Subject: Daily Dose - 060213 - Playing Doctor, THIS is TRUE, PIG IN BATH,
DDL, Rotten News
Playing Doctor
After discovering her young daughter
playing doctor with the neighbor's boy, the angry mother grabbed the boy by the
ear and dragged him to his house and confronted his mother.
"It's only natural for young
boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age."
the neighbor said.
"Sexuality my arse!" The
mother yelled. "He took out her appendix!
______________________________
THIS is TRUE...
LORD, GIVE ME A SIGN! Timothy O'Neal
Evans, 28, seemed to think his chances weren't good in his trial for rape and
robbery in Bay Minette, Ala.: When court broke for lunch, he broke for the
door. As he dashed down the hall, the judge in another courtroom heard the
commotion and joined the chase, though "I didn't know what I was going to
have to do if I caught him," Judge Robert Wilters said. Once outside,
Evans broke into a full run, looked back to see if the judge was still in hot
pursuit, and turned back just in time to slam face-first into a parking sign.
That "staggered him pretty good," Wilters said, and allowed court
deputies to catch up and take Evans into custody. The attempted escape was not
mentioned in court, nor was the origin of the swelling on Evans's forehead. The
next day, the jury convicted him on all charges. (Mobile Register)
...Either way, he was going to get his lumps.
***
DID THE FLAG READ "BANG!"?
A motorist in Pocatello, Idaho, called police to say a man had pointed a gun at
him. The gun, the caller said, had a small flag sticking out of the barrel.
Police confronted Richard C. Simmons, 30, and demanded he drop the gun; he did,
and then dropped his pants. He was charged with aggravated battery and driving
under the influence, but his attorney negotiated a plea bargain that spared him
any jail time if he pleaded guilty to inattentive driving, indecent exposure
and aiming a firearm at others. Defense attorney Keith Zollinger explained his
client's actions by noting, "He had a mental incident." (Idaho State
Journal)
...In that case it's perfectly reasonable to allow him back onto the street.
***
WHO DO YOU TRUST? Jeanine Pirro, the
district attorney for Westchester County, N.Y., is gearing up to challenge
Hillary Clinton for her Senate seat. To help raise funds, she sent a letter
soliciting donations. "I cannot win without your support," she wrote.
"I need people like you who I can trust. I need to know if I can count on
you to stand by my side in my campaign against Hillary Rodham Clinton."
The letter came to light when one of its recipients -- Hillary Rodham Clinton
-- sent copies to the press. It was addressed to Clinton in care of the White
House, and was forwarded to her Senate office. (AP)
...Well, the joke's on Hillary: It came postage due!
***
VERY LONG DISTANCE: Funeral
directors in Ireland report that more and more families are throwing a mobile
phone into the coffin with the deceased. They're more than just mementos, too.
"There is a fear that some people have that they will be buried
alive," says Dublin mortician Peter Flanagan. "They have contact with
the outside world if they have a mobile phone with them." But, he says, he
suggests to families they either turn the phone off, or at least turn it to
vibrate. "Obviously," he says, "you don't want a phone ringing
inside a coffin during a funeral." (AFP)
...Ringing from a coffin wouldn't be so bad -- not compared to hearing
"Hello?"
***
REMEMBER, YOU HAVE THE POWER TO SAVE
A LIFE: "No Sex Could Kill You"
-- Sydney Australian headline
______________________________
Walking home one night, this guy
hears a, "Psst! Psst!-give me a hand with this pig would you?"
Looking into the shadows the guy
sees his neighbor holding onto a restless and aggitated pig. "What the
heck are you planning to do with that?" he asks.
"I'm carrying it indoors and
putting in the bath tub."
"Why do you wanna do a crazy
thing like that?"
"Well, you see, it's my wife.
She is one of those women who knows EVERYTHING! I tell her that the price of
petrol has shot up again...she says I know! I tell her there is more trouble in
the East again ... she says I know! I tell her Francis down the street is
getting a divorce and she knows that, too. Well, tomorrow morning, since she
always gets up before me, I'll wait for her to come running to me screaming
'THERE'S A PIG IN THE BATH! THERE'S A PIG IN BATH!'"
And I'll just turn to her and say,
"Yeah, I know!"
______________________________
DDL
There was a young lady of Tring,
Who sat by the fire to sing.
A hot piece of charcoal
Flew right up her arsehole,
And burnt all the hair off her thing.
______________________________
"The CIA is investigating who
leaked the story that they have secret prisons in Europe. They are furious and
say if they find the person who did it, they will send them to a secret prison
Europe."
