Subject: Daily Dose - 060208 - In the Mouth, THIS is TRUE, Longer, DDL,
Rotten News
In the Mouth
One day the teacher asked the
children in class to give examples of what was not good to put in one's mouth.
Little Johnny says "It is not
good to put a lit light bulb in one's mouth."
The teacher says "that is
correct, but why?"
Little Johnny answers "I don't
know, but my Mom always tells my dad "turn off the light before you put it
in my mouth!"
______________________________
THIS is TRUE...
SMILE FOR THE CAMERA: Motorists in Australia
are unhappy with speed cameras which automatically catch drivers over the
limit; citations are mailed to the registered owner. In the past year the
cameras brought in A$54,069,259 in fines (about US$39.6 million), leaving
drivers so unhappy that over the past two years there have been 74 cases of
vandalism against the cameras. The Roads and Traffic Authority has responded by
installing surveillance cameras to watch over the most-vandalized speed
cameras. Now, angry motorists are smashing the security cameras before taking
out their frustrations on the speed cameras. (Sydney Telegraph)
...Didn't it occur to anyone that they could simply raise the speed limit?
***
SMILE FOR THE CAMERA II: Stewart and
Cathryn Bromley of Manchester, England, got two photo-radar speeding tickets in
quick order. Each had a fine of 60 pounds (US$105), but they didn't want to pay
that. Instead, police say, they concocted a story to say that "Konstantin
Koscov", a colleague from Bulgaria, had borrowed their car and had done
the speeding. To help "prove" that, they say, Cathryn, 42, flew to
Bulgaria to mail back a postcard from Koscov. Suspicious police ran a check
through Interpol and confirmed there was no such person in Bulgaria, and the
elaborate con fell apart. The couple pleaded guilty to two charges of
"perverting the course of justice" and were fined 9,200 pounds plus
1,900 pounds in court costs (US$19,400 total). They got off lucky. "Had
they not pleaded guilty," noted Manchester Crown Court Judge Bernard
Lever, "I would almost certainly have sent them to prison." (London
Times)
...In Bulgaria.
***
BY THE NUMBERS: Eric James Torpy,
27, was in court to face charges of robbery and shooting with intent to kill.
Oklahoma County, Okla., District Judge Ray Elliott announced a plea bargain:
Torpy would plead guilty, and would only get 30 years. But Torpy objected,
asking if he could have 33 years, instead. That, he explained, was the number
on the jersey of his favorite former basketball player, Larry Bird of the Boston
Celtics. "We accommodated his request and he was just as happy as he could
be," Judge Elliott said. (Oklahoman)
...Unfortunately his first try didn't work: Kobe Bryant.
***
PAGING ANDY WARHOL: Canuck Lawyer
Andrew Bergel, 29, beat out 500 contestants from as far away as Australia to
win the World Rock Paper Scissors Championship, which was held in Toronto,
Ont., Canada. "It's going to change his life," said Tournament
director Graham Walker. "He is going to be a serious C-level
celebrity." (Canadian Press)
...Actually, an appearance in "This is True" generally makes one more
of an F-level celebrity.
***
THIS SURELY GOT A RISE OUT OF THE
OWNERS: "Pizza Parlor Burglar Gets Away with Dough"
-- Reuters headline
______________________________
Longer
On television my 88 year old
stepfather and I saw an attractive woman wearing an evening gown with leg
openings going all the way up to her waist.
"Why do they wear gowns like
that?" he asked.
"Maybe that style makes their
legs look longer," I speculated.
"No," he said," I
think it makes the men look longer."
______________________________
DDL
There was a young bugger named Dick,
Who remarked, "I feel dreadfully sick.
The last man I buggered
I thought was a sluggard,
Till a fart of his blew off my prick."
______________________________
"Yesterday, a group of
scientists warned that because of global warming, sea levels will rise so much
that parts of New Jersey will be under water. The bad news? Parts of New Jersey
won't be under water."
--Conan O'Brien
***
"The town of Clark, Texas has
agreed to change its name to Dish, Texas after the dish network gave all its
residence free dish satellite TV for the next ten years. This is the sort of
thing that can backfire on a town - just ask the people of Betamax,
Wyoming."
--Jay Leno
***
"The Saddam trial is underway
and 11,000 lawyers for Saddam have withdrawn from the case in fears of being
killed off. Now they're all working on the Tom Cruise prenup."
--Dave Letterman
***
"I think that's how Chicago got
started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and
the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
--Richard Jeni
***
"They do a lot of animal
testing in the cosmetics industry, maybe they should brag about it in their
ads. 'Aquanet hair spray, if it can blind a spider monkey, it can make your
hair look luscious.'"
-Vernon Chapman
***
"I had a stick of Carefree gum,
but it didn't work very well. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that
bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I went back to pondering my
mortality."
