Subject: Daily Dose - 050511 - Sea of Galilee, BIZARRE NEWS, parking spot, DDL, Rotten News

A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost fifty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee.

"Hoot mon," he said, "in Scotland it wouldna ha' been more than $20."

"That might be true," said the travel agent, "but you have to take into account that the Sea of Galilee is water on which our Lord himself walked."

"Well, at $50 an hour for a boat," said the Scotsman, "it's no wonder he walked!"

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BIZARRE NEWS...

DUMB THINGS PEOPLE SAID or DID DURING A JOB INTERVIEW...
(reported by Human Resource personnel):

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to arm wrestle.

Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.

Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.

"What is it that you people do at this company?"

"What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

"Why do you want references?"

"Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"

I am fascinated by fire.

I feel uneasy indoors.

My legs are really hairy.

I think I'm going to throw-up.

Candidate dozed off during interview.

"Does your health insurance cover pets?"

"Why am I here?"

***  

His Plan Went to Poop

SAN DIEGO - A burglar thought he was in luck when he saw a woman walking with a bag in her hand.

The 32-year-old woman told police she was taking her dog, Misty, for a walk when a man ran up to her and grabbed the bag out of her hands. He soon discovered his lucky find was really a bag of poop that the woman had just cleaned up from her pooch.

He threw the bag down in disgust, pulled out a gun and demanded money.

According to San Diego police detective Gary Hassen, the robber then attempted to shoot his .22-caliber semiautomatic at Misty but the gun didn't fire. He finally gave up and ran to a silver car and fled the scene.

San Diego police are on the lookout for the turd burglar.

***

Some Things Just Won't Wait

KETTERING, Ohio - As Debbie Coleman rushed to the hospital to give birth, she realized she wasn't going to make it there.

While her 3- and 4-year-old daughters slept in the back seat, Coleman pulled into a gas station just after midnight Tuesday. A customer tried to give police a heads-up about Coleman's situation, but a mix-up with the license plate number had them thinking the van was stolen.

Coleman was heading to the hospital with the baby boy in her arm when she noticed several cruisers following her before one cut her off. With guns drawn, officers ordered her out of the van with her hands up.

"I opened the door and said, 'I just had a baby' and just let them see everything," she said.

She had no more problems getting to the hospital after that.

***

Turkeys' Gone Wild

Elkhart, Ind. - It sounds like a scene out of Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds".

A school teacher noticed a group of wild turkeys outside of the school. The turkeys didn't appear to be bothersome, but when the children went out for recess... our feathered friends harassed the children.

Police and animal control were called to capture the badgering birds. After a 25 minute chase the fowl remain at large. A week earlier the turkeys' obstructed traffic on the road which lead to the school.

I wonder if they saw this month's lunch menu?

***

Parachutist's Stunt Goes Out With a Crash

Calgary, Canada - A parachutist's stunt went horribly wrong when he attempted to jump off the Canadian Trust building and safely descend to the ground thanks to a trusty parachute.

During his jump, the 41-year-old was caught by a wind and slammed into a 24th floor window. The broken glass then went through seven windows in the atrium below.

The failed stunt caused around $5,000 in damages and the daredevil could face charges.

After police arrived the would be stuntman was taken to a hospital for pelvic, back and abdominal injuries.

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After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look.

His responding gestures were very cofusing. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't want the space.

"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'"

______________________________

DDL

A hungry old trollop from Yemen
Did a pretty good business with he-men.
But she gave up all fucking
In favor of sucking,
For the protein contained in the semen.

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"Britney Spears and her husband Kevin Federline have a new reality show coming out on the UPN network. Well, it's nice to see Britney finally capitalizing off Federline's amazing star power."
-Dennis Miller

***  

"A photo shoot for this month's Vanity Fair turned into chaos when a cat fight broke out between the cast of "Desperate Housewives." Cops raced to the scene and said, Yes!'"
--Craig Ferguson

***  

"A man in England is marketing a cell phone in the shape of a Star Trek communicator. The man says the Star Trek cell phone works great but that it is unable to make contact with women."
--Conan O'Brien

***

Q: Have you heard about the brown nosed duck?

A: He could fly just as fast as the other ducks but couldn't stop as fast.