--Jay Leno
***
I realized that my five-year-old
grandson had been watching too many reality TV shows the day we attended a
relative's wedding. As the four bridesmaids walked down the aisle toward the
front of the church, he turned to me and asked, "Is this where the groom
decides which one he wants to marry?"
***
My violin teacher was instructing a
large group class. She showed them her violin and said, "This violin was
made in the early 1800s in Vienna."
Someone in the audience raised their
hand and asked, "So you got it used?"
***
Idiot, n. A member of a large and
powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and
controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of
thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the
last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions of
opinion and taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct
with a dead-line.
--Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
***
Rules are the means of a girl's
assessing which man she likes well enough to break them for.
***
"'I have done that,' says my
memory. 'I cannot have done that' - says my pride, and remains adamant. At last
- memory yields."
--Friedrich Nietzsche
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
New device promises end to hard
butter misery
LONDON (Reuters) - Ever get
frustrated with fresh-out-of the-fridge butter that is too hard to spread?
A UK-based company has launched a
portable, temperature-controlled butter dish, ButterWizard, which keeps butter
at what it says is the optimal spreadable temperature of 18.5 C.
It has a built-in fan and a chip
which together control the temperature, adjustable for different textures, be
it super-soft bread, crusty toast or delicate biscuits.
"We were trying to find out
what people's frustration with butter was. It's either too hard or too
soft," said David Alfille, managing director of East Sussex-based company
Alfille Innovations Limited. "ButterWizard heats or cools the butter and
you can adjust the temperature to suit yourself."
Nutritionist Fiona Hunter said:
"There are over 16 million UK households buying butter on a regular basis,
but one complaint I hear time after time is the lack of spreadability of real
butter.Butter has been part of diet for thousands of years. The important thing
is to spread butter thinly," she added.
ButterWizard is available in the UK
for 34.95 pounds.
**********
'HUGE' Condom Maker Bringing Fun To
Safe Sex
POSTED: 12:44 pm EST November 29,
2005
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. -- A new condom
will let guys make a big first impression.
The brand name is "HUGE."
The condoms aren't really any bigger than the standard variety, but they come
in a slightly larger package with the HUGE brand name in big letters.
The company's Web site urges
consumers to "dress to impress."
"HUGE condoms are designed to
provide great protection, and are packaged to give a witty, clever edge to the
product," Dexter Gabbard, founder of HUGE Brand Inc., said in a news
release. "We believe in bringing fun to safe sex. Initial sales figures
tell us that many men and women appreciate our enabling them to buy HUGE
condoms."
The HUGE prophylactics will be
available first in Florida, with a national rollout anticipated sometime next
year.
They're currently for sale on the
company's site for $2.49 for the three-pack Nightcap, $7.99 for the 12-pack
Weekender and $14.99 for the 36-pack Extended Stay.
**********
Tracing Porn's History
By Vic D
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Today, religion seems to be at odds
with pornography and sexual pleasure in general, but this was not so in ancient
cultures.
Many people think of pornography as
an abnormality in human culture, an ugly side effect of corrupt contemporary
values and a prime example of alarming moral decay in society. Right wing
constituents, particularly in American media, actively promote this conception
- because it makes the elimination of pornography seem more desirable.
This concept of pornography is
perfectly wrong and exactly the opposite of the truth. Pornography always has
been a normal, socially important component of every healthy human culture
throughout history.
Greece - the model archetype for all
Western civilization - brings us the word "pornography"
(pornographia), which translates as a written depiction (a "graph")
of prostitution (pornai).
Modern implications of words like
"prostitution" are completely misleading, because the social role of
prostitution in the ancient world is significantly different from its role in
today's society. To understand the ethical import of pornography, we also must
understand the social status of prostitution throughout history: The ancient
prostitute was to ancient pornography what the modern "porn star" is
to modern pornography.
The prostitutes of ancient cultures
like Greece were usually entertainers and artists whose talents included sexual
expertise and liberty. In most cases, prostitutes were the only women allowed
social equality with men in terms of education and independence. Ancient
prostitutes also were mostly responsible citizens who often donated their
hard-earned wealth to civic improvement and charity. The Romans honored sex
workers in their annual festival of Floralia. The Egyptians constructed a
pyramid to honor the harlot Rhodophis.
Today, religion seems to be at odds
with pornography and sexual pleasure in general, but this was not so in ancient
cultures.
Goddess Ishtar (diety of the oldest
of all known Western civilizations, Sumeria) was considered a prostitute. The
Babylonians also revered Ishtar and imported her into their own pantheon,
calling her Har (from which we get the word harlot) and Hora (the root of the
word whore).
