Subject: Daily Dose - 050208 - religious devotion, BIZARRE NEWS, My wife is poisoning me, DDL, Rotten News

A Christian, a Moslem, and a Jewish man, all very pious, met at an interfaith congress and got to talking about the experiences that had lead to their religious devotion.

The Christian recounted being on a plane when it ran into a terrible storm over a remote wilderness area. "There was lightening and thunder all around us. The pilot told us to brace for the crash. I dropped to my knees and prayed to God to save us. Then for a thousand feet all around us the wind calmed and the rain stopped. We made it to the airport. And since then my faith has never wavered."

The Moslem then told of a terrifying incident on his pilgrimage to Mecca. "A tremendous sandstorm came up out of nowhere, and within minutes my camel and I were almost buried. Sure I was going to die, I prostrated myself toward Mecca and prayed to Allah to deliver me. And suddenly, for a thousand feet all around me, the swirling dust settled and I was able to make my way safely across the desert. Since then I have been the most devout of believers."

Nodding respectfully, the Jewish man then told his story. "One Sabbath I was walking back from the temple when I saw a huge sack of money just lying there at the edge of the road. It had clearly been abandoned, and I felt it was mine to take home. But obviously this would have been a violation of the Sabbath. So I dropped to my knees and prayed to Yahweh. And suddenly, for a thousand feet all around me, it was Tuesday."

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Celebrity Complaints

"I've always said that if anyone ever thought I was straight they must need glasses -- but when I finally came out and said, 'Yes, I do sleep with men and I'm gay,' yeah, I lost record sales. There's no question -- big, big time."
-Boy George

"It costs a lot of money to look this cheap."
-Dolly Parton (about herself)

"Just standing around looking beautiful is so boring, really boring, so boring."
-Michelle Pfeiffer

"The one thing I do not want to be called is First Lady. It sounds like a saddle horse."
-Jacqueline Kennedy

"It's a drag having to wear socks during matches, because the tan, like, stops at the ankles. I can never get my skin, like, color coordinated."
-Monica Seles

"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again."
-Joan Rivers

"It was no great tragedy being Judy Garland's daughter. I had tremendously interesting childhood years--except they had little to do with being a child."
-Liza Minnelli

"I've actually gone to the zoo and had monkeys shout to me from their cages, 'I'm in here when you're walking around like that?'"
-Robin Williams, about his body hair

"Don't tell anyone. I'm supposed to be dumb."
-Former supermodel Helena Christensen admits she can speak six languages

***

Sea-"weed" on the Beach

DALLASTOWN, Pa. - You never know what will wash up on the beach.  Bree Thornton was picking up trash on the beach when she came across something unusual. The 15-year-old found a 20-pound brick of pot.

Thornton and her cousins showed the shoebox sized brick of pot to some adults and they handed it over to police. After testing, it was proven to be marijuana, but it's unsure where it had come from.

Her teacher inspired Bree and her classmates to help clean the beach for an hour and write a report about the experience. She should just make a copy of the police report.

***

Kids Are Expensive - Even When They're Fake

ALBUQUERQUE - Here is one bizarre and twisted case. A man by the name of Steve Barreras was hauled into court, peppered with threats and paid out $20,000 in child support. Then his ex-wife was ordered to produce the child in court.

Just one problem - the kid didn't really exist.

So, Viola Trevino picked up a 2-year-old girl and her grandmother off the street, promised them a visit to see Santa Claus and $50, and took the girl to court, claiming it was her child.

Trevino parked near the courthouse, where she left the grandmother in the car and took the child into court. Only when the grandmother followed her into court did Trevino admit that the child was not hers and her lie was exposed.

***

Python and DVD Player Sent For Repairs

CLIFTON, N.J. - Sheila Himmerick sent her DVD player from Missouri to New Jersey for repairs. Unknown to Himmerick, her pet python, Paco, decided to take a ride to New Jersey as well.

Apparently, the snake found his way into the box which held the DVD player and made himself comfortable among the packing peanuts.

After mailing the box, Himmerick couldn't figure out what had happened to Paco until she received a call from the Samsung New Jersey repair facility.

The caller was curious to know if this was Himmerick's way of expressing customer dissatisfaction.

Himmerick and her beloved pet snake will be reunited in four to six weeks.

***

Man Gets Hot Over Cold Sub

HOUSTON - A Houston man got "heated" over a cold sandwich and threatened to kill a Subway manager and blow up the shop, police said.

