Subject: Daily Dose - 060121 - quarterback, BIZARRE NEWS, Greasy Spoon,
DDL, Rotten News
A guy took his girl friend to her
first Longhorn football game. They had great seats right behind their team's
bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it,"
she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I
just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked,
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a coin
and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming
was: get the quarterback. Get the quarterback! Its only 25 cents!
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Recycling Facts
* Americans use enough corrugated
cardboard in a year to make a bale the size of a football field. About 40% of
it is recycled.
* If Americans recycled half our
newsprint every year, we'd need 3,200 fewer garbage trucks to collect municipal
trash.
* Americans throw away enough used
motor oil every year to fill 120 supertankers. It could all be recycled.
* To make plastics, the U.S. uses
about a billion barrels of petroleum by-products each year. This is enough to
fill over 56,000 Olympic-sized swimming pools.
* Every year, Americans dispose of
1.6 billion pens, 2 billion razors and blades, and 18 billion diapers.
* Americans use 100 million steel
and tin cans every day. We recycle about 5% of them.
* According to the EPA, we create
enough garbage every year to fill a convoy of 10-ton garbage trucks 145,000
miles long.
[From Uncle John's 4-Ply Bathroom
Reader]
***
What's Happening in Sweden?
STOCKHOLM - I'm glad this didn't
happen in the United States. Look out sperm donors in Sweden. The Supreme Court
has ruled that a man who donated his sperm to a lesbian couple must pay child
support for the three children he fathered.
The man, who gave his sperm to the
couple in the early 1990s, had agreed he would have no part in the boys'
upbringing. However, he signed a document that said he was the father. Now that
the two women have separated, the biological mother wanted child support from
the man.
The man went to the district and
appeals court, but lost. The Supreme Court upheld these rulings.
***
Boy In Zoo Acts Like Real Animal
ORTH WALES - A youth at the Welsh
Mountain Zoo stole a white rabbit and threw it into the alligator pool in an
act that is being described as "senseless barbarity."
The youth, who is being sought by
police, took a rabbit from the children's farm and brought it to the alligator
exhibit. "He grabbed the rabbit and took it a distance of 20-30 yards to
the alligator beach and threw it into the pool," zoo director Chris
Jackson said.
Witnesses were horrified to see the
poor animal still alive in the alligator's jaws before it was killed.
Staff detained one youth and handed
him over to police, but two more got away.
***
Such 'Rash' Behavior
LELYSTAD, Netherlands - A man who
pulled down his pants to show a Dutch judge evidence in defense of allegations
he threatened another man, won't face additional charges.
The 43-year-old defendant,
identified only as A.B., was trying to prove to the judge in the city of
Lelystad that he was the victim and not the culprit in the case, reports
Expatica. He had been accused of threatening the former boyfriend. A.B., who
faces a two-week suspended sentence, insisted police did nothing to protect him
from the other man's aggression -- resulting in the outbreak of the rash.
A.B. then stood up from the dock,
pulled his trousers to his ankles and pointed to a rash on his legs as he
walked toward the judge, the report said.
"Now, that is really
unnecessary," the judge protested.
***
You've Got To Be 'Kid'ding Me
Arkansas woman Michelle Duggar gave
birth this week to a baby girl. This wouldn't be a big deal except that the
baby is the 16th child for Michelle and her husband Jim Bob.
That's right. Johannah Faith Duggar
has 10 brothers and five sisters.
"The entire family is excited
to welcome another child into their lives," Duggar said. "Everyone is
healthy and happy and doing wonderful."
The other children range from
17-year-old Joshua to Jackson, who was born last year. All have names beginning
with J.
The Discovery Channel has done two
TV specials on the family. The first, "14 Children and Pregnant
Again," was made a couple of kids ago and is getting a reprise in honor of
the new arrival. "Raising Your 16 Children" is underway is scheduled
to air in March.
______________________________
Greasy Spoon Restaurant Glossary
Paint it
red
Put ketchup on an item
Java, Joe or a cup of mud Coffee
A blonde with sand
Coffee with cream and sugar
Shake one in the hay Strawberry
milkshake
Cackle
fruit
Eggs
Wreck
'em
Scrambled eggs
Adam & Eve on a raft Two
poached eggs on toast
On the
hoof
Any kind of meat cooked rare
Bloodhound in the Hay Hot dog and
Sauerkraut
Whistleberries
Baked beans
Frog
sticks
French fries
Paint a bow-wow red Gimme
a hot dog with ketchup
Irish
turkey
Corned beef and cabbage
Zeppelins in a fog
Sausages and mashed potatoes
Burn
one
Put a hamburger on the grill
Pin a rose on
it Add
onion to an order
Burn one; drag it
through Hamburger with lettuce, tomato
the garden and pin a rose and onion
on it.
______________________________
DDL
There was a young fellow named Ted,
[Who] had a radio put in his head.
Long wave or short
He did it for sport -
And to improve his reception in bed.
______________________________
Since spaghetti is now 'pasta' and a
TV set is a 'home entertainment system,' the manager of my grocery store did
his best to jazz up the lowly egg.
He still has some work to do. A sign
he put up in the dairy section advertised "Boneless Chicken."
***
"The U.S. Postal Service says
they expect to handle twenty billion pieces of mail for the holidays. They'll
only deliver about ten billion, but they'll handle twenty billion."
--Jay Leno
***
"My son Harry turned two years
old today! He now has a full head of hair. He no longer wets his pants. I am so
jealous. It's still hard to believe I have a son. It's still hard for him to
believe I'm not his grandpa."
--Dave Letterman
***
"NBC announced today that some
of its shows will be available on iTunes for a $1.99. That's right if you sit
through the show you will be paid $1.99."
