Subject: Daily Dose - 060228 - Did You, BIZARRE NEWS, King Arthur and the Witch, DDL, Rotten News

Did You?

A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about 10 Minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering & swearing very softly. The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is.

"Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal and put a gun to my head".

"Ouch! What happened?"

"He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!"

"Yeah, then what?"

"Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you???"

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Coincidences

A distraught architect threw himself in front of a train in the London Underground in a suicide attempt. Luckily, the train stopped inches from his body; in fact, it had to be jacked off its tracks to allow his removal. When questioned, however, the driver informed officials he hadn't stopped the train. An investigation revealed that one of the passengers, unaware of the suicide attempt, had independently pulled the emergency brake. London Transport officials considered prosecuting the passenger for illegal use of the emergency brake but ultimately decided against it.

George D. Bryson, a businessman from Connecticut, decided to change his travel plans and stop in Louisville, Kentucky, a place he'd never visited before. He went to a local hotel and made preparations to check into Room 307. Before he could do so, a hotel employee handed him a letter addressed to his exact name. It turned out the previous occupant of Room 307 was another George D. Bryson.

One three separate occasions - in the years 1664, 1785, and 1860 - there was a shipwreck in which only one person survived the accident. Each time that one person was named Hugh Williams.

In 1983, a woman told British Rail authorities about a disturbing vision she had of a fatal train crash involving an engine with the numbers 47 216. Two years later, a train had a fatal accident, similar to the one the woman had described. The engine number, however, was 47 299. Later, someone noticed that the number had previously been changed by nervous British Rail officials. The original number: 47 216.

Several secret code words were devised by Allied military commanders during their preparations to invade Normandy in World War II. Among them: "Utah," "Neptune," "Mulberry," "Omaha," and "Overlord." Before the invasion could begin, however, all of these words appeared in a crossword puzzle in the London Daily Telegraph. After interrogating the puzzle's author, an English school teacher, authorities became convinced that it was sheer, inexplicable coincidence.

[From Uncle John's 4-Ply Bathroom Reader]

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Officers Stunned By Fellow Cop's Act

DETROIT - A now-unemployed Detroit-area police officer has been charged with assault and battery for allegedly discharging a Taser weapon at his patrol partner. Ronald Dupuis was charged with a misdemeanor by Wayne County prosecutors Wednesday relating to an incident in a police cruiser Nov. 3, the Detroit Free Press reported.

A police report said Dupuis, 32, and partner Prema Graham began arguing after Dupuis demanded she stop the patrol car at a convenience store so he could purchase a soft drink. Graham wanted to get back to the police station and drove past the store, triggering an argument.

Prosecutors said Dupuis then discharged his Taser, an electric stun gun, at Graham's leg. She was not seriously injured.

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Woman Pays The Price For Walking Dog

LONG BEACH, Calif. - A woman has put a price on her pet's love - $50 a day. That's how much she is fined every time she takes her mixed-breed cocker spaniel, Ginger, out through the lobby of her condominium building and back inside. So far she has racked up a tab of $1,600.

According to the building association, McMahan is breaking the rules by walking her pooch through the lobby rather than carrying her.

McMahan, 61, says she is partially disabled from a back injury and cannot lift the 20-pound Ginger. Although McMahan is angry about the fine, property manager David Dickter said the rule was in place before she moved into the building.

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Man's Affection For Paris Hilton On Display

CRANSTON, R.I. - Most people decorate their lawns for the holidays with a plastic snowman or an inflatable Santa Claus. Joe Moretti adorned his yard with Paris Hilton.

His display includes blown-up images of Hilton decorated with pink lights. One image features Paris sporting a tiny pink top leaving little to the imagination; another has her in knee-high boots and a sultry pout. The display also includes Hilton's faithful friend, her Chihuahua, Tinkerbell, who has its own colorful portrait.

There's even a list entitled "How to Be a Hilton," with such brilliant tips as "An entrance is everything," and "NEVER wake before 10 a.m."

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Camera Wasn't The Only Thing Flashing...

LONDON - A train engineer in England has been fired for taking a photograph of himself naked while working and sending it to a colleague over his cell phone.

The unidentified man was running a train at 125 mph between London and Sheffield when the picture was taken, Sky News said.

"The driver has now been dismissed," said a Midland Main Line spokeswoman. "Safety is, and always will be, our main priority."

Meanwhile, The Sun reported it wasn't an isolated incident. The newspaper said a number of drivers have reportedly taken up the hobby of stripping down before passing other trains, and encouraging fellow engineers to look at them as they speed past one another.

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King Arthur and the Witch:

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long  as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?.... What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered.... is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day.... or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT.... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now.... what is the moral to this story?

Scroll down

The moral is.....