Delvin Nelson, who works for the city's public work's department, was arrested for making a terroristic threat Wednesday night. Nelson was apparently angry because his steak and cheese sandwich wasn't hot enough.

"It got pretty heated, where he threw a sandwich down at her and told her that he would kill her and blow up the building," Houston police officer Jim Atkins said.

Nelson got even more agitated after the manager offered to make him a new sandwich and went into the kitchen and threw the food at her, police said.

The city has suspended Nelson from his job pending the outcome of the case.

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A Man goes to see the Rabbi.

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."  

The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "I'm sure you're wrong."

The man pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning Me. What should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what, let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man anxiously says, "Yes, please."

"OK. Take the poison," says the Rabbi.

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DDL

There was a young lady of Waste
Who fled from a man in great haste.
She tripped as she ran
And fell flat on her pan -
Sometimes she still dreams that she's chaste.

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"Most people hate the taste of beer to begin with. It is, however, a prejudice that many people have been able to overcome."
--Winston Churchill

***

"Strange things happen when you're in debt. Two weeks ago my car broke down and my phone got disconnected. I was one electric bill away from being Amish."
-Tom Ryan

***

Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?

A: A canoe tips.

***

Q: A black, a Puerto Rican and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving?

A: The police.

***

The most interesting information comes from the mouths of children for they tell all they know and then, STOP
- MARK TWAIN

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Rotten News...  (true)

Thu, Dec 30, 2004

Italy Judge Tosses Coin for Xmas Tug-Of-Love Child

ROME (Reuters) - When the separated parents of a five-year old Italian boy could not agree whose house he should stay at over Christmas, a judge settled the dispute by tossing a coin, an Italian newspaper reported on Thursday.

The squabbling couple took their argument to a family disputes court a few days before Christmas and were surprised when the judge, who said there was not enough time to convene the tribunal, tossed a two-euro coin for "heads-or-tails."

"I did it in the interest of the child," Judge Carlo Alberto Agnoli was quoted as saying in Italy's leading daily newspaper Corriere della Sera. "I certainly couldn't do like Solomon and divide the child. So I trusted to luck."

He was referring to the biblical King Solomom who threatened to cut a boy in half when two women claimed he was theirs, thus learning who was the true mother when she begged him not to.

The mother, who usually has custody of the boy, won the toss and the boy spent Christmas with her, the paper said.

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BBQ Owner, City Divided Over Pig Mural

Thu Dec 30,11:28 AM ET

SNOHOMISH, Wash. - A mural of pink pigs painted on the side of a barbecue restaurant is apparently too spicy for officials in this city's historic district.

The city has denied a permit to Janelle and Steve Carpenter, owners of the BBQ Shack, and the painting has remained veiled behind a white tarp since the restaurant opened last week.

The mural features five pink pigs on a white concrete wall, unwilling participants in meal preparation. One is ready to be grilled as another attempts escape in a hot air balloon. The remaining three appear to be to enticing drivers to stop.

The Carpenters have appealed the decision.

"They think it's very out of place," Janelle Carpenter said of city officials. "It's barbecue. ... It's crazy."

The couple had planned to open their restaurant in October. At the time, Janelle Carpenter said, the City Council told her she wouldn't need a permit to paint the exterior of the 600-square-foot building.

But as the painting's neared completion, Carpenter said she was told that while painting a building is kosher, pigs and other objects are considered murals and require a permit.

She said the city's Design Review Board, which makes recommendations about exterior changes to buildings in the district, objected to the painting because it doesn't fit the district's landscape and because naked pigs might lead to paintings of naked people.

"How offensive can a pig be?" said Tom Grissett of Snohomish, a customer eating barbecue pork at the diner on Wednesday. "When was the last time you saw pigs with clothes on?"

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Mo. Man Charged After Slur Word Claim

Tue Dec 28, 5:40 PM ET

INDEPENDENCE, Mo. - Police have charged a man with filing a false police report after he claimed someone tried to carve a slur on his forehead.

There was one little problem with 22-year-old Floyd Elliot's story: The superficial wound was backward, as if it were made while looking into a mirror.

Officials on Monday said that the slur also was burned into Elliot's chest, but it was not backward. They say he filed the original report on Dec. 14 because he wanted more officers to patrol his Independence neighborhood.

WHY THE MUSLIMS HATE US