Subject: Daily Dose - 060123 - vote for Harkins, BIZARRE NEWS, balloon,
DDL, Rotten News
Two farmers at the feed store were
discussing the local election for tax collector.
One of the candidates was named
Harkins, who was also the operator of the drawbridge over the local river.
"You gonna vote for
Harkins?" the first farmer asked.
"No, I don't think so,"
the other replied.
"Why not?" the first
farmer asked.
"Well, you remember that prize
bull I used to have? One day I looked in the barn and there's that bull lying
down actin' strange. So I asked the vet and he gave me some medicine, and he
said it had to be put in the bull's rectum.
"I took the medicine home but I
couldn't find a funnel. So I seen this old army bugle hangin' on a nail in the
barn and I used that.
"Only problem was that before I
could get that bugle out, my bull passed some gas and made a loud toot on that
bugle.
"Well sir, that scared my bull
somethin' awful and he busted out of the stall, made another toot, then busted
through the fence and went runnin' down the road.
"He went down the road, runnin'
and tootin' towards the bridge that Harkins runs. That fool old man opened the
bridge, and my bull ran across it, fell in the river and drowned.
"Now," the farmer said,
"Do you think I could vote for a man that's run that bridge for years but
don't know the difference between a boat whistle and a bull blowin' a bugle out
his ass?"
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Facts on Monster Movies
Boris Karloff, who starred as
Frankenstein, had to wear 22-pound size 24 boots. He also donned two pairs of
pants with steel struts shoved in them, and a double-thickness quilted suit.
Karloff's facial makeup was
one-sixteenth of an inch thick, and the bolts on the side of his neck left
long-term scars.
Bette Davis wanted the part of Mrs.
Frankenstein, but was turned down because she was "too aggressive."
Among the lighting tricks in the
classic film Dracula: Twin pencil-spotlights were shined in Bela Lugosi's eyes
to give Count Dracula his legendary hypnotic stare.
The Castle Dracula and Carfax Abbey
sets were so expensive to build that Universal Pictures kept and reused them.
You can spot them in numerous Universal films of the '30s.
In Boris Karloff's second big
monster flick The Mummy, he had to be wrapped every day in linen and gauze, and
was covered with mud.
Lou Chaney, Jr.'s werewolf makeup in
The Wolf Man took five hours to apply every day.
The werewolf costume was actually
made of yak hair.
***
Insurance Company Doesn't Cover
Affair
NAPERVILLE, Ill. - A Chicago-area
woman is suing the Christian-based AFLAC insurance company for not following
its own standards when her husband began having an affair at work.
Lori Johnson, an AFLAC associate in
Naperville, divorced her husband, also an AFLAC supervisor, in 2002 after she
discovered he was having an affair with another associate.
Johnson told the Chicago Sun-Times
she was originally drawn to work for the insurer because of its Christian
approach. But she says sex pictures of her husband and his lover were passed
around the office, and the two bragged about their affair, as her husband
steered clients from his wife to his lover.
***
False Bomb Threat Causes Firing
COLOMBO, Sri Lanka - Some people
will do anything to get a day off work. A stewardess for Sri Lankan Airlines
wanted to spend the day with her boyfriend instead of working, so she called in
a bomb threat.
Colombo's Sunday Times weekly
reported that when investigators traced the call, they discovered it was made
from a cell phone belonging to the stewardess' boyfriend.
"The inquiry reveals that the
stewardess had given the false alarm because she did not want to fly that
day," the paper said.
The stewardess was fired, it
reported.
***
'I'm Getting Divorced - Let's
Celebrate!'
NEW YORK - A growing number of
people in the United States who get divorced are making it an occasion to host
parties, and businesses are springing up to help them.
The national divorce rate is
approaching half of all marriages, and books such as "How to Throw a
Divorce or Breakup Party" are exhibiting brisk sales, helped by such Web
sites as Plumparty.com. The theytookeverything.com site even offers a divorce
gift registry, ABC News reported.
In the Muslim country of Morocco,
where divorce is still a disgrace, divorce parties are held to help women
redeem themselves. There, single men are invited to the party and they bring
the woman gifts of perfume, money -- and even camels.
***
House Painting Turns Colorful When
Fight Breaks Out
OVIEDO, Fla. - A fight broke out
between two neighbors over the color one man painted his house.
Sam Awhal painted his home tan with
black trim, which happened to be the same colors as Michael Dudley's house. The
sheriff's report said Dudley was upset over this, went over to talk to Awhal,
and then hit him. The man who was painting Awhal's house tried to break up the
fight.
"He got very upset ...
literally attacked ... 'cause of black paint," said painter Steve
Yaworski.
Dudley was charged, but was released
from jail Tuesday morning.
______________________________
The staff at the office where my
wife works was hosting a farewell luncheon for a retiring colleague.
As the group prepared to go to the
restaurant, they found that they couldn't fit the giant balloon they had
purchased for the guest of honor into the car.
Undaunted, they simply held the
balloon out the window as they drove.
My wife and her co-workers weren't
prepared for the glares they received from passers-by. As the long line of
traffic in front of their vehicle began to turn, they saw that their car was
right behind a funeral procession.
There was nothing they could do but
hold on to the balloon with its bright red farewell message: "Gone but not
forgotten."
______________________________
DDL
There was a young fellow named
Barney,
Who wanted to visit Killarney.
He was told the colleens there
Were screwing-machines there,
But he found that was Irishmen's blarney.
______________________________
"Bulgaria and Ukraine announced
they're considering pulling their forces out of Iraq. Yeah, the troops will be
withdrawn as soon as they can find a car that seats 6 people."
