Subject: Daily Dose - 060326 - Right here at your side, THIS is TRUE, next
Survivor Show, DDL, Rotten News
A old Jewish man on his deathbed
whispered, "Sarah, Sarah, where are you, my dear wife?"
"Right here at your side, my
love."
"And my son, Moishe...where is
he?"
"Right here at your side,
papa."
"And my daughter, Mitsy...where
is she?"
"Right here at your side,
papa."
"And my son, Abraham...where is
he?"
"Right here at your side,
papa."
"What, none of you assholes is
minding the store?"
______________________________
THIS is TRUE...
DREAMING OF A GREEN CHRISTMAS: OK,
you want to celebrate Christmas. Do you get a fake plastic Christmas tree which
could leach toxic chemicals, or cut down a living, if maybe pesticide-laden,
tree only to throw it away after a couple of weeks? Environmentalist Kristi
Chester Vance of San Francisco, Calif., decided to buy a real tree to decorate
her house for her Christmas party. "I'm a forest activist, and there's a
dead tree in the middle of my house," she admitted. "Geez, if I have
a tree, why not nail the last snow leopard to the wall, too?" But, she
says, Christmas trees are farmed products, "kind of like corn." Still
unsure which way to go? Eric Antebi of the Sierra Club offers a suggestion:
"Allow me to put in a plug for Hanukkah, which celebrates the miracle of a
little bit of oil lasting eight days," he said. "You've got to love a
holiday that's all about energy efficiency." (San Francisco Chronicle)
...Rationalization is the sincerest form of snobbery.
***
DREAMING OF A LIQUID CHRISTMAS: A
gang of men dressed up as Santa Claus went on a rampage in Auckland, New
Zealand, police say. The 40-50 St. Nicks were celebrating "Santarchy"
and roamed the streets, where they allegedly threw beer bottles at cars and
people, vandalized Christmas trees, shoplifted from stores, and were generally
naughty, not nice. Their point? Contrary to press reports it was not to protest
the commercialization of Christmas, said Auckland's Santarchy organizer, Alex
Dyer. "It's not against anyone," he insisted. "We're just
dressing up as Santa and getting drunk. We just like booze." (New Zealand
Herald, NZPA)
...It's nice to know their motives are pure.
***
HO HO HOLD THIS: Police in Salem,
N.H., arrested a man dressed as Santa in a mall after allegedly dropping his
Santa pants several times. Richard Mullen, 52, was charged with disorderly
conduct after telling police he was "just having some fun with the
kids," said Salem Police Capt. Robert Larsen. Larsen noted that the charge
would have been upgraded to indecent exposure had Mullen not been wearing
another pair of pants under his Santa uniform. (Manchester Union Leader)
...So remember, kids: it's a crime to remove your pretend pants and show people
you're wearing real pants.
***
HO HO OH OH: Waiting in long lines
at the mall to get this year's must-have toy for your kid, at retail or above
prices? Forget it: the National Toy Hall of Fame at the Strong Museum in
Rochester, N.Y., has inducted one of the most cherished toys of childhood into
its collection, the plain old cardboard box. "I think every adult has had
that disillusioning experience of picking what they think is a wonderful toy
for a child, and then finding the kid playing with the box," explained
Christopher Bensch, chief curator at Strong. "It's that empty box full of
possibilities that the kids can sense and the adults don't always see."
(AP)
...Which shouldn't be considered official permission to keep the Xbox 360 for
yourself and just give the kids the box.
***
HO HO NO NO: "As I went back to
my patrol unit, Mrs. Voiers made the comment that the baby Jesus gets stolen
every year anyway," noted Eureka Springs, Ark., police officer Randall
Keele. Sure enough, the baby doll from a downtown Nativity scene was missing.
It wasn't kids that pulled the prank: this year, a surveillance camera watching
over the creche allegedly caught Virginia Voiers, 70, in the act. Voiers
indicated her granddaughter had urged her to do it, and said that she would
have brought it back anyway. Baby theft isn't the only town Christmas
tradition. Former Mayor Beau Satori says that in the past, someone was
rearranging the animals in the Nativity scene into "uncompromising positions."
