Subject: Daily Dose - 060124 - Tractor Debt, BIZARRE NEWS, Pedro Finds God, DDL, Rotten News

Tractor Debt

A farmer had three sons. One day, his oldest came to him and said that since he was graduating high school, he would really like to get a car.

His father said, "Son, come here." He took him to the barn, pointed to the tractor and said, "This tractor is needed for the farm and I promise, as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a car."

The boy was not too happy, but was understanding. A week later, his second son approached him, wanting a motorcycle.

"Well," the father said, "as soon as the tractor is paid for we'll see about getting you your scooter."

Shortly after, his youngest was bugging him for a bike. Again, the father gave him the lecture about the tractor needing to be paid off first.

While leaving the barn, the young boy, a little disgusted with his father's explanation, saw the farm rooster doing its "rooster duty" with one of the hens. He promptly went over and kicked the rooster off the hen's back, mumbling to himself.

His dad asked, "Son, now why would you do something like that? He didn't do anything to deserve that."

The third son replied, "Hey, nobody around here rides anything until that tractor gets paid off!"

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Names

From "The Best Baby Name Book in the Whole Wild World" by Bruce Lansky

"Ann Landers wrote about a couple who has six children, all named Eugene Jerome Dupuis, Junior. The children answer to One, Two, Three, Four, Five, and Six, respectively!"

"Tonsilitis Jackson has brothers and sisters named Meningitis, Appendicitis, and Peritonitis."

"A couple in Louisiana named their children after colleges: Stanford, Duke, T'Lane, Harvard, Princeton, Auburn and Cornell.
The parents' names? Stanford, Sr., and Loyola."

"In 1979, the Pennsylvania Health Department discovered these two first names among the 159,000 birth certificates issued in the state that year - Pepsi and Cola."

"Zachary Zzzzra has been listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as making 'the most determined attempt to be the last personal name in a local telephone directory' in San Francisco."

"One family which was not terribly successful in limiting its expansion has a series of children called, respectively, Finis, Addenda, Appendix, Supplement and Errata."

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Man Pays For Night Out At Strip Club

NEW YORK - It's bad enough to rack up a $241,000 credit card bill. It's even worse when you spend that whole 241K in one night...at a topless club.

CEO Robert A. McCormick is being sued by American Express for payment of disputed credit card charges at the Manhattan club Scores. The credit card company claims that the Savvis Inc. CEO visited the club in October 2003 with at least three other men.

However, when McCormick received the bill, Savvis called American Express to complain that some of the charges were fraudulent. The communications company said its CEO disputed all but about $20,000.

Scores spokesman Lonnie Hanover said that "high rollers" spend thousands of dollars on single bottles of champagne and tip strippers as much as $10,000 for lap dances.

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Does He Have ADD OR Need AA?

NEW ZEALAND - The Federal Magistrate's Court awarded $10,000 compensation to a fired insurance broker who repeatedly came to work intoxicated - and had even urinated in a wastebasket.

Jirra Collings Ware claimed his workplace discriminated against his attention deficit disorder. He admitted in court to frequently coming back late from lunch when he drank alcohol and had been warned not to return to work drunk.

Workplace experts warn that the court's ruling in favor of Ware could open the gates for other employees to claim ADD or depression in cases such as these.

Ware was awarded $10,000 compensation plus termination payments and other costs.

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Elderly Man Takes Victim For A Ride

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. - This is one elderly man who should not be driving.

Ralph Parker, 93, fatally struck a pedestrian and continued driving for three miles with the victim's body through his windshield. He was stopped when he drove through a toll booth on the Sunshine Skyway, and the toll taker called police.

Parker apparently suffered from dementia because he didn't know what happened or where he was.

"He may have somewhere in his mind have realized it was a crash, but immediately forgot about it," Traffic Homicide Investigator Michael Jockers said.

The victim, a 52-year-old man, had his leg severed in the crash Wednesday night.

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I Don't Remember My Baby Girl Having This...

BUDAPEST, Hungary - Two Hungarian newborns have their genders to thank for not eventually growing up with the wrong parents after being switched at the hospital.

The mix-up happened Monday night at a hospital in Debrecen, in northeastern Hungary, when two sets of parents prepared to take their newborns home, the MTI news agency reported. The two tots were lying next to one another when the parents dressed them. When they were ready, the nurse handed the right baby to the wrong mother, who didn't check the ID wrist band under the shawl.

It was some time later when the mother of a healthy girl went to change her, and immediately realized the baby was anything but a girl. The hospital quickly arranged for a baby exchange, and issued an apology.

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Pedro Finds God

Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking spot. Looking up toward heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking spot, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."

Miraculously, a parking spot appeared.

