Subject: Daily Dose - 060403 - dietician, BIZARRE NEWS, Hollywood director,
DDL, Rotten News
Rosy, posing thoughtfully in the
mirror, says to Nina, "I think I'm going to see a dietician."
Nina asked, "Why?"
Rosy answered, "'Cause I need
to know once and for all, how many calories are in sperm."
Nina replied, "I really have no
clue, but if you're swallowing that much of it, no guy is going to care if
you're a little chunky."
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Random Bizarre Facts
A pork chop will dissolve if left to
sit in a bowl of Coca-Cola.
A rat is able to live longer without
water than a camel.
Moths aren't really attracted to
light. They're attracted to the black spot behind it.
The dot above the letter i is called
a tittle.
A lightning bolt is up to 4 times as
hot as the sun.
Romans invented the first popsicle.
A cheetah does not roar, it purrs.
No two zebras have the same kind of
stripes.
Reindeer stay warm in the arctic
cold by eating moss.
[From netscape.com]
***
Heated Toilet Seat Theft Case Goes
Cold
SAN DIEGO -- San Diego police are
investigating a first: the theft of a $2,700 high-tech, self-warming toilet
seat.
An unidentified man told police he
was trying to market the high-end commode seat, and had placed it in a storage
shed. However, the shed was more than full, and he was unable to lock the door.
He said the manufacturer had asked him to return it, and he then discovered it
missing.
The device is heated by water, and
the temperature is thermostat controlled.
The San Diego Union-Tribune said the
seat would likely be a hot buy on the black market.
***
Naked Woman At Car Show Gets Motors
Runnin'
DETROIT - Security guards at the
North American International Auto Show busted a woman who had snuck in after
closing time to pose naked on top of the new Dodge Challenger.
Guards discovered the woman with
about a dozen gawkers taking photographs with camera phones.
"We heard they were all over
the Challenger," said Jason Vines, a spokesman for the Chrysler Group.
The incident took place around 2:30
a.m. Monday when only workers and security guards should have been inside Cobo
Center.
***
Another Reason To Lose Weight
SYDNEY, Australia - A prison inmate
found a great reason to lose weight - so he could squeeze through the walls of
his cell and escape.
Robert Cole was serving time in a
prison hospital when officials noticed he was missing earlier this week. Cole,
who had lost a dramatic amount of weight, was able to slide his 123-pound frame
through a space between the bars on a cell window and a brick wall. He had been
chipping away at the wall.
"Because he's lost a lot of
weight, he's a very narrow person, so he squeezed his way through the gap in
the brick wall," an unidentified Corrective Services spokeswoman was
quoted as saying.
***
Let's See Those Ears!
LONDON - The passport office in
Liverpool, England, rejected an application for a 12-week-old girl because only
one ear was visible in her passport photo.
Officials said both ears must be
shown in a British passport photo or it's invalid.
The parents of Bethan Thomas, Mandy
and Gwyn Thomas, had intended to take their three children on holiday to
Menorca, Spain. They called the whole thing "crazy" - but they sent
along another photo, hoping it would suffice.
A Home Office spokeswoman said:
"The guidelines state that your full head, without any head covering
unless worn for religious or medical reasons, must be shown. That includes your
ears."
______________________________
A famous Hollywood director dies and
reaches Heaven. At the proverbial gate, St. Peter meets him and explains that
God would like the director to make one more movie.
The director grimaces, "But I
retired years before I died. I'm tired of all the hassles involved in making
movies."
"Listen," St. Peter
explains, "we got Ludwig von Beethoven to write a new score for the
movie..."
"You're not listening to
me," the director protested. "I don't want to make any more
movies."
"But we've got Leonardo de
Vinci to do the set design for you," St. Peter exclaimed.
"I don't want to make any more
movies!" the director insisted.
"Just look at this
script," St. Peter said. "We got William Shakespeare to write it for
you!"
"Well," said the director,
"a score by Beethoven, set design by de Vinci, a script by
Shakespeare...How can I go wrong? I'll do it!"
"Great!" exclaimed St.
Peter. "There's only one small hitch... I've got a girlfriend who
sings..."
______________________________
DDL
They accused an old lecher of Sodom
That he fucked 'em and promptly forgot 'em.
"Though I may forget faces,"
He told the straight laces,
"I always remember a bottom."
______________________________
A Scotsman paying his first visit to
the zoo stopped by one of the cages.
"An whut animal would that
be?" he asked the keeper.
"That's a moose from
Canada," came the reply.
"A moose!" exclaimed the
Scotsman, "Hoots man - they must ha' rrrats like elephants ower
there!"
***
"A Brown University graduate
student in biology is wanted now for allegedly stealing a herpes virus from the
university lab. That's when you know you're a nerd, when you have to steal the
herpes virus instead of going out and catching it in the wild like everyone
else."
