Subject: Daily Dose - 050507 - Sonia's collection
Today's collection submitted by
Sonia, here in Kuwait....
*********
Comparing Dating traditions between
cultures....
WHITE WOMEN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all
over and make out a bit.
Third date: You get to have sex but
only in the missionary position.
***
IRISH WOMEN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk
and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind
drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind
drunk and have sex.
***
ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play
and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents
and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants
to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5
kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a
Mistress.
***
JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You get terrific head.
Second Date: You get even more great
head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll
marry her and never get head again.
***
CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an
expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even
more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to
the third date and you've already realized nothing is ever going to happen.
***
INDIAN WOMEN:
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the
wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.
***
BLACK WOMEN:
First Date: You get to buy her a
real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and
her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by
someone other than you.
***
MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date: You buy her an expensive
dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week
later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of
their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her
sister's Boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans
for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like
a home along the Tijuana strip.
***
ARAB WOMEN:
First Date: Mother, Father,
Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire arab community
finds out.
Second Date: You are shot dead.
No third date.
_______________________________
In the middle of a gynaecologists conference, an English and a French
gynaecologist are discussing various interesting cases they have recently
treated.
French gynaecologist: "Only
last week, zer was zis woman ooh came to see me, and 'er cleetoris .......eet
was like a melon."
English gynaecologist: "Don't
be absurd my good man, it could not possibly have been that big, the poor woman
wouldn't have been able to walk if it was."
French gynaecologist: "O la la,
you eengleesh, zer you go again, always talkeeng about ze size...I was talkeeng
about ze taste."
______________________________
A guy walks into the local welfare
office for his monthly check. He marches straight up to the counter and
says, "Hi. You know, I just HATE coming in here drawing welfare month
after month. I'd really much rather have a job".
The social worker behind the counter
says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a
very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur-bodyguard for his nymphomaniac
daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply
all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is
$200,000 a year".
The guy says, "You're
bullshitting me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah,
well . . . you started it"
_______________________________
Guy is walking down the street, sees
a beautiful woman with a very short skirt, approaches her and says, "My
word, you're hot!!! I've GOT to make it with you! I can't help myself and no
matter what, I've GOT to have you!"
The woman is very shocked and asks him, "What!? HERE? In the middle of the
street!?"
The guy answers, "I've got to
have you now! So I'll make you an offer. I'll drop $500 on the sidewalk and,
while you're picking it up, I will do everything I want. OK?"
The lady seems to be in intense
thought.
Then she calls her friend. She tells
her friend the story, looking for some advice. The friend says, "It's no
big problem. When he drops the money, you pick up the $500 fast, and he won't
even have time to get his fireman out of his pants before you finish picking it
up. Just take the money and run!"
The next day, the friend sees the
woman walking like an old woman. The friend asks, "What happened to
you!?"
The woman answers nervously,
"That son-of-a-bitch dropped $500 in 25 cent coins!"
_______________________________
A chicken farmer went into a local
tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of
champagne.
The woman perks up and says,
"How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
He turned to her and said,
"What a coincidence. This is a special day for me; I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me,
too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the woman.
"What a coincidence," says
the man. They clinked glasses and he asked,"What are you
celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been
trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says
the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but
today they're finally fertile."
"That's great!" says the
woman, "how did your chickens become fertile?"
"I switched cocks," he
replied.
"What a coincidence," she
said.
Try it yourself....