Subject: Daily Dose - 040524 - NO CARB DIET, THIS is TRUE, packing a lunch, DDL, Rotten News

NO CARB DIET

Have you heard about the NO-CARB Diet for 2004?

NO Cheney
NO Ashcroft
NO Rumsfeld
NO Bush

And of course, NO RICE!

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THIS is TRUE....

CAN YOU DESCRIBE IT? While on routine patrol, Lt. Brent Rumfelt of the McDowell County (N.C.) Sheriff's Office stopped a vehicle. When the driver asked why he had been stopped, Rumfelt told him, "Because you're driving my car." The white Honda, normally driven by Rumfelt's sister, had been stolen earlier in the week. The driver and passenger were arrested. Rumfelt said the car was in "good condition". (McDowell News)
...Except for a nasty new stain on the driver's seat.

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TEED OFF: Retailer Abercrombie & Fitch, playing on the long-standing joke that everyone in West Virginia is related to each other, introduced a t-shirt with an outline of the state and the slogan "It's all relative in West Virginia." Governor Bob Wise wrote an outraged letter to the company to "demand that you immediately remove this item from your stores and your print and online catalogues. In addition, these shirts must be destroyed at once to avoid any possibility of resale and proof be given thereof." The company declined to cave in to the governor's demand. (New York Times, AP)
...In other news, the indignant governor said no, it's untrue that only inbred buffoons think they can stop people from telling jokes.

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HEAD MAN: While Cranston Baccus, 30, was standing in line to check out at the Gold Star Market in Toledo, Ohio, a robber burst in and took him hostage, putting a gun to his head and demanding money from the cashier. But before the cashier could comply, the gun went off and Baccus fell dying, shot in the head. The gunman cried "Oh my God" and fled, but police quickly caught Joseph Allen Wilson, 18, who told them that the shooting was an accident. Baccus was in on the crime, police discovered; the two men planned to split up the loot. Wilson was charged with robbery and involuntary manslaughter. (Toledo Blade)
...Remember: "Use your head" always refers to your own.

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HEAD CASE II: Christopher Bonadiman, 20, and Richard Allan Eppard, 20, allegedly decided to pull a drive-by shooting in Fontana, Calif. Bonadiman, who was driving, apparently approached their target from the wrong direction, meaning Eppard had to shoot through the driver's window. As they tracked by the victim, Eppard kept shooting -- and hit Bonadiman in the head. Their target was not injured. "I would say that this is probably one of the stupidest people we've come across in a very long time," a police spokesman said. Eppard has been charged with murder. (Fontana Herald-News, AP)
..."The difference between intelligence and stupidity is that intelligence has its limits." --unknown

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BOY IS HE STRICT: "Bus Driver Charged with Beating Rider Who Wouldn't Pay"
-- Houston Chronicle headline

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After an exhausting weekend, I woke up Monday morning and sleepily packed lunch for my eight-year-old child.  When I got home from work late that day, she handed me a note from her teacher, requesting that I see her.

"What's this all about?" I asked sternly.  

Opening her lunch box, my daughter showed me the drink I had packed for her that morning. It was a can of beer.

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DDL

A large-breasted lady from Cowes,
Concealed a fat cat in her blouse.
Someone said, "I'll be blest!
Is all that your breast?"
And from her six teats[titties] came miaous.

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"Hallmark is coming out with a new card for guys who forget Valentine's Day. The card is small and gold and maxes out at ten grand.
-- Craig Kilborn"

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Employee....."I'm sorry but I can't come in today.. My doctor says I suffer from Anal Glaucoma."

Boss........"Anal Glaucoma? What's that?"

Employee...."I just can't see my ass coming to work today!"

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Q: What goes 'Crick Frash'??
A: A Japanese camera

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Rotten News.... (true)

Robber Called Ahead to Order Heist at KFC
Fri Apr 16, 5:25 PM ET

PITTSBURGH - "One felony, extra crispy, please." City police on Friday said they were looking for a man who called a KFC restaurant and placed an unusual takeout order — a robbery.

The man called the restaurant March 31 and told the manager he was a police officer. The caller told the manager that a robber was on his way to the store and that the store employees should cooperate so nobody would get hurt. Police planned to grab the robber as he left the store, the caller said.

Moments later, a robber showed up and took $200, but no police arrived to arrest him — fueling police suspicion that the telephone "cop" and restaurant robber are the same person.

Police said at a news conference Friday they believe the same man is responsible for at least 10 other robberies in the city since late January. The other stores weren't called ahead of time.

The robber was caught on video at the KFC, and the images match a description given in the other heists.

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Hopkinton mobilizes answer to marathon call of nature
By Donovan Slack, Globe Staff, 4/12/2004

It's that time of year again, when the eyes of the world will focus on Boston -- on the sweat, the tears, the glory. The Marathon. But there is one aspect of the race that officials don't want the world to see this year: the unpleasant practice of runners relieving themselves on front lawns, backyards, garages, and trees along the route.

