Subject: Daily Dose - 040523 - ROBOTIC BARTENDER, BIZARRE NEWS, MURPHY'S
LAW, DDL, Rotten News
ROBOTIC BARTENDER
A popular bar had a new robotic
bartender installed. A fellow came in for a drink and the robot asked him,
"What's your IQ?"
The man replied, "130."
So the robot proceeded to make
conversation about physics, astronomy, investments, insurance, and so on. The
man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."
Another gent came in for a drink and
the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responded, "100."
So the robot started talking about
football, baseball, and so on. The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is
really cool."
A third guy came in to the bar. As
with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"
The man replied, " 70."
The robot then said, "So, are
you Democrats really going to vote for John Kerry?"
_______________________
BIZARRE NEWS....
Bizarre National Superstitions
In Iceland, an unmarried person who sits at the corner of a table won't marry
for seven years. A pregnant woman who drinks from a cracked cup risks having a
baby with a hare-lip.
In Japan, picking up a comb with its
teeth facing your body brings bad luck.
In Malta, churches with two towers
are fitted with a clock face in each but the two clocks always tell different
times to confuse the Devil about the time of the service.
In Nigeria, a man hit with a broom
becomes impotent unless he retaliates seven times with the same broom. Sweeping
a house at night brings misfortune to the occupants.
In Poland, bringing lilac into the
house is a sure sign of impending death.
In Scotland, red and green should
never be worn together. It is unlucky to throw vegetables on to the fire and to
carry a spade through the house. This means that a grave will soon be dug. And
three swans flying together means a national disaster is imminent.
In Holland, people with red hair
bring bad luck.
In China, sweeping out a house
removes all the good luck, especially on Chinese New Year.
***
The Truth Hurts - Especially When No
One Believes It
TAMPA, Fla. - A Tampa man who told a
traffic specialist he couldn't drive was true to his word, and by obeying an
order to move a car hit two people and two cars.
Carmelo Cordero, 29, was sitting in
the passenger seat at a terminal at Tampa International Airport Thursday
afternoon waiting for the driver, who had gone inside. A traffic specialist
told Cordero to move the car, or face a hefty ticket. Witnesses said Cordero
told the specialist he didn't have a license and couldn't drive a stick shift.
Reportedly with help from the
specialist reaching through the window, he tried. The car lurched forward,
bowling over two women and becoming wedged between two other cars.
"The poor boy," said
Beverly King, 74, who was knocked to her backside by the moving car. "It
really wasn't his fault." Her daughter-in-law also was knocked down, but
both sustained only bruises.
***
Having A Gay Ol' Time
Two gay lovers made the best of
Earth Day on Thursday by climbing a Central Park tree, stripping, performing
lewd acts and refusing to come down for hours.
A 32-year-old transsexual wearing a
black dress, and his partner, a 17-year-old boy in only a pair of shorts,
protested their families' lack of understanding for their relationship by
scaling the 55-foot larch tree and performing for a crowd of onlookers. The man
played on branches near the top of the tree and waved to the audience while the
boy quietly sat a few feet below him.
Police said the man later performed
oral sex on the boy and stripped down to a thong. Police tried to coax the
amorous pair out of the tree by giving them soft drinks - a Diet Vanilla Coke
on demand - and water. After about five hours, harnesses were put on the lovers
and police began to lure them down.
***
Living Almost In The Lap of Luxury
BLACKPOOL, England - Neighbors of a
wealthy British woman are irritated with a young man who lives in a tent on her
$1.6 million estate.
Geraldine Lunt, heir to a motorhome
fortune, has been letting Mark Howarth, 30, live in a tent at her luxurious
seaside home in Blackpool for about three years. And the Sun newspaper said she
has been doing more than just letting Howarth sleep outside, including taking
him with her on vacation as part of their "fling."
Meanwhile, police have logged 41
incidents involving Howarth, including being aggressive to locals and begging
for money. Lunt appears defiant. "I'm not bothered (by) what people say
about our relationship. They can call him my toy boy or whatever. It may appear
bizarre, but it isn't."
***
Police Weren't Sold On This Idea
KOBLENZ, Germany - A German mother
and her boyfriend are being investigated for trying to sell the woman's young
daughter on the eBay Internet auction site. Three bidders, who allegedly pushed
the top offer for the 8-year-old girl up to 25.50 euros ($30.35) are also under
investigation for attempted human trafficking, German news agency DPA reports.
The 41-year-old mother and her
35-year-old boyfriend live in the western German city of Koblenz and are the
subject of an investigation by the Koblenz police. They allegedly posted a
picture of the girl to eBay's German-language auction site with a starting
price of one euro ($1.19) and a description saying, "you can play with
her."
It is not clear whether the Internet
auction posting was intended to be a joke or was a serious offer to sell the
girl as a "real working toy," as she was advertised.
__________________________
SOME "MURPHY'S LAW" OF
PERSONAL COMPUTERS
* As soon as you delete a worthless
file, you'll need it.
