Subject: Daily Dose - 060129 - late for class, BIZARRE NEWS, separated,
DDL, Rotten News
At the prestigious university I
attend, there is a clear hierarchy that outlines how long one was to wait for a
class to begin if the professor were absent. A full professor rated
fifteen minutes. An associate only ten. A mere instructor was expected to
be on time, if not early. This system worked only one way, however; and students
were afforded no such grace.
It was to be expected, therefore,
that one professor, the foremost authority in his field by his own admission,
would register distinct annoyance when the student, just out of military
service, was late for class for the third morning running.
"Tell me," the professor
began, "exactly what did they say in the Army when you sauntered in late
like this?"
"Well," mused the
unperturbed young man... "first they saluted, then they asked, 'How are
you this morning, sir?'"
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Halloween Trivia
* Jack o' lanterns originated in
Ireland where people placed candles in hollowed-out turnips to keep away
spirits and ghosts on the Samhain holiday.
* Halloween was brought to North
America by immigrants from Europe who would celebrate the harvest around a
bonfire, share ghost stories, sing, dance and tell fortunes.
* Tootsie Rolls were the first
wrapped penny candy in America.
* The ancient Celts thought that
spirits and ghosts roamed the countryside on Halloween night. They began
wearing masks and costumes to avoid being recognized as human.
* Halloween candy sales average
about 2 billion dollars annually in the United States.
* There really are so-called vampire
bats, but they're not from Transylvania. They live in Central and South America
and feed on the blood of cattle, horses and birds.
* If you see a spider on Halloween,
it is the spirit of a loved one watching over you.
* Bobbing for apples is thought to
have originated from the roman harvest festival that honors Pamona, the goddess
of fruit trees.
* Black cats were once believed to
be witch's familiars who protected their powers.
***
French Lesbians Snatching Up Sperm
From Fertility Clinic
BRUSSELS - It seems that there's a
lot of French lesbian couples that are eager to start a family. A Brussels
fertility clinic says that most of its patients seeking fertility treatment are
homosexual women from France.
Anne Delbaere, the Erasmus fertility
clinic's head, said that the clinic had never declined requests for
insemination from lesbian couples since it opened 15 years ago. However, she
added that the clinic would have to start limiting consultations to French
couples.
"We haven't got enough sperm
samples in stock to meet all the demand," she said. Many patients come
from France for fertility treatment after being refused it at home.
According to Delbaere, of the
inseminations using a donor's sperm, 72 percent of last year's patients came
from France, most of them homosexual.
***
Naked Man Caught In A Flash
DRAMMEN, Norway - A man was arrested
on a bus in the Drammen, Norway, area after sprinting naked down the street.
A bus pulled up to a stop in order
to let two elderly ladies waiting there board the vehicle, Aftenposten
reported. While the women got on, the driver looked into his rear view mirror
and spotted a naked man sprinting towards the bus. The man ran in, yelled
"Call the police!", then ran to the back of the bus, where he took a
seat and refused to leave.
The driver called the police and
waited for the authorities to arrive, while passengers covered the man with a
blanket.
The newspaper said there was no
immediate explanation for the incident.
***
Couple's Banners Leave Drivers
Hanging
BRIGHTON, East Sussex - A fighting
couple who decided to take their argument outside - by hanging banners over a
bypass bridge - have announced they are now back together.
Drivers who had been following the
row for weeks found out that the couple are lesbian lovers. The whole incident
began with a banner that read "Wendy, I want a divorce. JSB." A reply
came that said "No way, you're the cheat. Wendy." The third read:
"I reckon we should meet." The final banner announced they are
"back together" - and revealed their identities as Wendy and Jenny.
One driver said, "It certainly
was an unusual lovers' tiff."
***
Potential Jurors Given New Kind of
Rap Sheet
NEW YORK - Potential jurors in the
New York money laundering trial of the founding brothers of hip-hop label
Murder Inc. took a written test to determine their Rap-Q.
The 22-page questionnaire given to
the federal jury pool of 125 sought their opinions of rap music, asked if they
were fans of a number of hip-hop's superstars including Ashanti and Ja Rule,
who rose to fame on Murder Inc., now known as The Inc., the New York Post
reported Monday.
The government charges Irv and Chris
"Gotti" Lorenzo started their label with seed money from drug kingpin
Kenneth "Supreme" McGriff and laundered his drug money through their
record dealings.