"Being a runner, I understand that they're nervous, they've just hydrated, they're looking for a port-a-john, and they can't find one," race director Dave McGillivray said in an interview yesterday. "But we're just trying to do what's right."

Race officials this year are mounting a massive effort, positioning 471 portable toilets near the starting line in Hopkinton, placing dozens of "good will ambassadors" to direct runners to toilets, and creating a hotline that residents can call to report runners and others answering the call of nature where they shouldn't. A sanitation team will be standing by, just in case, to clean up the mess.

"Once the race gun goes off, we'll dispatch the company to those locations to clean up the property," McGillivray explained. "We're doing everything within reason to eliminate this problem."

The problem has spurred many a raised eyebrow in recent years in the parks and byways of Hopkinton, where residents welcome the international attention that comes with hosting the starting line for the race, but where many insist these April showers do not bring May flowers. Some have complained about runners using buckets and flower beds. One described a scene where dozens of runners gathered around the massive trunk of a prized tree, one with low-hanging branches where children often play.

"Our town loves to have the marathon, everything is wonderful, except for this peeing thing," said Carl Barker-Hook, a Grove Street resident. "It's pretty vile."

"By the time you get to the start line, if you take that last swig of whatever, almost immediately you've got to get rid of it," explained Tom Licciardello, a founding member of the Merrimack Valley Striders who will be running his 28th marathon. "Your cup runneth over, that's for sure."

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Textbook on Arabs removes blunder
April 16, 2004

By George Archibald
THE WASHINGTON TIMES

An Indian tribe has forced distributors of an Arab studies guide for U.S. teachers to remove an inaccurate passage that says Muslim explorers preceded Christopher Columbus to North America and became Algonquin chiefs.

Peter DiGangi, director of Canada's Algonquin Nation Secretariat in Quebec, called claims in the book, the "Arab World Studies Notebook," "preposterous" and "outlandish," saying nothing in the tribe's written or oral history support them.

The 540-page book says the Muslim explorers married into the Algonquin tribe, resulting in 17th-century tribal chiefs named Abdul-Rahim and Abdallah Ibn Malik.

Mr. DiGangi said the guide's author and editor, Audrey Shabbas, and the Middle East Policy Council (MEPC), a Washington advocacy group that promoted the curriculum to school districts in 155 U.S. cities, have been unresponsive to his concerns since November.

But Ms. Shabbas said this week the passage was removed immediately from subsequent copies, and that she was "giving careful and thoughtful attention" on how to notify the 1,200 teachers who have been given copies of the book in the past five years.

"As the editor of the 'Notebook,' when I heard from Mr. DiGangi that a citation in the work was not borne out by either Native American written records or by oral traditions, I was grateful that the statement could so easily be removed," she said.

She did not explain how the false information got into the curriculum.

Meanwhile, the Thomas B. Fordham Foundation this week issued a report that is critical of "Arab World Studies Notebook." The study, titled "The Stealth Curriculum: Manipulating America's History Teachers," reviewed many curriculum supplements and "professional development" programs aimed at schoolteachers.

"The idea that English explorers met native Indian chiefs with Muslim names in the middle of the Northeast woodlands sounds almost like something a Hollywood film writer dreamed up for a spoof," the report says.

The current 1998 edition of the "Notebook" has "no evidence or documentation to support key historical 'facts' that serve to advance their political views or religious beliefs," the report says.

"One can only wonder if this has ever been questioned by the teachers who use its materials, or if they feel they must agree to any claim made by Muslims as an 'alternative perspective' or risk being labeled insensitive, Eurocentric, or racist."

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MEN WITH BEARDS LESS STRESSED !

Beardies say clean shaven men have more stress

A support group for men with beards has rubbished claims that hairier men are more prone to strokes. The Beard Liberation Front, an informal network of beard wearers, says clean shaven men lead more stressful lives as they have to get out of bed earlier every day.

The BLF was reacting to a Bristol University survey that claims men who don't shave regularly have a 70% increase in chances of having a stroke.

But Keith Flett, the BLF's organiser, has criticised the survey as "misleading", as it was conducted on unemployed subjects rather than bearded men.

"A couple of days of not shaving does not constitute a beard. There is a bit of Ricky Tomlinson Royle Family stereotyping here. Just shaving in itself seems stressful and unhealthy to us. Bearded men don't have to get out of bed early in the morning to shave and are more laid back," Mr Flett added.

Mr Flett says the study, carried out in Caerphilly, was actually designed to assess the relationship between unemployment and stress-related illnesses, such as strokes and heart disease. He argued that most of the men surveyed did not have beards.

The BLF believes that the go-getting image of clean shaven leaders such as Tony Blair and George Bush suggests a stressful lifestyle.