If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly

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DDL

The Oscars - the talk of the town;
Each star in tuxedo or gown.
But something went wrong,
And the show took as long
As Titanic took in going down.

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"Today in Mexico it was the day of the dead. It's the holiday where people from Mexico celebrate all the departed souls that are now living in Los Angeles!"
--Jay Leno

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"How many folks been to McDonalds lately? They're trying to improve their image. They now have big screen TV's and leather coaches. I'm thinking wouldn't that money have been better spent on actual beef?"
--Dave Letterman

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"Dick Cheney's right-hand man Scooter Libby has been indicted. By the way, his real name is not Scooter. It's I. Lewis Libby, which will come in handy when he has to say "I Lewis Libby swear to tell the truth, the whole truth.'"
--Bill Maher

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"I like everything about fall. For example, I like Oktoberfest. On my way to work my cab driver had pretzels in his turban."
--Dave Letterman

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"CNN is reporting that Bill Gates, the richest man in the world has received a raise from Microsoft. Gates says that he is happy about the raise and now he can finally buy that Canada he's had his eye on."
--Conan O'Brien

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"President Bush has declared a War on Pornography. Boy, I can't wait for those playing cards to come out. Hey, I got the Queen of Spades!"
--Jay Leno

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Rotten News....  (true)

Throw another Skippy or Wallagang on the barbie?

Sun Nov 20, 7:23 PM ET

CANBERRA (Reuters) - How do you like your kangaroo -- medium rare? Doesn't sound too appealing, does it?

So in a bid to make Australia's national icon more palatable, Food Companion International magazine and the Kangaroo Industry Association of Australia are running a competition to find a more palatable culinary name for the meat of the hopping marsupials.

More than 300 entries have already been received from around the world including marsu (taken from marsupial), marla and wallagang (derived from the Aboriginal language), agaroo and the more unlikely Cyril, Skippy, yummy and roadkill.

"We need to come up with a catchier name for kangaroo meat. The current name inhibits some chefs from using the product because they know people will be put off ordering it," Mel Nathan, editor of Food Companion, told Reuters on Monday.

"Overseas visitors tend to think that the koala and kangaroo are cute and cuddly animals there is no way they would ever dream of eating the product."

Australia's kangaroo population is conservatively estimated at more than 57 million. The Kangaroo Industry Association said around 15 to 20 percent of the population is harvested annually with the industry worth about A$200 million (85 million pounds).

Suggestions for a culinary name for kangaroo can be made at www.foodcompanion.com.

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November 21, 2005 

French tourist admits she tried to open airliner door to smoke while drunk

BRISBANE, Australia (AP) - A French woman who is terrified of flying admitted in an Australian court Monday that she drunkenly tried to open an airplane door mid-flight to smoke a cigarette.

Sadrine Sellies, 34, was placed on a good behaviour bond after pleading guilty in Brisbane Magistrates Court to endangering the safety of an aircraft. Sellies was travelling on a Cathay Pacific flight from Hong Kong to the east coast city of Brisbane on Saturday when the incident occurred at the start of a three-week Australian vacation with her husband, the court heard.

She walked toward one of the aircraft's emergency exits with an unlit cigarette and a lighter in her hand and began tampering with the door, prosecutors said. But a flight attendant intervened and took Sellies back to her seat.

Sellies was arrested and charged by police on arrival at Brisbane airport.

Defence lawyer Helen Shilton told the court Sellies was terrified of flying and had taken sleeping tablets with alcohol before takeoff. Shilton said Sellies has no memory of what happened on the flight and that she has a history of sleepwalking.

But Magistrate Gordon Dean sternly warned the woman: "You must understand, if you are on a plane you must behave yourself."

Sellies, who did not speak in court and was aided by a translator, was placed on a 1,000 Australian dollar ($734 US) bond - meaning she will have to pay that amount if she commits another offence in the next 12 months.

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Shoes Made Specifically For Sneaking Across Border

POSTED: 11:47 am EST November 18, 2005

SAN DIEGO -- The high-top sneakers cost $215 at a San Diego boutique, but the designer is giving them away to migrants before they cross to the United States.

These are no ordinary shoes.

A compass and flashlight dangle from one shoelace. The pocket in the tongue is for money or pain relievers. A rough map of the border region is printed on a removable insole.

They are red, white and green, the colors of the Mexican flag. On the back ankle, a drawing of Mexico's patron saint of migrants.

Their designer is 38-year-old Judi Werthein, an Argentine artist who moved to New York in 1997 -- legally, she notes.

The shoes -- named Brinco, or Spanish for "Jump" -- were introduced at inSite, an art exhibition in San Diego and Tijuana whose sponsors include nonprofit foundations and private collectors.