Subject: Daily Dose - 060321 - career path, THIS is TRUE, mental hospital, DDL, Rotten News

An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path, so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home.

The father told the mother, "If he takes the money, he will be a businessman; if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest; but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously, peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home.

He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality, then he left for his room carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said, "Damn! It's even worse than I ever imagined..."

"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.

"He's gonna be a politician." the father replied.

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THIS is TRUE...

TYPE OH: Moon God Drinking Products Co., a skin care company in China, has offered a bounty of 1,000 yuan (US$120) for every typographical or literary error found in a day's editions of four Chinese publications in an attempt to embarrass journalists into better writing. Hao Mingjian, who came up with the idea for the bounty, said that "China's press has lost its polish in the past decade or two," which "reflects a chaotic cultural environment and shows people lack a sense of responsibility." (Reuters)
...Nice try, but journalists can't be embarrassed.

***

STOP THAT: An administrative law judge has issued an order to Harold Weingold of West Orange, N.J., to stop promising that a $15 "cosmic protector" that he's advertising will bring buyers good luck and protect them from bad people. The judge noted the protector "is actually a solar-powered calculator." Cosmic powers? No, it "has no inherent power to do anything but assist the user in performing mathematical calculations," she ruled. (AP)
...Seems to me that if people buy one, it has already not worked.

***

THIS ARREST BROUGHT TO YOU BY: The city council in Oxnard, Calif., has approved a plan to allow advertising space to be sold on city police cars. "We think the public safety vehicle could attract a lot of attention for businesses," the police chief said. Fees for ad space would help pay for the cars. A local newspaper made fun of the plan by suggesting the cars could display the slogan for Taco Bell: "Make a run for the border." (AP)
...Surely, then, WonderBra could sponsor some of the smaller busts.

***

WHO GOES THERE? An Egyptian policeman was standing guard at a checkpoint in Malawi, which is under a strict curfew. When a private car driven by a police captain in civilian clothes drove through the checkpoint without stopping, the policeman opened fire. For strictly adhering to his orders and shooting his captain, the policeman has been rewarded with the equivalent of US$29. The captain was seriously wounded. (Reuters)
...Makes you wonder: did he shoot because he didn't know who the driver was, or because he did?

***

WHAT ARE THE ODDS? "Gambling Ship May Have Sunk"
-- AP headline

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There was this guy in a mental hospital. All day long he had his ear to the wall, listening. The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day.

The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.

He turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything."

The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months."

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DDL

While a girl was away on a trip,
Her diaphragm started to slip.
Not content just to suck,
'Cause she wanted to fuck,
She glued it in with Poli-Grip.

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What's this?

"Give it here!"

"NO, IT'S MINE!"

"I said let me have it!"

"NO! IT'S MY TURN!"

"Common! Give it to me!"

"NO WAY!"

.......Siamese twins whacking off.

***

Something to ponder:

If you have athlete's foot do you wash your feet first and get athletes foot on your ass or wash your ass first and get shit on your feet?

***

"I did something so stupid this week. I feel like such an idiot. This is the last time I lend my Harley to Arnold Schwarzenegger...he didn't have a license."
--Jay Leno

***

"Some people have a way with words, and other people... not have way."
--Steve Martin

***

This week, a woman whose car was swept away in a flash flood said she survived because of something she saw on a 'Fear Factor' episode. Those reality shows really are lifesavers. It's only by watching 'Extreme Makeover' that I realized I looked stupid with bangs."
--Dennis Miller

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Rotten News....  (true)

Head bans school concert filming

Dec 17 2005

Glamorgan Gazette

Barbara Williams has banned camcorders and cameras from Christmas concerts at Blaenllynfi Infants' School in Caerau.

The father of one six-year-old boy slammed the decision as 'political correctness gone mad'. 'Once the day is over it's gone and it's a missed opportunity,' he said. 'If it was a swimming gala I could say: 'Okay, fair enough', but these are just kids who are dressed up.'

The mother of a five-year-old boy at the school said Mrs Williams was acting like Scrooge.

'I think she is taking this too far,' she said. 'It's an overreaction. 'It's nice for the kids to look back on what they have done - it's part of their growing up and it's nice for them to see themselves on television.'

The school's deputy headteacher claimed the ban was a borough-wide policy - but the local education department denied this.

Chairman of governors at Blaenllynfi, Rev Keith Andrews, said Mrs Williams had told him it was local authority policy.

'I support the policy because of child protection issues,' he said. 'If anybody gets photographs of children, they can be published anywhere.'

In July, the borough council produced a 24-page policy and practice guidelines document for schools about the 'safe use of images', including a section on the 'videotaping of school plays and performances by parents and carers'.

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Millionaire Loses Everything Because She Won't Mow Lawn

POSTED: 10:01 am EST December 17, 2005

TEQUESTA, Fla. -- Hattie Siegel sits barefoot on her front porch and tells visitors her life story.

Yet there is one chapter of her life that she still cannot explain. That would be Chapter Seven, the one that says she is bankrupt.

The 83-year-old Kentucky native amassed about $1.8 million in fines, all because she would not keep a manicured yard at her Tequesta home.

She is losing much of the property she owns to pay the court-ordered fines.

The West Palm Beach attorney representing Siegel at the governor's request is now planning to challenge the court's decision. He argues that the findings of code violations were not reasonable and the village had no right to sell her lien to a private company.

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Want To Lose Weight? Try Sex Diet

Woman Claims 'Ultimate Sex Diet' Helps Curb Food Cravings

UPDATED: 10:03 am EST November 18, 2005

BALTIMORE -- A new diet claims to whet your appetite for a healthier lifestyle through exercise -- and boosting your love life, reported WBAL-TV in Baltimore.

Kerry McCloskey recently appeared on the "Oprah Winfrey Show" to talk about diet and exercise.

"My husband and I revved up our passion, and I lost 23 pounds in six months," she said.

McCloskey even wrote a book about it -- "The Ultimate Sex Diet" -- in which she said she simply substitutes her sweetie for food cravings. She said her husband also lost weight -- 15 pounds.

"When I'm on the way home from work, I am bored, and that's when I'm prone to want to pick up something fatty to eat on the way," McCloskey said. "When I get home from work, that's when we like to get busy."

She said exercise-based foreplay is also important.

"When I start thinking about that, then I avoid the foods, I start building up my excitement for when I'm greeted by my honey," McCloskey added.

So, could this diet work for you? Jon Kaplan, a personal trainer at the Meadow Mill Athletic Club in north Baltimore, thinks so.

"As a trainer, I think sex is great exercise," he said. "It's very, very good for you. Vigorous sex is even better because you can get your heart rate up and burn some serious pounds."

"A half-hour of sex burns about 200 calories. My husband and I have sex about eight times per week. You do the math," McCloskey said.

Food also comprises a part of McCloskey's ultimate sex diet -- sensual and healthy foods like bananas and chocolate.