Subject: Daily Dose - 050326 - You must be a dentist, THIS is TRUE,
encyclopedia, DDL, Rotten News
A man and woman meet at a bar. They
get along so well that they decide to go back to the woman's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes
off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and
washes his hands again.
Watching him, the woman says,
"You must be a dentist."
Surprised, the guy responds,
"Yes... how did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replies,
"you keep washing your hands."
One thing leads to another and they
make love. Once they're done, the woman says, "You must be a really
good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego,
says, "Well yes, I am a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
_____________________________
THIS is TRUE....
HALF PINT: A policeman in Salford,
England, spotted a car running at mph in a 30 mph residential area and gave
chase. In addition to the speeding, the driver was going the wrong way, in the
dark without lights, and drunk (.050 vs a legal limit of .035). He was also
just 13 years old, and police caught him when he lost control and crashed.
District Judge Jonathon Finestein sentenced the boy to four months in custody,
plus a driving ban for four years -- to start when he becomes eligible for a
driver's license. Judge Finestein, citing the "exceptional" nature of
the case, allowed newspapers to report the boy's identity despite his age: Jon
Smee. (London Guardian)
...An obvious deterrent -- that will keep it from ever happening with someone
that young again.
***
ANOTHER HALF PINT: A girl from
Berkshire, England, has been convicted of drunk driving and, at 12, she's the
youngest on record with that conviction in the country. Police measured her
blood alcohol level at 065 against a legal limit of .035 -- for adults. Her
name was not released to newspapers. (London Guardian)
...Since that has proven not to be a deterrent.
***
EMOTIONAL EDUCATION: A group of
about 50 parents of students at DeKalb, Ga., schools showed up at a meeting to
protest the adoption of an abstinence-only sex education policy, saying kids
need more information about contraception and disease prevention. The parents
included doctors and infectious disease experts from Emory University and the
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, both of which are in the vicinity.
"We feel passionate about the issue of sex education," says parent
Tanya Cassingham, an Emory AIDS researcher. "We have tried fear-based
programs in the past." Cassingham points out that the programs have not
been peer reviewed by qualified researchers to ensure they actually work.
(Atlanta Journal-Constitution)
...Certainly "Just Say No" will work with kids, as Nancy Reagan
already proved.
***
WHAT NIGHTMARES ARE MADE OF: Michael
Warner, 58, consumed so much alcohol over the years that he couldn't drink any
more due to acid reflux and stomach ulcers. "He was told that he could not
drink alcohol or that he would die," said a Lake Jackson, Texas, police
spokesman. In order for him to still consume it, police say, his wife Tammy
Jean Warner, 42, gave him a wine enema. She went overboard, they say, when she
anally administered two bottles of fortified sherry, pushing his blood alcohol
level to .47 percent, killing him. She has been charged with criminally
negligent homicide, and with destroying Michael's will for his $317,000 estate,
which she has been fighting his daughter for since his death. She has already
received $248,276 in life insurance. (Clute Facts)
..."I'll drink to that," Tammy said. "Bottoms up!"
***
MASHER! "Mr. Potato Head Goes
to the Dark Side" -- AP headline
______________________________
Working as a computer instructor for
an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap
in computer knowledge between my younger and older students.
My observations were confirmed the
day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia
volumes stacked on a bookshelf.
"What are all these
books?" he asked.
Somewhat surprised, I replied that
they were encyclopedias.
"Really?" he said.
"Someone printed out the whole thing?"
_____________________________
DDL
There was an old man of Tashkent,
Who slept with twelve goats in a tent.
When asked, "Do they smell?"
He said, "Oh yes, quite well,
But so far they don't mind my scent."
______________________________
"It takes time to raise about
25 children. I know, I have two myself. That's plenty. Mine are twins, though.
Both of them. They're awfully cute. I can't think of their names. They don't
come when I call them anyway."
--Victor Borge
***
"There exists a widespread myth
that humans should learn about sex from their parents. My relationship with my
father nearly ended when he tried to teach me how to drive. I can't imagine our
relationship having survived his instructing me how to have sex."
