Subject: Daily Dose - 060417 - liberal Democrat, BIZARRE NEWS, engine trouble, DDL, Rotten News

There was a young college girl that was about to finish her senior year of college. She considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and was always at odds with her conservative Republican father.

One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to a large benevolent government, and tax equalization, etc. He stopped her and asked her how she was doing in school. She answered that she had a 4.0 GPA but it was really tough. She had to study all the time, never had time to go out and party and often went sleepless because all of the studying. She didn't have time for a boyfriend and didn't really have many college friends because of all her studying.

He then asked how her friend Mary, that was attending the same college, was doing.

She replied that she was barely getting by. She had a 2.0 GPA, never studied, was very popular on campus and was at parties all the time. She often wouldn't show up for classes because she was hung over. He then asked his daughter why she didn't go to the Dean's office and ask why she couldn't take 1.0 off her 4.0 and give it to her friend that only had a 2.0. That way they would both have a 3.0 GPA.

She fired back and said, "That wouldn't be fair, I worked really hard for mine and Mary has done nothing!"

After a moment of silence, she replied, "Dad, quit trying to change the subject."

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Quotes From the World of Sports

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care."

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Bride Makes A Splash With 'Marriage' to Dolphin

LONDON - It was love at first swim for Sharon Tendler when she met Cindy the dolphin 15 years ago in Eilat, Israel. Her love for him was so great, in fact, that she took the plunge and exchanged vows with Cindy in the waters of the groom's home.

Tendler, wearing a white dress and her hair framed in a veil and pink flowers, got down on one knee to give her new husband a kiss and a piece of mackerel. After the ceremony, friends tossed the bride in the water so the newlyweds could be together.

"I'm the happiest girl on earth," Tendler was cited as saying. "I made a dream come true and I'm not a pervert. I really do love this dolphin."

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This Teen Knows How to Return a Favor...

BUFFALO, N.Y. - A 17-year-old dishwasher at a Buffalo, N.Y., suburban restaurant saved a woman from choking -- the same woman who saved him with CPR years earlier.

More than six years ago, Kevin Stephan was serving as a batboy for his brother's baseball team and accidentally got hit in the chest by a baseball bat and collapsed. Penny Brown, an intensive-care nurse, was in the stands and came running. She said he was having a seizure and in cardiac arrest so she smacked him once on the chest, hard.

"It didn't really work, so I started CPR," she told the Buffalo (N.Y.) News.

Last month, Stephan was working at the restaurant when Brown choked on her food. The manager called Stephen, a volunteer firefighter, to assist. He did the Heimlich and saved her life.

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Elderly Man On The Fence

INVERNESS, Scotland - An elderly Scot was hospitalized this week after spending a night in 44-degree F temperatures hanging upside down from a barbed-wire fence.

The Glasgow Herald reports Willie Frazer, 83, became caught Tuesday as he tried climbing the fence near the 18th tee of Torvean golf course near Inverness after visiting his wife's grave.

Frazer, a former quarry worker, was hospitalized in critical but stable condition, suffering from hypothermia. He was taken to Raigmore Hospital in Inverness.

Fraser said he often took the shortcut after visiting the cemetery. Because the fence was in a dip, he could not be seen from a nearby highway, nor could nearby golfers figure out from where cries for help were coming.

He was rescued Wednesday morning.

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Nothing Says Love Like A Llama

LONDON - Lonely hearts seeking something romantic for Valentine's Day may be in luck. Featuring the slogan "get calmer with a llama," a charity is offering country strolls for singles where they lead a llama together around the Lake District in northwestern England.

"Chatting over a llama is certainly a novel way to meet people in a relaxed environment, and participants can enjoy a romantic picnic afterwards - carried by the ever obliging llamas in their backpacks," said owner Mary Walker.

Walker assures folks that despite their bad reputation, llamas do not typically spit at or bite people but are in fact friendly and docile.

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I was flying between Maui and Oahu.  It's only a 30 minute flight and so, to save money, I flew with a small airline in a little, twin-engine plane. About eight minutes into the flight the pilot announced that we were going to have to turn back due to some engine trouble.

The nervous passenger I was seated next to turned to me and said, "Oh my God!  If we loose an engine, how far do you think the other one will take us?"

I told him, "One engine?  Oh, I'm sure it'll take us all the way to the scene of the crash.  Hell, we'll probably make good time too.  I bet we beat the paramedics there by at least a half hour!"

