Subject: Daily Dose - 060115 - Dwr yn ych-y-fi, BIZARRE NEWS, THE NAME GAME, DDL, Rotten News

I'm back ! Please forgive me if there are any repeats in the jokes for a while, since I'm still trying to overcome the loss of data back in December.

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A farmer was out on his Welsh hillside tending his flock one day, when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from the stream which ran down from one of his fields. Realising the danger he shouted over to the man, "Paid a yfed y dwr! Mae'n ych-y-fi!" (Don't drink the water. It's poisoned!)

The man at the stream lifted his head and put a cupped hand to his ear shrugged his shoulders at the farmer, and carried on drinking.

Realising the man at the stream couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer and again yelled, "Paid a yfed! Dwr ych-y-fi! Defaid yn cachu yn y dwr!"(Don't drink. Water's poisoned. Sheep crap in the water.)

Still the man couldn't hear the farmer.

Finally the farmer walked right up to the man at the stream and once again said, "Dwr yn ych-y-fi! Paid a'i yfed!" (Water's poisoned. Don't drink it!)

"I'm dreadfully sorry, my good man, I couldn't understand a word you said. Can't you speak English?" said the man at the stream in a extremely fine British accent.

"Oh I see..." said the farmer. "I was just saying, if you use both hands you can get plenty more in."

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Laws From Around the U.S.

California: Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.

Illinois, Champaign: One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.

Florida: Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

Alaska: It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

Arizona: You may not have more than two dildos in a house.

Illinois, Chicago: Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.

New York: The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

Florida: It is considered an offense to shower naked.

Maryland, Baltimore : It's illegal to take a lion to the movies.

Texas: A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.

California, San Francisco: It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.

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Police Give Stiff Penalties To Sex Party Participants

MOLNDAL, Sweden - Swedish police found a Norwegian woman entertaining her husband and seven other naked men when they raided a group sex party, a report said.

Authorities said the couple advertised their planned orgy online and drew 480 responses. Fifteen people were chosen to attend the sex party at a Molndal, Sweden, hotel -- paying $45 apiece.

Police watched for 30 minutes and then arrested two participants on charges of purchasing sex, which the Swedish newspaper Expressen reported the first case of its kind in Sweden. Prosecutors said more people may be charged.

Had the couple held the sex party in their home country, no charges would have been brought since buying sex is not against the law in Norway, the newspaper said.

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Pilot's Frequent Flyer Plan Really Takes Off

VANCOUVER - Pilot Marc Tacchi has come up with a way to accumulate one million air mile credits. He plans to earn the credits, which is equal to 10 round-trip, executive class flights to Australia, in just two months by flying with Air Canada over and over again.

Tacchi decided to take Air Canada up on its North America Unlimited Pass offer, which costs $3,500 a month and allows unlimited travel to over 100 destinations in North America.

"I was in Miami on Monday, I think," Tacchi said Thursday, as he waited to board a plane to either Nanaimo or Victoria. "I thought I'd have a problem with customs but the U.S. and Canada Customs people just laughed and thought it was a great idea."

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Inventor Creates New Balls for Dogs

BOSTON - Gregg Miller has designed some new balls for dogs, but these won't be used while playing fetch. Miller has just received an Ig Nobel Prize for his invention - prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs.

It all started 10 years ago with an experiment on an unwitting Rottweiler named Max, and has turned into a booming mail-order business. Miller has sold over 150,000 of his 'Neuticles,' which come in different sizes, shapes, weights and degrees of firmness.

According to the Neuticles website, the silicone implants allow a pet "to retain his natural look" and "self esteem."

Miller is very honored to be given the Ig Nobel Prize, which rewards the humorous, creative and odd side of science.

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Some Folks Have a Hard Time Letting Go

HYDERABAD, India - Syed Abdul Gafoor, a professor of English literature, had the body of his mother embalmed upon her death in their home in the southern state of Andhra Pradesh in 1985, the BBC reported.

Gafoor died last Saturday after a prolonged illness, and the family later buried both the mother and son in a local cemetery, the report said.

Neighbors say Gafoor was so fond of his mother that he had refused to bury her according to Muslim customs.

"In the large ancestral home, he lived in one room and the body was kept in another one. He had made it clear to us that the body should be buried only after his death," said a nephew of the professor. "He was so eccentric that he would not allow anybody to even look at the glass casket in which the body was kept."

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THE NAME GAME

If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty.

If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono.

If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali.

If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra.

If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John.

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.

If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.

If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh.

How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou.

If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.

If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.

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DDL

There once was a man called Nick,
Who had an enormous prick
In his finger one day,
But it soon went away,
For his skin was a thick as a brick.

