Subject: Daily Dose - 060221 - skier, BIZARRE NEWS, best friend, DDL, Rotten News

An avid skier decided that he would ski all the major mountains in the world. He spent a decade at this, climbing and then skiing the world's major peaks. Finally he decided he must ski Mt. Fuji, in Japan. He bade farewell to his wife and set off for the Land of the Rising Sun.

The  fateful day came, the weather was right, and the skier climbed to the top of Fuji and skied down. So thrilled was he with his achievement that he decided to send his wife a postcard of Mt. Fuji, describing his feat. While in the shop buying the postcard, he decided, on a whim, to buy a postcard picturing a young, scantily clad geisha to send to his buddy who couldn't make the trip.

Unfortunately, he wrote the wrong messages on the cards, and sent them to the wrong recipients. On the back of the card showing Mt. Fuji, which he mistakenly sent to his buddy, he wrote: "Having fun in Japan!" And on the back of the card showing the scantily clad geisha, which he mistakenly sent to his wife, he wrote, "Here's a picture of the slope I went down on Thursday!"

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Nicknames

Johann Sebastian Bach - In his lifetime, the great composer's music was considered so boring and out of date that even his own family called him "The Old Wig."

Claudette Colbert - The Oscar-winning actress worried so much about the way she looked during filming that her cameraman dubbed her "The Fretting Frog."

Christopher Columbus - Historians call him a great explorer, but his own crew wasn't so kind. When his quest for riches led him to insect-infested tropical islands instead of gold and silver, they christened him "The Admiral of the Mosquitoes."

Wyatt Earp and Bat Masterson - The heroes of Western legends and prime-time TV shows were apparently as interested in other pursuits as they were in law and order. On various occasions they owned saloons, gambling establishments, and even a brothel or two. In their home, Dodge City, Kansas, they were known as "The Fighting Pimps."

Billy Graham - In his early days, the famous crusading evangelist was known as "The Preaching Windmill" because of "his exuberant arm flailing."

Leo Tolstoy - The author of War and Peace is considered one of the greatest novelists in history. But people who knew him as a child - even his own family and close friends - called the troubled youth "Crybaby Leo."

Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec - The famous French painter suffered through childhood accidents that gave him the appearance of a dwarf - but not in every way. When he lived in a brothel, the prostitutes, amused by the contrast in size between "his large male member" and the rest of his body, dubbed him "the Teapot."

[From The Dictionary of Historic Nicknames by Carl Sifakis.]

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Catching Thief Easy As Pie For Pizza Man

OSLO, Norway - Deliveryman Vegard Sjaastad noticed something familiar about the credit card a customer tried to use to pay for a pizza - it was his card that had been stolen the previous day.

"It was my picture on the back of the card," the 24-year-old said.

Sjaastad had his drivers license and Visa card stolen from his car on Saturday night. Sjaastad, who manages a Peppes Pizza, was training a new driver on Monday when they went to deliver the pizzeria's 'Film Package:" a pizza, soda, and a DVD. The man who answered the door clearly didn't recognize Sjaastad when he handed him his own credit card.

Sjaastad called police to give an exact location of the suspects. "I figured they could enjoy the pizza and film, as long as it lasted," he said.

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Man Takes A Stab At Attacking Pharmacist

INDIANAPOLIS - An attacker who was shot and killed on Sunday carried an unusual weapon - he injured a CVS pharmacist with a sword.

Alexander Zagoualou allegedly used the sword to attack CVS pharmacist Josh Bennett outside the drug store, cutting Bennett's hand and face.

A short time later, Zagoualou was confronted by a sheriff's deputy at an apartment complex. He was ordered to drop the 4-foot-long sword and was shot when he tried to swing the sword at the officer.

Zagoualou was taken to Methodist Hospital with gunshot wounds, and was later pronounced dead there.

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Laughter Goes to the Dogs

SPOKANE, Wash. - Washington state researchers report discovering what might be the sound of dog laughter.

Nancy Hill, director of Spokane County Animal Protection, said she was skeptical when researchers first told her noise would affect other dogs. "I thought: Laughing dogs? A sound that we're gonna isolate and play in the shelter? I was a real skeptic ...until we played the recording here at the shelter." Hillsaid when the scientists played the sound of a dog panting over the loudspeaker, the shelter's resident dogs just continued barking.

But when they played what they believe is the dog version of laughing, all 15 barking dogs became quiet within about a minute.

