Subject: Daily Dose - 060307 - Grave-side committal, THIS is TRUE, Mystery Dad,
DDL, Rotten News
Grave-side committal
A young preacher was contacted by
the local funeral director to hold a grave-side committal service at a small
local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started
early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns.
He arrived a half-hour late, the
hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.
The pastor went to the open grave
and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the
service. As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say:
"Think we should tell him it's a septic tank?"
______________________________
THIS is TRUE...
IN GOD'S NAME: The Jackson, Miss.,
chapter of adoption agency Bethany Christian Services refused to allow
Catholics to adopt children. "It has been our understanding that
Catholicism does not agree with our Statement of Faith," Jackson BCS
Director Karen Stewart told a Catholic couple. Other Catholic couples reported
similar stories. The policy became a political issue when local newspapers
noted that BCS is partly funded by the anti-abortion "Choose Life"
Mississippi auto license plate. "If it's OK to accept our money" from
license plates, "it should be OK to open your home to us as a
family," complained one Catholic woman who was turned down by the agency.
After an uproar, BCS voted to change its policy. (Jackson Clarion-Ledger)
...The deal: they'll take Catholics as long as no one asks about their Mormon
policy.
***
STOMP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW:
Michael D. Allen, 18, called the sheriff in New Scotland, N.Y., to say he had
just witnessed a burglary next door to his house. A deputy found the neighbor's
front door was kicked in; a large sneaker print was clearly visible. A police
dog followed a scent trail -- right to Allen's garage. The investigating
officer asked to see Allen's shoes, and sure enough they matched the print on
the door. Allen was arrested for burglary. "He wasn't all that forthcoming
as to why he did it," the sheriff said. (Albany Times Union)
...An easy crime to solve: the footprint on the door matched the footprint in
Allen's mouth.
***
GOTCHA: After a year-long court
battle, Elizabeth Book of Daytona Beach, Fla., won a ruling that she was within
her rights to go topless in public during a political protest. She immediately
announced a demonstration. "I will be as top-free as the statues"--
statues she would pose with in her protest of "ordinances and statutes
aimed at the American woman's breasts." Daytona officials urged caution.
"She should probably save her exuberance for a time when all the appeals
have ended," said Assistant City Attorney Greg McDole. But Book dropped
top as promised -- and was immediately arrested. Not for indecent exposure, but
for disorderly conduct since her demonstration "caused a traffic jam
(approximately seven vehicles) at the intersection" and "corrupted
the public morals and outraged the sense of public decency ... in a tourist area."
(Orlando Sentinel, Daytona Beach News-Journal)
...But isn't that what the tourists were there to see?
***
GOTCHA TOO: A group of parents is
complaining that the local high school has gone way overboard by calling in
police in a case of computer tampering. In a pilot program, Kutztown (Penn.)
Area High School gave students laptop computers, each equipped with software to
limit access to the Internet. But parents say the password for the software was
"widely-known" and "distributed early in the school year"
to students. "At no time was the security of the server breached,"
said a parent spokesman, "and I don't know that [the tampering] has cost
the taxpayers any money." Still, 13 students, mostly freshmen, who opened
up the nannyware to download music and "inappropriate images" from
the Internet, have been charged with felony "computer trespass."
School Superintendent Brenda Winkler shrugs off parental criticism. "We
continue to collaborate with police," she said, noting the program to
issue laptops to students will continue since it has been "a learning
experience." (Kutztown Area Patriot)
...Maybe if the school tried "collaborating" with students and
parents instead, the kids would have a more uplifting "learning
experience."
***
"Squirrel Fires Regular
Occurrence in Canadian Border Town" -- AP headline
______________________________
Mystery Dad
A very popular girl went to her
doctor and found out that she was pregnant. The doctor says, " Sherry, I
know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby
is?" ...
Sherry thought and then asked,
"Doc, if you ate a can of 'Baked Beans', would you know exactly which bean
made you fart?"
______________________________
DDL
A Catholic female named Trent
Refrained from the sex act for Lent.
Although she kept feigning
She liked the abstaining,
She was eager to come when Lent went.
______________________________
I prefer to describe myself as a
"Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer" because it has
just the right amount of flair. Besides...."stalker" is such an ugly
word.
***
A lot of people wonder how you know
if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this one question: "Would I
mind being destroyed financially by this person?"