-Mitch Hedberg
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Atheists File Suit Against UHP
Memorial Crosses
LAST UPDATE: 12/1/2005 6:23:57 AM
(ABC 4 News) -- A lawsuit against
memorial crosses is set to be filed Thursday by a group that feels they violate
the separation of church and state.
Three Utah atheists, backed by a
national organization based in Texas, are filing suit against the state for
allowing crosses to be erected in honor of highway patrol troopers, who have
died in the line of duty.
Richard Andrews said, "I feel
the same way a Jew might feel if you put a state symbol on a swastika"
According to the UHP Association, a
support group for troopers and their families, many fallen troopers' relatives
consider the memorial crosses just as important as the tombstones that mark their
graves.
Sgt. Todd Royce of the UHP
Association told ABC 4 News, "It's a sense of pride, I think. It's a...
kind of a sacred feeling."
The atheists suggest the association
could honor the troopers with a non-denominational symbol.
**********
Fake Salient Ad Sparks Roundtable
Students gather to debate alleged
campus media bias
Published On Thursday, December 01,
2005 1:19 AM
By ANUPRIYA SINGHAL
Harvard students engaged in a heated
discussion about the issue of ethnic and multicultural sensitivity in campus
publications yesterday, in an event sponsored by the Harvard Foundation for
Intercultural and Race Relations.
The discussion was held in response
to a parody ad published by The Salient, which was considered offensive by many
members of the Muslim community, according to the Foundation. The ad featured
the Fulla doll, a Barbie alternative popular throughout the Islamic world. The
ad boasted of the doll’s “Muslim Values” and touted fake programmed phrases
such as “Yes, Husband” and “Human Rights? That’s silly.”
The editor of The Salient, Travis R.
Kavulla ’06, was present at the discussion, along with leaders of other student
groups, such as Khalid Yasin ’07, the president of the Harvard Islamic Society.
Many Islamic students spoke out
against the portrayal of the Fulla doll. Tariq N. Ali ’09 said the
advertisement’s major fault was the generalization it made about the Muslim
community.
“I don’t understand how the wearing
of Muslim garb can be equated to a lack of respect for human rights,” he said.
Other students worried that the ad
misrepresented Islamic views as far more radical than they are.
“Islamic values are misunderstood,”
said Nura Hossainzadeh ’06. “As an American-born Muslim, my personal values are
not so different from Western values.”
Kavulla, who is also a Crimson
editor, was one of the few students who spoke in defense of the advertisement.
“The notion of parody is that
objects have multiple meanings, and this quality would be lost with caveats and
disclaimers. The doll, which was rooted in the representation of Muslim values,
was simply a recognition of the ludicrous things that happen in society,” he
said.
**********
Cartoons of Mohammed cause death
threat
02. dec. 2005 10.08 English
The events surrounding the
publication of drawings of the prophet Mohammed in the Danish daily newspaper
Jyllands-Posten a couple of months ago has taken an even more dramatic turn for
the worse.
A large Islamic extremist party in
Pakistan has offered a reward of 50,000 kroner to anyone who kills any of the
artists.
The Danish ambassador in Islamabad,
Bent Wigotski, reports that it is the extremist Jamaaat-e-Islami party and it
youth organisation who have offered the bounty money. They have also demanded
the ambassador leave Pakistan.
The foreign office has advised all
Danish citizens entering Pakistan to be extra vigilant as it is not only the
twelve artist who have angered the fundamentalists. They have warned against
backpacking across Pakistan with a Danish flag upon your rucksack.
The Pakistani ambassador in Denmark
has distanced himself from the death threats and said that the authorities in
Pakistan will probably be investigating the case.
*************
Muslims intend to take Orthodox
symbols off Russia's State Emblem
12/06/2005 18:02
Orthodox symbols on the Russian
National Emblem gave rise to a religious dispute in Russia. The majority of
Muslim leaders and scientists say that Russia should remove Orthodox symbols
from the Emblem. The central image of the Emblem depicts the Orthodox Saint,
Georgy Pobedonosets (Victorious Georgy), slaying a dragon. Crowns with
Christian crosses adorn the heads of double eagles. Another cross can be seen
on the orb, which one of the birds holds in its claws.
The Russian State Emblem displays
monarchic symbols of the Russian empire, academician Valeria Porokhova believes
(Porokhova translated Quran into Russian). "Modern Russia is a secular
state indeed. The presence of Christian symbols can't help hurting Muslims'
feelings at this point," the scientist said.
"There are no Orthodox symbols
on the State Emblem of Russia. The Orthodox cross has eight ends, although the
crosses on the Emblem represent the general cultural value," Russia's
chief specialist of heraldry, Georgy Vilinbakhov said. As for Victorious Georgy
affecting a dragon, it is an ancient pre-Christian, pagan symbol, which was
associated with Christianity historically.