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Block of Cheese Causes Trouble For Woman

MEMPHIS, Tenn. - It's bad enough that a woman mistook a block of cheese for cocaine and tried to hire a hit man to kill four men and steal it. It's even worse that the man she hired was actually an undercover policeman.

The 18-year-old aspiring model was in the men's house recently when she spotted the white, crumbly cheese and thought it was cocaine. The undercover officer she "hired" provided her with some non-functioning handguns, purchased ammunition for her, and went with her to the home under police surveillance.

The residents of the home allowed police to search it - where they found only the cheese. The woman has been charged with four counts of attempted murder and four more of soliciting a murder.

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A co-worker told George that George's wife was being unfaithful everyday at 1:30 in the afternoon with George's best friend. Worried and hurt, George ran home at 1:30 to see if this was true.

He came back to the office contented and relieved.

His co-worker asked him how it went.

"Look," said George. "Don't start such terrible rumors! That guy isn't my best friend...I don't even know him."

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DDL

A marvelous bird is the toucan,
Who when engaged in a screw can
Stand on his head,
Shove beak in instead.
If you think that's a cinch, see if you can.

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Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here lies only the shell--the nut has gone!"

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"You usually know who's going to win pro-wrestling--the guy with the best nickname. Here, from Philadelphia, comes the iron man, Mike 'The Hammer' Armstrong, and his opponent, all the way from Scranton...Eugene!"
--Dan Wilson

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While my third-grade class was completing a writing exercise, one of the students asked me how to spell "piranha." I told him I was unsure. To my delight, he went to the dictionary to solve his problem. That's when I overheard another pupil say to him, "Why bother to look it up? She doesn't know how to spell it anyway."

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Consult - v. t. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
--Ambrose Bierce The Devil's Dictionary

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Diplomacy - n. the patriotic act of lying for one's country.
--Ambrose Bierce The Devil's Dictionary

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Rotten News....  (true)

Not-so-frequent flyer lands in Australian jail

Tue Nov 22, 9:55 PM ET

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian man who illegally collected 17.6 million frequent flyer points with some of the world's biggest airlines, without getting onto a plane, was jailed for fraud on Wednesday, local media reported.

Austin Perrott, 45, pleaded guilty in the Victorian County Court in Melbourne to nine counts of obtaining financial advantage by deception and was jailed for six months, local newsagency Australian Associated Press reported.

The court was told Perrott received the points between February 1996 and October 2002, while working as a Singapore Airlines customer services supervisor in Melbourne. Perrott used a computer irregularity to collect points on 29 accounts from frequent flyer programmes at nine airlines, including Qantas, Singapore Airlines and Thai Airways.

Perrott never used his frequent flyer points to fly but redeemed 4.3 million points, which he mostly sold to family and friends for money, the court heard.

Judge Roy Punshon said the value of the points stolen was about A$400,000 (172,000 pounds) and that Perrott's motive was probably his desire to make his family's life comfortable.

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Man Seeking Taxi Hops Into Police Car

SANTA CRUZ, Calif. - A night of drinking left a man so disoriented that he hopped into a police patrol car thinking it was a taxi, police said.

The 20-year-old man was arrested on Saturday soon after he let himself into Santa Cruz County Sheriff's Deputy Esther Beckman's car while she was out of the vehicle questioning a bicyclist. The suspect's name was not available Tuesday.

Officers let the bicyclist go, but the man in search of a ride was taken to jail on suspicion of being under the influence of alcohol and cocaine.

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Police welcome drinkers to the "Lock 'Em Inn"

Tue Nov 22,11:11 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - Drunks are being offered a weekend break with a difference by police in eastern England -- "convenient accommodation with lots of bars" at the "Lock'Em Inn."

A spoof brochure is being distributed by Ipswich police in an effort to remind revelers of the effects of drinking too much during the first festive season under Britain's new open-all-hours drinking laws.

Police have produced more than 30,000 leaflets proclaiming the dubious attractions of the "Lock'em Inn," an establishment "conveniently located within easy reach of Ipswich pubs, clubs and criminal courts."

"Built in the 1960s, the atmosphere is truly unique," the leaflet says of the local police station. The accommodation is "minimalist chic with economy in mind."

A picture of a microwave meal promises: "Warm food lovingly reheated in seconds."

Minimum stays are available of between four to six hours, but the leaflet suggests "Why not make it a long weekend? Get arrested on a Saturday and stay with us until court Monday."

New licensing laws come into effect across England and Wales Thursday, which will allow pubs and bars to open for longer. Senior judges and police have warned the new rules could make the country's already serious drinking problems worse.

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