(Arkansas Democrat-Gazette)
...You can sort of see why he's the former mayor.
***
SHE HAS A LIST, SHE CHECKED IT
TWICE: Lucella Bridget Gorman, 38, of Banyo, Qld., Australia, was arrested for
stealing fruit, chocolate, Barbie dolls, toys, batteries, electronics, beauty
products and earrings. After her arrest, police took her mug shot with a
digital camera; when the booking officer turned his back for a moment, she
swiped the camera, too, which was then recovered from her bag. She pleaded
guilty to several theft charges. Her motive? "I didn't have enough money
for Christmas and I thought that would be an easy way of getting things"
for her gift recipients, she told the court. (Brisbane Courier Mail)
...Another fool caught up in the "better to give than receive" trap.
***
HAPPY POLITICALLY CORRECT HOLIDAY:
There's a war raging between those who want a Merry Christmas and those who
don't want to offend anyone and wish "Happy Holidays" instead. The
rift is "related to a whole series of moral and religious issues,"
says church history professor Bill Leonard of Wake Forest University's Divinity
School. Christians have long lamented the commercialization of Christmas, and
"Happy Holidays" is the result, he says. "If they want to put
Christ back in Christmas, they should skip the mall and give that money to the
poor." (St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times)
...Yeah, but who wants to put their money where their mouth is?
***
TRUE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT: Jurors at a
criminal trial in Denver, Colo., were repulsed by the crime -- a man had
molested his 10-year-old stepdaughter -- but were even more distressed that the
trial concluded just before Christmas. Jury forewoman Jennifer Volk had noticed
how hard it was for the little girl to testify, and thought "it was
heartbreaking to think [she] wouldn't have a Christmas." So after finding
the unidentified man guilty on enough charges to send him to prison for eight
years to life, she asked the judge if she could buy gifts for the girl and her
family. He said yes. Volk raised $500 from co-workers "to provide the
family with a little holiday happiness." The detective in the case said he
has never seen anything like it. "This family was traumatized," said
Detective Ken Klaus. "And they went and did something about it."
(Denver Post)
...Think about it: it's that easy to make a huge difference for a kid who needs
it.
***
YOU CAN STOP WORRYING, VIRGINIA:
"Police Reject Killing Off Santa"
-- PA headline
______________________________
This is going to be the theme for
the next Survivor Show
6 Married men will be dropped on an
island with 1 car and 4 kids each, for 6 weeks.
Each kid plays two sports and either
takes music or dance classes.
There is no access to fast food.
Each man must take care of his 4
kids, keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science
projects, cook, do laundry, etc.
The men only have access to
television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. There is only one
TV between them and there is no remote.
The men must shave their legs and
wear makeup daily, which they must apply themselves, either while driving or
while making four lunches.
They must attend weekly PTA
meetings; clean up after their sick children at 3:00 A.M; make an Indian hut
model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to
eat a serving of peas.
The kids vote them off the island,
based on performance.
The last man wins only if he has enough
energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment's notice.
If the last man does win, he can
play the game over and over again for the next 18-25 years - eventually earning
the right to be called "Mother".
______________________________
DDL
There was a young girl from St.
Justin
Bought a new bra to uplift her bust in.
But her breasts sagged all day
And she, sad to say,
Lost her trust in the cups they were trussed in.
______________________________
"If you're not confused you're
not paying attention."
--Wall Street Week
***
Our generation never got a break.
When we were young they taught us to respect our elders. Now that we are older,
they tell us to listen to the youth of the country.
***
"A homemade bomb was found in
the bathroom of a Starbucks in San Francisco. Police defused the device, saving
over $85 million worth of coffee. 100 people were evacuated from the Starbucks.
They were taken to the Starbucks to two doors down."
--Jay Leno
***
"Angelina and Brad Pitt are
going to have a baby. Well this is nice, finally this couple is going to get
some attention."