--Conan O'Brien
***
"Last week, the city of Boston
sparked controversy when it renamed the giant spruce tree in Boston Common a
holiday tree instead of a Christmas tree. Also, the city's nativity scene will
now be referred to as the Holiday Homeless Family."
--Tina Fey
***
"A new poll reveals that 56% of
Americans believe that Wal-Mart is bad for the country, while the other 44%
work there."
--Amy Poehler
***
I bet it was really tough being an
Apostle of Jesus. What if you wanted a day off?
You ring up Jesus and say,
"Jesus, I'm sick today, running a little fever and feeling congested so I
won't be able to make it to today's sermon. What...? Say that again?... I'm
cured?"
***
"I once made love to a female
clown. It was weird because she twisted my penis into a poodle."
--Dan Whitney
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Pakistan's Supreme Court Extends
Kite Ban
By ASIF SHAHZAD, Associated Press
Writer
Sat Dec 10, 8:54 AM ET
LAHORE, Pakistan - Pakistan's Supreme Court has extended a ban on making,
selling and flying kites that it imposed two months ago after ruling that the
sport has become increasingly deadly, an official said Saturday.
The court decided on Friday to extend the ban until it meets next on Jan. 26,
said Aftab Iqbal, advocate general for eastern Punjab province, of which Lahore
is the capital.
While the court was hearing the
case, police swung batons and lobbed tear gas shells outside the building to
disperse about 500 kite-makers and kite-flying enthusiasts who were trying to
attend the proceedings.
Lahore is the site of Basant, an
annual kite-flying festival where tens of thousands of people fly kites from
rooftops and sports fields. Hardline Muslims oppose Basant as a waste of money
and consider it a Hindu festival. It is also celebrated with loud music and
yellow dresses.
The sport sometimes turns deadly
when people die from wounds from metal kite strings or falls from roofs. The
Supreme Court on Oct. 25 decided to ban kite flying in view of the increasing
deaths, Iqbal said.
About 19 people died and more than
200 were injured in February this year during Basant, which means
"yellow" in the Hindi language and heralds spring.
Iqbal said the government is
planning to pass a law for a partial or complete ban on kite flying or
restricting kites to fields or open spaces.
Violations of the Supreme Court ban
can be punished by up to six months in jail.
A lawyer representing 90 kite
manufacturers who oppose the kite flying ban said it will make some 100,000
people jobless and denied the festival was linked to Hinduism.
"The festivity has nothing to
do with religion," Malik Abdul Qayyum said.
**********
Ogre to Slay? Outsource It to
Chinese
By DAVID BARBOZA
Published: December 9, 2005
FUZHOU, China - One of China's
newest factories operates here in the basement of an old warehouse. Posters of
World of Warcraft and Magic Land hang above a corps of young people glued to
their computer screens, pounding away at their keyboards in the latest hustle
for money.
Young Chinese men playing video
games in an online-gaming center, one of hundreds that take fees to help
players reach higher levels.
Workers have strict quotas and are
supervised by bosses who equip them with computers, software and Internet
connections to thrash online trolls, gnomes and ogres.
The people working at this
clandestine locale are "gold farmers." Every day, in 12-hour shifts,
they "play" computer games by killing onscreen monsters and winning
battles, harvesting artificial gold coins and other virtual goods as rewards
that, as it turns out, can be transformed into real cash.
That is because, from Seoul to San
Francisco, affluent online gamers who lack the time and patience to work their
way up to the higher levels of gamedom are willing to pay the young Chinese
here to play the early rounds for them.
"For 12 hours a day, 7 days a
week, my colleagues and I are killing monsters," said a 23-year-old gamer
who works here in this makeshift factory and goes by the online code name
Wandering. "I make about $250 a month, which is pretty good compared with
the other jobs I've had. And I can play games all day."
He and his comrades have created yet
another new business out of cheap Chinese labor. They are tapping into the
fast-growing world of "massively multiplayer online games," which involve
role playing and often revolve around fantasy or warfare in medieval kingdoms
or distant galaxies.
With more than 100 million people
worldwide logging on every month to play interactive computer games, game
companies are already generating revenues of $3.6 billion a year from
subscriptions, according to DFC Intelligence, which tracks the computer gaming
market.
For the Chinese in game-playing
factories like these, though, it is not all fun and games. These workers have
strict quotas and are supervised by bosses who equip them with computers,
software and Internet connections to thrash online trolls, gnomes and ogres.
As they grind through the games,
they accumulate virtual currency that is valuable to game players around the
world. The games allow players to trade currency to other players, who can then
use it to buy better armor, amulets, magic spells and other accoutrements to
climb to higher levels or create more powerful characters.
Most of the players here actually
make less than a quarter an hour, but they often get room, board and free
computer game play in these "virtual sweatshops."
**********
Raunchy 'South Park' Virgin Mary
Episode Angers Catholics
POSTED: 9:17 am EST December 9, 2005
NEW YORK -- "South Park"
has proved again that nothing's sacred.
The Catholic League for Religious
and Civil Rights is condemning an episode of "South Park" that it
said "defiled" the Virgin Mary.
The cartoon, which runs on Comedy
Central, features an episode this week titled "Bloody Mary," in which
a South Park character claims to have been sprayed with blood from a body
orifice of a Virgin Mary statue. When Pope Benedict investigates, he declares
that she's just having her period.
The Catholic League is urging the
board of Viacom, which owns Comedy Central, to apologize to Catholics and stop
the episode from airing the next several nights as scheduled.
The Catholic League notes that
Viacom board member Joseph Califano is a practicing Catholic, and that Thursday
was the church's feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Virgin Mary.
***********
