Subject: Daily Dose - 060219 - animal differences, THIS is TRUE, salty water, DDL, Rotten News

One day, a class of third graders from the city was taking a field trip to the country to visit a small farm. The kids were amazed to see all the different kinds of animals on the farm. So the farmer asks one little girl,"What's the difference between a rooster and a hen?"

"The hen lays eggs." replied the little girl.

"Very good!" said the farmer. Then the farmer asked another little girl, "What's the difference between a duck and a turkey?"

"Well," replied the little girl. "Turkeys can't swim and turkeys are what we have on Thanksgiving Day."

"Very good!" exclaimed the farmer. Then he asks little Johnny, "Do you know the difference between a bull and a cow?"

"Yes, I do" replied little Johnny from the city. "Bulls smile when you milk them."

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THIS is TRUE...

ASK NOT FOR WHOM THE BELLS TOLL -- THE BELLS TOLL FOR LI: Newspapers in China report families won't cooperate with them in their effort to run obituaries in their pages. The Beijing News had hoped to expand its once-a-week obit page featuring "interesting people" to attract more readers, but hasn't found enough material to do it, even though the page is open to anyone who died anywhere in China. The English-language Beijing Today reports it too is having trouble, and it may drop the death notices altogether. "The obituary page, a popular page in western newspapers, is all but dead in the Chinese newspaper," a spokesman said. (Kyodo)
...So, is that an obituary for Chinese obituaries?

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WHAT WAS THAT? Police won't name a driver in Kreuzlingen, Switzerland, who came to their attention, but they did describe him as "a little bit stupid." The man thought someone was trying to "annoy" him by flashing a light at him when he drove through the town during the night, police say. He turned around at the next roundabout and came back, and was flashed again. And again. And again. After four passes to see "what was going on" he apparently figured it out: it was a speed camera, and he set it off four times over the course of a few minutes for speeding in a 50 kph zone. Police confirm they will issue all four speeding citations -- plus an extra for failure to wear his seatbelt. A police spokesman said the officers found the case "maybe a little amusing." (London Telegraph)
...In other news, Swiss police were found to have cracked a smile for the first time in 40 years.

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EASY COME: Adonis Oandasan, 35, was committed to the Hawaii State Hospital after being arrested for slashing 40 car tires. Months later he escaped the mental hospital, and worried hospital officials told police he was armed with a machete, was paranoid after being off his medication for two weeks, and was "possibly violent." So where did a patient in a mental hospital with a history of cutting crimes get a machete? The hospital staff gave it to him to help with gardening on the hospital grounds. (Honolulu Advertiser)
...Well, it sure seemed like a good idea at the time.

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EASY GO: Police in Honolulu, Hawaii, report they have captured Adonis Oandasan, 35, who had escaped from the state mental hospital. He was arrested without incident, officers said. Oandasan was the ninth mental patient to escape from the facility this year. "The hospital currently houses about 170 patients," the newspaper notes, "though the number fluctuates." (Honolulu Advertiser)
...Depending on whose turn it is to escape that week.

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COULD YOU FRONT ME THE MONEY? "Woman Promises to Pay Boss for Breasts"
-- Boston Herald headline

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Two buddies are fishing, but they haven’t caught anything all day. Then, another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him "excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?"

The other fisherman replies,” If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of hungry fish."

They thank him and go on their way. 15 minutes later, one fisherman says to the other "fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty."

He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. Still salty." 30 minutes later, he asks him to check again.

"Nope, still salty." One our later they check again. "Nope. Still salty."

"This isn't good," the fisherman finally says. "We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty!"

"I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty!"

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DDL

A Turk by the name of Haroun,
Ate whiskey by means of a spoon.
To one who asked why,
This Turk made reply:
"To drink is forbidden, you loon!"

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"If I ever got divorced, on the singles scene I'd be worth about as much as an eight-track at a garage sale."
--Robert G. Lee

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"I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience." Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel less stupid."
--P. J. O'Rourke

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"I was a stewardess for a while on a helicopter. For about five or six people, tops, I'd ask, 'Would you like something to drink? You would? Then we're going to have to land.'"
--Rita Rudner

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And remember, aim low, reach your goals, avoid disappointment.

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A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

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Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel.
--Bella Abzug, US Politician

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Rotten News....  (true)

Tired of commuting, 4 Saudi teachers marry driver

Mon Nov 28, 5:09 AM ET

RIYADH (Reuters) - Four Saudi women teaching in a remote village school have married their driver so they can live closer to work, Al-Watan newspaper said on Monday.

The newspaper said the women from Al-Baha province in south-west Saudi Arabia were impressed with the man's "good morals" and decided to marry him and live together in the village where they teach -- avoiding a tiring daily commute.

They were married in a short ceremony, and have agreed to pay the driver a share of their monthly salaries, Al-Watan said. Women are not allowed to drive in Saudi Arabia, while men can marry up to four women according to Islamic law.

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S.C. Cemetery Offers Annual Holiday Deal

Sat Nov 26, 9:36 PM ET

GREENWOOD, S.C. - It's that time of year for the annual holiday special at Greenwood Memorial Gardens & Mausoleum — half price on a cemetery plot and deals on vaults and markers.

For years, the cemetery has advertised the special on U.S. 25.

"This is our way of trying to help families out during the holidays," Manager Gary Blythe said. "A lot of our customers look forward to this time of year."

Blythe said he isn't sure if anyone has actually given a spot in the cemetery or a grave marker as a Christmas gift, but business often increases once the sale starts. "Half off of a cemetery space is a good bargain," Blythe said.

Reaction to the sign advertising the sale is mixed. Some think it's a great idea, while others find it a bit odd, Blythe said.

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Nasal Spray Arouses Women's Desire To Have Sex In Minutes

UPDATED: 6:30 pm EST November 17, 2005

A new nasal spray aphrodisiac for women that works in minutes may soon hit the market, according to a Local 6 News report.

Doctors said women who used the drug PT-141 in test studies felt a tingling or throbbing followed by a strong desire to have sex immediately after spraying their noses. PT-141 is a synthetic version of a sex hormone that works on both men and women, according to a report.

"In the case of women, what we're really doing is sensitizing the vaginal tissue so when they get touched or stimulated, they would feel it a little bit more," Dr. Carl Spana said.

"It's a very simple product to use," Spana said. "Essentially, you take off the protective cap and place it at the base of your nostril and then they would just activate the device while breathing normally.

"We know that some women need something -- a pill, a nasal spray -- to get them going," Melinda Gallagher said in the report. "We're all for that. But one caveat that we have about that is they should probably look around themselves before they start taking a pill."

The sex drug is made New Jersey-based Palatin Technologies Inc.

Shares of the biotech company jumped 20 percent earlier this week after word got out about the new sex drug for women.

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