--David Letterman
***
"A new study shows that large
doses of Vitamin E do not protect against heart attacks and cancer, and might actually
raise the risk of heart failure. The study was published in this month's
Journal of Things that Scientists Told You to Do Last Month That Turned Out to
Be Harmful This Month."
--Dennis Miller
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Cop May Lose Job for Dressing As a
Woman
By BISWAJEET BANERJI, Associated
Press Writer
Tue Nov 15, 4:10 PM ET
LUCKNOW, India - You can't call this
top cop a plainclothes policeman — not after he appeared on television in a
canary-yellow dress, sporting dark red lipstick, matching nail polish and a
nose ring.
State officials ordered a probe into
the behavior of Devendra Kumar Panda, an inspector general in the Uttar Pradesh
state police, which could cost him his job, officials said Tuesday.
Panda, 57, who believes himself to
be the reincarnation of a lady consort of the Hindu amorous god Krishna, claims
he is merely exercising his freedom of religion. But his wife, who is suing
him, says he is no woman at heart — just a womanizer.
"He is normal at home or when
he is chatting on the Internet. He behaves (this way) to get into the company
of other women, whom he calls friends," his wife, Veena, told The
Associated Press on Tuesday.
Panda's cross-dressing came to his
superiors' attention after he appeared in court on Saturday in full drag and
gave interviews to several local TV channels.
The "government has initiated a
probe into Panda's behavior," said Uttar Pradesh Home Secretary Alok
Sinha. "It is a real embarrassment for (the) police force if its senior
officer behaves in such a manner," Sinha told The Associated Press.
Sinha said if the investigation
found Panda guilty of behavior unbecoming for an officer he could lose his job.
Panda said he is only following his
faith.
He said he has been dressing as a
woman for the last 10 years since the god Krishna — described in mythology as a
flirtatious young man — appeared to him in a vision and informed him he was the
reincarnation of one of Krishna's consorts, Radha.
"I am just obeying the orders
of Lord Krishna," Panda told the AP. "He has asked me to dress up
like this. I am doing whatever he has asked me to do," Panda, who now
calls himself Doosri Radha, or Second Radha, said.
On Saturday a local court ordered
Panda to pay his wife 7,000 rupees ($155) a month in support after he ordered
her to move out of their home.
"This man has turned my life
into a hell," said Veena, claiming that his behavior has caused her to be
ostracized by family and friends. "I am left alone," she sobbed.
**********
Study: Beer Could Be Good For What
'Ales' You
UPDATED: 9:27 am EST November 15,
2005
CORVALLIS, Ore. -- Now you may have
an excuse for reaching for a beer -- as a health food.
Scientists at Oregon State
University recently reported that the hops used to brew beer contain a compound
that neutralizes free radicals -- the harmful molecules in the blood that can
contribute to cancer and other diseases. The compound is exclusive only to hops
and is not found anywhere else, the researchers said, adding that the compound
is more effective at neutralizing free radicals than similar compounds found in
red wine and green tea.
According to the researchers, craft
beers such as stouts, porters and other "hoppy" beers have much
higher levels of the exclusive free radical-fighting compound than domestic
lager and pilsner beers.
But don't reach for a six-pack
hoping for a cure to all that "ales" you: The researchers said that
more study is needed.
**********
Tuesday, November 15, 2005. 10:13am
(AEDT)
Audience complaint forces play
change
A stunned Italian actor had to stub
out the cigarette he had lit up on stage after a spectator complained, forcing
the theatre to change the script of an Arthur Miller play to make it
smoke-free.
"This had never happened to me
in more than 300 performances," the actor, Sebastiano Lo Monaco, was
quoted as saying by the website of Italian daily Corriere della Sera.
Italy has banned lighting up in all
enclosed public places since January this year.
Lo Monaco was smoking, in line with
the script, while playing the main character in Miller's A View from the Bridge
at a theatre in the north-eastern city of Mestre, when a woman from the
audience shouted "put out that cigarette".
After a 15-minute suspension, the
performance resumed with a modified script and a non-smoking protagonist.
Some friend....