Subject: Daily Dose - 050110 - brothel, BIZARRE NEWS, parking lot, DDL, Rotten News

The guy was lamenting to the bartender that he met his wife in a brothel.

"You shouldn't be so unhappy about it," the barkeep said. "It's actually really romantic."

"Oh, yeah?" responded the man. "Well, I thought she was home taking care of the kids, and she thought I was bowling. And to clinch it all, the Madame wouldn't give me my money back and refused to give me another girl."

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BIZARRE NEWS....

Bizarre Celebrity Quotes

"My boyfriend calls me 'Princess,' but I think of myself more along the lines of 'monkey' and 'retarded.'"
-Alicia Silverstone  

"I didn't even know my bra size until I made a movie."
-Angelina Jolie  

"My body is like breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't think about it, I just have it."
-Arnold Schwarzenegger  

"This time I'm going to be the bride. She got me these pink panties with a big bow on them."
-Billy Bob Thornton  

"I would rather have a cup of tea than sex."
-Boy George

"I'm on the Zoloft to keep from killing y'all."
-Mike Tyson  

"I pick my nose and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If there's a bogey then just pick it, man."
-Justin Timberlake  

"Wal-mart...do they like make walls there?"
-Paris Hilton  

"I've been noticing gravity since I was very young."
-Cameron Diaz  

"My child was not only carried by me, but by the universe."
-Celine Dion  

"I'm like a monk with a taste for hookers."
-Moby  

"I won't get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day."
-Linda Evangelista  

"I think the longer I look good, the better gay men feel."
-Cher  

"I believe all drunks go to heaven, because they've been put through hell on Earth."
-Liza Minnelli  

"I would like to see the Pope wearing my T-shirt."
-Madonna  

"I'm thinking about naming my first son Emmy so I can say I've got one."
-Noah Wyle  

***

Taking a Shot at Preventing Drunk Driving

BLOOMINGTON, Ind. - Remembering the motto, "Friends don't let friends drive drunk," a man shot out two tires on his buddy's car to keep him from driving intoxicated. The move backfired when his angered friend got out of his car, pulled a knife and attacked him.

Police arrested the driver, David Woodward, on a charge of battery after the fight Sunday morning.

Woodward had been staying with friends and had gone out drinking with them Saturday night. After telling them he wanted to drive home, one of the friends tried to take Woodward's keys but snatched the wrong ones. Woodward got in his car and attempted to back out of the driveway when his friend retrieved a 9 mm handgun and shot out the left-side tires.

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You'll Have a Ball (or Two) at This Event

SERBIA - A big event took place in Serbia last week - the World Testicle Cooking Championship.

Serbians consider testicles to be a gourmet delicacy and the championship was organized by Ljubomir Erovic, of the Serbian Tourism Board, to help promote the dish.

"The best cooked balls come from Serbia, which are known locally here as white kidneys," he said.

The winner of the tastiest testicles contest was gourmet testicle chef Dejan Milovanovic from Belgrade. His dish, prepared using testicles from a bull and a boar, beat off challengers from around the world.

***

A Real Stick in the Mud

SAN FRANCISCO, - A California man who got drunk, stole a fire truck and got it stuck in the mud then did the next obvious thing: call for a tow truck. But instead of a tow truck, Claud Gipson-Reynolds got highway patrol troopers, who did the next obvious thing: lock him up.

The 36-year-old Santa Rosa resident had been fighting with his wife when he went on a binge and got his car stuck in the mud Friday night. He broke into a nearby volunteer fire station and drove one of its trucks through the garage door and over to his vehicle so he could pull it out of the mud. But then he got that stuck, too.

"I could probably get on that show, 'World's Dumbest Criminals,'" Gipson-Reynolds said Saturday after bailing out of jail on charges of vehicle theft and drunken driving.

***

Age is Just a Number

New York - Aleta St. James, just three days shy of her 57th birthday, gave birth to twins.

The proud mother became pregnant by in-vitro fertilization.  On Tuesday, her twin son and daughter were born. Francesca, and her brother Gian, were delivered by Dr. Jonathan Scher at the Mount Sinai Medical Center.

St. James and her newborns are doing just fine according to Maria Silwa, the babies' aunt.

When questioned about having babies at her age the soon-to-be 57-year-old replied, "You are never too old. It's just in your mind."

Well, can't argue with that. Congratulations.

