Subject: Daily Dose - 060305 - born without a penis, BIZARRE NEWS, What
does love mean, DDL, Rotten News
The country doctor was just
returning from a delivery at an outlying cattle ranch, when he crossed paths
with the town's gossip.
"Doctor Wilson, how is the
Smith baby?"
"Well, the child was born
without a penis."
"Oh my goodness!" said the
gossip, and with a smile on her face, she turned to head into town to spread
the news.
Before she could take off to spread
the news, the doctor quickly grabbed her arm, bent his head over and whispered
in her ear, "But she'll have a damn nice place to put one in 20
years!"
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Christmas Traditions
In Italy they have no Christmas
trees. Instead they decorate small wooden pyramids with fruit.
Ukranians decorate their trees with
an artificial spider and matching web. A spider web found on Christmas morning
is believed to bring good luck.
The citizens of Caracas, Venezuela
block off the streets on Christmas eve so that people can roller-skate to God's
house.
It is a British Christmas tradition
that a wish made while mixing the Christmas pudding will come true only if the
ingredients are stirred in a clockwise direction.
A traditional Christmas dinner in
early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard.
Sending red Christmas cards to
anyone in Japan constitutes bad etiquette, since funeral notices there are
customarily printed in red.
In Norway on Christmas Eve, all the
brooms in the house are hidden because long ago it was believed that witches
and mischievous spirits came out on Christmas Eve and would steal their brooms
for riding.
***
Couple Drops 'Jesus Juice' Trademark
Bid
LOS ANGELES - A Los Angeles couple
has withdrawn their bid to trademark "Jesus Juice" wine.
CBS News producer Bruce Rheins and
Dawn Westlake filed papers with the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office last week
abandoning the project without explanation, The Smoking Gun reports on its Web
site.
They filed the trademark application
for "Jesus Juice" and its label with a Michael Jackson look-a-like in
a crucifixion pose in 2004 soon after the singer was arrested on child
molestation charges. Jackson's young accuser had claimed the singer gave him
alcohol and called it "Jesus Juice."
The label was widely denounced as
blasphemous and Jackson's reps had threatened possible legal action. Rheins
directed CBS News' coverage of Jackson's trial that ended in June with his
acquittal.
***
Grandma Turns Detective For Purse
Snatcher
ANCHORAGE, Alaska - An Alaska
grandmother has turned detective as she hunts two men who stole her purse.
Fifty-five-year-old Rosie Szymanski
was unloading her shopping bags in the parking lot of an Anchorage Costco
Monday afternoon when someone shoved her, stole her purse and ran to a waiting
car. The Anchorage Daily News reports Szymanski took off after him and
identified the thief and the getaway driver as white males in their early 20s.
She said they drove a maroon Jeep.
"They are lucky I didn't have
my .45 automatic," she said. "I would have blasted them."
So far Szymanski has tracked the
suspects to a number of shops, restaurants and gas stations where the pair used
her credit cards before she could cancel them.
***
U.K. Mailman Busted In $35M Check
Scam
LONDON - An asylum-seeking British
postal worker has been convicted of masterminding a $35 million checkbook theft
and fraud operation in London.
Prosecutors said Dido
Mayue-Belezika, who was born in the Democratic Republic of Congo, intercepted
and stole every checkbook he came across at a sorting office in a scam
involving more than 220 accomplices around the country over a three-year
period, The Times of London reported.
Officially, he earned $430 a week
and concealed his lifestyle of luxury cars, designer clothes and lavish foreign
holidays by wearing modest clothes at work and driving a secondhand Fiat. But,
his bank account always had a $70,000 balance and he carried a wallet stuffed
with large bills.
Police staged a series of raids
across the country in April and took 36 people into custody.
***
Man Accused Of Stealing Shoes For
Sex
NORTON SHORES, Mich. - A Michigan
man was arrested for shoe theft after he allegedly trespassed at a school and
athletic shoes were found in his car that were way too big for him.
Police in Norton Shores believe that
Roger Weil wanted the shoes for "sexual gratification," the Muskegon
Chronicle reported.
Jose Gutierrez, a security guard at
Mona Shores High School, found Weil in a hallway this week. Gutierrez thought
he looked like a man caught by a security camera in November on the day a pair
of shoes and $20 disappeared from the school. Gutierrez called police and with
the responding officer escorted Weil to his car, where they found a pair of
size 14 shoes.
Weil has a long history of arrests
and convictions for larceny, including previous thefts of shoes from schools.
______________________________
These are truisms that only kids can
express. A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to
8 year-olds "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader
and deeper than anyone could have imagined.
"When my grandmother got
arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my
grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis
too. That's love."
- Rebecca - age 8
"When someone loves you, the
way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their
mouth."
- Billy - age 4
"Love is when a girl puts on
perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each
other."
- Karl - age 5
"Love is when you go out to eat
and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of
theirs."
-Chrissy - age 6
"Love is what makes you smile
when you're tired."
-Terri - age 4
"Love is when my mommy makes
coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure
the taste is OK."
- Danny - age 7
"Love is when you kiss all the
time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you
talk more. My mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they
kiss."
