Subject: Daly Dose - 050129 - gorgeous redhead, THIS is TRUE, MOTHERS FROM HISTORY, DDL, Rotten News

All eyes turned to stare as a gorgeous redhead walked into the costume party stark naked. The alarmed host rushed to intercept her.  

"Where's your costume?" he hissed through clenched teeth.

"This is it," she calmly explained. "I came as Adam."

"Adam?" her host exploded. "You don't even have a dick!"

"I just got here, Jeremy," she replied. "Give me a few minutes."

______________________

THIS is TRUE...

NOT OKKK: Grand Rapids, Mich., School Superintendent Bert Bleke has accepted an offer from City High School Principal Jane DeGroot to forfeit three days' pay for allowing a student to attend a Halloween costume party dressed as a Ku Klux Klan member; he won first prize for "scariest costume". Bleke says the Asian student "didn't realize just how offensive this was," and wondered why none of the teachers prevented the student from wearing the costume. Despite not stopping the student, DeGroot wrote a letter to parents that "it hurts to have the good name of City linked in any way with such an abhorrent organization." She then issued a five-day suspension to the student who wore the costume. (Grand Rapids Press)
...So why didn't she offer to forfeit five days' pay?

***

CHEAP SHOT: After Samantha Spady, 19, a student at Colorado State University in Ft. Collins, drank herself to death [This is True, 3 Oct -- http://www.thisistrue.com/rolemodel.html ], the university banned beer sales at its football stadium. But university police say that drunken behavior at games is worse since the ban, not better, because students know they can't buy beer there and arrive already drunk. Meanwhile, a company sponsoring a Jell-O wrestling tournament in Ft. Collins has canceled plans to donate $100 to a foundation Spady's parents created in her memory. To attract women, promoter Brian Collins promised to provide free alcoholic "Jell-O shots" to the first 100 women who attended. Collins said there was "no harm intended" in tying the event to the Spady foundation. (AP, Denver Rocky Mountain News)
...Harm, maybe not. Profiteering, yes.

***

DON'T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE: Police investigating the cause of a single-vehicle accident in Amherst, N.Y., were perplexed by what they found: both occupants, a husband and wife, were unconscious, and both were in the back seat -- no one was behind the wheel. Officers arrested Tiber L. Csapo Jr., 39, after his wife woke up and told them that he was beating her as he drove. She tried to escape by jumping into the back seat but Csapo followed, and the driverless car then crashed. Csapo was charged with driving while intoxicated, second-degree assault and felony reckless endangerment. (Buffalo News)
...And felony backseat driving.

***

SWING VOTER: When Debbie Dupeire, 38, of New Orleans, La., showed up to vote in the Presidential election, she was told she couldn't cast her ballot -- election rules prohibit campaigning within 500 feet of a polling place, and she was wearing a pro-Bush t-shirt. "I didn't go there to cause trouble," Dupeire said later, but she wanted to vote. To comply with the rules she pulled the shirt off and voted in her bra. "I just did the fastest thing I could do to vote," she says. (New Orleans Times-Picayune)
...The t-shirt: "Bush or Bust."

***

FOR THE CONGREGATION ONLY, NOT THE PRIESTS: "Vatican Sex Guide Urges Catholics to Do 'It' More Often"
-- London Telegraph headline

_________________________

MOTHERS FROM HISTORY  

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? OY! Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."

________________________

DDL

There once was a girl from Old Witz,
Who had the most marvelous tits.
But she said with a frown,
As she jumped up and down,
"When I stop, they just won't call it quits."

_________________________

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
--Rodney Dangerfield  

***

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
--Rodney Dangerfield  

***

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
--Rodney Dangerfield

***

No matter. The dead bird does not leave the nest.
--Winston Churchill (on being told that his fly was undone)

***

"Here's to woman! Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands."
--Ambrose Bierce

___________________________

Rotten News...  (true)

Friday, 22 October, 2004, 12:21 GMT 13:21 UK 

Luther's lavatory thrills experts

Archaeologists in Germany say they may have found a lavatory where Martin Luther launched the Reformation of the Christian church in the 16th Century.

Luther is quoted as saying he was "in cloaca", or in the sewer, when he was inspired to argue that salvation is granted because of faith, not deeds.

The scholar suffered from constipation and spent many hours in contemplation on the toilet seat.

The lavatory was built in the period 1516-17, according to Dr Martin Treu, a theologian and Luther expert based in Wittenberg.

The toilet is in a niche set inside a room measuring nine by nine metres, which was discovered during the excavation of a garden in the grounds of Luther's house.

Dr Treu said there can be little doubt the toilet was used by Luther, the radical theologian who argued for a more "earthy Christianity", which regarded the entire human body - and not just the soul - as God's creation.

The Reformation, which resulted in Europe's Protestant churches, is usually reckoned to have begun when Luther nailed 95 theses to the door of Wittenberg's Castle Church on 31 October 1517.

Luther left a candid catalogue of his battle with constipation but despite this wealth of information, certain key details remain obscure - such as what the great reformer may have used in place of toilet paper.

"We still don't know what was used for wiping in those days," says Dr Treu. The paper of the time, he says, would have been too expensive and critically, "too stiff" for the purpose.

And while it is probable that the inspiration that led to Luther's reforms occurred on this toilet, it is impossible to prove it beyond doubt, Dr Treu says.

Future visitors to Wittenberg's Martin Luther museum will be able to view the new find, though structural concerns mean they will not be free to test its qualities as a toilet.

*********

Vietnam looks at replacing shaky firing squads

October 21, 2004

BY SEBASTIEN BERGER

BANGKOK, Thailand -- Vietnam is considering automating execution methods because nervous firing squad members keep missing their targets, it was reported Wednesday.

Options being examined include lethal injection or a mechanized gun, a Ho Chi Minh City newspaper said.

At present Vietnam uses seven-strong firing squads, with six riflemen firing a volley of rounds and the commander administering a coup de grace with a handgun.

The newspaper said 30 percent of execution squad members were volunteers, and many trembled so much they missed the target.

Daily Telegraph

********

Tue, Aug 31, 2004

Iran says curvy shop dummies must cover up

TEHRAN (Reuters) - Iran's moral crackdown has widened its focus from stylishly dressed women to curvaceous shop-window mannequins, a newspaper has reported. Morals police have banned shopkeepers from showing unveiled dummies and lingerie in their windows.

And men were now forbidden to sell women's underwear, Sharq newspaper said on Tuesday.

"Using unveiled mannequins that reveal their bodies' curves is banned," it quoted part of a new police manual as saying.

Shops breaking the rules risk closure and losing their trading licences.

Lawmakers are debating an Iranian dress code, advocated last month by Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, who called for a national costume that avoided European models.

"A national costume will be designed for men and women based on Islamic and national criteria," conservative deputy Fatemeh Alia was quoted as saying in the Siyasat-e Rouz daily.