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DDL

The Duchess once asked with a wink,
"Pray tell me, sir, Why do farts stink?"
I quickly replied
With a smile very wide,
"For the benefit of the deaf, I think!"

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"I have particularly vivid memories of Iowa summers because my father was the last person in the Midwest to buy an air conditioner. He thought they were unnatural. He thought anything that cost more than $30 was unnatural."
--Bill Bryson from "I'm a Stranger Here Myself"

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"At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench press. What did he mean? "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program."
--Dave Barry

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"I worry about my health because I grew up on the tail end of the baby boom generation, and we were just pumped full of chemicals. Every time they came up with a new one, it was like, 'Put it on cereal, keep it crunchy. Hey, put out the light, my teeth are glowing!' Now my whole generation is eating tree bark to clean ourselves out."
--Jack Coen

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"I've gone into hundreds of fortune-teller's parlors, and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her."
--New York City detective

***

In 1850 California became a state. Back then, the state had no electricity, no money, there were gun fights in the middle of the streets, and almost everyone spoke Spanish. So it was just like California today. Only back then the women had real tits.

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Rotten News....  (true)

February 16, 2006 

Penalty in Taiwan: Pay fine or play mahjong

TAIPEI, Taiwan (AP) - Drunk drivers in Taiwan can now choose their penalty: Pay a fine or play mahjong with the elderly.

Petty criminals in Taiwan are increasingly being handed a variety of civil duties rather than serving time in prison or cleaning the streets, said Hsu Yi-ling, an official at the Taoyuan Prosecutors Office in northern Taiwan.

Playing the popular Chinese tile game of mahjong with token money has taught offenders to love and care for the elderly, Hsu said.

"The offenders first dismissed the duty as wasting time, but they soon discovered they were respected and drew satisfaction from helping the elderly," Hsu said.

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'Stolen Stuff' Note On Door Tips Off Sheriff's Deputies

POSTED: 10:47 am EST February 15, 2006

KELSO, Wash. -- The note inside the house made it clear to Cowlitz County sheriff's deputies that they had the right place: "Do not open door & let anyone in! Stolen Stuff visable."

Within a day, investigators confirmed that antiques, furniture, jewelry, credit cards and at least 19 guns found in the home of Gerald Levertt Mack had been stolen from at least 12 people, deputy Charles J. Rosenzweig said.

"Nothing like helping us figure out what's going on," Rosenzweig said.

Mack was jailed for investigation of first-degree burglary and residential burglary. Bail was set at $30,000.

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Man May Get Second Chance With Rat Gift

Wed Feb 15, 5:08 PM ET

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A misbehaving man may get a second chance at romance after showing his ex-girlfriend that he knows he was a rat.

The man sent his ex a plastic toy rodent with a real red rose in its mouth on Valentine's Day, the Dominion Post reported Wednesday. A courier delivered the rodent-and-rose bouquet in a plain white box without a note, a florist said.

The man, who did not want to be named, had acknowledged "being a naughty boy" during his relationship with the woman and wanted to surprise her, said Jacque Holbrook, the owner of Juliette Florist.

The woman laughed when she opened the box and realized who sent it, Holbrook said.

"She said it tickled her fancy so much that she might give him a second chance," she was quoted as saying. "It could have backfired ... but she liked it."

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Hindus offended by radio show 

February 16, 2006

By Irene Kuppan

A Lotus FM presenter has been suspended after the radio station's listeners were outraged by "absolute blasphemy" in regard to the Hindu religion during one of the Durban-based station's religious programmes.

Irate listeners called local newspapers to complain about an interview during a programme called Gospel Hour, which is aired at 6pm on Sundays. Ashie Brambha, a listener, said that during the programme a man who had converted from Hinduism to Christianity explained why he had done so.

"This man said he had converted because he had found no joy in Hinduism. He told of how he would go to the temple, light the lamp, spend a lot of time there and leave the temple to go and drink alcohol and abuse drugs. He said that the Hindu religion condoned that sort of behaviour," she said. I feel that what he said is very slanderous.

The religious row comes close on the heels of world furore over the publication on cartoons of the prophet Mohammed.

The station's manager, Shanil Singh, said: "The comments made during this interview were in poor taste … Lotus FM does not subscribe to these views and/or any attempts by any organisation to attack or ridicule other religions or religious beliefs. In this instance the said material was not reviewed prior to broadcast. The material arrived at the station 10 minutes into the show."