In Babylon and Sumeria, Ishtar's
sacred temples functioned as pornographic production houses. It was a
Babylonian social expectation that every woman in society must go to a temple
of Ishtar and perform the rite of prostitution with a stranger at least once in
her life. Far from being shameful, the Babylonians considered this taste of
being a "porn star" to be a sacred means of attaining divine union
between humans and their goddess.
Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of
love, also was the patron goddess of prostitutes. Dozens of temples were raised
in various cities to Aphrodite the Courtesan, Aphrodite of Brothels and
Aphrodite of the Streetwalkers. The goddess of love also was the goddess of
pornography because the Greeks considered all aspects of love - from the love
of God to the love of sex - to be glorious and intertwined.
Hinduism is an ancient,
sophisticated culture that survives and thrives intact to this day. The culture
of India and its offshoots - the various forms of Buddhism - have shaped the
culture of China, Japan and the entire Orient.
Tantra is a type of Hinduism that
treats sexuality as a path to spiritual enlightenment and utilizes pornographic
aids.
Hindu deities exist in male-female
pairs. Shiva-Parvati are among the most highly respected Hindu god-goddess
pairs. Paintings of Shiva and Parvati in explicit sexual poses adorn temples
and houses throughout the Hindu world. Hindus primarily worship Shiva-Parvati
as "Shiva-Lingam" - a phallic symbol penetrating a symbol of the
goddess' vagina. It is worshipped, erotically enough, by pouring milk over the
phallus.
Far from fearing, denigrating or
despising "hardcore" sexuality, Hinduism embraces it. Many Hindu
temples throughout India are literally covered with pornography. Sculptures of
sex acts that would intrigue and arouse even today's most experienced porn
lover abundantly adorn the walls of these holy, spiritual places.
Hinduism also produced humanity's
first (and probably best) guidebook to sexuality: the Kama Sutra. Hindu
scripture depicts entire planets in heaven that are essentially cosmic strip
clubs and brothels populated by indescribably beautiful prostitutes called
"Apsaras" and led by the famous demi-goddess Urvashi.
Krishna is generally counted as the
penultimate Hindu deity (the "Supreme God"). Scripture's copious
depiction of Krishna's love life (sometimes quite erotic and intimate) would
inspire any modern porn star or producer and quite probably revolutionize their
spiritual lives as well.
Scripture documents Krishna's
patronage of prostitutes ("porn stars"), who were valued as
respectable and important members of ancient Hindu society.
But a shift eventually occurred in
the Middle East, and attitudes toward pornography and sexual pleasure began to
radically diverge from those of our ancestors.
About 2,000 years ago, a man named
Paul (aka Saul) began the process of creating a religion that blended the
prevalent apocalypse cults of the day with the more established but also apocalyptic
religion of Judaism. His religion became known as Christianity.
The fundamental thing that sets
Judeo-Christian-Islamic religions apart is their belief in the final end of the
world: the apocalypse.
Most non-Christian religions believe
that all destruction, from personal death to the destruction of the entire
universe, is followed by a new creation in an unending cycle. Judeo-Christian
religions, however, ardently and passionately believe that the world is coming
to a final absolute end, and it is coming very soon.
Belief in an apocalypse directly and
profoundly affected the Middle East's attitude toward pornography and
sexuality. Since at any moment, the world was on the verge of being vaporized,
Middle Easterners thought it morally wrong to pursue pleasure and decided that
those who delight in the pleasures of this world will be vaporized along with
it.
Thus, all "pleasures of the
flesh" (including a regular bath) were originally forbidden to all
Christians. The best pleasure - sex - was the worst sin. Even marriage was a
Christian sin for the first 200 years of the religion, but it was reluctantly
deemed acceptable only on the pretext that it would regulate the deeper evil:
sex.
Christianity has softened and
mutated over the centuries, but its foundation remains solid, which is why
Christians still tend to despise pornography and sexual liberty - and why the
Christian-influenced world we live in widely considers pornography immoral and
irreligious.
However, it is important to remember
that in the ancient world there was a radically different moral and spiritual
opinion of sexual pleasure and its depiction in the form of pornography, and
that our modern values regarding sexuality and pornography were created by the
vestiges of religions that arose from the grafting of Judaic traditions with
Middle Eastern apocalypse cults.
Conservatives wish to bring us back
to a time when humanity was morally strong. But in truth, that time predates
the rise of Christianity. We should not return to the Dark Era of apocalypse
cult mentalities, which brought nothing but hatred and regression. True
conservatism should strive to reflect upon and incorporate models of
pre-Christian spirituality and morality, which caused humanity to flourish and
thrive.
