Subject: Daily Dose - 060201 - To Bee or not to Bee, BIZARRE NEWS, Army
rivals, DDL, Rotten News
To Bee or not to Bee
A fella was in the market to buy
some acreage. He found just what he was looking for, but it was a little
expensive.
During an inspection of the
property, however, he found a hive of bees. He told the owner that he was
deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of
land.
The landowner assured him that the
bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it. Finally,
the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree
for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was
the farmer that if ONE bee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free.
The buyer thought it over anddecided
it was worth the risk. An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw
the poor buyer slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to
him and asked him if he had been stung.
The city fella looked up and weakly
said, 'No, but doesn't that calf have a mother?
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Website Features Crops of Farmers
Looking For Love
BEACHWOOD, Ohio - It's hard for a
hardworking farmer to find that special someone who understands his or her lifestyle.
But one Ohio man might have just the thing for them - an online dating service
called farmersonly.com.
The site features profiles of over
1,800 people from all over the country. "Single farmers need to find
someone who can relate to what they do. Those people are out there. They just
need to meet 'em," said the site's owner, Jerry Miller.
Miller came up with the idea after
hearing a divorced farmer's dating woes. She said it was hard to find someone
who understood her rural lifestyle.
***
Woman Finds Saving Seal To Be A Real
Pain
JOHANNESBURG - A woman who was
trying to help a seal back into the sea had her nose bitten off by the animal.
Elsie van Tonder was on a beach near George, about 240 miles east of Cape Town,
when she was bitten.
"The seal had been lying in the
same spot since Friday, so the lady and a few other people were trying to take
it back to the water," said Herman Oosthuizen, a marine biologist with the
Department of Environmental Affairs. "The young female seal then bit her
in the face."
Van Tonder will undergo surgery on
her wounded face this week.
***
Police Dog Takes Bite Out of Crime
CHARLOTTE, N.C. - A cornered South
Carolina car thief suspect who decided to wrestle with a police dog and try to
strangle it was recovering from bite wounds Monday.
Sunday night, police in Charlotte
responded to a 911 call from a man who said he could see someone trying to
steal his car. The canine unit also responded, and after just a few minutes,
the dog located the man and had him cornered, the Charlotte Observer said.
Officers said the man lunged at the
dog, and wrestled with it briefly as he tried to choke it. The dog took control
and bit the suspect, which required hospital treatment, the newspaper said.
***
Potential British Citizens Put To
The Test
LONDON - Starting Tuesday, would-be
British citizens must pass a 45-minute test on who heads the Church of England
and what city is home to the Geordie dialect.
The BBC tried some of the questions
on a small random sample of citizens and discovered quite a few got stuck on
what voltage is used in the country and which courts have juries.
The test is part of a series of
measures aimed at integrating immigrants into the country. Test-takers must
answer 75 percent of the questions correctly to pass. But they can take it as
many times as they need.
By the way, Queen Elizabeth II heads
the Church of England, Geordie is spoken in Newcastle-on-Tyne, electricity is
110 volts and the Crime Court has juries.
______________________________
The following is a quote from a
director of sports information in the Navy, regarding the theft of some mascots
from the Naval Academy by Army rivals:
"We knew Army cadets were
involved because they cut through two fences to get to the goats, and 15 feet
away there was an unlocked gate."
______________________________
DDL
A fellow named Ron went out
drinking,
When he finally got home he was thinking,
He would give his sweet wife
The big thrill of her life.
The means to this end was soon shrinking.
______________________________
"After 25 years Ted Koppel did
his last show tonight at "Nightline". Immediately after the show he
drove upstate and released his hair into the wild."
--Conan O'Brien
***
"Let me ask you a question. Is
it too soon to be hitting on Jessica Simpson?"
--Dave Letterman
***
"Did you all go shopping this
weekend? Huge crowds at the mall. Shoppers were looking for those bargains. In
fact, the 99-cent store here Burbank having a huge "one-percent-off"
sale.
--Jay Leno
***
Mothers are fonder than fathers of
their children because they are more certain they are their own.
--Aristotle 384 - 322 B.C.
***
Foreign aid: The transfer of money
from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Pakistan orders Bush poem deleted
from school book
Tue Dec 6,11:27 AM ET
ISLAMABAD (Reuters) - Pakistan has
ordered that a poem in which the first letters of each line spell out the name
" President George W. Bush" be deleted from a
school textbook.