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"Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was hospitalized earlier this week with a rapid heartbeat...After the doctors examined him, they replaced some of Arnold's obsolete computer chips and reinforced his titanium exo-skeleton. He was good as new."
--Jay Leno

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"King Kong" opens tonight. This "King Kong" craze is big. He's so popular that next he may run for Governor of California."
--Dave Letterman

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"The city of Detroit is in the middle of a recount to determine who won the mayor's race. Surprisingly, both candidates are claiming the other guy won."
--Conan O'Brien

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As a mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so he would behave, she said, "Why do I always have to pay you to be good; why can't you be good for nothing like your father?"

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Why do they let big titted girls work at Hooters, but they won't let one legged girls work at i-Hop?

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Rotten News....  (true)

Forlorn Lover Leaves Ring in Unlocked Car

Thu Dec 15, 4:44 PM ET

WESTBOROUGH, Mass. - An anonymous gift-giver, apparently depressed over a lost love, left a $15,000 diamond engagement ring in somebody's else's unlocked car in a commuter parking lot.

The ring came in a box topped with a white bow and accompanied by a note, which read: "Merry Christmas. Thank you for leaving your car door unlocked. Instead of stealing your car I gave you a present. Hopefully this will land in the hands of someone you love, for my love is gone now. Merry Christmas to you."

A 37-year-old Northborough man found the three-diamond, white gold ring on the seat of his car, which he had parked at the MBTA train station in Westborough on Dec. 7, The MetroWest Daily News of Framingham reported Thursday.

He called police to report the find four days later, after he had the ring appraised.

"This appears to be random, but we don't really know," said police Lt. Paul Donnelly.

Police declined to identify the man. A police report said he had decided to keep the ring.

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Posted 12/13/2005 10:18 PM

Billboard's Arab images sparks accusation of racism

By Donna Leinwand, USA TODAY

An anti-terrorism campaign by a group that wants tighter restrictions on driver's licenses has angered Arab-Americans who say that an image on a planned billboard — an Arab man holding both a grenade and a license — is racist.

The billboard is the work of the New York-based Coalition for a Secure Driver's License, which plans to post an ad with the controversial image this month near North Carolina's state Capitol building in Raleigh. A second billboard is scheduled to be installed in late December or early January in Albuquerque, says coalition President Amanda Bowman.

She says the group is putting billboards in states it believes have particularly lax policies for scrutinizing applicants for driver's licenses.

The campaign comes about seven months after Congress passed the Real ID Act, which calls for states to adopt a uniform way of authenticating documents that people use to obtain driver's licenses. The measure was aimed at closing gaps in state driver's licensing systems that have made it easy for illegal immigrants and others to get licenses by presenting fake IDs and fraudulent documents.

The billboard shows a man wearing a traditional Arab head scarf called a kaffiyeh and holding a grenade and a driver's license. The image planned for the Raleigh billboard is imposed over a North Carolina landscape with the slogan "Don't License Terrorists" above it.

The Coalition for a Secure Driver's License is spending about $50,000 each in North Carolina and New Mexico to lease the billboards, spokesman Bill O'Reilly says.

"For us, the issue is terrorism. It's certainly not about racism," says Colleen Gilbert, the coalition's executive director. "We're trying to highlight the fact that the 9/11 hijackers had 60-plus driver's licenses. It's not about immigration for us. It's about security."

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December 14, 2005 

Brazil council votes to require 'alternative' bathrooms for transvestites

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (AP) - For most, it's the men's room or the women's. A Brazilian city is trying to give an option to those who don't fit easily into either category.

A bill passed by the Nova Iguacu city council on Tuesday would require night clubs, shopping malls, movie theatres and large restaurants to provide a third type of bathroom, for transvestites. Mayor Lindberg Farias will decide whether to make it a law.

"A lot of lawmakers didn't want to deal with this issue, but it's a serious problem in society," said Councilman Carlos Eduardo Moreira. "It's a way to put an end to prejudice."

Moreira, 32, a policeman on leave from the force, said he got the idea when dozens of transvestites showed up for a local samba show.

"It was a real problem. The women didn't feel comfortable having them in the ladies room, and the men didn't want them in their bathroom either," said Moreira, a married father of two. "I'm not doing this for my own benefit."

He said the "alternative bathrooms" could also be used by men or women who didn't mind sharing space with transvestites.

Moreira said there are nearly 28,000 transvestites in Nova Iguacu, a poor city of about 800,000 on the outskirts of Rio de Janeiro. Brazil is generally more tolerant of homosexuality than other Latin American countries, but discrimination still exists.