***

Yesterday my son came home and said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is - I got 18 out of 20 on my driver's test."

I said, "Great! Now what's the bad news?"

He said, "They were pedestrians."

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Rotten News....  (true)

Finnish Engineering Students Protest High Numbers

Thu Apr 14, 8:35 AM ET

HELSINKI (Reuters) - Finland's 40,000 engineering students walked out of their classes Wednesday to put pressure on the government to reduce the number of engineering places.

The students argue there are too many of them competing for too few jobs now that the technology boom has ended.

The boom in the latter half of the 1990s and the rise of Finish mobile phone maker Nokia sparked a surge in the number of places for engineering students at Finland's polytechnics.

"When the (technology) bubble burst, not a single step was taken backwards. The same numbers (of engineering students) are still taken in even though there is no work for them," said Sampo Hakli, chairman of the Finnish Union of Engineering Students.

Finland's engineering student intake has tripled over the last 15 years, with roughly a third studying information technology.

The walkout, large by Finnish standards, aims for numbers to be cut by 1,000 annually for the next five years.

**********

Man Returns $2,000 Found in Shirt Pocket

Thu Apr 14, 7:48 AM ET

WEST BEND, Wis. - Larry Hoffman brought home a bargain shirt from the Goodwill store — only to find $2,000 in cash stuffed in a pocket.

The 69-year-old retiree returned to the store the same day to report the money.

"The money certainly wasn't mine. It belonged to somebody else, obviously," Hoffman said of his April 1 find. "That person was certainly on my mind more than me."

Store manager Rebecca Johnson said customers have returned small amounts of money found in clothing, "but nothing on this scale" in the six years she's been in charge.

"If there's a one-tenth of 1 percent chance that somebody's going to claim it, they should have that opportunity," Hoffman said Wednesday.

Goodwill has no way to trace the source of the shirt, so Johnson called West Bend police. The rightful owner has 90 days to claim the money. After that, Hoffman can claim it or else it goes in the city treasury.

Police won't disclose any details about the shirt or the denominations of the bills that were found. That information has to come from anyone seeking to claim the money.

"When we were kids, it was always 'finders keepers, losers weepers,'" Hoffman said. "But that's not really the case. You've got to keep the losers from weeping too much."

**********

Wed, Apr 13, 2005

Bad days for South Korea's type-B men

By Jon Herskovitz

SEOUL (Reuters) - Lee Sung-san is a 24-year-old South Korean student looking for love and hoping that the women he is wooing don't ask him for his blood type.

Genetics and pop culture have teamed up to make Lee's love life miserable. Lee is blood type-B, which nudges him near to the nadir of the dating scene in South Korea.

"I have had women tell me flat out they don't date blood type-B guys. They say we are selfish and hot-headed," Lee said.

South Korean magazines, TV shows and Internet chat rooms have been buzzing about blood types for years. But, these days, the subject of attention is just how difficult it is to strike up a relationship with type-B men.

Scientists say there is no link between blood type and personality. But that hasn't stopped self-proclaimed experts from declaring, for example, that type-A women, with their shy ways, should avoid type-B men, who are likely to be cads.

There are many characteristics associated with type-B people, but the bad rap going around about type-B men in Korea is that they are selfish, mercurial and absolutely useless as caring and devoted boyfriends.

Last fall, a song from singer Kim Hyun-jung called "Type-B Men" soared to the top of the charts. The song had lyrics that said type-B men are quick to get angry and quick to make up, but in the end, they will break your heart.

Another assault on pop culture came earlier this year with the release of the romantic comedy, "My Boyfriend is Type-B", which tells the frustrations of a type-A woman who falls in love with just such a man.

The man in the movie makes his girlfriend wait for hours in his car so that he doesn't have to pay for parking. On a date, his head is permanently swivelling to check out other women.

Kim Tae-suk, a doctor in the department of psychiatry at the Catholic University of Korea, said younger Koreans were buying into defining people by blood types because of what they see on TV, movies and in print.

"I can definitively say there is no scientific evidence that links a person's blood type to their character," Kim said.

He added that every jilted lover should just calm down and stop blaming a break-up on a bad blood match.