The Education Ministry said the poem "The Leader" was unacceptable as
it had been downloaded from the Internet and was anonymous. A ministry
statement seen on Tuesday accused those responsible for compiling the English
textbook of "oversight" and "negligence" and warned them to
be more careful in future.
The move came after local newspapers
published the poem on their front pages and called it an embarrassment for
Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf, a key ally of Bush in his global war on
terrorism.
Hardline Islamist parties oppose
Pakistan's alliance with the United States and accuse Musharraf of trying to
secularize the Islamic educational syllabus under pressure from Washington.
The Education Ministry said the
textbook would continue to be taught without the controversial poem for the
present school year to next March but it would be replaced by "a suitable
alternative by other publishers" next year.
**********
Supermarket launches musical
sandwich
Tue Dec 6, 9:16 AM ET
LONDON (Reuters) - Tired of the same
old lunch at your office desk? Help is at hand. A supermarket is launching the
ultimate life-enhancing snack -- the musical sandwich.
In a trial certain to be welcomed by the estimated one million Britons who eat
their lunch at their desks each day, Tesco will use technology similar to that
used in singing greetings cards to sell musical sandwiches.
Opening the top of the sandwich box
will activate a tiny sound module that plays a selection of music. This
season's offering will be a medley of Christmas tunes including Jingle Bells,
Santa Claus is Coming to Town and We Wish You a Merry Christmas.
Tesco Spokesman Jonathan Church said
the potential of the melodic munch was enormous.
"It's designed to provide busy
office workers with relaxing music to make eating lunch at their desks more
enjoyable than ever before," he said, adding that the concept could be
easily adapted for Easter, Valentine's Day or Mother's Day.
While it's not certain how your true
love would react to being given a tuneful tuna lunch on February 14, Church
said the idea could also be used in conjunction with record companies to launch
songs by new artists clamouring for the kudos.
The first offering will have no such
ambitions, and will consist of a turkey and cranberry sauce sandwich with pork
and cranberry stuffing. The new musical sandwiches will go on sale this week.
But further out, flavour/song
combinations under consideration include Prawn To Be Wild, Let It Brie and that
old Julio Iglesias favourite, Fillings, Tesco said.
**********
'Dirty negro' insult not always
racist-Italy court
By Gavin Jones
Tue Dec 6, 8:46 AM ET
ROME (Reuters) - Calling a foreigner
a "dirty negro" in Italian is not necessarily a racist insult,
Italy's highest court has ruled.
The verdict, relating to a case
where a group of Italian men punched and insulted some women from Colombia,
caused deep unease at a time when Italy is struggling to contain racism.
The court on Monday ruled in favour
of one of the men, who argued he was not being racist when he launched the
assault with the words: "Sporche negre -- cosa ci fanno queste negre
qua?" ("Dirty negroes -- what are these negroes doing here?")
Most Italians would have no doubt
that calling someone a "dirty negro" was a racist insult. The term is
seldom heard and is considered no more acceptable in Italy than it would be in
Britain or the United States.
However, an insult should be judged
racist "only if it is motivated by real hatred", or is likely to
cause racial hatred in others or lead to "discriminatory behaviour for
reasons of race, ethnicity, nationality or religion", the court ruled.
On the other hand, the crime of
racism is not constituted by expressions of "generic dislike, intolerance
or rejection based on race, ethnicity or religion", which appeared to fit
the case in question, the court said.
Politicians across the political
spectrum criticised the ruling and said it could not have come at a worse time.
Soccer matches around Italy began
late on Sunday as players unfurled banners saying "No To Racism" in
response to an episode on November 27 when Marc Zoro, Ivory Coast defender for
Messina in Serie A, the top division, threatened to walk off the pitch because
of racist chants from Inter Milan fans.
The supreme court is no stranger to
controversial judgements.
In recent years it has ruled that
"an isolated and impulsive" pat on a woman's bottom at work did not
constitute sexual harassment, and returned a verdict that a woman could not
have been raped because she was wearing skin-tight jeans.
*************
Courtesy of Jim in Sidney, B.C.
An
80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge
he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She
replied: a can of peaches.
The
judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.
The
judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.
The
judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."
Before
the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up
and asked the judge if he could say something.
He
said, " What is it? "
The
husband said "She also stole a can of peas."