--Bob Smith
***
We should be careful to get out of
an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like
the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit on a hot
stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold
one anymore."
--Mark Twain
***
Camilla is very pleased with the
wedding arrangements, but has turned down the Queen's offer of a weekend in
Paris with a car and driver.
***
The other day I came home and was
greeted by my wife dressed only in very sexy underwear and holding a couple of
short velvet ropes.
"Tie me up," she purred,
"and you can do anything you want."
So, I tied her up and went golfing.
***
While attending a marriage seminar
on communication, David and his wife listened to the instructor declare,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are
important to each other."
He addressed the man, "Can you
describe your wife's favorite flower?"
David leaned over, touched his
wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"
_____________________________
Rotten News... (true)
Cat Survives 10-Mile Trip Atop Car
Thu Mar 3,10:26 PM ET
INKOM, Idaho - Torri Hutchinson's
cat might just have one less life to live. Hutchison was driving along
Interstate 15 one day recently when a motorist kept trying to get her attention
and pointing to the roof of her car. She said she was wary of the man, but
wondered if perhaps her ski rack might have come loose.
She pulled over to the side, but
kept her doors locked and the motor running.
The man pulled up behind her.
Hutchinson rolled down her window to hear the man frantically shouting,
"Your cat! Your cat!"
He reached for the roof of her car
and handed the shocked Hutchinson her orange tabby.
She had driven about 10 miles with
the cat on top of the car, and didn't even notice the feline when she stopped
for gas.
Hutchinson said Cuddle Bug, or C.B.
for short, had climbed into the back of her car as she was getting ready to
leave. She put him out, but he must have jumped on the roof while she wasn't
looking, she said.
**********
Stripper selling infamous breast
implant on eBay
Wed Mar 2, 3:44 PM ET
MIAMI (Reuters) - A former topless
dancer who was famously cleared of battering a Florida nightclub patron with
her "crazy big" breasts has shed her oversized silicone implants and
put one of them up for auction on eBay.
The woman known professionally as
Tawny Peaks said on Wednesday she recently came across the implants in a box in
her closet after watching a television discussion about crazy things sold on
eBay and decided, "Why not ... I don't need it any more."
"Somebody might bid on it. It's
like the first boob to be sued over in a lawsuit," she said.
Peaks said she would autograph the
auctioned implant for the winner but would keep its mate "for good
measure."
She explained that she had her size
69-HH implants removed and underwent breast reduction surgery in 1999 after
retiring from the business to start a new life.
"They were like really big,
crazy big," said Peaks, who described herself as a happily married
homemaker and mother of three now living in the Detroit area.
Peaks won notoriety in 1998 when a
man sued her and her employer, the Diamond Dolls nightclub in Clearwater,
Florida, saying he suffered a whiplash injury when she swung her breasts into
his face at a bachelor party. He said they were "like two cement blocks."
The parties accepted binding
arbitration on "The People's Court" television show and the judge,
former New York City Mayor Ed Koch, ordered a female bailiff to examine Peaks
in private.
The bailiff found the breasts to be
"soft" and to weigh about 2 pounds (0.9 kg) each. Koch ruled they
were not dangerous and refused to award damages.
The implant auction ends on
Saturday. So far Peaks has received 10 bids, topping out at $71 (37 pounds),
according to the eBay Web site.
**********
Firm's Valentine Cards Spark Lovers'
Tiffs
Fri Feb 25, 8:31 AM ET
AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A
pharmaceutical company which sent anonymous Valentine's cards to Dutch
gynecologists in a publicity stunt has been forced to apologize for sparking
family arguments.
The doctors and their partners were
furious with the company -- whose Web site says it mixes "the ingredients
for health and happiness" -- after the firm sent cards saying "Now
shall we tell everyone?," De Telegraaf newspaper reported Thursday.
A second card was dispatched to the
800 doctors the next day explaining that the first had been a gimmick to
promote a new product.
In some cases, the cards caused so
much distress that the company, Organon, sent apologetic bouquets of flowers,
the newspaper said.
