Subject: Daily Dose - 040508 - remote door unlocker, THIS is TRUE, Murphy's Law, DDL, Rotten News

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

"Do you need some help?" I asked.

She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"

"Hmmm, ! I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.

"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

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THIS is TRUE....

WITH GREAT PASSION: "According to the officers on the scene, she told them she was attempting to reenact a scene from the movie," said New Britain, Conn, police spokesman Sgt. Darren Pearson. The movie: "The Passion of the Christ". The unnamed woman, married and in her 40s, purposefully drove her Chevrolet Lumina into a pond at a city park in order to baptize herself, officers said. She was taken to a hospital for a mental evaluation. (New Britain Herald)
...Who will ever be able to forget the moving scene when Jesus drives his Chevy into the baptismal pool?

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LOST HIS PASSION: A man in Somerset County, Vt., apparently intent on suicide, built a cross in his livingroom and attempted to crucify himself by nailing one of his hands to one side with a 14-penny nail. The unnamed 23-year-old then had a logistical problem. "When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," said Sheriff Barry DeLong, who noted it was unclear whether the man wanted help getting free, or help in nailing his free hand. (Bangor Daily News)
...Which gives new meaning to the police slang, "We nailed the suspect."

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SELF DEFENSELESS: "We want staff to talk to prisoners, to see how they're doing," says Tim Krause, spokesman for Corrections Canada, the country's prison authority. That's the thinking behind a new policy for all maximum-security prisons: guards may no longer wear "stab-proof" vests. "If you have that kind of presence symbolized by [such protective gear], you're sending a signal to the prisoner that you consider him to be a dangerous person." The Union of Canadian Correctional Officers is protesting the new rule. Several guards are flouting the regulation, wearing vests they purchased themselves. (Edmonton Sun)
...While inmates are anxious to test for the presence of vests, using shivs they made themselves.

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WE HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING: "Cliches, to Be Honest with You, Drive Us Mad"
-- Reuters headline

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Everyone knows Murphy's Law:
"Anything that can go wrong, will..."

- Here are some other Laws you may not have heard!

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.  

Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.  

Lowery's Law of Home Repair:
If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway  

Beach's Law:
Interchangeable parts aren't.  

William's Law:
There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.

Lane's Law of Supply and Demand:
The one item you need is always in short supply.  

Cannon's Karmic Law:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.  

Norman Einstein's Law:
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.  

Col. Murphy's Law of Combat:
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder!

_____________________________

DDL

A senora who strolled on the Corso
Displayed quite a lot of her torso.
A crowd soon collected
And no one objected
Though some were in favour of more so.

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"Fox News reports that telemarketers are hiring prison inmates to make phone calls instead of outsourcing the jobs to India.
How thrilling is that going to be for mom one day when the phone rings and it's...Martha Stewart?!"
--Jay Leno

***  

"If you're robbing a bank and your pants fall down... I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny."
--Jack Handey

***  

After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back."

____________________________

Rotten News....  (true)

Man and dog play "go fetch"' with axe
Wed Apr 14, 4:57 PM ET 

BERLIN (Reuters) - German police have detained a man and confiscated an axe he was throwing for his dog to retrieve, authorities say.

"Every time the dog obediently fetched the axe and returned it to its master," police in the western city of Aachen said in a statement on Wednesday.

"He must have been out of his mind," said an Aachen police spokesman. "It clearly wasn't a small dog."

Passers-by spotted the barefoot 36-year-old enjoying his dangerous game of "go fetch" in a park and alerted police.

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Hawaiian planes jammed with flying doughnuts
Wed Apr 14, 3:19 AM ET 

SEATTLE (Reuters) - Apparently doughnuts can clog more than just your arteries.

Hawaii residents love Krispy Kreme doughnuts so much that they often stock up at a new store in Maui before boarding inter-island flights back home, overloading airline luggage bins along the way.

"The locals bring so many boxes of doughnuts on board that we can't always fit them on our flights. Some people will put five or six boxes in an overhead bin," says Mark Dunkerley, president of Hawaiian Airlines.

Hawaii's first Krispy Kreme store opened on January 27 in Maui, less than a mile (1.6 km) from Kahului Airport.

Doughnut shops are sprinkled liberally across the Hawaiian islands. But the novelty of a major chain, combined with the widespread custom of "omiage," a Japanese word that refers to the custom of bringing gifts home to family and friends, have given rise to the commuter doughnut.

On the day the Maui store opened, a Kauai police officer bought doughnuts for his entire department, then hopped on a plane for the short flight home, Krispy Kreme spokeswoman Tina McNealey said.

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Schools prepare to tackle wave of arson attacks

Lucy Ward and Rebecca Smithers
Tuesday April 13, 2004
The Guardian

Schools are bracing themselves for the annual exam-time rise in arson attacks on their buildings next month amid fresh warnings of a sharp increase in the number of school fires, which cause hundreds of thousands of pounds of damage and put pupils' lives at risk.

According to research by the Arson Prevention Bureau, run by insurance companies, May is the peak time for malicious fire-setting in schools, thanks to a combination of exam pressure, warm weather and lighter evenings, with children - the main culprits for arson - more likely to be outside.

New figures released by Zurich Municipal, the main school fire insurer, reveal that the number of large fires causing at least £100,000 of damage rose by 55% in 2003, with the national cost of school fires standing at £73m.

Most worrying for schools is the rising trend for daytime arson attacks, now making up one-third of school fires, which occur when pupils are on the premises and often break out in cloakrooms just as lessons restart after the lunch break.

As schools and local education authorities scrabble to pay rising insurance premiums - up by 100% over the two years to 2003 - insurers and Fire Service leaders are renewing pressure on the government to install automatic heat-sensitive sprinkler systems in school buildings in an attempt to contain damage.

Schools are often put off by the high cost of sprinkler systems, which can run into tens of thousands of pounds and reach up to 5% of the total building costs of a new school.

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SOMALI TRUCK WITH CORN AFRO

A Somali truck loaded with corn is parked on the side of a road in Mogadishu, September 24, 2003. The dilapidated city is the capital of the failed Horn of Africa state, where motorists have the choice of driving on the right or the left hand side of the road, such is Mogadishu's anarchy. Car wrecks, goats, cattle and the tent-like homes of refugees line the pot-holed, sandy streets. The country collapsed into chaos in 1991 after the ousting of former dictator Mohamed Siad Barre.