Subject: Daily Dose - 050402 - None, BIZARRE NEWS, rape trial, DDL, Rotten News

None!

Not long after the marriage, Tom and his father met for lunch. "Well son,"asked the dad, "how is married life treating you?"

"Not very well, I'm afraid. It seems that I married a nun."

"A nun??" his father exclaimed.

"That's right. None in the morning, none at night and none unless I beg."

The father nodded knowingly, and patted his son on the back. "Why don't we all get together for a nice talk tonight?"

Tom's face brightened. "Say Dad, that's a great idea."

"Fine. I'll call and tell Mother Superior to set two extra plates."

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BIZARRE NEWS.....

Bizarre Items Stolen

A couple of San Francisco teenagers thought the perfect present for one of their girlfriends would be a pair of koala bears. The duo visited the San Francisco Zoo afterhours and snatched the creatures. Unfortunately, the girl didn't find the snarling pets to be charming and the boys had to bring the koalas back to one of their homes. They put the koalas in a tub filled with carrots, oranges and leaves, but the malnourished marsupials started to die. Acting on an anonymous tip, authorities busted the teens.

After stealing hedgehogs from a pet store in Loveland, Colorado, Raymond Martin, 18, and Wayne Ballew, 19, spent the next few months trying to unload six of the hedgehogs. However, disaster struck when Martin was pulled over for speeding and the police found a box containing the vermin. Martin gave in during questioning, admitting to the hedgehog heist and ratting out his friend. "The moral is: Don't take stolen hedgehogs out for a late-night ride and speed," said police Lt. Al Sharon.

It's not uncommon to steal a few things from the office every so often. However, it is a problem if you're a coroner's assistant. Jurek Ladziak's line of work allowed him to obtain a collection that included a skull, body parts and a number of ID cards of the dead. After Ladziak assembled his work, he decorated his warehouse-apartment to resemble a warehouse-morgue. Someone tipped off police to his dungeon of death, and Ludziak was hauled in on charges of possession of stolen property.

Dog owner Mrs. Hollis Sharpe was taking her poodle, Jonathan, for an evening walk in Los Angeles when she was jumped from behind. The mugger grabbed Sharpe's plastic bag and shoved her to the ground so hard that she broke her arm. He then took off with his prize: a big bag of dog poop. "I wish there had been a little more in the bag," said a charitable Sharpe.

Toilet troubles hit NYC residents in 1991 when a felon made off with 109 toilet bowl handles. The crafty thief even separated a handle from the toilet just down the hall from then-mayor David Dinkins' office in City Hall. Here's hoping the robber wasn't hoping to make much off the handles. "There's a little brass in there," noted Lisa Ryan, then-spokesperson for the New York City Department of General Services. "Maybe he's refurbishing and reselling them-I don't know why anyone would want them."

Missouri man Michael Marcum, stole six 350-pound electrical transformers from a power company in January 1995. His motive? To construct a time machine so he could send himself a few days into the future, find out the winning lottery numbers and then come back to buy the matching tickets. Police discovered one of the transformers during a search of Marcum's home on an unrelated vandalism investigation. The cops noticed that Marcum had plugged one of the transformers into his fuse box. An antenna was attached to the top, with a visible electrical current arcing from one rabbit ear to the other.

***

Thieves Make a Splash By Stealing Pool

OSLO, Norway - The fact that a Norwegian family's swimming pool was bolted in the ground was not a problem for some determined thieves. The Nicolaysen family was in for a big surprise when they visited their mountain cabin to discover a big hole in their yard where the swimming pool had once been.

"This can't be, we thought," Arild Nicolaysen told state radio network NRK on Monday. "We didn't think it was possible. No one can steal a swimming pool."

Well, someone found a way. The 16-foot-diameter pool and all its equipment had been uprooted and stolen sometime after early November, when the family closed up the cabin for the winter.

***

Smile...You're on Candid Camera!

Everything was going well in Benjamin Park's criminal career - until his face was captured on a computer camera.

Park had broken into a Cambridge home and taken equipment while on bail for a previous attempted burglary. He might have been successful except for the fact that homeowner Duncan Grisby snared him on a webcam and the pictures were posted online, showing Park in action.

Police eventually tracked down Park, who has 33 previous convictions of theft, to Kingsway Flats in Cambridge where he tried to escape by climbing over a balcony. Park, 19, was sentenced to 11 months in jail.

I guess a life of crime just isn't in the stars for him.

***

The One Dollar Check is in the Mail

FLINT, Mich. - While Jack Cramer was going through some of his old things he came across a $1 parking ticket he was issued during college. It seemed that he had neglected to pay the ticket which was dated July 26, 1954.

"I got a good laugh when I saw it, but then I thought, 'What if they're still trying to collect this?'" Cramer said.

He contacted the Flint Police Department's traffic division and told them of his circumstance and that he would cover the outstanding debt. Cramer mailed in the $1 fine along with the ticket.

The Flint police department can rest easier now that they are a whole buck richer.

***

A Prosecutor Gone Wild

KEY WEST, Fla. - A Florida Keys prosecutor is on administrative leave after facing charges of disorderly intoxication and indecent exposure.

