Subject:
Daily Dose - 050109 - second life, THIS is TRUE,
swimming pool, DDL, Rotten News
Three gay guys are hanging around
talking about what they would like to be in their second life. The first gay
says, "When I die, I want to come back as a floral arrangement because
I'll smell good and brighten up any room you leave me in."
The second gay guy says, "When
I die, I want to come back as a princess because they are pretty and have all
the best clothes in the world."
The third gay guy says, "When I
die, I want to come back as an ambulance. That way, they can open up my rear
doors, slip in a stiff one, and I can run around shouting, "'WOOO! WOOO!
WOOO! WOOO! WOOO!'"
__________________________
THIS is TRUE....
AIRHEADS: Two girls at Greenfield
Junior High School in Gilbert, Ariz., were setting up the decorations for a
school dance and got the idea of inhaling the helium they were using to fill
balloons to hear themselves "talk funny." Principal Jill Bowers noted
the school district's policy that prohibits the "non-medical use of
drugs" also includes inhaled drugs, and suspended the girls for five
days. "If it's such a dangerous substance," complained one of
the girls' fathers, "why weren't they supervised? I think they went
a little bit overboard and took the zero-tolerance policy to the extreme."
Bowers relented, reducing the suspensions to one day. (Arizona Republic)
...Whew! Now they'll be able to squeak by the seventh grade.
***
GIVE ME LIBERTY, OR GIVE ME SCHOOL:
Joshua Phelps, a 17-year-old senior at Pine Bush High School in Crawford, N.Y.,
was looking for an extracurricular activity to participate in to round out his
college application when he spotted an ad for the school's Civil War Club. He
signed up and spent a weekend in a mock battle against Confederate soldiers in
a replay of the 1863 Battle of Chancellorsville. Back at school, a security
guard noticed something in Phelps' car: a militia uniform, complete with a
(gasp!) fake musket. The guard called police, who arrested Phelps on weapons
charges. In addition to criminal charges, the school has suspended Phelps for
five days pending an expulsion hearing for violation of its zero tolerance
weapons policy. Police Chief Daniel McCann calls the bust proper. "The
musket was found in his car on the high school grounds and could have been
used," he says, perhaps to fire a small rock or something. (Middletown
Times Herald-Record)
...Surely no one there has any spare rocks in their heads that he could use for
that, though, right?
***
REMEMBER, ZERO TOLERANCE IN SCHOOLS
IS ONLY FOR STUDENTS: A teacher and a "family worker" at Public
School 186X in the Bronx, New York, have been accused of improperly searching
students after another teacher reported a missing ring. Attention was focused
on four boys aged 10 and 11, who were made to strip and then jump up and down
on the theory that the ring was hidden on their bodies, and jumping would
dislodge it. Julio Passaro, the family worker, was suspended without pay, and
the unidentified teacher was reassigned to the school's special education
students. (New York Newsday)
...On the theory that special ed students won't be able to complain when it
happens to them.
***
COME FOR THE FOOD, STAY FOR THE
DESSERT: Deputies from the St. Tammany Parish (La.) Narcotics Task Force raided
a restaurant spice plant after hearing the employees there took cocaine breaks,
not coffee breaks. They set up a hidden camera in a break room and got footage
of employees stopping work for a quick coke. Eight employees, aged 21-52, were
arrested. "It was as common as someone coming in for a coffee break,"
a police spokesman said, "but instead of drinking coffee, they were
snorting cocaine." The plant, run by Diversified Foods and Seasonings,
makes the "secret spice" flavorings for such fast food restaurants as
Popeyes Fried Chicken and Copeland's. (New Orleans Times-Picayune)
...So maybe now you have a little more insight into the strange attraction you
have for their food.
***
ENDED UP WITH A NAG, DID HE?
"Portuguese Shepherd Short-Changed in Goats-for-Wife Deal"
-- AFP headline
__________________________
Little Van is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in
the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the
pool," said Little Van.
"Maybe," said the
lifeguard, "but not from the diving board."
____________________________
DDL
No longer a virgin, Miss Wise
Arranged for a marriage disguise:
It was surgical art
That refurbished her part
By constructing a tissue of lies.
_____________________________
This guy's in the rear of a full
elevator and he shouts, "Ballroom please."
A lady standing in front of him
turns around and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding
you."
***
So my dad was having
"that" conversation with me when I was about 12 or 13. He said that
if you masturbate you'll go blind.
I said, "I'm over here,
Dad..."