***
While walking through a parking lot,
I tripped and fell flat on my face. As I was lying there, a woman stopped her
car and called out, "Are you hurt?" "No, I'm fine," I said,
touched by her concern. "Oh, good," she continued. "So will you
be vacating your parking space now?
***
"It has been reported that Dick
Cheney's lesbian daughter is writing a book about her relationship with her
father. It's called 'Why I never got close to Dick.'"--Conan O'Brien
***
"Hillary Clinton fainted during
a speech. She's fine but what I don't understand is why Bill Clinton was giving
mouth-to-mouth to her assistant."
--Craig Ferguso
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
'Muslim women cannot work or go
shopping'
Thursday February 2 2006 00:00 IST
IANS
LUCKNOW: Muslim women must not work
with men or go out of their homes for shopping, the All India Muslim Personal
Law Board said on Wednesday.
"Muslim women must not only
shun working with men but also keep away from going out of their homes to do
errands like shopping, which should be left to the men in the family,"
board general secretary Maulana Syed Nizami told reporters here.
He said this after a meeting of the
Board Reform Sub-Committee. Nizami, however, said there was no objection to
Muslim women taking part in beauty contests or modelling.
India has the second highest number
of Muslims in the world at 140 million.
**********
Kenya offended at dog food aid offer
Wed Feb 1, 11:13 AM ET
NAIROBI (Reuters) - Kenya dismissed
as "culturally insulting" Tuesday an offer of powdered dog food to
feed starving children reportedly made by the founder of a canine biscuit
company in New Zealand.
"Kenyan kids are not so
desperate as to eat dog food," Kenya government spokesman Alfred Mutua
told Reuters in response to a front-page story in the east African country's
leading daily.
Kenya's Daily Nation newspaper said
Christine Drummond of the Mighty Mix company in New Zealand had offered to send
dog food powder to hungry children in western Kenya. The information appeared
to be coming from a New Zealand newspaper, which said Drummond had been moved
to make a donation of 6,000 emergency packs of dog food mixture after the
daughter of a friend visited the drought-hit country.
When mixed with water, the powder
would provide sustainable meals, said an article posted on the web site of The
Press newspaper, helping to ease a growing problem of food shortages.
"I made it out of ingredients
they (children) are used to eating, so the main bulk product is corn,"
Drummond was quoted as saying.
Another representative of Mighty Mix
said the food would be distributed through a charity in Kenya, as a
"nutritional supplement" rather then dog food, the article said.
But government spokesman Mutua said
it was unacceptable.
"The offer was very naive and
culturally insulting given the meaning of dogs in our culture," he said.
"We understand where she was coming from, and we appreciate, but it is
culturally unacceptable."
Being called a dog is one of the
worst insults in Africa where people generally do not keep dogs as pets.
The government says four million
people are facing hunger in Kenya due to severe drought. Aid agencies say
dozens of people and thousands of livestock have died in recent months.
**********
Lawmakers Prefer Drunks on Horses,
Bikes
By JOE KAFKA, Associated Press
Writer
Wed Feb 1, 5:55 PM ET
PIERRE, South Dakota - South Dakota
lawmakers decided Wednesday that it's better to have drunks on horses and
bicycles instead of behind the wheel of an auto or truck.
The state Senate Judiciary Committee
approved a bill 6-1 that will exempt horses and bikes from drunken driving
laws, meaning intoxicated people who either pedal or saddle up to get home
after a night at the bar cannot be arrested for drunken driving.
Sen. Lee Schoenbeck said it will
make the roads safer for other motorists.
"If I have to choose ... a
problem drunk with 1,500 pound or 2,000 pounds of metal coming at 50 miles an
hour or a two-wheel Schwinn, I'm going to win and my family is going to
win," he said. "I'd much rather have a drunk on the bike."
Prosecutors opposed the bill. Chuck
Schroyer, lobbyist for the State's Attorneys Association, said there have been
arrests in several counties for riding horses while intoxicated.
In one instance, a drunken rider
passed out and his horse was struck by a car, injuring several people, Schroyer
said.
Legislators, however, said
prosecutors still can charge drunken riders on horses and bicycles. Rather than
drunken driving, they can be charged with disorderly conduct, it was suggested.
red neck weding cake