Subject: Daily Dose - 050404 - Good Samaritan, THIS is TRUE, Holy Gas, DDL,
Rotten News
The Good Samaritan
A good Samaritan was walking home
late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help,
he asked the drunk "do you live here?"
"Yep".
"Would you like me to help you
upstairs?"
"Yep".
When they got up on the second
floor, the good person asked, "Is this your floor?"
"Yep".
Then the good Samaritan got to
thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife
because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the
first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs.
However, when he went back outside,
there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?"
"Yep".
"Would you like me to help you
upstairs?"
"Yep".
So he did and put him in the same
door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.
Where, to his surprise, there was
another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk
staggered over to a policemanand cried "Please officer, protect me from
this man. He's been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and
throwing me down the elevator shaft!"
_____________________________
THIS is TRUE....
STRIKE 1, YOU'RE OUT: Raven Furbert,
12, has four relatives in the military stationed in Iraq, including her uncle.
To help her remember them, she wore a patriotic red, white and blue necklace, a
Christmas gift. But officials at Mont Pleasant Middle School in Schenectady,
N.Y., told her the beaded necklace is contrary to the school's dress code,
which bans "gang-related" clothing. They said if she continued to
wear it in any visible place, she would be suspended. When they discovered she
was wearing the beads hidden -- not visible -- they told her to remove them.
Furbert's mother, Katie Grzywna, says the girl was previously a good student,
but is now frequently targeted for detention, so she has filed a federal
lawsuit against the school. "I'll be really glad when this is all
over," Raven says. "I just want to wear them for my uncle" in
Iraq. (Albany Times-Union)
...Who, if you asked him, would say he's there to fight for our freedoms.
***
STRIKE 2, YOU'RE OUT: A drug dog
doing a routine sniff of cars at R.E. Lee High School in Staunton, Va., alerted
near the car parked by student body president Sam Dungan, 17. Officials demanded
he let them search the car but Dungan, the son of a defense attorney, called
his dad instead. After all, it was his dad's car, since his own was broken
down. His father, James Dungan, arrived at the school and consented to a
search, since "I don't smoke marijuana, my wife doesn't smoke marijuana,
and my son doesn't smoke marijuana," he told them. Bad idea: the search
turned up a rusty Boy Scout knife and a bottle of cream liqueur, left in the
car after a Christmas party. Good enough: Sam was suspended for 5 days for
"possessing" a "weapon" and alcohol on campus. He also must
attend alcohol counseling. (Waynesboro News Virginian)
...On the other hand, he may have a good malpractice case against his attorney.
***
STRIKE 37, YOU'RE OUT: Susan Bartlett,
34, a teacher at Pine Grove Elementary School in Brooksville, Fla., was
"out of control," colleagues say. She allegedly yelled at colleagues,
smoked pot at school, "burped loudly" in staff meetings, and called
children "stupid" in class. Yet the worst the school would do to her
is enter a reprimand in her record -- and extend her contract for another year.
School officials finally took action when, in a staff meeting, Bartlett
"pulled her pants down and showed her entire bottom to the whole group of
teachers in the room," an incident report says. The penalty? She was
ordered to take a drug test. Bartlett refused that demand, saying there was a
"lack of just cause," and only then was she fired. (St. Petersburg
Times)
...The difference between the kids and the teachers: the kids don't have a
union.
***
BAD ADVICE: Randolph J.C. Lacombe,
40, stepped into a bank in Port Alberni, B.C., Canada, and picked up a brochure
which asked, "Are you getting the right financial advice?" He turned
it over and wrote: "Thes is a holde up, no terx, just geve me the money,
no trix, thank you, and no one will gel hert." After getting C$460, he
went into a nearby hotel, stepped up to an employee, and "told her he had
just robbed a bank, and he asked her to call a cab," prosecutors say.
Obviously, he was quickly apprehended, and he pleaded guilty to robbery. (AP)
...Well, at least he finally did something right.
***
THAT'S NOTHING -- TRY THE 'STRAIN'
OF BEING A PASSENGER: "Demands of the Job Strain Airport Screeners, Air
Security"
-- USA Today headline
_________________________________
Holy Gas
A nun was walking in the convent
when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight.
"Gaining a little weight are we
sister Susan?" he asked.
"No, Father. Just a little
gas," Sister Susan explained.
A month or so later the priest
noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some more weight
are we Sister Susan?" he asked again.
"Oh no, Father. Just a little
gas," she replied again.
