Subject: Daily Dose - 060227 - TV Position, THIS is TRUE, broken window,
DDL, Rotten News
Happy Liberation Day and National
Day! That's where we;ve been the last couple of days...
*******
TV Position
A woman goes to the doctor
complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the
doctor questions her, "There must be something you're doing that you
haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your
knees?"
"Well," she said a little
sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every
night."
"That's got to be it,"
said the doctor. "There are plenty of other positions and ways to have
sex, you know."
"Not if you're going to watch
TV. there ain't," she replied.
______________________________
THIS is TRUE...
NO DUMMIES: A new lingerie store in
Augusta, Maine, is using live models instead of mannequins in its storefront
windows. Area merchants generally like it. "It's like a New York thing --
urban, edgy," said the owner of a Hallmark store. But one merchant doesn't
like it one bit. The models don't show anything that can't be seen around any
swimming pool, but the display is "tainting the wholesome businesses down
here," complains Carrie Rossignol, co-owner of a video game store across
the street. "I think it's selfish, and I think it's morally
reprehensible." (Augusta Kennebec Journal)
...I guess she means it's cutting into her sales of "Grand Theft
Auto" and "50 Cent: Bulletproof".
***
REAL DUMMY: Michael James
Plentyhorse, 18, of Sioux Falls, S.D., was discovered in a high school after
school hours with his pants around his ankles, lying on the floor next to a
female mannequin. School security say they kept finding the mannequin
undressed, and now they know why. Plentyhorse was arrested and charged with indecent
exposure. "There was inappropriate activity between him and the
mannequin," offered Sioux Falls police officer Loren McManus. "That's
the only way I know how to put it." (Sioux Falls Argus Leader)
...Sadly, that was Plentyhorse's excuse too.
***
CATCH OF THE DAY: Prawn fishermen
from Dunmore East, Waterford, Ireland, pulled up their nets off the coast of
England and found plenty more than jumbo shrimp: bottles of Carolans Irish
Cream liqueur, complete with drinking glasses. C&C International, which
makes Carolans, confirmed a container-load of 8,000 presentation bottles had
fallen overboard from a freighter on its way to Spain. "None of the
fishermen who made last week's discovery could be contacted yesterday,"
the Irish Times reported. "They were back at sea fishing the same
area." (Irish Times)
...Proving that not everyone featured in 'This is True' is stupid.
***
BLA-FOO MUMBLE: Irish singer Enya,
who has sung in Gaelic and Latin, has rejected those languages for her newest
album as not quite eclectic enough. Forget English; that's "a little bit
obtrusive", she says. Thus, three tracks on her latest album are sung in
Loxian. Not familiar with that tongue? That's because she made it up: it's
"a futuristic language from a distant planet," she says. "It
seems to choose elements at random," says Terry Dolan, a professor of
English at University College Dublin.' The resulting "language" has
"no form of grammar or word order," Dolan says, which provides
"very limited comprehensibility." (London Times)
...Big deal: Bob Dylan has sung in that sort of language for years.
***
SEE HERE! "String of Light-pole
Thefts Around the City Leaves Officials in the Dark"
-- Baltimore Sun headline
______________________________
There was a knock at the door. It
was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his had found its way into
my garage, he said, and he wanted it back.
Upon opening the garage door, I
noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized
hole. "How do you suppose this ball got in here?" I asked the boy.
Taking one look at the ball, one
look at the window, and one look at me, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I
must have thrown it right through that hole!
______________________________
DDL
With a posse still hot on his trail,
He was tempted by nookie for sale;
So the Kid went to bed
With a price on his head
With a girl with a price on her tail.
______________________________
"I don't know if President Bush
really understands this bird flu. A reporter asked him if he was inoculated,
and he said 'Hey, I haven't had a drink in 20 years.'"
--Jay Leno
***
The Supreme Court ruled today that
the word "God" can be left in the Pledge of Allegiance. But they also
changed the word "flag" to "monkey".
--David Letterman
***
"As President Bush so
eloquently put it in his address to Congress: 'Mathematics are one of the
fundamentaries of educationalizing our youths.' I could not have said it better
with a 10-foot pole."
--Dave Barry
***
When dealing with the insane, the
best method is to pretend to be sane.
--Herman Hesse
***
Basketball player Chris Washburn,
commenting on his ability to drive to the basket, "Yeah, I can go to my
right and my left. That's because I'm amphibious."
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Fugitive finds police praying in
church
Tue Nov 22, 1:21 AM ET
ROME (Reuters) - A fugitive being
chased by police in southern Italy on Monday gave them the slip by running into
a church -- only to find it occupied by police officers who let him join the
service before taking him to jail.
Gilberto Antonio Carnoale, 48, had
been wanted for escaping from house arrest. Police were chasing him but he got
away and dashed into a church, where other police were attending mass. They
recognised him and arrested him, news agency Ansa said.
But before taking him to jail, they
honoured his request to attend the rest of the mass in the church in the small
southern town of Soverato.
**********
Thong Panties Show Support For GOP
Candidates
POSTED: 11:34 am EST November 21,
2005
Want something a little more
intimate than a campaign button?
How about expressing your political
views with skivvies?
Supporters of some likely GOP
presidential contenders can show the colors with their shorts. The Web site
Cafepress has thong and boxer shorts in addition to the usual ball caps and
T-shirts.
There are George Pataki thongs and
boxers, along with similar items for Sen. John McCain and former New York Mayor
Rudy Giuliani, to name a few. If your tastes are not quite so racy, you can buy
campaign T-shirts made especially for dogs.
**********
Frozen Turkey Saves Couple From
Burning Car
POSTED: 6:38 am EST November 22,
2005
MAYWOOD, Ill. -- An elderly Illinois
couple is hospitalized after being rescued from their burning car by a man who
used his Thanksgiving turkey to break the windows.
Mark Copsy said he rushed to help
John and Juliana Brani, of Northlake, Ill., when he saw their car filling with
smoke after it crashed into a curb Sunday afternoon.
Copsy couldn't open the door and
couldn't break the windows with his hands or feet, so the 20-pound frozen
turkey had to do.
Police and others who arrived helped
pull the elderly couple from the car. They're reported in critical condition.
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