Subject: Daily Dose - 050316 - Softly, THIS is TRUE, whatever you do to that frog, DDL, Rotten News

Softly

In some countries, it is considered inappropriate for a person to say "I need the bathroom."

So a mother decided to teach her little son to say "I want to sing" whenever he needs to relief himself.  And, the little tyke was very good at it. One weekend the little boy had to stay with gramps because mommy had to tend to some business deals.

At 2 a.m. the next morning, the little boy needed to pee, so he woke up his grampa and gently whispered, "Gramps, I want to sing"

Still groggy, gramps said "what is it you want, son??

Again the little boy said "Gramps, I want to sing".

Still in a daze, Gramps said "Go ahead son, sing softly in my ear."

_________________________

THIS is TRUE....

MAKE ME ONE WITH EVERYTHING: "We've never seen hot dogs mixed with prostitution before," said Rick Capece, commander of the Nassau County, N.Y., vice squad, but one of his undercover officers busted two alleged hookers working out of what the local newspaper called a "wiener wagon". The sides, they say, were more than mustard and relish. Catherina Scalia, 38, and Rose Skorgy, 34, were charged after propositioning an officer. Capece called the scheme "the most unusual thing I've seen. It was a legitimate business. They were selling hot dogs in there. We don't know how large the clientele was, though." (New York Daily News)
...Not all that large, if they had to pay for it.

***

SCHNAPPING UP THE AWARDS: Joy Gruttmann is the youngest singer ever to hit the top of Germany's pop music charts. Her song, "Schnappi, the Little Crocodile", was recorded when she was 4; she's now 7 and is taking her fame in stride. "I recorded the song when I was much younger, and I've learned a lot since then." Her song, which was written by her aunt, was picked up from the family's web site by radio stations, turning it into a smash hit. The girl says she wants to be an architect or fashion designer, but "if the song does really well in the charts, well, maybe I'll just stick with being a rich and famous rock star." (Der Spiegel)
...Since that worked so well for David Hasselhoff.

***

DOWNHILL GETAWAY: Bank tellers in Pocatello, Idaho, were confronted by a 62-year-old woman using a walker who announced a robbery, adding she had a gun. And "had" was the operative word: she explained that she recently hocked her gun at a pawn shop. Tellers called the police. "There was no money given to her at all," a police spokesman said. "The tellers indicated at the time that they were not in fear of their lives." Police declined to identify the robber, calling her case a "sad deal." (Pocatello Idaho State Journal)
...Yeah, well, that describes half the criminals out there.

***

LAND OF THE FREE: "How do you tell when a lawyer is lying?" Harvey Kash, 69, asked Carl Lanzisera, 65, as the two were waiting in line to enter the courthouse in Hempstead, N.Y. "His lips are moving!" they said in unison. The men, founders of the group "Americans for Legal Reform", then told another well-practiced joke. A man ahead of them in line turned and "shouted" at them, Kash said, saying "Shut up, I'm a lawyer." The attorney reported them to court personnel, who had the men arrested on disorderly conduct charges. "They were being abusive and they were causing a disturbance," a court officer says. "We were outside on the street," Kash responds. A civil rights attorney has offered to represent the men and fight the charge. (New York Newsday)
...How can you tell when a reform group is successful? When their story gets sympathetic worldwide press coverage.

***

HE WAS SMUGGLING IT IN HIS LUGGAGE; WHAT DID *YOU* THINK, PERVERT? "Man Fined for Hiding His Salami"
-- Australian AP headline

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An Alabama sheriff went fishing on his day off. As he sat on the riverbank, a kid came walking by. Spying a frog, the kid grabbed it, took out his pocket knife and said, "Frog, I's gon cut yo' legs off."

The he said, "Frog, after I gets don' cuttin' yo legs off, I's gon' stick this here popsickle stick up yo' butt, and then, frog......."

This was too much for the deputy. He stood up, grabbed the kid, and said, "Look heah, boy, whatever you do to that frog, I'm gonna do to you!"

The kid said, "Frog, dis here's yo' lucky day, 'cause I's gonna kiss yo' ass."