-Emily - age 8
"Love is what's in the room
with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
- Bobby - age 5
"If you want to learn to love
better, you should start with a friend who you hate."
- Nikka - age 6
"There are two kinds of love. Our
love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them."
- Jenny - age 4
"Love is when you tell a guy
you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
-Noelle - age 7
"Love is like a little old
woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each
other so well."
-Tommy - age 6
"During my piano recital, I was
on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy
waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared
anymore."
- Cindy - age 8
"My mommy loves me more than
anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
- Clare - Age 5
"Love is when mommy gives daddy
the best piece of chicken."
-Elaine - age 5
"Love is when mommy sees daddy
smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
- Chris - age 8
"Love is when your puppy licks
your face even after you left him alone all day."
- Mary Ann - age 4
"I know my older sister loves
me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new
ones."
- Lauren - age 4
"I let my big sister pick on me
because my Mom says she only picks on me because she loves me. So I pick on my
baby sister because I love her."
- Bethany - age 4
"When you love somebody, your
eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
- Karen - age 7
"Love is when mommy sees daddy
on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
- Mark - age 6
"You really shouldn't say 'I
love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot.
People forget."
-Jessica - age 8
______________________________
DDL
Two lesbians north of the town
Made sixty-nine love on the ground.
Their unbridled lust
Leaked out in the dust
And made so much mud that they drowned.
______________________________
"The Ford Motor Company is
having some troubles. They say they will now be offering personal computers in
some cars and trucks in hopes to increase sales. This will also allow Ford
employees to look for jobs on their way to work."
--Conan O'Brien
***
"Al Gore is writing his second
book on global warming. It's called, 'The Earth is Warming, My Career is
Cooling.'"
--Jay Leno
***
"It was gone, maybe you didn't
even know it was gone, but now it's back, I'm talking about the Miss America
pageant. Everybody has Miss America fever. In fact, earlier today, President
Bush promised to rebuild Miss Louisiana."
--David Letterman
***
"New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin
said that New Orleans, when rebuilt, will be a chocolate city. And he will be
the delicious nut in the center."
--Amy Poehler
***
"Today President Bush visited
the super secret NSA headquarters. Awkward moment, Bush asked to see the cone
of silence."
--Jay Leno
***
"Al Gore announced he is
finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. Yeah, the
first chapter talks about how you shouldn't chop down trees to make a book that
no one will read."
--Conan O'Brien
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Whale soul for sale -- one tragic
owner
Fri Feb 3, 2:20 PM ET
LONDON (Reuters) - It used to be a
practice confined to pacts with the devil, but now an anonymous vendor in
America is offering to sell the soul of the London whale.
The Northern Bottlenosed Whale died two weeks ago after swimming up the River
Thames into central London.
"I was accompanying the poor
whale in his last journey, and he handed his soul to me. He asked me to sell
it, so I could invest the money raised in other bottlenosed whales," said
the seller from Minneapolis, giving the whale the wrong gender.
It is not the first item of
whale-related memorabilia to go up for sale on Internet auction site eBay.
The watering can used to keep the
female whale wet as rescuers vainly tried to ship her back out to sea on
January 21 was sold Wednesday for 2,050 pounds ($3,642), and someone is even
trying to sell water from the river on the grounds the whale swam through it.
The soul seller describes the proud
possession as "100 percent soul" and promises to ship it anywhere in
the world.
"This soul will only increase
in value in the future," wrote the vendor.
Illustrated with a picture
purporting to be of a whale's brain, the only bid registered to date is for just
$1.
No one from e-bay was immediately
available to comment.
**********
Woman's Arm Severed In Car Accident
A Letcher County woman suffered a
horrible injury early Thursday when her arm was severed in a car crash on the
Mountain Parkway in Clark County.
Jacqueline Dotson and her
six-year-old daughter had to be cut out of their vehicle after the accident in
which Dotson veered into the median and over-corrected, rolling her truck over
the guardrail and landing upside down after flipping several times.
Several people stopped to help, and
it turns out, the good samaritans may very well have saved Dotson's life.
Sheila Vice, a nurse's aide, and an off-duty EMT from another county stopped to
help, and put a tourniquet on Dotson's arm to stop the bleeding.
Both were wearing seat belts, and
her arm was found near the accident still clutching a cell phone.
**********
February 3, 2006
U.S. captain's message sent to sea
is answered with anti-littering complaint
NAPEAGUE, N.Y. (AP) - A boat captain
who sent a message out to sea in a bottle says he received a reply from
Britain, accusing him of littering.
"I kind of felt like no good
deed goes unpunished," Harvey Bennett, 55, told the East Hampton Star. The
plastic bottle was one of five that Bennett placed in the ocean off New York's
Long Island in August. Last week, he excitedly opened a letter mailed from
England, and was stunned by the reply:
"I recently found your bottle
while taking a scenic walk on the beach by Poole Harbour. While you may
consider this some profound experiment on the path and speed" of
"oceanic currents, I have another name for it, litter."
"You Americans don't seem to be
happy unless you are mucking about somewhere," says the letter, signed by
Henry Biggelsworth of Bournemouth, in Dorset County.
WHY YOU SHOULD HIDE THINGS FROM YOUR
DOG