Subject: Daily Dose - 060128 - passing some gas, Office Memo, THIS is TRUE,
DDL, Rotten News
Two couples went out golfing
together. The men hit first from the men's tee and walked with the ladies to
their tee box.
The first lady took a mighty swing
at the ball, missing it completely, while passing some gas rather loudly in the
process. No one commented.
She addressed the ball again but
this time she passed just a little gas as she made contact with the ball, topping
it and moving it only a short distance.
She said, "I wonder why it
didn't go any further?"
One of the men said, "I don't
think you gave it enough gas!"
______________________________
THIS is TRUE...
POLITICIANS -- THEY'RE BETTER THAN
YOU: Georgia state senator David Graves, 47, says that because his drinking was
part of an "official legislative function," the state's constitution
protects him from an arrest for drunk driving, his second offense within 13
months. Cobb County State Court Judge Irma B. Glover ruled the constitutional
provision doesn't exempt Graves from prosecution, so his lawyer, William
"Bubba" Head (yes, really), appealed to the state's Supreme Court.
Its ruling is still pending. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)
...Because they can't stop laughing.
***
OH MY GOD: A British Christian
charity has spent 200,000 pounds (US$350,000) to produce a film and distribute
it to 26,000 primary schools in the U.K. to teach children about Jesus.
"There are over 12 million children in the U.K. and only 756,000 of them
go to church regularly," said the animated film's creator, Steve Legg.
"That leaves a staggering number who don't and are probably not receiving
basic Christian teaching." He said he came up with the idea for the movie
to teach kids Bible basics "when I heard about the boy asking why Jesus
Christ was named after a swear word." (Manchester Evening News)
...Let he who is without sin cast the first cake of soap to wash out his mouth
with.
***
CRUD: Officials in Cheshire, Conn.,
are working on sewage treatment options for the town since the current facility
is nearing capacity. They wanted to put in a new treatment plant, but found
state law restricted where it could go, sending them back to the drawing board.
The area's Water Pollution Control Authority announced it has disbanded its
official Subcommittee Handling Interim Treatment, and will decide whether to
expand the treatment plant or figure out another alternative. (Meriden
Record-Journal)
...Considering its acronym, the subcommittee was destined to be flushed anyway.
***
HOW CAN WE HELP YOU? When Darrell
Brown, 48, called IBM customer support for help with a balky laptop computer,
the tech entered the serial number of the machine and up flashed a note that
the computer had been reported stolen in a burglary. The tech notified police
in Lincoln, Neb., and gave them the man's address. Police executed a search
warrant, recovered the stolen laptop and a gun reported stolen 16 years ago,
and arrested Brown on suspicion of burglary. (Lincoln Journal Star)
...Proving that customer support will do anything it can to avoid actually
repairing busted laptops.
***
AMAZING SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERY
REVEALED: "Arctic Ice Melts Faster as it Gets Warmer"
-- AP headline
______________________________
Office Memo:
"Whoever used the milk in the
small plastic container that was in the refrigerator yesterday, please do NOT
own up to it. I would find it forever after difficult to meet your gaze across
a cafeteria table whilst having a discussion about java applets or brand
identity.
Just be aware that that milk was
EXPRESSLY for my son, if you get my drift.
I will label these things from now
on, but if you found your coffee tasted just a little bit unusual this morning,
you might think about calling your mom and telling her you love her."
______________________________
DDL
Just to please Don's sexual emotion,
Jane gave his prick up and down motion!
Having never masturbated,
She became so elated
When suddenly she squealed, "Jergen's Lotion?"
______________________________
A wife, one evening, drew her
husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that
couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you
do that?"
"I don't know her well
enough."
***
"It's the tragedy of the world
that no one knows what he doesn't know -- and the less a man knows, the more
sure he is that he knows everything."
--Joyce Cary
***
"Clinton lied. A man might
forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no
matter how bad it is."
--Barbara Bush - Former US First Lady
***
"I read somewhere that 77 per
cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by
the 23 percent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
--Jerry Garcia - Grateful Dead)
***
What would Superman say if he was
Jewish?
"Up, up, up and Oy Vey!"
***
I was recently born again. It was a
deeply spiritual and glorious experience. I can't say my mother enjoyed it a
whole lot.
--John Wing
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Domino-Busting Sparrow Gets Spot in
Museum
By TOBY STERLING, Associated Press
Writer
Fri Dec 9, 5:27 PM ET
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - A sparrow
that knocked over 23,000 dominoes and almost derailed a world record attempt
before being shot dead will be enshrined in the Rotterdam Natural History
Museum, the museum said Friday.
The ill-fated bird flew into an exposition center on Nov. 14 and began knocking
over tiles that were being set up for "Domino Day" television program
before it was killed by an exterminator with an air rifle at the urging of
panicked organizers.
The shooting was seen by many as an
overreaction, and caused a furor. A Web site was erected in honor of the bird;
animal rights groups condemned the killing; and prosecutors opened a formal
investigation.
"This sparrow has moved so many
people," museum curator Kees Moeliker said. "This was really a high
point of Dutch culture, I say with a wink. This was the Netherlands at its
smallest."
He said the bird had been kept in a
freezer at the Ministry of Justice, after its killing became a criminal matter.
Shortly after the shooting, it
emerged that the bird was a house sparrow — a species that, in a strange twist,
was placed on the national endangered list last year. Killing one without a
permit is illegal.
Although common, the house sparrow's
numbers have fallen by more than 50 percent in the past 20 years due to human
encroachment on their habitat.