__________________________

DDL

A contortionist actor named Syd
Could twist himself up like a squid
Then a fellow in Guelph
Shouted "Go fuck yourself!"
And, wonder of wonders, he did!

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"I love those signs along the highway that say, 'Litter Removal Next 2 Miles.' That's when I start chucking my trash out the window."
--Scott Wood

***  

"The sure way to tell if a man is a bachelor is to check his silverware. If it's chewed up from going through the garbage disposal a few times, he's for real."
--Nick Arnette

***  

"I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, 'Did you know it's time for your annual check-up?' No. But now my postman does."
--Cathy Ladman

***

Lord give me chastity -- but not yet.
--Saint Augustine (354-430)

***

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

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Rotten News...  (true)

Fri, Jan 28, 2005

French Python hits London stage

LONDON (Reuters) - If nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, then how about Monty Python's surreal humour brought to a London stage, in French, with English surtitles?

That is exactly what a French troupe has done in the first and only authorised stage version of the television series that earned Monty Python international cult status.

"It is like we have been adopted as knights of Camelot," said producer Remy Renoux, referring to "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" in which French soldiers taunt King Arthur and his companions with insults like "Your mother was a hamster!"

"If Python fans are a little anxious they should be reassured by the fact that the fathers of the series have adopted this version," he added.

Two of the original Pythons, Michael Palin and Terry Gilliam, approved of the hit show after seeing it in Paris and the rest of the ensemble have since given it their blessing.

"Frankly, it's better than we could do at the time. The text? Obviously inferior! The actors? Better than we were," decreed Gilliam when he saw the Paris performance.

The show, at London's Riverside Studios until February 19, features 25 sketches, including some of the most famous.

"The Dead Parrot" becomes "Le Perroquet Mort" and "The Ministry of Silly Walks" is renamed "Le Ministere des Marches Ridicules".

********

Fri, Jan 28, 2005

Pole wants phone pole out of his kitchen

WARSAW (Reuters) - Piotr Kardys is a Pole with a problem -- a pole; in fact, a telephone pole in his kitchen.

It was erected without his permission by telephone operator TPSA and when he built a home on his property in 2001 he had to build around the offending object, which is how the pole ended up in his kitchen.

Local authorities said since no one objected when the pole went up, it was legal. Kardys, a businessman from Kolbuszowa, disputed this view and Poland's Supreme Administrative Court has now agreed with him.

But his problems aren't over. Local authorities rescinded the building permit for the pole and told TPSA to move it, but TPSA spokeswoman Izabella Szum said the company would appeal.

"We have to have a binding decision -- we could do it on our own, but you have to realise this is a big investment," she said.

********

Owner Auctioning Drive-Thru Strip Club

Thu Jan 27, 8:30 PM ET

By DAN NEPHIN, Associated Press Writer

PITTSBURGH - The owner of what's billed as the world's only drive-thru strip club is selling it on the Internet. Bidding for the Climax Gentleman's Club opened at $299,000 this week on the auction site eBay.

It is "available at auction to anyone who has it made and would enjoy owning the world's ultimate BOYTOY," the listing says. "Whiners, fault finders and complainers need not respond."

Nick Fratangelo said the club's been a fun run, but it's time to cash in. He's not getting out of the business entirely. His company, Town Hall of America Inc., owns Climax Club II, an adjacent club that boasts an outdoor pool where dancers swim.

The drive-through club opened in Salem Township, Westmoreland County, about 20 miles east of Pittsburgh, in spring 2000 and soon drew worldwide attention. Its eBay listing notes the club has been mentioned in everything from magazines to Trivial Pursuit.

Despite the publicity, no one else has stepped forward claiming another such club, said Fratangelo, who was surprised there have been no imitators.

"He's always been able to come up with a novel approach to nudity," said attorney David Millstein.

For $10, a driver can watch from the car as a nude woman dances from inside an enclosed booth (so there can't be any grabbing and for temperature control). Carloads of two or more people pay $20.

"You're always guaranteed at least one minute. But we're very flexible," he said. "It depends on how many cars are backed up behind you."