Subject: Daily Dose - 060212 - Doctor's Funeral, BIZARRE NEWS, New Baby, DDL, Rotten News

Doctor's Funeral

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed.

Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.

The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"

"I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied.

"What's so funny about that?"

"I'm a gynecologist."

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Turkey Facts

Ben Franklin, in a letter to his daughter, proposed the turkey as the official United States bird.

The heaviest turkey ever raised was 86 pounds, about the size of a large dog.

Wild turkeys can fly for short distances up to 55 miles per hour.

Tom turkeys have beards. This is black, hairlike feathers on their breast. Hens sometimes have beards, too.

Turkeys' heads change colors when they become excited.

Turkeys can see movement almost a hundred yards away.

Gobbling turkeys can be heard a mile away on a quiet day.

Turkeys don't really have ears like ours, but they have very good hearing.

Turkeys can have heart attacks. The United States Air Force was doing test runs and breaking the sound barrier. Nearby turkeys dropped dead from heart attacks.

Wild turkeys spend the night in trees. They especially like oak trees.

In England, 200 years ago, turkeys were walked to market in herds. They wore booties to protect their feet.

Turkeys have a long, red, fleshy area called a snood that grows from the forehead over the bill.

[From www.urbanext.uiuc.edu]

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Vibrating iPod Causes Buzz This Christmas Season

LONDON - Music lovers will find even more reason to love Apple's iPod this Christmas. Some folks have come up with a vibrator that moves in time with the music.

The iBuzz connects to the gizmo and pulses while songs are played. As the music gets louder, the vibrations get faster.

Ali Carnegie, of adult-store www.LoveHoney.co.uk, said the discreet design is popular with women and claims the sex toy is perfect for giving users "big smiles on their way to work."

Carnegie said the company is already close to selling out of the bullet-sized device before Christmas.

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This Kiss Is More Than Just A Kiss

BANGKOK, Thailand - If you're a tourist in Bangkok, you might want to think twice before kissing a transvestite. Apparently, members of a Thai transvestite gang have been hiding sedatives in their mouths and spitting them down the throats of victims while kissing.

Three transvestites confessed to this new scam, and police say they robbed a Bangladeshi businessman of more than $7,300 in cash and valuables after drugging him.

The victim told investigators he met the transvestites in a bar and invited them back to his place. After one kissed him, he passed out.

When he woke up, his cash, watch, cell phone and notebook computer were gone.

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It's What's Inside That Counts For Police

PALM SPRINGS, Calif. - If you are going to call police about a possible break-in, make sure you hide your stash of drugs.

Ronald Meyers heard suspicious noises outside his home and called police. When they arrived, they found something more suspicious inside the home: an eight-foot tall pot plant and about $100,000 worth of marijuana.

The officers searched outside but found no burglar, so asked Meyers if they could check inside. When he let them in, officers found the stash.

Meyers was arrested on a charge of possession of marijuana for sale.

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Guess You Can't Help Who You Love...

SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. - A California woman shot by her boyfriend and then locked in a garage for six days says she still plans to marry the man sentenced to 20 years in prison.

The victim, Tina Stebbins, was not in San Bernardino County, Calif., court Monday when Christian Lindblad was sentenced for the June 2002 shooting, the Riverside (Calif.) Press-Enterprise reported. However, Stebbins said in a victim impact statement that she had forgiven Lindblad for shooting her twice and denying her medical treatment by locking her in his family's garage in Big Bear City, Calif.

"I love Christian today as deeply as I loved him before this awful thing happened to us," Stebbins wrote. "We are soul mates."

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New Baby

A man who suffered from impotence went to see a doctor. The doctor gave him a revolutionary new injection made from monkey glands, which worked perfectly.

Nine months and two weeks later, his wife had a baby.

When the nurse came out of the delivery room with the news, he asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"We won't know until it comes down off the chandelier.""

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DDL

With a French lass, it's unwise to trifle.
They have urges they simply can't stifle.
A woman of France
will pull down her pants
At the sight of a towering eye-full.

