Subject: Daily Dose - 050313 - losing your load, BIZARRE NEWS, toughest
time of my life, DDL, Rotten News
As a trucker stops for a red light,
a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks
on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is
Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds
down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches
up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the
trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says
brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your
load!"
Shaking his head the trucker ignores
her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing
happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up,
knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says,
"Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the
trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he
hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her
window, and as she lowers it, he says, "Hi, my name is Joe, it's winter in
Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!
________________________
BIZARRE NEWS.....
Bizarre Bumper Sticker Quotes
The fastest way to a fisherman's
heart is through his fly.
There are 2 types of pedestrians,
the quick and the dead.
Mothers with teenagers know why
animals eat their young.
Where there's a will, I'm in the
way.
If this sticker is getting smaller,
the light is probably green.
A fool and his money are a girl's
best friend.
Before giving someone a piece of
your mind be sure you have enough to spare!
Blow your nose, your horn works
fine.
Condoms are easier to change than
diapers!
I almost had a psychic girlfriend
but she left me before we met.
Money isn't everything, but it sure
keeps the kids in touch.
Reality is a nice place, but I
wouldn't want to live there.
Sex is a misdemeanor...the more I
miss it, the meaner I get!
***
He Really Hit The Nail On The Head
BRECKENRIDGE, Colo. - A
Breckenridge, Colo., construction worker has discovered he shot himself in the
face with a nail gun and did not notice it for six days.
Patrick Lawler went to his dentist's
office suffering from a minor toothache. However, when x-rays were taken, the
dentist discovered a nail lodged just inside the front part of his brain, just
millimeters from his right eye.
The nail apparently entered through
Lawler's upper lip when a nail gun misfired and hit him in the face. Lawler had
thought it was only the gun that hit him. The dentist had Lawler taken
immediately to Littleton Adventist Hospital. A team of surgeons performed a
six-hour operation and successfully retrieved the 3 1/4 inch nail.
***
He Spent Some Time in Television
BAINBRIDGE, Ga. - Authorities
received a tip that wanted fugitive Alfred Blane was hiding under a mattress
inside a mobile home near Bainbridge College. Officers went to the location and
started a search of the premises with the help of the department's police dog.
As the search continued, officers
noticed that the dog kept close to the television, which was an older model.
The police opened the back of the set only to find their wanted man balled up
inside!
The hide-and-seeker faces several
charges ranging from burglary, battery on a law enforcement officer, escape and
possession of methamphetamine.
***
No Shirt, No Shoes, No Statue
SEATTLE - A Seattle man "with a
strong sense of humor" has left the city $1 million to buy a new fountain,
with just one small stipulation. The work must include the figure of at least
one life-size naked man.
Stu Smailes was a retired computer
analyst who died in 2002 at the age of 69 with no immediate family. The will
was quite specific about the bequest, to be used exclusively "for the
purpose of designing, constructing and maintaining a fountain or fountains
located within the city of Seattle. The fountain(s) shall include one or more
unclothed, life-size male figure(s) designed in the classical style, i.e.:
realistic."
His lawyer, Tim Bradbury, said
Smailes had supported arts groups in the past, but none of his previous gifts
were on this scale.
***
Why Gymnastics Should Stay in the
GYM
NORTH FORT MYERS, Fla. - For
23-year-old Molly Jerman common sense was not too common.
According to sheriff's officials,
Jerman fell to her death while attempting a handstand on the railing of a
second-floor balcony. During the attempted handstand, she suddenly overturned
and fell to the hotel patio.
A police report said that just
before she fell she told a friend, "Watch to see what I can still
do."
Police stated that foul play is not
to be the cause of the incident. This just goes to show you if something seems
like a bad idea, it probably is.
_____________________________
"I had the toughest time of my
life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was
recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then
they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These
gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis.
I completely lost my memory for a
while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis,
rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.
I don't know how I pulled through
it. It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had."
_______________________
DDL
There once was an escort named Sy,
Whose company ladies would buy.
But they found that his trick,
Was not a big dick,
But a knackwurst he taped to his thigh.
________________________
"Mel Gibson's "The Passion
of the Christ" got nominated for three lesser awards: cinematography,
makeup, and musical score. Apparently Hollywood felt the movie looked great,
but the story wasn't believable."
--Jay Leno
***
An Indian woman goes to see an
Indian fortune-teller.
"Two men are in love with
me," she says. "Who will be the lucky one?"
