Subject: Daily Dose - 050102 - little rabbit, BIZARRE NEWS, Health Advisory, DDL, Rotten News

A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles Upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe, my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest. You'll see, you'll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant, my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the pretty forest. You'll see, you'll feel so good!"

The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion, my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest. You will feel so good!"

The lion looks at him, puts down his needle and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers, "That little fucker makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy!"

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BIZARRE NEWS.....

Bizarre Factoids

Romans invented the first popsicle.

The opposite sides of a cube of dice will always equal 7.

A cheetah does not roar, it purrs.

The first bike ever didn't have wheels. People walked it along.

No two zebras have the same kind of stripes.

Reindeer stay warm in the arctic cold by eating moss.

Dolphins keep one eye open while they sleep.

Cats measure width with their whiskers.

A giraffe's tongue is 21 inches long.

The Rafflesia flower smells like rotten meat.

It takes 3,000 cows to make enough leather for one year's supply of NFL footballs.

Sharks can never stop moving.

Sobicphobia is the fear of being afraid.

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Television Has Never Seen This Much Drama

EUGENE, Oregon - An Oregon man recently discovered that his flat-screen TV had been emitting international distress signals that were picked up by a satellite. Imagine the man's surprise when a search and rescue team showed up at his apartment in Corvallis, Oregon.

A signal coming from Chris van Rossmann's TV was routed by satellite to the Air Force Rescue Center at Langley Air Base in Virginia. A group of local police, civil air patrol and search and rescue personnel appeared at the 20 year-old college student's apartment on Oct. 2.

"They'd never seen signal come that strong from a home appliance," said van Rossmann. "They were quite surprised. I think we all were."

Authorities had been expecting to find a boat or small plane with a malfunctioning transponder, not a college student's TV.

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Sad Movies Make Me Go Pyro, Too

CORDELE, Ga. - Charles Alton Adams knows how to have a good time.  After watching a sad movie, he decided to down nine or ten cold ones and then set fire to his pillows.

The pillow fire escalated into a blaze that engulfed Adam's entire mobile home.  Afterwards, Adams walked into the Crisp County Law Enforcement Center around midnight and told deputies about his evening.

"The whole thing just doesn't really make sense," said Crisp County Sheriff Donnie Haralson.

Adams has been charged with arson.  He did not disclose what movie he was watching before the fire was started, but I bet it was "Beaches," that one always gets me.

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He's Wired - And He Didn't Even Have Caffeine

ALASKA - One thing you wouldn't expect to see in the middle of the Alaska wilderness is a helpless moose hanging by its antlers from an electrical power line. But if the moose has the misfortune of getting its antlers tangled in electrical wire before workers pull the line tight, that's exactly what you'll find.

The poor moose was suspended 50 feet in the air when workers, finally realizing something wasn't right, backtracked and found it.

Workers theorize that the moose saw the sagging wires and decided to challenge the power line to a fight, as bull moose tend to do during mating season.

The moose went undetected in the line until workers tightened it and noticed a problem.

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Health Advisory

How to avoid the flu in lieu of the vaccine shortage:

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.  Walk for at least one hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc. Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around. Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible. Get plenty of rest. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

OR....  You can take the medical approach. Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.

Why?

Because alcohol kills germs. So......

I walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get tipsy, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest).

The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can't get you!!!!

___________________________

DDL

There was a young man from Venice,
Who played a good game of lawn tennis.
But the game he liked best,
Far more that the rest,
Was played with two balls and a penis

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"If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates."
---Jay Leno  

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"...idiots, imbeciles, aliens, the insane and women."
--A law standing in Texas until 1918 regulating who could not vote.

***

"There's a flu shot shortage - and all of a sudden people are very anxious to get one. I don't get it -- not too many people I know ever got flu shots, but now that there's a shortage everybody wants one. It's like the Cabbage Patch Kids in the 80s."
--Jimmy Kimmel

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Rotten News...  (true)

SpongeBob Kidnappers Seek Ransom for Doll

Wed Nov 24, 6:31 PM ET

By The Associated Press

Have you seen this sponge? Police are looking for a blow-up figure of SpongeBob SquarePants swiped from a Minnesota Burger King. They've found a ransom note which starts off: "We have SpongeBob." It then demands, "Give us ten Crabby Patties, fries and milkshakes."

The ransom note is signed by SpongeBob's nemesis, Plankton. A postscript reads: "Patrick is next," referring to the Bermuda shorts-wearing starfish that serves as SpongeBob's sidekick.

At a southeastern Utah Burger King, vandals made off with a 10-foot-tall SpongeBob balloon.

Employees are handing out "Missing" fliers with a full description of the popular cartoon figure — featured in a new movie.

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Man Robs Bank With Note on Own Check

Wed Nov 24, 8:17 PM ET

CARLISLE, Pa. - A man who robbed a bank by handing a teller a note demanding money written on one of his own checks was sentenced to 11 to 23 months in Cumberland County Prison for that and other crimes.

In another crime, Gerald F. Rohrer Jr., 32, handed a teller at another bank a note demanding money, authorities said, but his penmanship was so bad that the teller had to ask him what he wanted. The two bank robberies netted a total of $800.

Rohrer also stole more than $1,000 from a Plainfield convenience store where he worked, according to court records.

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Tue, Nov 23, 2004

Saudi woman takes to the sky

RIYADH (Reuters) - A Saudi woman is set to challenge religious conservatives by becoming the first female pilot in a country where women are not even allowed to drive.

Hanadi Hindi, who trained for a pilot's licence in neighbouring Jordan, has signed a contract with billionaire prince Alwaleed bin Talal's private airline, the prince said.

"Recruiting Captain Hindi as a pilot ... is a major step in the employment of women and in their more active participation in Saudi society," Prince Alwaleed said in a statement.

Hindi is due to start work by the middle of next year, after completing her training, in a move which directly challenges Saudi Arabia's ultra-conservative religious authorities.

Women in Saudi Arabia are prohibited from driving, mixing with men and travelling inside or outside the country without a male escort. They are obliged to cover from head to toe in an abaya, a concealing black cloak.