Pedro looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."

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DDL

An accident prone fellow, Nick.
Attempting coitus too quick,
Hit flesh in between
The holes of Eileen
And now wears a sling on his dick.

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"Last night's crowd - God were they horrible. I hate talking about people when they're not here, but they were bad...They got upset when they found out Oprah wasn't giving away new cars!"
--David Letterman

***

"The oldest bank robber in the United States, a 92-year-old man in Texas, has been sentenced to 12 years in prison. This is what scares me about our prison system. You know with good behavior he could be out and back on the streets by the time he's 98."
--Jay Leno

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"The government is trying to track terrorists by tricking them into logging onto adult web sites. The good news - they think they caught Bill Clinton."
--Craig Kilborn

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"To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States."
--George W. Bush

***

"You can fool some of the people all the time, and those are the ones you want to concentrate on."
--George W. Bush

***

"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."
--George W. Bush

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Rotten News....  (true)

December 9, 2005 

Man charged for selling subway token

ATLANTA (AP) - Transit police handcuffed and cited a man who sold a $1.75 US subway token to another rider who was having trouble with a token vending machine. He vows to fight the citation in court.

Transit authority spokeswoman Jocelyn Baker said Friday that the officer "acted within the law" after he spotted Donald Pirone, 42, apparently selling the token Nov. 30 inside the West End subway station.

Instead of giving Pirone a warning, the officer decided to handcuff him and give him the misdemeanour citation under a 1992 state law that bars passengers from selling Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority tokens, she said.

"What you've got to keep in mind is that fare abuse is a chronic problem," Baker said. "It costs MARTA millions of dollars every year."

Baker acknowledged that Pirone sold the token at face value and did not make a profit. But the law is the law, she said.

"There are customer service phones for people who are having trouble getting tokens out of the machine," Baker said. "The fact is, our officer acted within the law."

As for the handcuffs, Baker said the officer felt they were necessary. "Our officers do that for their own safety," Baker said.

There was no answer Friday at a phone listed to a Donald Pirone in Atlanta. Pirone told WSB Radio that he was just trying to help a fellow passenger out who was having trouble with a token machine. He said he will fight the citation but will have to ride MARTA to court because he doesn't have a car.

"I gave him a token and, I guess out of his generosity, he gave me the money for it," Pirone said. "But I didn't ask him for money."

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New Zealand Man Tries to Rob Bank by Phone

Fri Dec 9, 7:24 PM ET

WELLINGTON, New Zealand - A man who robbed a New Zealand bank was so disappointed with his haul he tried again — this time by phone, police said Saturday.

"He's rung (the bank) and said 'I'm the guy who robbed you the other day and I want the manager to put some money in a bag and go and stand in the street," said Detective Sergeant Chris Winder of the Auckland Police.

"(He said) 'I'll drive by slowly and take the bag from you and drive off.'"

A plain clothes police officer stood outside the bank in the northern city of Auckland on Friday carrying a bag but the man did not appear. Instead, he called again.

"A phone call was made by the offender saying, 'I've been watching and I don't like what I see,'" Winder said. "He said 'can you meet me down (the road) instead.'"

A plain clothes officer waited for the man at the second rendezvous but he again failed to appear.

Police traced the calls and arrested a man Saturday, charging him with aggravated robbery and demanding money with menaces.

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He puked his guts up? Nice..

By Erik Kirschbaum

Fri Dec 9,12:56 PM ET

LEIPZIG, Germany (Reuters) - The British embassy in Germany launched a new website for the 2006 World Cup on Friday that includes handy German phrases for England fans, such as "He was sick as a parrot" or "He puked his guts up."

The website (www.britishembassyworldcupcom) is designed to help the estimated 100,000 English fans expected to travel to Germany for the 32-team tournament that starts in Munich on June 9 and concludes with the July 9 final in Berlin.

"Germany will be hosting the world's biggest party and it will make a great job of it," said British Ambassador Peter Torry in a statement announcing the new website ahead of Friday's draw in Leipzig, 200 km (120 miles) south of Berlin.

Torry said, with their 100,000 fans, England would have more supporters in Germany than any other team, with the exception of Germany. Britain has assigned a dedicated soccer attache with a staff of 20 to coordinate the embassy's World Cup activities.

The web site contains information for fans and journalists that includes details about the World Cup venues, tips about German soccer culture and other bits of off-beat advice.

"Ihm war kotzuebel" (He was sick as a parrot) and "Er kotzte wie ein Reiher" (He puked his guts up) are in the guide as is "Wembley-tor" (Wembley goal) -- the controversial 1966 World Cup final extra time goal by Geoff Hurst when England beat West Germany.