Subject: Daily Dose - 050105 - shy Welsh man, BIZARRE NEWS, pleasingly plump, DDL, Rotten News

A shy Welsh village man, Elwyn, noticed that a beautiful girl had moved in next door. But Elwyn was shy so every time he saw her in the garden or in the street he couldn't think of what to say, so he would say 'good morning miss' or 'good afternoon miss' and hurry off about his business.

He talked to his friend in the bar. "Jones," he said, "a beautiful girl lives next door to me, but I don't know how to chat girls up, I've never done it before."

Jones said, "All you have to do is say to her 'good morning miss. It's a beautiful day isn't it? What beautiful flowers in your garden.' That will get the conversation going."

Elwyn practiced this in front of a mirror for a few days. Then one night at the local pub he saw her. Elwyn stood near the bar trying to pluck up the courage to go and talk to her. He was nearly ready when the girl got up and went to the washroom.

This is it, thought Elwyn, its now or never. So he stood outside the washroom and waited. She was ever such a long time that poor Elwyn was starting to lose his nerve. He was just about to walk away when the girl came out. There she was, right in front of him looking beautiful.

Elwyn said, "Erm, erm g-good evening, miss."

She said, "Good evening."

He continued, 'It's a b-beautiful day isn't it?"

"Yes," she said, "it is a splendid day."

Encouraged he went on. "I'm your neighbor, and I must tell you you have a lovely garden."

She smiled, "Thank you. I think so, too."

Stuck for something else to talk about, Elwyn stammered, "Erm, erm, err, ah, you've just had a shit, have you?"

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BIZARRE NEWS.....

Bizarre Entertainment FACTS

Captain Jean-Luc Picard's fish was named Livingston.  

Chocolate syrup was used for blood in the famous 45 second shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock's movie, Psycho, which actually took 7 days to shoot.

Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

George Harrison, with "My Sweet Lord," was the first Beatle to have a Number 1 hit single following the group's breakup.

In 1920, 57% of Hollywood movies billed the female star above the leading man. In 1990, only 18% had the leading lady given top billing.

In 1969, Midnight Cowboy became the first and only X-rated production to win the Academy Award for Best Picture. (Its rating has since been changed to R.)

In Disney's Fantasia, the Sorcerer's name is Yensid, which is Disney spelled backward.

Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison were all 27 years old when they died.

Mickey Mouse is known as 'Topolino' in Italy.

Movie detective Dirty Harry's badge number is 2211.

***  

What Better Place for Knockin' Boots?

BAKERSFIELD, Calif. - Two lovers got the boot from a shoe store after being caught in a compromising position in the shop's display window.

Apparently, Pauline Rainwater and Brandon Clark wanted to get out of the rain and sought refuge by breaking into the store. That's when the amorous pair says one thing led to another, and they ended up having a romp amid the new boots on display.

A police officer knocked on the glass door, startling the naked couple. Clark was able to cover himself with one hand, waving at the officer with the other. After following orders to get dressed, the couple made a run for it.

However, the two were quickly tagged down and arrested.

***

Chainsaw Massacre: Australian Style

INGLEWOOD, S. Queensland - We are all guilty of overreacting from time to time. Now, here's a story about our king.

Two friends were driving along a property fence line around 2 a.m. when they were attacked by a man with a chainsaw.  The attacker happened to be the passenger's neighbor who was upset the car was on his property.

According to police, he allegedly ran towards the car with the chainsaw and cut through the passenger door. The 35-year-old victim was airlifted to a Brisbane hospital to treat severe stomach wounds.

The attacker was apprehended and charged with grievous bodily harm, unlawful wounding and willful damage. Leatherface could not be reached for comment.

***

One Invitation You Don't Want

LONDON - Until just a few days ago folks on the Internet auction site eBay were able to bid on invitations to a wedding that one guest didn't want to attend. The unhappy guest finally came clean to the fact that the bride-to-be was a former girlfriend.

Bidders were enticed by the invitations, which included a meal and free drinks, and soon there were over several million bids. As the wedding day grew nearer, however, the man withdrew his offer and admitted he still was in love with the bride.

"Most of you have hit the nail on the head, you know. I still love the old dog, despite what she did to me," the man, identifying himself only as "twinklydog," wrote on the Web site.