***
"I married a younger man. Five
years younger than I am. I figure it like this: If you can't find a good man,
raise one."
---I don't know who said this but, I like the quote.
***
"My mom was a ventriloquist and
she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling
me to kill my father."
---Wendy Leibman
____________________________
Rotten News... (true)
Thu, Nov 18, 2004
Microsoft's Gates is world's most
"spammed" person
SINGAPORE (Reuters) - E-mail users
inundated with unsolicited "spam" messages have reason to hope
Microsoft will develop better tools for tackling the problem -- Bill Gates is
suffering more than anyone.
Gates, Microsoft's chairman, gets 4
million e-mails a day and is probably the most "spammed" person in
the world, his Chief Executive Officer Steve Ballmer said on Thursday.
However, only a few junk e-mails get
through to Gates's inbox thanks to anti-spam technology that filters his
messages, Ballmer said at a Microsoft event in Singapore.
Spam e-mails touting everything from
aphrodisiacs to home loans are believed to account for over 80 percent of
Internet traffic.
*******
School's "cross-dressing"
day is "too gay"
Wed Nov 17,10:36 PM ET
HOUSTON (Reuters) - Camouflage was
in and cross-dressing was out at a rural East Texas school district after a
Christian legal group complained a long-standing school tradition of reversing
social roles for a day would promote homosexuality.
Students in Spurger, Texas were
encouraged by school officials to wear camouflage hunting gear to class after
they called off their annual "TWIRP Day" in which boys dressed as
girls and vice versa.
The cross-dressing tradition began
some years back as a kind of Sadie Hawkins Day where girls ask boys to go out
on dates.
TWIRP stands for "The Woman Is
Requested To Pay."
But Delana Davies, who has two
children in the Spurger school, complained this year that the tradition could
promote homosexuality and got the Liberty Legal Institute, a right-wing
Christian legal group, to take up the cause.
"It might be fun today to dress
up like a little girl -- kids think it's cute and things like that. And you
start playing around with it and, like drugs, you do a little here and there
(and) eventually it gets you," Davies told reporters on Wednesday.
"It is outrageous that a school
in a small town in east Texas would encourage their 4-year-olds to be
cross-dressers," institute litigation director Hiram Sasser said.
He sought and obtained permission
from the district for the woman's children to stay out of school for the day.
School attorney Tanner Hunt told
Reuters the Liberty group misrepresented TWIRP Day and made it sound sinister
when it has always been innocent fun.
"I guarantee you nobody on the
school board or in the administration ever had that cross their minds,"
Hunt said of the "cross-dressing" reference.
Because of the controversy, school
officials decided to change Wednesday from TWIRP Day to Camouflage Day, in what
Hunt described as a reference to the clothing hunters wear during deer-hunting
season, which is going on now and is enormously popular in rural Texas.
Despite the change from TWIRP Day,
Hunt said some of the students stuck to the old tradition and wore clothes of
the opposite sex.
"I understand from the
superintendent that some of the boys dressed in pink shorts anyway," he
said.
*********
Wed, Nov 17, 2004
Croatia May Offer Holidays Behind
Bars
By EUGENE BRCIC, Associated Press
Writer
ZAGREB, Croatia - Croatia may reopen
its most notorious communist-era prison for tourists willing to part with their
money to re-enact the life of a political prisoner — including hard labor,
stale food and nights in solitary confinement.
The plan has the support of some
local officials and even former inmates, who have offered to work as tour
guides, though the city council has yet to make a final decision.
"If you want to experience some
of the torture that political prisoners underwent ... just come along,"
said Josip Modric, an architect who is promoting the project.
Modric envisions tourists being
issued convict uniforms, pounding large stones with a sledgehammer and hauling
the pieces on their backs to quarries around the prison on Goli Otok, a barren
island in the northern Adriatic Sea.
Those who sign up would be given
written awards after completing their "prison sentence."
Goli Otok — which means Naked Island
— was a miniature gulag set up by Yugoslavia's communist dictator Josip Broz
Tito after World War II. It housed 3,000 inmates at its height but has been
derelict since its closure in 1989.
Local officials have expressed
interest but say they are unsure how well a vacation from hell will sell. A
final decision was expected within a few weeks.
"Weaker inmates would carry out
light toil, while fitter inmates would 'kill themselves' with work in the sun
during the day and spend the night in solitary confinement," Modric said.
"Of course, unlike real
prisoners, nobody would be tortured."
Urinal for Soccer Players