Subject: Daily Dose - 050518 - Canadian tourist, Paul Revere, BIZARRE NEWS,
DDL, Rotten News
Bob, a middle-aged Canadian tourist
on his first visit to Orlando, Florida, finds the red light district and enters
a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to
entertain him.
They sit and talk, frolic a little,
giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and
she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced
lady to entertain the gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little,
giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and
she too screams, "No!" and walks quickly away.
The madam is surprised that this
ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls
will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced
lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely anything would
surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Bob. They sit and talk, frolic a
little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her
ear and she screams, "NO WAY, BUDDY!" and smacks him as hard as she
can and leaves.
Madam is by now absolutely
intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a
brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's
sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. She just has
to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides she
sees a chance to teach her employees a lesson.
So she goes over to Bob and says
that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him.
They frolic, giggle, drink and then she sits in his lap.
Bob leans forward and whispers in
her ear, "Can I pay in Canadian currency?"
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre Things Said During a Job
Interview
Employers listed the "most
unusual" questions that have been asked by job candidates.
What is it that you people do at
this company?"
"Why aren't you in a more
interesting business?"
"What are the zodiac signs of
all the board members?"
"Why do you want
references?"
"Do I have to dress for the
next interview?"
"Will the company move my rock
collection from California to Maryland?"
"Will the company pay to
relocate my horse?"
"Does your health insurance
cover pets?"
"Would it be a problem if I'm
angry most of the time?"
"Does your company have a
policy regarding concealed weapons?"
"Do you think the company would
be willing to lower my pay?"
"Sometimes I feel like smashing
things."
"Once a week, I usually feel
hot all over."
"I must admit that I am a
pretty fair talker."
"If the pay was right, I'd
travel with the carnival."
"I would have been more
successful if nobody would have snitched on me."
"I think I'm going to
throw-up."
***
Don't Put Your Money Where Your
Marijuana Is
GREENSBURG, Ind. - Some people are
just asking to get busted for drugs.
Timothy Richards, 45, went to bail
his brother-in-law out of jail using money that reeked of marijuana. Richards
handed $400 to dispatcher Julie Meyers, who noticed something unusual about the
cash.
"When I walked back toward the
jail I noticed the money was damp and smelled funny," Meyers said. A
jailer who sniffed the money told her it smelled like marijuana, she said.
After Indiana State Trooper Chip
Ayers got a whiff of the smelly cash, he asked Richards for consent to search
him and his car. A search of Richard's vehicle uncovered a pipe and a small
amount of marijuana.
Richards was put in jail for several
hours - until his brother-in-law made bail and came back to pay his own $250
bond.
***
Toilet Unclogging Leaves Girl A
Little Flushed
BONITA SPRINGS, Fla. - Who needs a
janitor when you can make a 5-year-old girl remove a clog from a toilet?
After the little girl got sick in
the bathroom of her kindergarten class, the teacher made her put on rubber
gloves and unclog the toilet herself.
The girl's mother, Lori Januska,
sued Bonita Springs Charter School after she said her 5-year-old daughter,
Heather, clogged the toilet and was made to remove it while the whole class
watched. The suit claims that the school staff was negligent in hiring an
unqualified teacher.
Mark Levinsen, senior vice president
of administration and human resources for Charter Schools USA, investigated the
original complaint and said the teacher was disciplined.
***
Going Bananas Over Missing Gorilla
Balloon
STANWOOD, Wash. - Police are on the
look-out for a giant gorilla... a giant inflatable gorilla, that is.
The gorilla was an advertisement at
a local shopping mall for a hot tub sale. Last week high winds caused owner
Mike McDaniel to release some air from the 25-foot blue and yellow inflatable
ape. Soon after it was cut from its restraints and stolen along with the fan
used to inflate the animal.
McDaniel is offering a $500 reward
for the return of his missing monkey.
A year prior, vandals had slashed
the gorilla's leg. How much can one monkey take?
***
License Renewer Hits the DMV
ANCHORAGE, Alaska - A man on his way
to renew his driver's license made like a NASCAR driver and hit the wall... of
the DMV.
Police believe the man's driving was
impaired by medication. After driving over the sidewalk, denting the building's
metal siding and cracking an inside wall the man backed up and exited the
vehicle and proceeded inside for his license renewal. Employees said the man
acted like nothing had happened.
Once inside, the man took a number
and told a clerk he had "tapped" the building. Once police arrived he
had paid his $20 and had a new license. He was charged with driving under the
influence.
______________________________
A Texan, trying to impress a Boston
native with tales about the heroes of the Alamo, says... "Why, I'll bet
you never had anyone so brave around Boston."
"Humpf! Ever hear of Paul
Revere?" asked the Bostonian.
"Paul Revere?!" said the
Texan. "Isn't he the guy who ran for help?
______________________________
DDL
A fellow once met a young whore,
Who wore nothing behind or before.
