Subject: Daily Dose - 050426 - Excellent Ears, True Stella Awards, culinary
disasters, DDL, Rotten News
Excellent Ears!!
Bob lived in an apartment building
and had to walk down the hall every morning to get his mail. One morning while
getting his mail, his new, drop-dead gorgeous neighbour came out of her
apartment towards him. As she leaned over to get her mail her robe opened a
bit. Bob could hardly believe it, she wasn't wearing a thing under her robe.
The woman leaned closer to Bob and
said good morning. This time her robe opened up completely. She purred to Bob
that she hadn't had a man in years. He could hardly keep eye contact. She said
she heard someone coming and that they should go to her apartment.
They went inside and she let the
robe fall to the floor. "What do you think my best feature is?"
Bob stuttered and drooled a bit, and
finally said, "Your ears."
"What do you mean my ears? Look
at me. I have perfect breasts, a nice tight ass, and legs to die for! What on
earth made you say ears?"
"Well," said Bob, "in
the hall, you said you heard someone coming? That was me!"
____________________________
True Stella Awards...
VERY DAZED, AND VERY CONFUSED
In October 2004, Bobby Wooderson,
Andy Slater and Richard "Pink" Floyd, all of Huntsville, Texas, sued
Universal Studios, based in Los Angeles, California, in a state court in Santa
Fe, New Mexico.
The trio claims in the suit that
director Richard Linklater used their names and likenesses when he wrote the
script for the 1993 movie "Dazed and Confused", which includes (among
many others) characters by the names of David Wooderson, Ron Slater and Randall
"Pink" Floyd.
"The use of Plaintiffs' names
and likenesses in the movie is undeniable," the suit says. "At no
time did Plaintiffs ever agree or consent to the use of their names or
likenesses." The suit says the film caused them "relentless
harassment, embarrassment and ridicule," and that it caused their
neighbors to "think poorly" of them. Worse, the characters say things
in the film that the real-life people never said.
"We had fun in high school, but
there is nothing true about that movie," Floyd said in a press release.
"Yet, I am having to deal with it all the time."
Attorney Bill Robbins III says the
pot-smoking character named Slater makes people think the real Slater uses
drugs. "Like, for example, the scene that shows me showing somebody how to
make a bong in shop class," says Slater, now 45. "I never did that.
But they used my name and they show me making a bong in shop class." That
never happened, then? "Oh, no, they did that. But it wasn't me."
That's right, it wasn't Slater; it
was a fictional character in a movie that did it.
So why was the suit filed in New
Mexico? Because, attorney Robbins says, New Mexico has a longer statute of
limitations than other states when it comes to defamation and "false
light". Associated attorney Ernest Freeman says that the 2002 DVD release
has made the problem worse. "It struck a chord with people," he says.
"It became exponentially more popular" after the video came out. Universal
has not commented on the suit, but has filed a motion to move the suit to
federal court.
Would it be defamatory to wonder
aloud just how dazed and confused the trio is to have not filed suit in 1993 if
there was a problem? Maybe they're just in it for the money. No, attorney
Freeman says: "They're not the type of people who are out to get a cheap
buck." Indeed not. Surely they prefer the more expensive kind.
Meanwhile, Floyd says he has checked
"D&C" message boards online to see what film fans think of the
suit. "700 messages. Some of them were positive, but most were negative.
'You losers -- stop smoking those joints!'"
__________________________
Every morning during our coffee
break, my co-workers and I listened to the culinary disasters of a newlywed
colleague. We then tried to share some helpful hints and recipes.
One day she asked us for
step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet potatoes, one of her husband's
favorites. "I've finally been able to make them sweet," she said,
"but how do you make them orange?"
_____________________________
DDL
There once was a handsome young
sheik,
With a marvelous penile physique.
Its length and its weight,
Made it seem really great,
But he fell very short on technique.
______________________________
"My grandmother, who's in her
nineties, still drives. People hear that and say, "God bless her."