* Installing one "updated"
program will always screw up at least two useful old ones.
* The likelihood of a hard disk
crash is in direct proportion to the value of the material that hasn't been
backed up.
* You can't win them all, but you
sure can lose them all.
* There are only two kinds of
computer users: those whose hard disks have crashed, and those whose hard disks
haven't crashed - yet.
* Anything can be made to work if
you fiddle with it. If you fiddle with something long enough, you'll break it.
__________________________
DDL
A nearsighted voyeur named Adair,
While peeping was struck by despair,
Though his nose pressed to the glass,
All he saw was blurred ass,
And he couldn't see what went in where.
___________________________
"Oh, my God - look at you!
Anybody else hurt in the accident?"
--Don Rickles to Ernest Borgnine
***
"I would like to reaffirm my
belief in Buddha," Said the monk, "but there is a great deal to be
said for margarine."
***
"I once sent a dozen of my
friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left
town immediately."
--Mark Twain
___________________________
Rotten News... (true)
German woman in court for laughing
Tue Apr 27, 6:01 AM ET
BERLIN (Reuters) - A German took his
female neighbour to court for laughing too loudly. But she had the last laugh
-- the judge threw out the case, saying Germany could not ban laughter,
newspapers report.
Unemployed Bernd F., 52, complained
to magistrates that 47-year-old Barbara M. kept him awake with over four hours
of loud laughter one evening as she enjoyed a meal with eight friends in her
Berlin flat above his, Bild daily said.
The judge dismissed the complaint of
disturbing the peace, saying the woman had not broken any noise restrictions.
"Laughter is a general sound of life. It will not be banned," he
said.
********
Mon, Apr 26, 2004
Hoarding Beer as Cheap Brew Banned
By Inger Sethov
OSLO (Reuters) - Norwegians rushed
out to stock up on beer on Friday after authorities ruled it was too cheap
following an unprecedented price war in a nation used to some of the most
expensive alcohol on earth.
The price-cutting in Norway, whose
sky-high alcohol taxes aim to curb drinking, has more than halved beer prices
to 6.5 crowns ($1) for a 0.33 liter bottle in recent weeks.
The price is lower than the 6.7
crowns tax, meaning retailers are selling at a loss.
"The current price on beer is
in breach of the alcohol law," Bjorn-Inge Larsen, director of the health
directory, told a news conference, ordering retailers to boost prices or be
stripped of their licenses to sell alcohol.
He said he expected retailers to
comply soon by lifting prices. The ruling triggered a flood of beer buying.
"It's time for hoarding,"
said Thomas Stroem as he carried three cases of beer out of a grocery store in
Oslo. "It might take a long time before we get cheap beer again."
Non-European Union Norway's taxes on
alcohol are the highest in Europe, prompting thirsty shoppers to flock to EU
neighbors Sweden and Denmark to stock up on beer, wine and liquor.
Norway does not need extra revenues
from taxes -- it is the world's third biggest crude exporter and is swamped by
cash from oil. But it has a powerful teetotal lobby -- Prime Minister Kjell
Magne Bondevik does not drink.
($1=6.942 Norwegian Crown)
*******
Monday, April 12, 2004 - 10:16:59 PM
PST
El Monte man gets prison term
lasting over a millennium
By Bill Hetherman, Staff Writer
An El Monte man honored as Citizen
of the Year in 1998 was sentenced Monday to 985 years to life in prison, plus
17 years, for raping and torturing his wife, abusing other family members and
having an arsenal of weapons.
Pomona Superior Court Judge Thomas
C. Falls imposed the term on Rocky Sanchez, 36. The sentence was one of the
longest ever handed down in the history of the Pomona courthouse.
"I want to make sure he never
sets foot in society again," Falls said.
A jury March 23 convicted Sanchez of
41 felony counts and one misdemeanor. The counts included forcible rape,
attempted torture, spousal abuse, assault with a firearm, possession of a
destructive device, false imprisonment, witness intimidation, stalking and
possession of ammunition by a felon.
El Monte police honored Sanchez six
years ago for giving police a car license plate number in a gang-related
shooting and testifying against the gunman in court. He also received a
proclamation from then-Assemblyman Martin Gallegos, D-Baldwin Park.
*************
Workmen are cone idle
WORKMEN painting double yellow lines couldn?t be bothered to move a cone in
their way ? so they swerved round it.
The slapdash council crew were
marking a busy street when they were confronted by the lightweight obstacle.
But rather than stopping their machine in the heart of Huddersfield, West
Yorks, they steered past the cone ? creating wobbly double lines 18ins into the
road.
Witnesses were stunned. Dean
Lofthouse, 38, said: "It drew quite a crowd when it happened. Everyone
thought the workmen must have a sense of humour, or had a large liquid
lunch."
Later, transport chief David Payne
admitted: "You would expect somebody to move a cone but nevertheless the
lines will still do their job. It may look untidy but it serves a
purpose."
The lines were straightened
yesterday and a contractor will be quizzed.