Albert Tasker told police that he was drinking with friends when he decided it would be funny to strip naked and run to a friend's car that was parked at a Key West motel. However, Tasker found his way into someone else's car.

When the police arrived they found him in the middle of the parking lot. Tasker stated that the incident was both embarrassing to his office as well as himself.

He not only faces charges but an internal review at the Monroe County state attorney's office.

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At a rape trial the young victim was asked by the D.A. what the defendant said before the alleged assault. Too embarrassed to answer aloud, the victim asked if she could write out the answer. After reading the note, the judge instructed the jury foreman to read it and pass it among the rest of the jurors.

One juror, who had dozed off, was nudged by the woman juror sitting next to him. He took the note from her and read, "I'm going to f*** you like you've never been f***d before."

The juror smiled at the woman and slipped the note in his pocket.

"Will juror number 12 please pass the note to me!" ordered the judge.

"I can't, Your Honor," the juror answered. "It's personal."

____________________________

DDL

All night this man tried to survive
A nympho he picked-up in a dive.
But by a quarter 'til two
He was screwed and tatooed!
By a bitch equipped with over-drive!

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Dad called upstairs to his daughter when her boyfriend came to pick her up, "Dreamboat...your barnacle is here!"

***

"Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the back?"
--Unknown

***

"I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence. They got one marked 'brightness' but it doesn't work."
--Gallagher

***

Q: What does a NASCAR couple have in common?

A: DNA.

***

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that WonTon spelled backwards is Not NoW

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Rotten News... (true)

Two-year-old betrothed to man in Pakistan

Council orders marriage as retribution against girl's uncle

The Associated Press

Updated: 3:06 p.m. ET Feb. 21, 2005

MULTAN, Pakistan - A tribal council in Pakistan has ordered the betrothal of a 2-year-old girl to a man 40 years older to punish her uncle for an alleged affair with the man’s wife, police said Monday.

The council decreed the girl must marry 42-year-old Mohammed Altaf, her uncle’s cousin, when she turns 18, police said.

Altaf, a farmer, divorced his 32-year-old wife over her alleged love affair with his 20-year-old cousin, Mohammed Akmal. Akmal, a bachelor and also a farmer, has no children.

Altaf asked tribal elders in the village of Kacha Chohan, about 215 miles west of the city of Multan in Punjab province, to convene a panchayat, or council, on Feb. 15 to arbitrate and propose a punishment. As punishment, the elders ordered the girl’s betrothal and ruled Akmal should also pay a $3,800 fine to the husband.

Village councils in conservative rural regions of Pakistan traditionally rule on local disputes including those involving a family’s “honor” purportedly being besmirched by allegations of improper sexual behavior. The councils can dictate harsh — and sometimes illegal — punishments.

In 2002, another village council near Multan ordered a woman gang-raped as punishment for her brother’s sexual relations with another woman. A court later convicted six men who perpetrated the rape and sentenced them to death. They are appealing the sentences.

Police chief Maqsoodul Hassan said an investigation has been started into the case involving the 2-year-old girl, but they have made no arrests as no one had filed a complaint.

Rashid Rahman, a lawyer and Multan-based coordinator with the independent Human Rights Commission of Pakistan, condemned the village council’s decision.

“These types of panchayats are illegal and nobody has the right to take a decision about a child’s life,” he said. “This country has its legal system and all decisions should be taken under it.”

He said that the betrothal of a minor did not itself break the law, but forcing a woman to marry against her will carried a maximum 14-year jail sentence. Underage marriage is also illegal but is only punishable by a fine.

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Student Puts School President on eBay

Mon Feb 21,10:48 AM ET

COLUMBUS, Ohio - An Ohio State University student has put school president Karen Holbrook on the online auction site eBay, saying in the ad that she will ruin the undergraduate experience.

Bidding started at a penny on Saturday and the seven-day auction had 64 bids from 19 bidders topping out at almost $100 million Monday morning.

Timothy Rosman, a sophomore from St. Augustine, Fla., said the ad is a joke but he really doesn't like Holbrook.

"I'm not trying to stand up and be the voice of the people. This is just a little gag between my friend and I. It just got big," said Rosman, who uses the identification "thatsmrbuckeye" on eBay.

Rosman, an international studies major, said in the ad that Holbrook ignores everyday crime at Ohio State, supervised two tuition increases and is responsible for hideous construction "as far as the eye can see."

The auction notes that the item for sale cannot be shipped: "Will arrange for local pickup only."

School spokeswoman Elizabeth Conlisk called the joke "a little mean-spirited."

An e-mail was sent Monday to eBay asking if joke auctions are allowed.

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Dogs 'high' on cane toad toxin

February 19, 2005

Dogs were licking the backs of the warty pests and becoming addicted to the hallucinogenic poison, a NT vet said yesterday.

Megan Pickering, a vet in Katherine, said she had treated a number of dogs affected by the deadly toad poison.

"We have had quite a number of cases of dogs that are getting addicted to the toxin," Ms Pickering said. "There seems to be dogs that are licking the toxin to get high.

"They lick the toads and only take in a small amount of the poison – they get a smile on their face and look like they are going to wander off into the sunset."

Katherine, about three hours drive south of Darwin, has been ravaged by the cane toads for about three years.
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