut down for
renting sex dolls
By Nasouh Nazzal, Staff Reporter
Published: 02/10/2006 12:00 AM (UAE)
Ras Al Khaimah: A shop selling
sports goods was found plying equipment with a twist in recreational
possibilities. A raid by officials from Ras Al Khaimah Economic Department
found that the shop was renting sex dolls to its clients, mainly teenagers.
Sources from the department said the
shop was immediately shut down. Further investigations are on.
The shop owner, during questioning,
confessed to the officials that it was "good business".
He said the dolls were rented for a
day to clients, selected solely on the basis of recommendation from previous
customers. He said his teenage clients were willing to pay a sizeable amount
for the "facility".
The sources said the shop also
violated its commercial licence.
Officials from the department also
raided several shops in the area and seized illegal impotency drugs and creams.
All the shops were issued spot fines ranging from Dh500 to Dh1,000.