--Conan O'Brien
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
FEIGNED RETARDATION
Reported by: Sabine Boggs
December 9, 2005
His female caretakers thought they
were caring for a handicapped adult, but William Mucklow was really a financial
analyst.
His nurses say he had a scheming
mind and a penchant for Pampers. More than 20 women allege Mucklow behaved like
a baby and asked them to change his diapers.
Debbie McKemy/Alleged Victim:
"He came to the door in a green onesy with a diaper full and a binky in
his mouth. He acted like a 3-year-old child."
Court documents allege William
Mucklow pretended to be his own mother on phone interviews arranging for health
care workers to come to his home.
Sheila Anderson/Private
Investigator: "He kept trying to raise up my shirt and I had to change his
dirty diaper. I really believed he was a child."
But the truth was Mucklow worked as
a financial adviser.
Sheila Anderson/ Private
Investigator: "I feel like he is a sex offender and should be
stopped."
While Mucklow is still walking the
streets more than a year after his alleged crime, one of his victims says he's
still holding her emotionally hostage.
Debbie McCrorey/Alleged Victim:
"We're losing paychecks because of him. He still has us in his
hands."
Mucklow is charged with two counts
of battery, fraudlent schemes and false pretenses. If convicted he could face
up to 4 years in prison.
His bench trial will take place in
February.
**********
Pensioners 'hog-tie' burly intruder
12 December 2005
By ALAN WOOD
A man ended up "trussed up like
a chicken" after taking on the mainly elderly members of the Christchurch
Petanque Club who found him hiding in the ladies' loo.
The pensioners yesterday became
crime fighters as they turned up for their regular game.
Executive committee member Noeline
Price said members had opened up the North Hagley Park clubrooms as usual about
11am to find the trophy cabinet smashed, and "anything of value"
including the vacuum cleaner gathered ready for a cleanout.
One of the women members tried to
enter the ladies' toilets, alerting other members the door was locked, before a
very large tattooed man aged in his 30s or 40s tried to push past.
"He'd locked himself in the
ladies' loo and we didn't know we'd disturbed him ..." she said. "He
burst out of the loo, he couldn't get out any other way."
Price said the ensuing struggle was
like an episode of the Keystone Kops.
A very brave man, Bob Vernal, took
him in a flying tackle and brought him down on asphalt.
"We're all old age pensioners
... anyway we're all young at heart and all formed round him and held him down
until the police arrived, " Price said.
Vernal downplayed his leading tackle
role, saying he probably would have been red-carded for the elbow into the jaw
tackle had it taken place on the rugby field.
The immediate past president of the
club, Ivan Hansen, said there was a serious side to the matter the man had a
knife hidden in his clothes, which was found by police during a search at the
scene.
"He struggled like mad; he had
people sitting on top of him holding him to the ground. He was very violent.
"One of the ladies went away
and found a rope somewhere ... he was trussed up like a chicken when the police
arrived. To be held on the ground by guys who are all retired made a bit of a
goat out of him."
Hansen said it was hilarious that
later the man's apparent girlfriend came into the clubrooms searching for him,
and asking as to his whereabouts.
"I said 'Has he got a lot of
tattoos?' She said 'Yeah.' I said 'Well, I can tell you where you can find him
in the police station.'"
A police spokeswoman said a man had
been arrested over the incident, and officers had found him
"hog-tied" at the clubrooms.
**********
Thrift Store Manager Finds Heirloom
Buffet
Mon Dec 12, 5:28 PM ET
OMAHA, Neb. - It was a tiny,
cigarette burn on an old buffet that first grabbed Laura Michael's attention at
the Goodwill WearHouse. As the manager, she's used to seeing worn pieces of
furniture. But two weeks ago, this newly delivered piece seemed to evoke
memories and the smells of holidays at her family home in Phoenix.
She thought about how her family had
a similar heirloom, given to them by her great-grandmother. But her mother was
forced to sell it two decades ago because money was tight.
When she saw the burn, she was
struck because her old buffet was scarred in the same way.
And then, the 37-year-old woman took
a position familiar to her as a child. She crawled underneath the 5-foot-long,
3-foot high buffet. As a child, she used to go under furniture and doodle
houses and suns on the bottom of hutches, chairs and tables.
Perhaps she'd find similar markings,
she thought.
Not only did she find a little house
she had drawn, but she also found her name written on the unfinished wood.
Michael quickly called her mom to
tell her of their good luck. She offered to send it to her mother, who refused.
The piece was destined for her daughter, she said.
It's not clear how the piece arrived
in Omaha. Goodwill does not track where pieces come from or who donates them.
Michael's roommate bought the buffet
for her for $50. Michael said she hopes to refinish it and display it in her
kitchen.
"I'm sure I'm going to love it
once it all sinks in," Michael said. "But it's been pretty
creepy."
****************
16-Foot 'Snowzilla' Attracting
Sightseers
POSTED: 9:51 am EST December 20,
2005
ANCHORAGE, Alaska -- With the help
of his kids and neighbors, Billy Ray Powers built more than just a snowman --
they've dubbed his 16-plus-foot-tall creation "Snowzilla."
After using up all the snow in the
family's yard, they turned to neighbors' yards and carried buckets on sleds.
They hand-packed the snowman like an ice-cream cone.
"It's solid ice," he said.
"I put the arms in with my power drill."
It took a month to complete the
project. It was too big to use buttons for its eyes, so Snowzilla gazes over
the neighborhood from beer bottles.
Powers says the project took on a
life of its own as it got bigger and bigger. Now Snowzilla is attracting plenty
of sightseers.
"People stop by, and they're
just flabbergasted," said neighbor Darrell Estes. "They walk up and
knock on it to make sure it's real snow, not Styrofoam."