______________________________
When we moved cross-country, my wife
and I decided to drive both of our cars. Nathan, our eight-year-old, worriedly
asked, "How will we keep from getting separated?"
"We'll drive slowly so that one
car can follow the other," I reassured him.
"Yeah, but what if we DO get
separated?" he persisted.
"Well, then I guess we'll never
see each other again," I quipped.
"Okay," he said. "I'm
riding with Mom."
______________________________
DDL
A penguin had been at the wheel
Lost oil from his automobile
Left his car at the place
Got ice cream on his face
And it looked like he'd just blown a seal.
______________________________
"Only in America...even though
he stole 2.4 million he has agreed to pay back 1.8 million to make it right. So
let that be a lesson to all you other congressmen out there. If you get caught
stealing you may have to pay back a small fraction of what you took."
--Jay Leno
***
"Tonight on the show we have
Donald Trump and Regis Philbin and they will be singing a Christmas carol off
of their new CD. Once again the Bush administration failed to respond."
--Dave Letterman
***
"Bush's overall approval
ratings have hit an all-time low. If Bush's numbers don't improve, he could
become the first president held back and forced to repeat his presidency."
--Tina Fey
***
As an adolescent I aspired to
lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful
vision of human life--so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an
archbishop so you can meet girls.
-- Matt Cartmill
***
"...idiots, imbeciles, aliens,
the insane and women..."
- A law standing in Texas until 1918 regulating who could not vote.
***
Q: What comes after 69?
A: Mouthwash.
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Turk villager proposes runaway wife
swap
Thu Dec 8, 8:52 AM ET
ISTANBUL (Reuters) - A Turkish
villager who ran away with his friend's wife has offered his own wife in
exchange, newspapers said on Thursday.
Farm labourer Cengiz Esme said Gulhan, his wife of 18 years, disappeared a
month ago after leaving their village to go shopping in the southern Turkish
town of Tarsus.
The 36-year-old said his village
friend Mehmet Yaksi had telephoned him the next day and said: "I've run
off with your wife .... You take my wife," the Radikal daily reported.
Esme pleaded for Gulhan to return
and said he was ready to forgive her and make a fresh start elsewhere. The
reports said Yaksi's wife, a mother of three, declined to comment on the
situation.
**********
Italian Lawmakers to Consider Porn
Tax
Thu Dec 8, 6:45 PM ET
ROME - Italians would have to pay a
20 percent tax on pornography according to a budget amendment that cleared a
first legislative hurdle, news reports said Thursday.
The proposed tax was approved at committee level and is expected to go before
the Chamber of Deputies, Italy's lower parliamentary house, early next week.
The tax is expected to raise about
euro220 million (US$260 million) to help reduce the national deficit and to
help fund government tax breaks to families.
"I believe the porn tax is
important not for moralistic reasons, which don't concern me, but because I
think that at a time of difficult economic conditions for families it is right
to tax products that are not essential," lawmaker Daniela Santache was
quoted as saying by the ANSA news agency.
**********
Wednesday, 7 December 2005, 13:33
GMT
Anger as rapist wins £5,000
aid
A serial rapist from Cornwall has
been awarded £5,000 in legal aid to find out what made him commit his crimes.
Richard Baker, 40, from Bodmin, was
given a life sentence in 1999 for committing a series of sex attacks. Now he
has issued a writ demanding the Home Office hand over reports and video tapes
of psychiatric tests.
The Legal Services Commission said
aid was given under 1998 data protection rules, but a policeman who
investigated Baker's crimes said he was "appalled".
Former Det Supt David Bright said:
"It's beyond belief really. He was described by the trial judge as a
danger to women for the foreseeable future. The fact that he should be given
public funds to pursue this inquiry of his is disgraceful."
Baker lived a double life working in
Spain as a DJ and jetting back to Britain to attack women in the south east of
England. In 1999 at the Old Bailey, he admitted four counts of indecent assault
and was found guilty of four charges of rape, two of indecent assault and one
of attempted indecent assault.
Baker's High Court writ claims
lifers need access to risk assessment papers to be able to "challenge them
effectively".
The Legal Services Commission said
in a statement: "We cannot differentiate between applicants on the grounds
that a decision to give legal aid may be unpopular in a particular case. We
have a statutory responsibility to provide funding if a case meets a financial
eligibility test and a legal merits test".