But no one will get in the car with her. She has a 1962 Dodge Dart, it has a
push-button transmission.
At this point it's like a slot
machine. She's hit so many motorcycles, there are stencils of motorcycles
painted on the side of the car."
--Garry Shandling
***
"Some people see things that
are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all of that
garbage."
--George Carlin
***
Q: How many flies does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but how did they get in
there?
***
Unhappiness is not knowing what we
want and killing ourselves to get it.
--Don Herold
***
"Stuffed deer heads on walls
are bad enough, but it's worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having
streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know
they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot."
--Ellen Degeneres
_____________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
January 12, 2005
Pair arrested for lawyer jokes
HEMPSTEAD, N.Y. (AP) — Did you hear
the one about the two guys arrested for telling lawyer jokes?
It happened this week to the
founders of a group called Americans for Legal Reform, who were waiting in line
to get into a Long Island courthouse.
“How do you tell when a lawyer is
lying?” Harvey Kash reportedly asked Carl Lanzisera.
“His lips are moving,” they said in
unison.
While some waiting to get into the
courthouse giggled, a lawyer farther up the line Monday was not laughing.
He told them to pipe down, and when
they did not, the lawyer reported the pair to court personnel, who charged them
with disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor.
“They just can’t take it,” Kash said
of lawyers in general. “This violates our First Amendment rights.”
Dan Bagnuola, a spokesman for the
Nassau County courts, said the men were “being abusive and they were causing a
disturbance.” He said he did not have the name of the lawyer who complained.
Americans for Legal Reform monitors
the courts and uses confrontational tactics to push for greater access for the
public. The pair said that for years they have stood outside courthouses on
Long Island and mocked lawyers.
On Monday, however, Kash said he was
due in court to answer a drunken driving charge from a year and a half ago. The
men are due back in court on the disorderly conduct charge next month.
***********
Brothel Donates Money for Tsunami
Relief
Wed Jan 12, 7:43 AM ET
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German brothel
owner has been so moved by the plight of survivors from Asia's tsunami disaster
that she is donating part of her takings from clients.
"It's not every day you can
make a charitable gesture by going to a brothel," said Mercedes Mueller,
who is giving five euros ($6.60) of the 39-euro ($51) entrance charge clients
pay.
"It's so terrible what happened
there and I wanted to do something," said Mueller, who owns the Happy FKK
Club in the western city of Dortmund.
Mueller said clients, prostitutes
and the public had all responded with great enthusiasm to her gesture, and that
about 1,300 euros ($1,700) had been raised so far.
"We have as much of a right to
raise money as any other business," she said. "We all have a heart
too. I hope it will serve as an example to others."
**********
Text Voting Banned in Reality TV
Show
Tue Jan 11,12:02 PM ET
RIYADH (Reuters) - Saudi Arabia's
main mobile phone operator has banned its customers from voting by text message
in a hit reality television show because it fails to "match the
values" of the conservative Muslim kingdom.
State-owned Saudi Telecommunications
Company (STC) said Tuesday it had blocked its 9.5 million mobile phone
customers from texting votes for their favorite musical contestants on
satellite show Star Academy 2.
"We feel the program does not
match the values of the Saudi culture," said spokesman Saad Dhafer.
"Our social and economic market research shows that our customers want us
to operate in line with these values."
But Dhafer added viewers in the
kingdom were still be able to vote using a regular land line.
In Star Academy 2, a group of young
musicians from across the Arab world share a house and are filmed 24 hours a
day as they compete for a recording contract.
The show has drawn huge audiences
across the region. But religious scholars in Saudi Arabia and beyond have been
angered by the sight of young men and women singing and dancing together.
Islamists forced an Arabic satellite
network in 2004 to scrap filming in Bahrain of an Arab version of the reality
television show Big Brother because it involved unrelated men and women living
under the same roof.
Protests on the streets of Manama
denounced "Sin Brother" even though the producers had modified the
show with separate living quarters for men and women.
Finally. An honest Marlboro ad.