Subject: Daily Dose - 060328 - Jewish Fly, THIS is TRUE, housekeeping, DDL, Rotten News

Jewish Fly

A man walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the end of it.  She is so beautiful he cannot take his mind off her, so he calls the bartender over and says, "Take that woman a drink on me."

The bartender says, "It won't work."

"What do you mean, it won't work?"

"That woman," says the barkeep, "is a hard-hearted bitch. You won't get nowhere with her - nobody does!"

"Okay," says the guy.  "How about this: you got any Spanish fly?"

"Spanish fly?  No," says the bartender, "I've got Jewish Fly."

"So, what the hell is Jewish fly?"

"I don't know; I've never used it.  You want to give it a try?"

"Yes," says the guy, and the next chance he gets, on his way to the men's room, he reaches behind her back and drops the stuff in the woman's drink.

Nothing happens for a long time, but then all of a sudden he feels her body close against his, and her voice is whispering hotly in his ear, and she's saying "I can't stand it anymore! ....... You excite me so much... take me shopping!"

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THIS is TRUE...

MARKED MEN: Police in Detroit, Mich., say they really like the new trend on the street: more and more bad guys have tattoos these days. Witnesses to a murder were able to identify the suspect because of the distinctive "13" on his forehead. Terrence Moore, 37, was convicted of the murder. It was fairly easy to identify another murder suspect, who allegedly killed his 17-year-old girlfriend. His throat says "Joe" and his upper back reads "Duncil". Joseph Duncil, 21, has been captured. And so has alleged bank robber Andrew Jeffrey Webster. His right forearm reads "DUMB". (Detroit Free Press)
...Which police say is "subtly low key" for a guy like Webster.

***

THRASHED: "You don't want to do this. You are on camera," the bartender at a casino in Great Falls, Mont., told the 1:00 a.m. visitor. But the man, armed with a sawed-off rifle, insisted, so she handed over a wad of cash. When he left, she called police. Officer Michael Badgley was one of the three units to respond. As Badgley approached the area, a bicyclist suddenly darted in front of his car. He hit the rider, who was killed. He also caught the robber. The bicyclist was Robert Lawrence Thrash, 39, who had just robbed the casino. The money was recovered from his body. (Great Falls Tribune)
...Anytime you gamble, you should be prepared to lose it all.

***

THE HOUSE DOESN'T ALWAYS WIN: The Harrah's Joliet Casino & Hotel sent out coupons to 11,000 of its best customers, a few of which were supposed to be worth $525 in cash. But the casino quickly figured out that a "printing error" led to all of them being worth that much, for a total of nearly $5.8 million, and it refused to honor the coupons. A disclaimer on the back of the coupons "gives us the right to change or cancel that offer," Harrah's spokesman Doug Lima said. But when the Illinois Gaming Board ordered the casino to honor the coupons, the casino changed its tune. "After further consideration we will honor all the coupons that went out," Lima announced. "Customer service is the most important part of our business." (Joliet Herald-News)
...But only when forced to admit it.

***

DISASTER WAITING TO HAPPEN: Michael Brown, the scapegoat for the slow federal response to the Katrina hurricane disaster, has announced what he will do after leaving the Federal Emergency Management Agency. He is moving back to Colorado to start a consulting business -- to help companies avoid public relations disasters. Brown made up an imaginary client to show how things could go for his new company: "The media just really beat you up. You made mistakes. I don't want to be in that situation. How do I avoid that?" (Denver Rocky Mountain News)
...Easy: hire someone else.

***

DONALD TRUMP WANTS YOU TO KNOW YOU'RE REALLY, REALLY FIRED: "Next 'Apprentice' to be Shot in Calif."
-- AP headline

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My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she would organize her time better.

Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see how he was managing, and he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards, scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had a bath."

I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do all the rest."

______________________________

DDL

A chaste female lawyer from Trinity,
For men has acquired an affinity.
She found a neat loophole,
By using her poophole,
She still can retain her virginity.

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"Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kind of like being the guy on a date."
--Caroline Rhea

***

"Some things just aren't funny. Beatings aren't funny. Mimes aren't funny. But beating a mime - why is that so hilarious?"
--Dave Attell

***

"My father would say things that made no sense at all, like, 'If I were the last person on earth, some moron would turn left in front of me.'"
-Louie Anderson

***

Q. What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

A: 1 US leader.

***

Harry and Esther are out shopping one morning when Esther says, "Darling, it's my mother's birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She said she would like something electric."

Harry replies, "How about a chair?"

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Rotten News....  (true)

Chinese Try to Build Better Bra

BAGUALING, China - The Chinese are serious about building a better bra. There's now a degree in bra studies at Hong Kong's Polytechnic University.

And China's biggest lingerie manufacturer, Top Form, has a bra lab at its factory. The company makes more than 60 million bras a year for well-known labels like Victoria's Secret, Playtex and Maidenform.

The Wall Street Journal reports Top Form has been experimenting with various types of padding to give the bust a boost. They've tried air, but like tires it was prone to flats. Oil-filled pads were too expensive and heavy.

Now, the company is trying a filling made from a thin type of fiberfill, the stuffing used ski parkas.

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Scavenger hunter asks police officer for help, gets arrested instead

November 9, 2005, 5:34 PM

FRUITPORT TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) -- A man on a scavenger hunt entered a police station hoping to get a photo of an officer eating a doughnut.

What he got instead was thrown in jail.

Fruitport Township police officers Bryan Rypstra and Jon Durell heard a knock at the station's back door Saturday evening and found a man wearing a long wig and a Kiss T-shirt and a woman in a frilly pink dress.

The pair said they were on a scavenger hunt with another woman who had gone to a nearby store to buy a doughnut.

"Part of the scavenger hunt was to get a picture of a cop eating a doughnut. They wanted to know if one of the officers would be willing to get their picture taken," police Chief Paul Smutz told The Muskegon Chronicle.

The officers planned to play along, and they chatted with the man and woman while waiting for the doughnut run. As they spoke, the man, Louis Jasick, recognized Rypstra, a high school classmate who happened to be working overtime that evening.

Durell then remembered seeing Jasick's name on a flier that had been posted in the station only a day earlier. Jasick was wanted on two felony warrants for failing to pay $5,000 in child support.

Jasick was listed as a flight risk, so the officers invited him inside and arrested him.

"He was surprised at first," Rypstra said.

Jasick, 34, a resident of the Muskegon County township, was arraigned Monday in 60th District Court and released on two $2,000 bonds, one for each count.

**********

November 10, 2005 

Japanese lingerie maker unveils eco-friendly heated bra for winter

TOKYO (AP) - Furry, heated bras may soon appear in some Japanese wardrobes as the country prepares for "Warm Biz" - a nationwide government campaign urging workers to bundle up and save energy on heating this winter.

The Warm Biz Bra, unveiled this week by Tokyo-based underwear maker Triumph International, is lined with material that the company says helps save warmth.

The bra also has removable pads that can be heated in a microwave or hot water - as well as long, furry straps that wrap around the neck like a scarf, and matching shorts.

"Warm Biz lets you add a little fun and chic to office wear, and prevents global warming," Triumph says.

In an attempt to cut energy use, Japan's government has recommended setting thermostats this winter at 19 C for government buildings and 20 C for private companies.

The government said this year's June-August "Cool Biz" campaign - which had bureaucrats and politicians sporting open-collar, short-sleeve shirts to cut down on air conditioning - saved 210 million kilowatt hours, enough to power 720,000 households for a month.

Cheetin' Sweets....