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"Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter."
--Aaron Ruell as Kip in NAPOLEON DYNAMITE

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"Well, here's all you need to know. Classes: nothing before eleven. Beer: it's your best friend, you drink a lot. Women? You're a freshman, so it's pretty much out of the question."
--Jeremy Piven as 'Droz' in PCU

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"The crew on the space station were able to watch the big Paul McCartney concert. They are 250 miles up. And you thought your seats sucked! They still had to pay $50 a ticket!"
--Jay Leno

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"It all began with Adam. He was the first man to tell a joke-or a lie. How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before. Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant."
--Mark Twain, 1867

***

"Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principle one was that they escaped teething."
--Mark Twain

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Rotten News....  (true)

40 German travel agents robbed in S.Africa

Thu Dec 1, 2:52 AM ET

CAPE TOWN (Reuters) - Forty German travel agents on a sponsored trip to learn about tourism opportunities in South Africa were robbed at gunpoint in their tour bus in a township near Cape Town, South African Tourism said on Thursday.

"This is an appalling incident and our deepest concern goes to those affected," South African Tourism chief executive officer Moeketsi Mosola said in a statement.

Two gunmen boarded the travel agents' bus in Khayelitsha, near Cape Town, on Wednesday and demanded passengers hand over their valuables and money before fleeing the scene, the agency statement said.

Trauma counselling was provided for those affected by the robbery, and two travel agents later accepted an offer to cut short their trip and return home, it said.

South Africa has one of the highest rates of violent crime in the world, although officials have been trying hard to reverse the country's dangerous image and boost its tourism sector which is already booming.

"It is ultimately up to every single South African to realise the enormous benefits tourism brings to our country," Mosola said. "An incident such as this has significantly negative consequences for everyone."

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November 30, 2005 

Honesty pays for L.A. cabbie who found $350,000 in diamonds left in his taxi

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Two weeks ago, Haider Sediqi reunited a passenger with $350,000 in diamonds that the man had left in his taxicab.

Now, Sediqi's act of honesty has turned to gold.

The New York jeweller who forgot the bag of diamonds sent Sediqi a $10,000 cheque and a diamond bracelet. Sediqi said the man's thank-you note meant just as much to him.

"The guy, he said I changed his life," Sediqi said. "That's very important."

Eric Austein left the diamonds in Sediqi's cab Nov. 16 when he got out at Los Angeles International Airport. Sediqi tracked him down through a cellphone bill he found inside the bag.

Austein promised him a reward, but Sediqi said he didn't think much about it - until it arrived a few days ago.

Sediqi, 40, said he considered using the money to pay off credit card debt but decided to save it to help pay for his children's schooling. He gave the bracelet to his wife, Nasima.

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Creativity linked to sexual success

By Patricia Reaney

Wed Nov 30,12:29 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - Pablo Picasso, Lord Byron and Dylan Thomas had more in common than simple creativity. They also had active sex lives, which researchers said on Wednesday was no coincidence.

Psychologists at the University of Newcastle upon Tyne and the Open University found that professional artists and poets have about twice as many partners as other people. Their creativity seems to act like a sexual magnet.

But Dr Daniel Nettle, a psychologist at Newcastle University's School of Biology, said it is a double-edge sword.

"Poets and artists have more sexual partners but they also have high rates of depression," he told Reuters.

Nettle and his colleague Helen Clegg questioned 425 British men and women, including professional artists, poets and schizophrenic patients, about their creative activity, sexual encounters and mental health characteristics.

Although creative people have long been associated with active sex lives, the researchers believe their study is the first to back it up with research. They found that professional artists and poets had between 4 and 10 sexual partners, while less creative people had an average of three.

"We found it in both the men and women which was quite a surprise to us," said Nettle, who reported the finding in the journal "The Proceedings of the Royal Society (B)."

Picasso, Byron and Thomas were famous for their art and their attraction to women.

"They illustrate some of the phenomena quite well -- lots of acclaim and lots of women," said Nettle.