On Friday, public prosecutors in The
Hague issued a euro200 ($235) fine to the exterminator who killed the bird.
Moeliker said the bird would now be
either stuffed or preserved in alcohol, depending on the condition of its
corpse. It is scheduled to go on display as part of an exhibition on sparrows
at the end of next year, he said.
The bird will be placed "on top
of a box of dominoes, which seems appropriate," he said.
Organizers of Domino Day argued the
killing was justified, given that more than 100 people had worked for a month
setting up the tiles.
But they held a brief memorial for
the bird before the show on Nov. 18, and went on to topple around 4,002,136
tiles, claiming a new record though it has not yet been verified by Guinness
World Records.
They initially said they had knocked
down 4.1 million, but that was called into doubt by Dutch media after video
replays showed a volunteer possibly cheating in order to help a chain keep
going at one point.
Organizers discounted the dominoes
in that particular segment of the chain, but said they had still beaten their
own previous record of 3,992,397, which is approved by Guinness.
**********
Thief adds bling to stolen ride
Posted: Dec. 8, 2005
Jim Stingl
Seven weeks after his car was
stolen, Terry Dresdow got a call from police saying it had been found.
Oh-oh, this usually isn't good. What
tree is it wrapped around? How many pieces is it in? Where did you say that
chop shop was again?
Not this time. Terry's ride had been
pimped, as they say on TV.
"Actually, Mr. Dresdow kinda
made out on the deal. He got a car back that's probably worth three times what
it was when it was stolen," said John Davis, the Milwaukee County
sheriff's detective who found the car and arrested the suspected thief.
The new "owner" had coated
the blue 1989 Chevrolet Caprice Classic in white paint, installed one of those
killer stereos that fill the trunk with woofers and power boosters, and added
shiny, spoked wheels and wide, low-profile tires.
Terry Dresdow’s 1989 Chevy has new
100-spoke rims, a new steering wheel, 1,600-watt stereo and dazzling white
paint job, courtesy of a car thief.
"I also have keyless entry that I didn't have before, for the door and
also the trunk," Terry said.
There's no indication that the new
accessories were stolen, so they are his to keep.
The bad news is that Terry, a
white-bread 49-year-old father of two, got a car back that he's not about to
keep. If you follow the news, you know people are killed over cars like this.
"I'm just a target with it now," he said.
Terry bought the car for $1,200 in
2004 from an older gentleman who had meticulously maintained it while putting
only about 7,000 miles a year on the odometer. Terry just wanted cheap
transportation back and forth to his job as a bartender at Buck Bradley's
downtown.
From the beginning, people often
stopped him on the street or in parking lots and wanted to know if he'd sell
the car. He learned that this particular model year was a "Pimp My
Ride" favorite.
In January, someone tried to cop the
Caprice from in front of his house not far from Timmerman Airport. He chased
the person away and after that began using The Club on the steering wheel.
But on the morning of Oct. 7, he
awoke to find the car missing from the driveway and immediately called 911. The
weeks passed and he began to think about buying another car.
Meanwhile, detective Davis had
received a tip that a 31-year-old guy known for stealing cars was out of jail
and back at it. The tipster even provided the license plate number that the
scofflaw was using on the Caprice he had just stolen.
"One day he just happened to be
in front of me in traffic," Davis said. That was near Teutonia and Clarke.
Davis stopped the car for a chat, which mostly involved the perp denying doing
anything wrong.
But Davis found that the vehicle
identification number showing on the car had been switched over from a beater
1989 Caprice to cover the crime. Further checking found that the car was
actually Terry Dresdow's.
Terry picked up the car at the
Sheriff's Department but hardly recognized it. The steering wheel and shifter
were sporty and new. The car's original speakers were gone and replaced with
eight new ones, plus the monster woofers mounted in the trunk with three amplifiers
kicking out 1,600 watts. There's even a remote for the stereo.
When Terry drove it away, he turned
on the radio and could not seem to get the rap music to stop. That's when he
figured out that the face plate of the radio flipped down to reveal a CD
player. He tossed out the rap CD along with a pair of mystery slippers he found
in the back seat.
This is all just too weird for
Terry. The car is now for sale. In the meantime he has removed the battery and
the stereo stuff from the trunk to discourage more thieves. He's been driving
his wife's minivan to work.
**********
Denmark’s offensive Jewish
cookies
By Yigal Romm in Copenhagen
Updated: 06/Dec/2005 19:09
A group of Danish Muslims refuse to
eat traditional “Jewish” cookies because they feel offended by the name.
According to the daily Danish
newspaper B.T., Ole Poulsen, head of the public food consumer department said
that the Muslim refusal to buy the cookies could have an effect on sales.
"If this will be the case, then
we would be obliged to do something about it," he declared.
He added that changing the product
name was a possibility, as had in the past been done with the “Negroes’ kiss”
cakes, which were rebranded with a more neutral name.
Jewish cookies, which are made with
cinnamon and hazelnuts and actually have nothing particularly Jewish about
them, are very popular in Denmark during the pre-Christmas period.
Denmark’s chief rabbi, Bent Lexner,
said that he did not see any problem in a name change.
“There is nothing Jewish in it and I
wouldn’t mind another name, but I think that it would be better to educate
Muslims to respect the culture of the majority in Denmark, if they want the
majority to respect their culture".
Most of Denmark’s “Jewish” cookies
are not kosher and they are therefore not consumed by a large part of the
Jewish population.