He looked at her well,
Said, "Whatever you sell,
I must say I like the decor."
______________________________
"Egotism is the anesthetic that
dulls the pain of stupidity."
--Frank Leahy
***
"What the world needs is more
geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left."
--Oscar Levant
***
"It is only possible to live
happily ever after on a day-to-day basis."
--Margaret Bonnano
***
The next time you're having a bad
day, imagine this: You're a Siamese twin. Your brother, attached at your
shoulder is gay but your not... And, you only have one ass.
Feel better?
--Jack Handy
***
Why don't cowboys make good lovers?
Because they think a good ride is
eight seconds.
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Man Who Defended Self Cites
Incompetence
Wed Apr 6,11:30 PM ET
By TRUDY TYNAN, Associated Press
Writer
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. - Thomas P. Budnick
says his lawyer's incompetence was to blame for his assault conviction. The
funny thing is he was representing himself.
He took his case before the state
Appeals Court on Wednesday, arguing that the trial judge never should have
allowed Budnick to defend himself against charges of trying to poison a friend
by lacing a bottle of beer with nitric acid.
Budnick once filed mining claims on
Mars and threatened to sue NASA for trespassing. Such antics should have been
enough to make the judge question his competence to waive counsel, his new
court-appointed lawyer said.
"This was a guy who had just
come out of Bridgewater," said Linda Harvey, referring to the state mental
hospital.
Budnick was charged in 2002 with
trying to poison friend Ryan Gauthier by spiking a 40-ounce bottle of beer.
Budnick, who claimed he had
accidentally given Gauthier a bottle of acid he kept in his garage for cleaning
his collection of meteorites, was convicted of assault with a dangerous weapon
and sentenced to two years in prison.
But he was cleared of the more
serious charge of attempted poisoning because the liquid spilled on Gauthier's
leg and burned him before he could drink it.
Hampden County prosecutor Carl
Lindley told the Appeals Court that, despite his eccentricities, Budnick had
"made an effective litigant."
"The jury acquitted him of the
most serious charge," Lindley pointed out to the panel of justices who met
Wednesday at Western New England Law School.
For more than 20 years, Budnick
tried to file and peddle mining claims in such diverse places as George's Bank,
the asteroid belt, Mars and the moons of Jupiter. After trying several states
without success, he finally persuaded Texas authorities to accept his astral
mineral rights claims in 1984.
The court did not immediately rule
on Budnick's appeal. He's scheduled to be released from prison this summer.
**********
Wed, Apr 06, 2005
Police Raid Club Over Nude 'Art
Night'
BOISE, Idaho (Reuters) - An Idaho
strip club that attempted to get around a ban on full nudity by giving patrons
sketch pads for special "art nights" was cited for violating the
city's nudity rules, officials said on Tuesday.
The citation was issued on Monday night
to the Erotic City Gentleman's Club in Boise, Idaho.
Boise allows full nudity for
"serious artistic" expression only, so the club handed out pencils
and sketch pads to patrons so they could sketch naked women.
A police spokeswoman said officials concluded,
however, that patrons were not focused on art, so officers cited three dancers
for violations of the city nudity ordinance. "The case is being reviewed
by the Boise city attorney for the possibility of future citations," said
spokeswoman Lynn Hightower.
Erotic City owner Chris Teague
called the citations a violation of the civil rights of the dancers, as well as
an "insult to the patrons." But the club would suspend 'art night'
until the matter was settled in court.
**********
Wed, Apr 06, 2005
Pope Reborn as Superhero in Comic
BOGOTA, Colombia (Reuters) - Pope
John Paul II is being reborn in a Colombian comic book as a superhero battling
evil with an anti-Devil cape and special chastity pants.
The first episode of the "Incredible
Popeman" is about to go on sale in Colombia and shows the late Polish
pontiff meeting comic book legends such as Batman and Superman to learn how to
use superpowers to battle Satan.
"The pope was a real-life
superhero, of flesh and blood," said Colombian artist Rodolfo Leon, a
non-practicing Catholic who has been working on the comic book for about a
year.
Like any self-respecting superhero,
the Incredible Popeman has a battery of special equipment. Along with his
yellow cape and green chastity pants, the muscular super-pontiff wields a faith
staff with a cross on top and carries holy water and communion wine.
In the comic book, the pope dies and
is reborn with superpowers beyond the infallibility Catholic doctrine gave him
on Earth.
Leon said he was saddened by the
death Saturday of John Paul II, whom he admired. The artist worried some people
might be offended by such a revered figure becoming a comic book hero, but said
the reception so far has been good.
Apart from predominantly Catholic
Colombia, the book will be sold in Poland and publishers in Mexico, Canada and
the United States have expressed interest, Leon said.
He also plans to produce Incredible
Popeman action dolls.
"He isn't John Paul II any
more," Leon said. "From now on, he's the Incredible Popeman."
No fires allowed