The swami answers, "Nimesh will
marry you. Akshay will be the lucky one."
***
"I married a younger man. Five
years younger than I am. I figure it like this: If you can't find a good man,
raise one."
--Unknown
***
"I have a list I made when I
was twelve of things I wanted to do before I die. Omigod...how embarrassing.
Number One: Touch a boobie."
--Drew Carey
***
"I have come to realize that we
are all truly on our own. Today, my wife yelled, 'What do you want from me? I
made you a bowl of cereal!'"
--Paul Alexander
_________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
General: It's 'fun to shoot some
people'
Commandant gives counsel,
acknowledges wrong word choice
Friday, February 4, 2005
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- A three-star
Marine general who said it was "fun to shoot some people" should have
chosen his words more carefully, the Marine Corps commandant said Thursday.
Lt. Gen. James Mattis, who commanded
Marine expeditions in Afghanistan and Iraq, made the comments Tuesday during a
panel discussion in San Diego, California.
"Actually it's quite fun to
fight them, you know. It's a hell of a hoot," Mattis said, prompting
laughter from some military members in the audience. "It's fun to shoot
some people. I'll be right up there with you. I like brawling.
"You go into Afghanistan, you
got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a
veil," Mattis said. "You know, guys like that ain't got no manhood
left anyway. So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them."
Mattis' press office has not yet
responded to a request to answer questions about his comments.
However, the Marine commandant, Gen.
Michael Hagee, defended Mattis, calling him "one of this country's bravest
and most experienced military leaders."
Hagee said he had counseled Mattis
regarding the remarks and that Mattis "agrees he should have chosen his
words more carefully."
**********
Elderly Parents Abandoned at
Hospitals
Samir Al-Saadi, Arab News
JEDDAH, 3 February 2005 — Some elderly Saudis are being disposed of by their
families who dump them off in front of area hospitals and speed away, leaving
doctors furious and flabbergasted by this bizarre, cruel behavior.
Recently, three separate families
abandoned their parents — and their responsibilities — at King Fahd Hospital.
In an incident at the hospital on
Tuesday, a woman in her late 80s who was abandoned by her son there 10 days
earlier was reunited with him. During her hospital stay, officials tried
several times to get in touch with her family, who denied her existence.
Security guards were able to trace
her taxi-driver son who ditched her at the hospital. He was recognized as a
regular visitor to the premises, frequently dropping off passengers at the
Intensive Care Unit (ICU) entrance.
The man arrived at the hospital
accompanied by his young son, and when confronted by hospital officials he
denied any relation to the old woman despite her enthusiastic greetings.
“Waleed,” she cried.
“After checking the man’s ID we
established that, in fact, it was his name,” said the Dr. Abdul Malik Al-Huti,
head of the ICU.
If there was any doubt, the little
boy put it to rest.
“When we brought in the young child
accompanying his father, he took one look at her and said she was his
grandmother.”
After officials had a long,
generally unpleasant discussion with “Waleed,” he reclaimed his mom.
Not all of the elderly are so lucky.
“Uncle Hamed,” as he’s called at the
hospital, was abandoned during Ramadan and still lies on a King Fahd Hospital
bed. He is blind, emaciated and 87 years old.
And then there’s the man who checked
in for a checkup who won’t check out.
Hamed Al-Kayyal, a Saudi in his 50s,
has been in the hospital for nearly two months for no medical reason.
“He refuses to leave and has caused
us lots of problems,” said Dr. Al-Huti. “We have tried to contact his family
many times, but no one cares. This phenomenon of abandonment by families of
their elders is new in our community, and it is unacceptable to the majority of
Saudi society.”
*********
Waiter, There's a Fish in My Wine!
Mon Jan 31,10:36 AM ET
BEIJING (Reuters) - The French used
grapes, Russians fermented potatoes, Koreans put ginseng in their drink and
Mexicans distilled cactus plants to make fiery tequila.
Now China is introducing fish wine.
Sun Keman, an entrepreneur in the
northeastern port city of Dalian, has formed the Dalian Fisherman's Song
Maritime Biological Brewery, with a plan to use his background in the fishing
industry to make fish into wine.
"Different from China's
thousands of years of brewing, the brewery will clean, boil, and ferment fish
for making wine," the official Xinhua news agency reported.
The company already had orders from
Japan, Russia and other parts of China, it said.
Tipplers might also take heart in
knowing the brew is purported to be good for them.
"Experts said the wine is
nutritious and contains low alcohol," Xinhua said.
It's a boy!.