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I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, perhaps noting that I am a blonde (??), gave me a strange look and said. "Why don't you just put it in park?"

________________________

DDL

A waggish young lady named Wright
Spoons rum to her cat every night;
And at home, rumors state,
She's a great one to date,
With her pussy entrancingly tight!

________________________

"I'm thinking about naming my first son Emmy so I can say I've got one."
--Noah Wyle

***

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
--Abraham Lincoln USED 3/16/01  

***

"I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the US congress."
--Ronald Reagan

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Rotten News....  (true)

Soccer team rapped over female reporter ban

Wed Nov 17, 5:27 AM ET 

OSLO (Reuters) - Norwegian soccer champions Rosenborg Trondheim are violating sex equality laws by barring female journalists from the changing room, Norway's gender equality watchdog says.

"Women and men must have the same working rights," said Kristin Mile, Norway's official in charge of overseeing gender equality, on Wednesday.

Rosenborg let male reporters into the changing rooms to talk to players after matches but keep women out.

Mile said she understood that Rosenborg players might not want women around while they were taking a shower. If that were the case, meetings with all reporters should be held outside the changing rooms.

"The point is not that women must be allowed into the changing room, but that media must have equal access," she said.

Rosenborg said that they would study Mile's opinion. "We don't want to damage anyone's right to do their job," marketing chief Endre Storholt said.

********

Man Arrested in 'Leaf Rage' Incident

Tue Nov 16, 5:26 PM ET

STAMFORD, Conn. - Perhaps it's just a seasonal affliction, but a man has been arrested in what was described as a "leaf rage" incident.

Michael Peters, 67, became angry when city employees told him they would not remove leaves from his property, police said. He was arrested Monday after confronting town workers clearing leaves in his neighborhood.

Operations supervisor Robert Gerbert said Peters was a "raving maniac."

"He grabbed my jacket and said, 'You're not going anywhere,'" Gerbert said. "The guy was spitting and swearing — it was the most disgusting scene I've ever seen."

Peters said he's frustrated that his leaves have not been picked up in the more than three decades he has lived at his home.

"I went berserk. I got very angry," Peters said. "After 34 years, things build up. I am a taxpayer. ... All I am trying to do is get a service that's being offered to all of my neighbors."

Officials said the leaves weren't collected because they were on Peters' right of way, not the street where workers collect them, officials said.

City worker Jim Crabb said crews would have likely come back to Peters' home — perhaps later that day — to pick up the leaves had he asked politely.

"We're not big, mean ogres," he said.

Police charged Peters with breach of peace, a misdemeanor, and issued him a summons to appear in court Dec. 1.

Frank Fedeli, supervisor of the Citizens' Service Center, said Peters called the center after his arrest to complain that his leaves had still not been picked up.

"That's chutzpah," Fedeli said.

********

That moose may soon be just a mouse click away

Internet hunting idea has wildlife officials up in arms
Wednesday, November 17, 2004

HOUSTON, Texas (Reuters) -- Hunters soon may be able to sit at their computers and blast away at animals on a Texas ranch via the Internet, a prospect that has state wildlife officials up in arms.

The Web site already offers target practice with a .22 caliber rifle and could soon let hunters shoot at deer, antelope and wild pigs, site creator John Underwood said on Tuesday. Texas officials are not quite sure what to make of Underwood's Web site, but may tweak existing laws to make sure Internet hunting does not get out of hand.

"This is the first one I've seen," said Texas Parks and Wildlife Department wildlife director Mike Berger. "The current state statutes don't cover this sort of thing."

Underwood, an estimator for a San Antonio, Texas auto body shop, has invested $10,000 to build a platform for a rifle and camera that can be remotely aimed on his 330-acre (133-hectare) southwest Texas ranch by anyone on the Internet anywhere in the world. The idea came last year while viewing another Web site on which cameras posted in the wild are used to snap photos of animals.

Internet hunting could be popular with disabled hunters unable to get out in the woods or distant hunters who cannot afford a trip to Texas, Underwood said.

Underwood, 39, said he will offer animal hunting as soon as he gets a fast Internet connection to his remote ranch that will enable hunters to aim the rifle quickly at passing animals.

He said an attendant would retrieve shot animals for the shooters, who could have the heads preserved by a taxidermist. They could also have the meat processed and shipped home, or donated to animal orphanages.

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