He devised a brilliant new plan to go the wedding and try to get her to marry him instead.

Yeah, good luck with that one.

***

Prank Causes Flood of Emotions

MILAN, Italy - Four teens knew there had to be a way to get out of a dreaded Greek exam. They decided the best way would be to block drains in a bathroom and then turn on the running water, causing a flood.

The three girls and one boy clearly felt guilty about their actions and confessed to the school's headmaster, Carlo Arrigo Pedretti, that they were responsible for the flood, which caused about 500,000 euros ($638,000) in damage.

"I am stunned, I cannot believe it," Pedretti said. "These kids have no idea of the consequence of their actions."

The teens are suspended pending an investigation for aggravated vandalism, breaking and entering and causing a disruption to public services.

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I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."

While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. "Sweetheart," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."

________________________

DDL

There was a young lady of Wohl's Hill,
Who sat herself down on a mole's hill.
The resident mole,
Stuck his head up her hole -
The lady's all right, but the mole's ill.

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Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic use of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a lesbian.

***

"Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love."
--Woody Alan  

***

A doe comes out of the woods, tugging at her skirt and says, "That is the last time I do that for two bucks!"

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Rotten News...  (true)

Man cuts off thieving teens' penises

Fri Nov 19,10:01 PM ET 

BANGKOK (Reuters) - A Thai house painter cut off the penises of two teenagers with a knife after he found out they had stolen 50,000 baht (676 pounds) of his savings from an ATM machine, police say.

Manit Srithammathan, 40, told police the teenagers, now in hospital, deserved the punishment as they had betrayed his kindness in letting them stay at his Bangkok suburban house, they said on Saturday.

"There's nothing they deserved more for stealing the money I saved that could have helped me get a job abroad," a police spokesman quoted him as saying.

The painter, facing charges of life-threatening assaults and unlawful confinement, said he could not control his rage as the boys, aged 14 and 15, refused to confess to the theft which he discovered after checking a video record kept by the bank.

Manit threw the severed penises into a canal before his neighbours tipped police off about the incident

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November 17, 2004 

Aussie brewery offers cases of beer as reward for stolen baby Jesus' return

ADELAIDE, Australia (AP) - An Australian brewing company is offering six cases of beer to anyone who returns a statue of the baby Jesus stolen from a nativity scene earlier this week, brewery officials said Thursday.

The South Australian Brewing Company offered the reward after thieves swiped the statue from the company's traditional nativity display earlier this week. Managing director Mark Powell said security footage showed a man scaling a fence and lifting the baby Jesus from his manger.

"We are very concerned about the well-being of Baby Jesus and we are calling for his swift and safe return," Powell said.

A reward of six cases of beer will be given to anyone who returns the statue, he said.

"That said, you would have thought that the incentive of a guaranteed exit through the right door after purgatory would be enough of an incentive in itself," Powell said.

********

November 17, 2004 

Cleveland television anchor appears on air nude for story about art

CLEVELAND (AP) - A television news anchor appeared on the air nude in a first-person report about an artist's photographs, drawing a record number of viewers for the time slot, the station said.

Sharon Reed was one of hundreds of people who participated in Spencer Tunick's nude photo installation in Cleveland in June. Her report, shown Monday on the 11 p.m. newscast on WOIO-TV, showed far away angles of her nude and some closer seminude shots, as well as other participants.

The report comes in the midst of increased attention to the airwaves. The Federal Communications Commission proposed a record fine of $550,000 against CBS, WOIO's parent network. The network is protesting.

WOIO news director Steve Doerr said the idea was to cover Tunick, a well-known artist, in a different way. Doerr said the story also was aimed at bringing in ratings during November sweeps when audiences are measured to set advertising rates.

Monday night's newscast received a record 17.1 share, compared with the 13.6 earned during the newscast airing immediately after this year's Super Bowl, according to Broadcasting & Cable, an industry publication.

The station aired advisories before the piece, and FCC spokeswoman Janice Wise on Wednesday said WOIO followed commission rules that prohibit indecent material from being aired on broadcast television from 6 a.m. to 10 p.m.

Doerr said the station received mostly supportive messages from viewers. Reed said she considered it an important story about art.

WAKE UP !!!!