--Jay Leno
***
"Did you hear about this? A
high school kid from Florida, his parents are from Iraq, he is American born.
He is of Iraqi descent. He skipped school and snuck into Baghdad. Snuck into
Baghdad! Even Ferris Bueller is going, 'What are you nuts?'"
--Jay Leno
***
"Did you hear about the
16-year-old kid that went to Iraq? He's an American of Iraqi descent and wanted
to see what it was like over there. So he ran off, spent three weeks in Iraq,
and then came home. See even he has an exit strategy."
--Dave Letterman
***
"Donald Trump is considering a
run for president in 2008. He will find a running mate, then later dump her for
a younger, hotter running mate."
--Conan O'Brien
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Wartime "sluts" caused
diplomatic waves By Gideon Long
Tue Nov 1,11:44 AM ET
LONDON (Reuters) - London's
"young sluts" wreaked such havoc among U.S. troops during World War
Two that the British government feared Anglo-American relations would suffer,
files released Tuesday showed.
Thousands of prostitutes and "good-time girls" were drawn to
Piccadilly Circus and Leicester Square in search of young American men in
uniform. They took advantage of blackouts, which plunged London into darkness
during Nazi night air attacks, to evade the police.
The government was so concerned by
the problem that it asked the Metropolitan Police to write a report on it in
1942.
The report described how prostitutes
working in upmarket Mayfair tended to be French and caused few problems while
those around Piccadilly Circus were "a lower type of prostitute, quite
indiscriminate in their choice of client."
By early 1943, with thousands of
U.S. soldiers pouring in to Britain ahead of the allied invasion of Europe, the
Foreign Office was growing increasingly worried.
"Our attention has been drawn
to the scale on which the American troops are subjected to accosting by
prostitutes and we are beginning to be apprehensive about the long-term effect
it may have on Anglo-American relations," Junior Foreign Office Minister
Richard Law wrote in a letter to the police. If American soldiers contract
venereal disease while in this country, they and their relatives in the United
States will not think kindly of us after the war."
The government organized a
conference to address the issue and mulled a ban on women in certain notorious
London streets, according to the police files, which have been secret for 50
years but have now been released by the National Archive.
One old-timer at the Home Office
recalled the streets and brothels of Paris during World War One.
"London at the moment is by
comparison a Sunday school," he wrote.
**********
Greenpeace to pay fine for damaging
Philippine reef
Tue Nov 1, 4:56 AM ET
MANILA (Reuters) - Greenpeace said
on Tuesday it will pay nearly $7,000 in damages after the environmental group's
flagship, the Rainbow Warrior II, hit a coral reef at a world heritage site in
the southern Philippines.
The accident on Monday was "very regrettable", Greenpeace said in a
joint statement with the Tubbataha National Marine Park, but it laid some of
the blame on maritime charts showing its ship was 1.5 miles (2.4 km) from the
reef.
Officials from the marine park
assessed the area of damaged reef at 96 square metres (113 square yards) and
valued it at 384,000 pesos.
"This accident could have been
avoided if the chart was accurate," Red Constantino of Greenpeace
Southeast Asia said in the statement. "We feel responsible, however, and
this amount will be transferred on Wednesday."
The visit to the reefs in the Sulu
Sea was part of a four-month tour by the Rainbow Warrior II to Australia,
China, the Philippines and Thailand to raise awareness about global warming and
promote renewable energy.
The ship suffered no serious damage
while briefly running aground, Greenpeace said.
The area of the maritime park is
designated as a world heritage site by the United Nations.
**********
City tackles titillating mannequins
Mon Oct 31,12:16 PM ET
TEHRAN (Reuters) - Police in
northeastern Iran are launching a new morality drive by confiscating alluring
mannequins from boutiques and clothes stalls in the bazaar, authorities in the
city of Bojnourd said Monday.
A spokesman for the city's
judiciary, who asked not be named, explained the drive would tackle problems of
"public chastity." He said 65 mannequins have been impounded so far.
He explained the crack-down on
tailors' dummies was part of a larger offensive against anti-social behavior
such as vandalism and biker gangs.
Bojnourd owes its traditional
religious climate to the nearby shrine city of Mashhad, a focal point of
pilgrimage for the world's Shi'ite Muslims.
**********
October 31, 2005
Britain's Foreign Office
investigates loss of satellite phone in Iraq
LONDON (AP) - Britain's Foreign
Office said Monday it was investigating the loss of a satellite phone in Iraq,
amid reports it was stolen by insurgents who ran up a $890,000 US bill.
The telephone, registered with the
British Embassy in Baghdad, was barred from use in June after the company which
leased it noticed discrepancies in the billing pattern.
The Foreign Office could not confirm
a report in The Sun newspaper that the phone was stolen by insurgents who used
it in Saudi Arabia and Yemen.