A couple of months later the priest
noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent. He leaned over
and looked in the carriage and said,... "Cute little fart."
______________________________
DDL
There was a young lady named Susie,
Who everyone thought was a floozy.
She liked boy scout troops
And Shriners, in groups;
"What the hell?" she said. "I'm not choosy."
_______________________________
According to a recent article i just
read on nutrition, they said eating right doesn't have to be complicated.
Nutritionists say there is a simple way to tell if you're eating right. Colors.
Fill your plates with bright colors. Greens, reds, yellows. In fact, I did that
this morning. I had an entire bowl of M&M's. It was delicious! I never knew
eating right could be so easy.
--Jay Leno
***
"The big dog show is going on
over at Madison Square Garden this week. Earlier tonight the dogs beat the
Knicks 110 to 98. It was a great game until a rottweiler went into the stands
and punched a guy."
--Dave Letterman
***
If a case of the clap spreads is it
called applause
***
"When I realized that what I
had turned out to be was a lousy, two-bit pool hustler and drunk, I wasn't depressed
at all. I was glad to have a profession."
--Danny McGoorty (1901 - 1970)
***
There is a new shoe for lesbians
called Dike.
It comes with an extra long tongue
and you can get it off with one finger.
________________________________
Rotten News... (True)
Calif. County Wants Pot Certified
Organic
Fri Feb 18, 5:38 PM ET
By MICHELLE LOCKE, Associated Press
Writer
BERKELEY, Calif. - Medical-marijuana
growers in Mendocino County — a Northern California outpost that is home to
vegans, vintners, libertarians and aging hippies — want to have their pot
certified as organic.
The notion of pesticide-free pot is
making some people smile. But county officials say the issue is serious, and
they are asking the state whether they can regulate pot-growing and pronounce
some crops organic.
They say that with no system to
regulate cultivation, consumers are at risk.
"We regulate wine grape growers
and pear growers and everybody else, so why shouldn't we also regulate pot
growers?" said Tony Linegar, assistant agricultural commissioner for
Mendocino County. "It's really an agricultural crop. In our estimate, it
should be subject to a lot of the same laws and regulations as commercial
agriculture."
California, one of 11 states with
medical marijuana laws, allows people to grow, smoke or obtain pot with a
doctor's recommendation. Around the country, medical marijuana has slowly moved
toward the mainstream, with local law enforcement agencies issuing "user
cards," and insurance companies honoring claims for stolen plants.
**********
Strip club artfully slips by
anti-nudity law
Thu Feb 17, 8:18 PM ET
BOISE, Idaho (Reuters) - A strip
club in Boise, Idaho has found an artful way to prance past a city law that
prohibits full nudity.
On what it calls Art Club Nights,
the Erotic City strip club charges customers $15 (8 pounds) for a sketch pad,
pencil, and a chance to see completely naked women dancers.
In 2001 the Boise City Council
passed an ordinance banning total nudity in public unless it had "serious
artistic merit" -- an exemption meant to apply to plays, dance
performances and art classes.
"We have a lot of people
drawing some very good pictures," said Erotic City owner Chris Teague, who
has posted many of the drawings around the club.
Teague said he got the idea when a
customer asked if he could get in for free to sketch the dancers. Realizing
that "art classes" were exempt from the law, Teague decided to bill
Mondays and Tuesdays as art nights, and let the dancers go without their
G-strings and pasties.
In the two months since they began,
Art Club Nights have drawn full crowds of 60 people but no police citations, he
said.
*********
Fri, Feb 18, 2005
Man Tries to Toss Cigarette, SUV
Ignites
SAN FRANCISCO - A man barely escaped
serious injury Thursday after a lit cigarette he tried to toss out the window
while driving across the Bay Bridge blew back in and ignited the vehicle,
according to the California Highway Patrol.
The unidentified man was driving
westbound at about 10:40 a.m. when he tossed the cigarette out the window of
his Ford Expedition, said CHP Officer Shawn Chase.
Carried by the wind, the cigarette
landed in his back seat and almost immediately burst into flames. The man
quickly pulled to the side of the road, and leapt from the flame-filled SUV,
which continued rolling into a guard rail, Chase said.
"He thought he had thrown it in
park, but he didn't and it just kept going," the officer said. "It
was in flames by the time he got out. He had some of his hair singed on the
back of his head. It burnt down to the frame. There was nothing left."
He said the man will likely face a
misdemeanor charge for littering.
"We see people throwing
cigarettes out the window all the time but never a situation like this where it
comes back in," Chase said. "This guy was lucky."
